Raising Bilingual Kids When You Don't Speak Your Partner's Language
Are you raising a multiracial family? Do you want to teach your kids your partner's language, but don't know it yourself? Today Chontelle is joining us to teach you practical tips and tools to teach your child a second language. Chontelle Bonfiglio is an Australian living in Italy with her two bilingual children. She is a certified English Teacher, Writer, and Creator of Bilingual Kidspot, a website for parents raising bilingual or multilingual children. To read more on Bilingual Parenting, follow on Facebook
Raising bilingual kids can be difficult when you don’t speak your partners language.
It can sometimes feel like you are isolated from family conversation. When your partner and children are speaking together and you have no idea what they are talking about, and you don’t know how to join in, it can be frustrating. But, know that you are not alone. It is actually more common than you may think.Many bilingual families have one parent who is monolingual and it can sometimes affect your relationship, and also your relationship with your children when you can’t all speak together in the same language. However, there are ways you can make it work.From speaking to parents in this situation, here are the most common suggestions:
Be open with each other and discuss your feelings
It is important that you discus how you are feeling with your partner. After all, you are in this together. If you have spoken in the past about how you wanted to raise your children, it has no doubt come up before, and if not it was bound to.It is important that you are on the same page, making your parenting decisions together, and deciding on a language strategy that works for you.
Have your partner translate when talking as a family
What many families do is translate while having a family conversation. I don’t mean every single sentence, but at least the idea of the conversation.I do this when I am with my in laws who don’t speak a word of English. I do feel guilty when I am speaking to my kids in front of them, and since we follow OPOL, I never speak Italian with my kids. So every now and again, I will translate and summarise the conversation for them so they don’t feel left out.It can break the conversation, and disturb the flow. However you will probably find, that initially lots of translating is needed. Then as you go on, a little less because you will start to understand what is being said, even if you cannot speak the language.
Consider having a family language
Considering this option depend on where you live and what the community language is. I would only recommend having a family language in the case where you are the parent who speaks the minority language. You could follow the Minority Language at Home approach.If however your partner speaks the minority language, it could make things a little more difficult. The minority language is the language which needs the most exposure, therefore could take that well needed exposure away. If you do decide to have a family language in this case, your partner will need to make sure to be consistent. And, ensure that they have a lot of one on one time together with the children speaking the minority language to keep it up.
Make compromises together
Compromises are vital when you don’t understand your partners language and working together is important.Things like watching movies together may be difficult. A compromise could be watching a family movie together in their language, but with subtitles so that you can also understand. This will also help you learn a bit of the language too.Another compromise could be having a certain part of the day where you all speak your language together. Perhaps at bedtime, reading a book together or taking turns singing songs together in each language.
Think about learning the language yourself
When I met my husband I couldn’t speak Italian. We lived in Rome where I was able to get by with English, but when we went to stay with his family in the south it was another story. I constantly felt out of conversation as I had no idea what anyone was saying.When we decided to raise a family it was a huge issue for us, because I was so afraid of being isolated, and not being able to understand my children. I made the decision to learn Italian when my first son was born.You would be surprised at how easy it is to pick up new words when speaking with children. People tend to speak simple sentences and slower when speaking with kids, so by making an effort to listen to what your partner is talking about with your kids you may learn quicker than you think.You don’t have to be at the point where you can have a conversation. But, at least getting the gist of what is being said will make you feel less isolated.Over the years I have learned to speak Italian along with my children and while I am still not completely fluent, and may not ever be, I feel better being able to join in a conversation with my family.
Raising Bilingual Kids is a team effort
Raising bilingual kids when you don’t speak your partner’s language means you need to be flexible and work together. It really is a team effort. The important thing is that you are open and you speak with your partner when you feel upset, or isolated. Family communication is important. If raising your children bilingually is important to you, then you must both be prepared to compromise along the way.
Follow Chontelle Along On Her Family's Bilingual Adventures