Establishing Personal Space In A Multiracial Family
Have you ever experienced a moment of extreme personal space invasion? You’re standing in line at the bank and there's someone in front of you and behind you. While you leave a considerable amount of space in front of you, the person behind you keeps inching forward. Then they get so close, you can feel them breathing on your neck. You compensate by moving forward, but then you’re then invading the space of the person in front of you. They turn around and look at you.It’s not my fault!My husband experienced this in India a few years back. He was raised in the US but he's spent a few years living in India. He was sent to live there with his grandparents as a toddler and visited every few years as he was older. As much as he remembers how it is there, it always takes time to re-acclimate.There are over one billion people living in India...That’s right. Over one billion! With so many people, let’s just say personal space isn’t high on their list of concerns. My husband told me while he was in the city, people were constantly right next to him. They would get close enough that he would end up bumping elbows every five seconds. Instead of realizing they were too close, they seemed oblivious.He also told me he was always getting hugged and kissed by all of the aunties and uncles he met. Whether he knew them or not, everyone was very affectionate. This goes hand and hand with a lack of concern for personal space. It’s not that they don’t understand personal space, it just doesn’t bother them. They’re comfortable being close to each other because that’s what they’ve always known.This is one of many reasons my son Liam is born for Indian culture. He would happily fit into the streets of India, loving every time he bumps into a stranger.
However, my son Levi is the complete opposite. He loves physical affection from his daddy and me, but other people are a different story. Everyone knows he's picky on who he decides to hug and kiss. He even has a Troll's blanket that says "No Hugs," just in case he needs to reference it to people!Levi's in a tricky position.As a part of our little multiracial family, he's a part of a culture that expects physical affection and a side that's not about it.Deep down he loves being hugged and squeezed by people that love him, it just has to be on his own time. My husband and I don't ever want to force him to show physical affection to anyone, but we can see the struggle he goes through when he's faced with it.
This is one of many moments like this he's going to face. As a biracial child, he's going to be at these little intersections where both of his cultures tell him to do something else. At the end of the day, I don't want him to stress out over which culture he has to choose to listen to. I want him to listen to his own heart and find out what's right for him.His daddy and I will love him regardless of what he chooses. Biracial children have a lot of pressure on their shoulders and I want him to know we love him for who he is, not which culture he identifies with more.
Culture Clash Wednesday #10 The Help
(Picture Credit Stock Snap)
If you stop by my house unannounced, you will be walking into a huge mess. I have three boys which means they love leaving little messes everywhere they go. It doesn't matter how many times I do the dishes, sweep the floor, or put toys away.. I turn around and it's all messy again. I've come to terms with it and now that my youngest is about to start walking, it's only going to get worse!Often times, I complain to my husband about the house. I sit there, staring at the crayon on the walls, asking how in the world the house can get messy as quickly as it does. Usually, he asks me what I need help with and we get it done together. Recently, a family member said we should hire someone to clean the house. I was taken back because I didn't quite know what to think. Were they insulting my messy house? My husband didn't seem to think it was a bad idea. Now, before you all pick up your pitchforks and chase down my husband, hear me out. My husband grew up with his family hiring people to clean the house all the time. Both of his parents worked full time and were extremely busy. They hired someone to come once a week or so and they did all of the deep cleaning. His family was used to having someone help with the house because that's how it was for them in India as well. In Hyderabad, where they grew up, they had people that helped with the cooking, gardening, and cleaning. While I don't think there is anything wrong with either way, the idea of hiring someone to clean my house is foreign to me. Growing up, it was my family and I who always took care of everything. We all had a list of chores and got it done. I wouldn't even know what to do if I hired someone to clean my house. Would I stay while they cleaned? Awkwardly pretend I have somewhere to go?Granted, a spotless house would be nice to come home to...This is yet another way of doing things that differ in each family, regardless of where you grew up. While it is extremely common in India to hire help, it's the same for many families in the US. I have a lot of friends who hire people to help out and say it's the only thing that keeps them sane. Others couldn't imagine letting someone clean their messy house and do it themselves. At the end of the day, we all do what we can to get through the day. If it would help your week be a little less stressful and you have the money in your budget, hire someone to help! If you would rather clean your house yourself, do it!If you'd rather sit back, watch Netflix, and leave the dishes for another day.. DO IT!