Can I Get An Interpreter Over Here?
When my husband and I first met, we were doing an internship with our church. It was an amazing experience because we learned so much about ourselves during the program and of course met each other.The first time my husband saw me, I was interpreting for one of our morning classes. I had learned sign language the year before and helped out when I could by interpreting classes for my friends in the program.Learning sign language was amazing. It wasn't just the language I had learned that year, but I was introduced to deaf culture as well. I learned about deaf etiquette, how to interact with the deaf community, and how to blend cultures when the deaf and hearing community were together.
While I didn't know it at the time, I was preparing for a life of blending cultures for my multiracial family.
There were times throughout my internship where I would be sitting with my friends and signing for hours. If it was just my friend and I, hours would go by without me using my voice once. There wasn't any need to use my voice as long as I was mouthing the words. I was fully submerged into my conversation and didn't think twice about talking out loud.If someone that didn't understand sign would walk into the room, I immediately started voicing our conversation. I'll be honest, it took a lot of reminding because I assumed people around me understood. It became a routine that year for my deaf friends and I. I usually didn't mind, but there were times I just wished everyone knew the language. It took a lot of effort for my deaf friend who wanted to speak to everyone and I wished it could be easier for her.
Just about a year later, I was on the other side of the table.
My husband and I were getting married and we flew to Chicago. We decided to get married by his family so we could truly have a blended wedding and be able to incorporate both cultures.I'll never forget the first few times I would sit at a table without understanding a word that was spoken in front of me. My husband did his best to interpret, but he was just learning like I had the year before. It wasn't natural to him yet, so I often had to nudge his arm and ask what people were saying.I finally understood how frustrating it is to have people have a full conversation in front of you without being included. Honestly, it was painful. I felt like I was back in middle school, being left out from the group.
While I know now it's rarely intended that way, it's still uncomfortable.
You start making up conversations in your head, trying to guess what they're talking about. It makes it so much worse if you don't get along with your inlaws. Then you pick up on the few words you do know like "thella pilla" which means white girl.During my wedding, it was the first phrase I learned. I was joking with my husband and his cousins. I was laughing saying I bet everyone is talking about me and all of the things I'm doing wrong. They laughed and let me in on a little secret.Don't worry, you'll know when they're talking about you. They'll look straight at you and you'll hear "thella pilla."
A crash course into the Indian community!
I'm almost 8 years into my interracial marriage and I still encounter those uncomfortable moments. I don't know the language like I wish I did. I know bits and pieces so my imagination runs away before I can stop it.Most of those experiences have been because family is together and it feels comfortable for them to speak in Telugu. They grew up speaking it and I can only imagine it feels like home when they gather around the table telling jokes in Telugu. Those are the moments I ask my husband to interpret because I want to be a part of the group.Then there are the moments where people purposely speak another language in front of you so you don't understand. I still ask my husband to interpret, even if I can see the body language in the room is saying I probably don't want to know what's being said.
At the end of the day, if I truly want to be included in all of those conversations I have to learn the language.
I can't expect them to not speak Telugu in front of me, just like I wouldn't expect my deaf friends to stop signing.It's their language and no one can ask them to stop speaking it. I can, however, ask for my husband to be my built-in interpreter. sometimes it serves as a reminder for people to use English more so my husband doesn't have to. Or they start interpreting for me as well as teaching me what little words mean.