Hand Feeding

My oldest son has always been independent. As soon as he learned how to do something, he wouldn't allow anyone to help him. He takes such pride in doing it himself. He gets himself dressed in the morning, picks out his own clothes, and feeds himself. My second son is the opposite. He loves people doing things for him. He doesn't care if he can do it or not, he chooses to let us. In my family, independence is a very good characteristic. My grandma was a very strong and independent woman and we all learned from her. My mom was a single mother for part of my childhood and she taught me a lot about independence. I use what I learned from her every day. Especially when my husband is out of town for business. Independence isn't necessarily highly regarded in Indian culture. Indian families depend on each other. Often times independence is looked at as a way of not accepting families help. We visited my husband's family a few weeks ago and I realized my son's independence has caused a culture clash. Ammamma and Thathya were visiting so we were having a special family dinner. Ammamma went up to my oldest and said, "Come, I'll feed you." He protested and said he wanted to do it himself. Then Pinni came up to him and tried to feed him as well. He then came running to me crying. "Mommy, they're treating me like a baby!"I realized I had been teaching him to allow people to help him when he couldn't do it on his own, not when he could do it. I have to explain to him that they wanted to hand feed him because they love him so much and want to take care of him. I think it's easy to see hand feeding as something you do for babies. However, in Indian culture you can be hand fed through out your entire life. I was hand fed during my engagement ceremony and my husband is hand fed in India. It's such a big sign of love and respect. So how can I teach my independent four year old that hand feeding isn't just for babies?Since then, I have been hand feeding them at least a few bites every time we eat Indian food. He's finally starting to accept it and gives in. The best part was two weeks ago. We visited my sister and brother in law. Will-mama (uncle Will) let the kids hand feed him from the garden. They fed him until he couldn't stomach one more thing. It was really nice for them to see Will-mama who is a grown man, allowing people to hand feed him. I asked my oldest why Will-mama let him feed him and he said, "Because he loves us."Perfectly said. Have your children ever struggled with hand feeding?