Speaking Telugu and a Bit of Nostalgia

My husband Joel learned Telugu as his first language. He lived in India for a few years when he was little and moved back when he was only about four. He started school and quickly learned a sad truth. Kids can be terrible. He was asked a question and answered saying, “kukka,” which means dog. The classroom immediately erupted into laughter. All of the kids started to make fun of him.

 

Poor little Joel stopped speaking Telugu. Even though he was fluent, he slowly started to lose the language. He speaks it now, but he compares his ability to that of a child’s.

 

Joel rarely gets opportunities to be around people that are fluent in Telugu. When he is, he loves speaking with them! It’s a moment of nostalgia and he feels like he’s back home. Vacations with Joel’s family is full of Telugu jokes and Joel’s hyena laugh!

 

This leads me to our first clash of cultures. 

 

I met Joel’s family, while we were dating, over Thanksgiving. I was a nervous wreck! I wanted them to like me and wanted to give a great first impression. Which of course meant I over thought EVERYTHING. 

 

Joel and his family would start speaking in Telugu mid conversation. So, of course I was convinced they were talking about me. I kept my paranoid thoughts to myself for our first few visits. Then I finally brought it up to Joel. He laughed, which by the way is the wrong response when your crazy wife if being crazy! He said that they were merely saying Telugu jokes to each other most of the time. 

 

Oh. 

 

We then decided what to do in the future when people spoke Telugu around me. Joel said he would start interpreting for me. I also said I wanted to learn Telugu. To be very honest with you, this can still be a source of contention for us. I get mad because he isn’t interpreting enough and I also haven’t spent as much time as I should learning. It’s a process. 

 

Yet again, this is why you need grace and communication. I have to be willing to talk with Joel rather than internalize which always leads to me blowing up. We also need to have grace for each other when we fall short.

 

It’s always easier to blame others instead of taking responsibility for your own actions. I can’t blame Joel for me not feeling like a part of those conversations. First of all, I’m not Indian which means Telugu is brand new for me. I can say hey I don’t know it so it’s your responsibility to make up for that or I can make the commitment to learn. 

 

I never want Joel to stop speaking in Telugu because I don’t understand. I want to take part in those conversations! I also want my kids to speak Telugu and understand which means Telugu has to be a part of our home.