The Stage Of Motherhood We're Never Ready For

Okay, you guys true story I either need a new puppy or a baby.

It’s as simple as that. I’m ready for something because all I keep seeing in my Instagram feed our babies. So many freaking babies and all I want right now is to hold one and snuggle one and have one. The problem is I have a Husband. He doesn’t seem to think an Instagram feed full of itty bitty teeny tiny babies is a reason for one more child. Okay, maybe it’s the fact that he woke up to my three-year-old peeing in the garage and our five-year-old got threatened to get kicked out of gym childcare today?But you guys come on.

I’m going to chalk that up to a day full of mischievous little antics that remind me I’m a boy mom.

Okay, maybe I really don’t want any other things to add to my life right now. Maybe, I’m just going off to you guys so that I can somehow have reality come back into my mind and remind me that I am happy to be out of diapers for my kids and be able to sleep through the night.My husband and I are entering into a new phase of parenting. This is probably the real reason I’ve been thinking so much of having another baby lately.

This is my last year with my babies home in the morning.

This year my oldest son was the only one in school, and my other two babies got to stay home with mama all day long. Next year my five-year-old enters kindergarten and my baby will start going to preschool. Excuse me while I hide under my covers and cry my eyes out asking myself where my babies went.When I walk down the street with my boys, I always have one of them by the hand. It's usually Lukey Bear, my youngest. He always loved holding my hand. He'd look for it every time we went out together. Today, I noticed I was holding him by the wrist. It was the only way to hold onto him because he was trying to run off and walk with his big brothers.

Then it hit me.

He's becoming a big kid. They are becoming boys. They are no longer little toddlers and babies, but now they're boys. We are starting to go through countless pairs of jeans due to torn up knees. I’m realizing that I can’t get through one week with one grocery trip anymore. Instead, I have to constantly run to the store to feed these three endless bellies. They want to have grown-up conversations with me where they talk about their dreams for the future. They’re all about what school to their friends. They would just about anything if they thought their friends would like it.

I don’t know how all of you mothers out there have done this before me.

When I look at these boys, I always see our babies in their eyes. I remember the moment I first looked into their beautiful brown eyes. I remember rocking them to sleep countless nights. I remember nursing them in the middle of the night.Part of me is sad.

Part of me looks at them with tears in my eyes and wonders how it all went by so fast.

I remember people used to tell me to hold onto every single moment. They told me not to blink in fear of missing out on what was before me.I have to be honest. There’ve been so many times in motherhood that I've wished for seasons to be over. I’ve prayed to God that I could simply get through to the next day, get through to the next season, or my kids would finally sleep through the night so that I could get a moment's rest.It's not all been easy.

Motherhood requires us to sacrifice a little bit of time, ourselves, and more than I realized.

I would do it over and over, time and again, because it’s all led us to this point right now. My kids are who they are because of the sacrifices my husband and I have made for them. We would do anything for our kids.Motherhood is painful.Motherhood is a blessing.Motherhood has transformed my life more than words can express.Motherhood has given me hope on the hardest days.Right now, motherhood means letting go.It means I have to watch my little boys grow up before my very eyes and let them experience new adventures. I wish I could be that crazy mom follows them everywhere they go. It wouldn’t bother me to see the looks that I got from the other mother's wondering why in the world I can’t just hold on to the alone time I've finally gotten after all this time.But I doubt my Husband would let me be that crazy mom. Instead, we’re going to hold each other’s hands as we watch our kids go off to school next year. Even now they’re talking about it, deciding on backpacks they’re going to get, talking about lunch they're going to enjoy together, and getting more excited it as every moment passes.

The moment is going to come as I drop them off to their first day next year.

They’re going to get that fear in their eyes and run to momma. They’re going to wonder if they can do it if they can survive an entire day without mom and dad by their side. You guys I have to get myself to a point emotionally where I can hug them tight, give them a big kiss, and let them know that they can do anything they set their minds to. Even though inside I'm praying I can keep it together until I get out to the car.Motherhood means making the tough choices for our kids. It means being strong even when we feel weak.I have officially turned in to that mom that comes up to you on the street and says don’t blink. Hold on to every moment with your kids because it’s going to go by in a flash. Your babies are going to turn into little boys and girls, and they’re going to take everything that you've taught them and shown them about the world and put it into action on their own.