Establishing Personal Space In A Multiracial Family

Have you ever experienced a moment of extreme personal space invasion? You’re standing in line at the bank and there's someone in front of you and behind you. While you leave a considerable amount of space in front of you, the person behind you keeps inching forward. Then they get so close, you can feel them breathing on your neck. You compensate by moving forward, but then you’re then invading the space of the person in front of you. They turn around and look at you.It’s not my fault!My husband experienced this in India a few years back. He was raised in the US but he's spent a few years living in India. He was sent to live there with his grandparents as a toddler and visited every few years as he was older. As much as he remembers how it is there, it always takes time to re-acclimate.There are over one billion people living in India...That’s right. Over one billion! With so many people, let’s just say personal space isn’t high on their list of concerns. My husband told me while he was in the city, people were constantly right next to him. They would get close enough that he would end up bumping elbows every five seconds. Instead of realizing they were too close, they seemed oblivious.He also told me he was always getting hugged and kissed by all of the aunties and uncles he met. Whether he knew them or not, everyone was very affectionate. This goes hand and hand with a lack of concern for personal space. It’s not that they don’t understand personal space, it just doesn’t bother them. They’re comfortable being close to each other because that’s what they’ve always known.This is one of many reasons my son Liam is born for Indian culture. He would happily fit into the streets of India, loving every time he bumps into a stranger.However, my son Levi is the complete opposite. He loves physical affection from his daddy and me, but other people are a different story. Everyone knows he's picky on who he decides to hug and kiss. He even has a Troll's blanket that says "No Hugs," just in case he needs to reference it to people!Levi's in a tricky position.As a part of our little multiracial family, he's a part of a culture that expects physical affection and a side that's not about it.Deep down he loves being hugged and squeezed by people that love him, it just has to be on his own time. My husband and I don't ever want to force him to show physical affection to anyone, but we can see the struggle he goes through when he's faced with it.This is one of many moments like this he's going to face. As a biracial child, he's going to be at these little intersections where both of his cultures tell him to do something else. At the end of the day, I don't want him to stress out over which culture he has to choose to listen to. I want him to listen to his own heart and find out what's right for him.His daddy and I will love him regardless of what he chooses. Biracial children have a lot of pressure on their shoulders and I want him to know we love him for who he is, not which culture he identifies with more.

Culture Clash Wednesday #7 Style Norms

It's the middle of the week! Do you know what that means? It's culture clash Wednesday! The day I share an awkward, fun, or uncomfortable moment with all of you! Today's will make you a little angry. My family and I recently attended a wedding for a family member. We were all excited for the opportunity to dress up in Indian garb for the event. We have boxes and boxes of the stuff and jump on any chance to put them on. Especially the kids because they call them their handsome clothes!The reception was held in a huge building. There were multiple other parties going on and a restaurant downstairs. At one point, my two year old said he needed to go potty. I grabbed him and we started to walk towards the restrooms. After we left the room our party was in, we noticed a couple from another party. They were talking to each other and then they saw my son and I. The moment they saw us, they stopped talking and stared. Now, I don't mean just looked at us, I mean stared! They looked us up and down and continued while we walked across the room. The didn't say a word.After we walked passed, our backs to them, they started laughing and pointing....I turned around to look at them and couldn't believe it. They were laughing at my son and I. They were clearly pointing at our outfits and laughing. I understand that seeing people in clothing other than what you're used to can be different, but to mock and laugh... I quickly took my son to the bathroom because I didn't want him to know what was happening. I have been thinking about this moment all week. A large part of me wishes I would have stopped and said something. Are we offending you somehow? Do our clothes bother you? Do you enjoy laughing at a mother and her child? It's easy for people to have snap judgements when they see something foreign to them. Instead of being open to new things, they get stuck on the fact that it breaks a norm they have lived within. The couple laughed at my son and I because we broke a style norm for them. We weren't wearing American clothes for the wedding and this baffled them.As this moment continues to stir up emotions within myself, I realize it's a great teaching opportunity for my kids. I don't want my kids to fear wearing Indian clothes in fear of someone's response. I want them to be proud of their culture and strut down the hall wearing their little Indian suits with all the pride in the world. We have to challenge this type of response in people. Instead of getting stuck in our rage we need to work towards change. We need to challenge their ignorance and expose the world to a new way of doing things. 

Have you experienced a similar situation? How would you have responded that you think could cause change.

Culture Clash Wednesday #2 Eating With Your Hands

I can't believe it's already Wednesday. This week is flying by. We ended up taking a little road trip for Labor Day weekend to see my husband's Pinni and uncle (Hear more about them by signing up for my email list). My kids think of their house as their second home so it was well worth the drive to get there. We ended up getting back late Monday night. Then we had my favorite post vacation ritual, the next day... The let's wash everything we brought with us, clean the house, and try to get the kids back into their routine ritual. I'm sure it's your favorite post vacation ritual as well!Now, it's already Wednesday and we're half way through the week. That means today is #CultureClashWednesday! This series is so fun because culture clashes are different for all of us. What may be a shock for one person is completely normal for another. Today's culture shock moment is a little different. I've talked many times about our kids eating with their hands. When I met my husband's family, I was quickly taught how to eat Indian food with my hands. I was excited to learn the technique so I could take part in this while we ate together. Almost everyone on my husband's side of the family eats with their hands while we eat Indian food and I knew I wanted to take part. I also wanted it to be normal for my children which meant we needed to do it regularly at home. While this was a new custom for me, it was never a big shocker. It became a norm for me early on in my relationship. The interesting part came when we had kids and began to teach them how to eat with their hands. My oldest, Liam was eager to teach others how to eat with their hands. He took such pride in it that he wanted everyone to do it too. That's when I started to realize what a culture shock it was for others. I've heard people make some pretty terrible comments in regards to eating with your hands in different countries. We don't do that. We have manners and use utensils. That's disgusting, don't they have forks. Use your fork, we're not like that. I understand that this can be foreign to others, but I'm always surprised by some people's reactions. Sure, it may be different than you're used to, but it's a custom. Using forks or spoons is normal for us, chopsticks are normal for others, and eating with your hands is normal for many as well. Culture shock is normal. We have all grown up differently and have our own way of doing things whether it be based on cultural norms or family tradition. [tweetthis]Remember just because something is new doesn't mean it's less important. #CultureClashWednesday[/tweetthis]Have you ever tried to eat with your hands? Would you consider this a culture shock or is it normal for you? Have you tried it in front of someone that wasn't used to it?