Am I A Bad Parent If My Child Chooses One Culture Over The Other?
As parents of multicultural or biracial kids, we have a lot of pressure on our shoulders.We want to make sure our kids understand everything they need to know about each culture in their family and to somehow balance it perfectly.We don't want anyone to think we're pushing our culture above our partner's so we're constantly in a balancing act.Then, the day comes... You thought you were doing a good job of blending cultures equally. You've been doing your best, but then you notice something.You start to realize your child is leaning towards one culture. Instead of trying to balance cultures in their own life, they're starting to identify with one over the other.Maybe you notice it because they start to say they're Indian rather than Indian and (blank)...Maybe they don't want to practice the customs of one culture.As a mom, one of my first reactions to this is that I'm not doing my job. I become frantic worrying about what I've done wrong.Did I not show them the beauty of both cultures?Did I subconsciously push one harder than the other?Was I not focusing on cultures at all?
I have three kids and they've all embraced their multiracial culture differently. At first, it was easy. They were little and frankly didn't have a choice in it all. They were just there in different situations where their culture was presented to them. As they've gotten older, I'm starting to see that they're beginning to decide for themselves.I've always said I want my kids to experience both cultures in their lives and blend them how they feel best. What if how they feel best isn't balanced?I have one child that would move to India and let go of their Western culture in a snap. Okay.. maybe they would smuggle in an iPad on their trip but they love their Indian side. They love learning Telugu, learning new customs, and the FOOD!Then I have my "Indian child." The child everyone says looks the most Indian out of their brothers. He's up for anything! Even though he's little, I can see he likes to blend. He doesn't want to leave anything out.Let's not forget my son who wants the spice from his Indian side and that's about it... He won't touch Indian food with his hands or listen to just about anything.Three kids and three completely different ways to blend cultures.
The perfectionist and worrier in me says that I'm doing something wrong. I wonder if I should start pushing them to embrace both sides of their unique culture, but then I see their little faces. They're happy. They aren't worried about this impossible balancing act. They simply love their family (Indian and Caucasian), themselves, and their little biracial lives.Society pushes this idea of a perfect balance onto parents, telling us we're lacking something if it's not 50/50. However, I think just about every parent out there has realized perfection is impossible to attain. As much as we'd all love it, nothing is perfect. We can parent perfectly and why would we teach our kids to push themselves to attain the impossible?At the end of the day, I simply want my kids to embrace who they are and be open to new experiences. I want them to see the amazing lessons both cultures can teach them and find a way to blend them that makes them happy.