The Judged Mama

 

(Ok. Ok. This is a picture from a few months ago, but look how little they are! So cute!)

I have been a mom for two years now. It's definitely not always rainbows and butterflies. It's full of poop up the babies back, teething, defiance, yelling, boogers, peeing with an audience, and constantly being pulled on. Some days are all of those things in a 8 hour span! However, parenting is also rewarding, challenging, and amazing. I love my little guys so much. It's been so fun watching them grow. Liam is turning into a little comedian. Levi is becoming more and more independent. He definitely seems like he is going to be my little introvert. Some days, I feel like I have it all under control. Most days, I wonder how mamas get through the first few years of having two babies under three. My new favorite challenge is childcare and Sunday school. Ever since my husband moved to our new home in Washington, three months prior to the rest of us, Liam has been super clingy. He's always worried we're not coming back. At first, I figured it would stop once he acclimated, so why stress. Well... It's been about a year and a half and I am still walking out of the children's room while Liam screams and sobs behind me. We have tried so many things. My husband and I are still thinking, praying, and looking for advice on how to handle it. The great thing is we have so many amazing and loving parents at our church and instead of judging us, they all know what it's like! All of our kids go through phases. Although... this doesn't only happen on Sunday mornings. It's anytime I try to leave him with anyone else. Sometimes, I feel that look from other people. Usually single people that don't have kids. They look at my husband and I thinking, "Wow, great parents."Should I care? No. Do I think about it too much? Yep. Moms have so much on their shoulders. We are the caretakers, the boo boo kissers, the chef, the teacher, the mediator, the entertainer, and so much more. We take pride when our kids do what we say, thank a stranger, offer to help someone they've never met... We also get embarrassed when they are defiant, tell us no in front of other people, throw fits, scream, etc. We worry about what other people think.Will they think we're a good mom?Will they see me as a failure?Am I doing a good job with my kids?So, what do we do? We have to remind ourselves, we are all born sinners. Even our little babies. They are born sinners. It shouldn't shock us when they act out, ignore us when we tell them to do something, hit their sibling...All we can do is pray, teach them what God has called us to, and try to center our lives around the gospel. A great book you should read whether you have kids or want to in the future is Give Them Grace by Elise Fitzpatrick. It talks about the mindset we tend to have as parents. "Oh my little prince wouldn't behave that way. He must just be sleepy." Well, in reality, your child is a sinner. The only way he will do anything other than sin is through God. How can you change your mindset throughout the week?1. Pray for your kids. Prayer is always a good idea. It helps strengthen your relationship with God as well as helps you to remember our kids first desire is to sin and they are only able to be the kind, loving little ones when God gives them compassion, love, and strength to obey. 2. Talk with your kids. Watch the terminology you use while talking with them. It's so easy to tell them things like, "That makes mommy and daddy sad," instead of "Liam, you are a sinner. You need to ask God to help you share even when you don't want to." We need to explain to our little ones that they are sinning and need to ask God to help them not too. 3. Pray with your kids. After you have talked with your kiddos, pray with them. Teach them how to ask God to help them listen better, love more, etc. This helps our kids to depend on God rather than living a life trying to please us. These things will help our kids to learn as well as take the stress off of our shoulders. Now, I'm not saying you can slack, blame sin for everything, and refrain from teaching or disciplining them. What I am saying is that their sin is a reflection of their sin, not you as a parent. If you allow their sinful behavior to continue without correcting them, then you need to be challenged in that. Remember, we are all sinners. Instead of feeling ashamed of our kid's behavior, go to God with your kids and ask Him to help. Then, as your kids struggle with sinful behavior, you will be able to focus on the behavior itself, rather than focusing on who's watching your child act this way.