What Kind Of Angry Are You

Are you one of those keep it all in until you explode people or let the yell at the baristas for the wrong drink at Starbucks kind of people?

 

I’m always noting the differences between cultures, but today I have a similarity for you. 

 

Joel and I both grew up in families that tried to keep the peace at all costs. This means getting mad at someone and keeping it to yourself instead of causing problems. What does this lead to? Bottling up your emotions until they explode. 

 

Joel and I got together and realized we both had a tendency to keep things to ourselves. Just like any other relationship, we got very comfortable around each other. This led to us opening up about how we felt.

 

Another words, me yelling at Joel every time something made me mad. Well, I wasn’t bottling it up anymore so that was good right? Wrong. I just went the opposite way. Joel would try to be as “open” as I was and then he’d always end up in trouble. You see, Joel never yells at me. So when he raises his voice, even the slightest bit, I instantly deem it his version of yelling and get defensive. 

 

I started confronting him and everyone I know every time something came up. I saw how important it was to talk about things rather than keep it to yourself. Sometimes keeping the peace causes more destruction than you could imagine. 

 

I had to find a balance between keeping it in and spewing it out. I’m still learning. 

 

Now, I’m seeing my failed attempts reflected in my kids. I get mad and yell. Then I hear Liam yelling at Levi for breaking the rules to his made up game. More pressure! 

 

I want my kids to be able to get mad and then talk to the person about it. 

 

How do I teach that? It starts with Joel and I. We have to be able to fight in front of our kids in a way that teaches them what TO DO and what NOT TO DO. It also means admitting when we fail. Joel and I apologize to our kids every day. We want them to know we’re imperfect and how to be humble when you mess up. 

 

Do you fight in front of your kids or do you think it’s better to keep it private?