Do You Feel Like One Culture Is Taking Over In Your Interracial Relationship
Can You Prevent A Dominant Culture From Taking Over In An Intercultural Relationship?
My husband and I don't have your typical American marriage, nor are we a typical American family.
We're a blend of two cultures, four half Indian and half Caucasian boys and a little girl. There isn't a guidebook on how to have an interracial relationship. Instead, we've had loved ones around us who have given us advice as we go. One thing we've always said we wanted was a blend of both of our cultures.
Obviously, this is way easier said than done!
We've had to be intentional to make sure Indian culture is present in our lives.
We've lived a minimum of thirty hours from most of my husband's family. We'd do our best to see them for holidays, but that's only a few times a year. Knowing it was important to both of us, we made intentional decisions every day. We made sure to set aside money every paycheck to afford plane tickets, made Indian food frequently, taught our children to eat with their hands, taught Indian family values, and my husband and I tried to communicate to make sure we both felt our cultures were being represented in our family.
We realized that in order for our kids to truly be raised with a blend of American and Indian family values and traditions, we would need to live closer to my husband's side of the family. This meant a big step for me to move away from my side of the family.
After initially moving further away from my family, I found myself scared scared my culture would somehow be forgotten.
We'd always been so intentional about Indian culture in our family. We've never had to be intentional about American culture because we live in the US. Our kids were around American culture daily. However, we're constantly teaching our children about Indian traditions and my husband's family traditions. Now we have to be intentional about teaching our children my family traditions.
It's easy to let a dominant culture represent your family.
The dominant culture in the beginning of our marriage was Western culture. We live in the States so it was natural. Then we did a full swing to the other side. When we tried to blend cultures, it was always bringing Indian culture in more.
So, what can we do? What can we do to make sure our family is represented by two cultures?
My husband and I are learning that we need to make decisions as a family. We are constantly being faced with the trivial fork in the road. We're presented with a situation and Western culture says to respond one way, along with our Western friends. Then we have the choice to respond the way Indian culture and our Indian loved ones tell us to respond.
Each culture says their way is best along with the pressure that if you don't follow your culture, you're somehow betraying someone.
Our cultures have helped us become who we are today. It's also shaped the decisions we make on a daily basis. This has caused my husband and I to get into many disagreements because we've allowed our culture to pull us apart at times.
What can we do? How can we let our two different cultures be a blessing and not something that tears us apart?
We can let our cultures influence us and then come together and make a decision that's best for us. Don't let it be about which culture you will listen to. All you can do is take it one decision at a time and make it together.
Have you ever been faced with a decision where both of your cultures tell you to respond in a different way? How did you decide?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cR46EVt-Xw
How Do I Introduce My Family To My Husband/Boyfriend's Culture?
How do i introduce my family to my boyfriend's culture
________
Dear Almost Indian Wife. I've been seeing my boyfriend for a little over two years. We just got engaged! I can't wait to marry this man , but one things is scaring me. I came into this relationship knowing I would have to learn about a brand new culture. Now that we're getting married, I've realized my family has to as well. He's not just marrying me, he's marrying my family. His family is coming to town for our engagement party and the nalugu. Our families are going to meet for the first time. I'm so scared my family is going to say the wrong thing or not embrace the culture. Please help! What do I do?
________
Introducing My Family To My Spouse's Culture
How Do I Introduce My Family To My Boyfriend or Husband's Culture?
When my husband and I were dating, things felt easy. It wasn't so much about blending cultures as it was getting to know each other. My boyfriend (now husband) would come over to my parent's house all the time. They loved him and it didn't feel difficult for them to embrace him.I did notice a shift when we got engaged. My family was still over the moon about my relationship, BUT we officially got introduced to blending cultures. It wasn't about getting to know each other any more. Now, it was about introducing everyone to blending cultures.We decided to have a fusion wedding.This meant, both sides of our family had to get a heavy duty dose of what it meant to be in an interracial relationship.Why is the ceremony so long?Why are you getting a necklace with a string dipped in turmeric?Why are all the Indians LATE?What kind of music is this?Why are your bridesmaids wearing American dresses?Both sides of our families had SO MANY questions. It was hard to blend cultures and make everyone happy. I felt a lot of pressure on my shoulders to teach my family about East Indian culture and I know my husband did as well.Looking back at this almost 11 years later, my husband and I have learned a few things. We've learned how to introduce our family to new traditions and a new way of doing things. Let's be honest, it's not always easy. In fact, it's been difficult. However, it's worth it!Here are few things my husband and I have learned about introducing your family to a new culture.
Open Dialogue
One of the most important things you need to do is create open dialogue between everyone. Both sides of the family need to know they can come to you and your fiancé with any questions they may have. Your families are going to be curious. They need to feel comfortable asking you about things they see or want to know more about. The more they talk with you the more comfortable they'll all feel.
Give Them Grace
Remember how new this is for everyone. Even though you two may have been together for a while, this is the first time your families have to encounter what it's like to blend cultures. When you first get together with your partner, you're focused on how you will blend cultures.When you get into a long term relationship with someone, all of your families will encounter situations where blending cultures is necessary. Be sure to give them grace as they figure out how to do it. There's going to be a situation where someone unintentionally says the wrong thing. That's ok. It usually happens because they don't realize what they're saying is wrong. Give each other a lot of grace.
Prepare Both Sides Of The Family
Before everyone get's together you need to have a little sit down. You can sit down with your family and let him sit down with his. If your families are comfortable with both of you, do it as a couple. Then talk about a few cultural traditions they're going to see when everyone gets together. Remember, even if it's become normal for you, it's not for them.
Remember You Have Time
None of this has to get figured out overnight. It's going to take time for your families to feel comfortable with each other and a new culture. Let it happen naturally so they can develop a good relationship with each other. It's easier if your families live close to each other, but that's not always the case. One problem that can arise is putting too much pressure on your families during the short amount of times they're together. Give it time.
To All My White Mom Friends
To all my white mom friends,
Moms around the world have been having difficult conversations with their kids lately. They’ve had to explain the protests, the riots, the tragedy and murderers of Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and George Floyd. It has been extremely difficult to reveal these horrible truths to our kids.
However, there have also been countless moms around the world that have had these conversations before. They weren’t spurred on by recent tragedies and events, but they started when their kids were small and saw racism with their own eyes. It continued on when they were treated differently at school and by their friends. As parents had to remind their brown and black boys what to do if they were ever pulled over by a police officer and see the fear in their eyes. This isn’t new for them. These moms have had too many of these conversations without seeing change.
As a white women, I didn’t think I’d have to have these conversations with my future kids. However, here I am raising brown boys and the conversations have happened many times already.
Often times, I’ve heard my white mom friends say they haven’t had any talks with their kids about racism because it’s just too much for them.
It’s too much to reveal to a kid how scary the world can be. I am so happy that your children have never had to experience what other brown and black children have had to experience; however, it doesn’t mean these conversations should be passed over. There are age-appropriate ways to talk to your children about racism, prejudice, and tragic news going on in the world. They may not need to know all of the details, but they need to know that people in the world are treated differently because of the color of their skin.
When we teach our kids about racism and prejudice from a young age it prevents ignorance they could face as adults that often turns into racism.
Enough is enough.
Throughout history, we have seen how terribly America has treated brown and black men and women. It started with slavery and the sad thing is a lot of white people think racism ended the day slavery did. I have news for you, it didn’t. Racism has never gone away in our country. It has simply been divided into two camps. You have socially acceptable racism and socially unacceptable racism.
So often I’ve talked to white families and their ignorance shines through in the conversation. Their hearts may be in a great place, but they don’t realize the underlying tones of prejudice and racism in what they’re saying.
Let’s take my own story for a second. I grew up in a white town, surrounded by white people, and a white family. I have never experienced racism directed towards myself. It wasn’t until I met my East Indian husband and got married at 20 that I even knew about my own white privilege. As my husband and I started to blend cultures and I started to learn about racism through his own experiences I realized how prevalent racism still was in our country. It made me sick with myself knowing I had ignored it and not realized for so long.
My pastor, Pastor Derwin recently said during our church service that proximity breeds intimacy.
It wasn’t until I had a true authentic relationship with my husband that I was able to see life from his perspective. We went on to have a family and I realized how important it was to talk to our biracial kids about culture, racism, and prejudice early on. The more our children learn about the world around them, the more comfortable they become with their own culture. I want my kids to be ravenous and do everything they can to learn about cultures around the world. I don’t want them just to learn about these other cultures, but I want them to embrace them.
I don’t want to raise colorblind children. I want to raise kids that realize what a blessing it is to have different cultures around the world.
As a white mom, it is your job to do the same thing. You may have white children who will never experience racism, but we can make a change in the world by teaching our kids to do better. We can raise kids who grow up fighting racism.
This is not a white and black issue friends.
At the end of the day, it had to be racism against everyone else.
We have to fight for a different world. Everyone has to stand up and fight against racism together.
Silence is no longer OK. It never was.
Ignorance is no longer acceptable. It never was.
The recent murders cannot simply be a hashtag that enraged the world for a short time. It has to cause change.
We have to change friends.
How To Put Your Own Multicultural Stamp On Thanksgiving
How To Put Your Own Multicultural Stamp On Thanksgiving
I’ve always wondered why I love fall so much. Everything about it gets me so excited, and the same thing started happening for my kids. The more I think about it, I realize fall is the beginning of the holiday season. The second those leaves start changing and the weather cools down, you start to enter into the holiday season. We kick it off with Halloween and go straight into Thanksgiving and Christmas.The holidays look different for all of us, but it typically means family gets together from all around the world, we eat until our heart's desire, and countless family traditions.As a multiracial family, we also blend family traditions. There are so many ways our holiday traditions are unique, and we love finding ways to bring them all into our own growing family. Which means our Christmas and Thanksgiving don’t look the same as a lot of yours. I love that! I love that we can all put our own stamp on the holidays.What do the holidays look like in your family?
Here is a typical Thanksgiving in our family.
It’s all about the food!
What does a typical Thanksgiving meal look like for you? It’s probably turkey and mashed potatoes with some green bean casserole on the side… My mouth is already watering!If we visit my in-laws for the holidays, my mother-in-law makes her famous lemon pepper turkey, my uncle makes the creamiest mashed potatoes you’ve ever had, and all the cousins get together to make delicious sides and desserts! I’m not gonna lie; all of that makes me crave a typical American Thanksgiving meal, but it typically doesn’t show up for our Thanksgiving at home.If we stay home for the holidays, our Thanksgiving feast tends to be mostly Indian food. My husband is not a huge fan of traditional American Thanksgiving food. Not to mention, we are all completely obsessed with Indian food. Over the years, a tradition has formed. Now, when we are home for the holidays, my husband will spend hours preparing and making lamb biryani. Seriously, so amazing and worth every minute, he puts into it. I will whip up a few other things to go with it. We usually have eggplant curry and raita.Don’t worry, I didn’t forget the dessert. Even though we end up with an Indian feast, the kids and I still make our favorite pies. Last year we made a chocolate pie, pumpkin pie, and an apple crisp. There may only be five of us currently, but you can’t ever have enough pie. Like, for real... It's not even possible!
(Lamb Biryani Recipe)
We go around the table and share what we're thankful for.
This is one of the family traditions that both mine and my husband's families do every year. We were more than happy to carry on the same tradition with our kids.Before we eat or after, we all go around and ask everyone what they’re thankful for that year. It’s so fun to hear the kids reminisce over there year and hear how they were blessed. It’s also just as funny when the four-year-old says he’s just thankful for the food, and that’s it!
All the games we can fit in.
Usually, during Thanksgiving day, everyone is busy in the kitchen or watching football. And our family, we have both of those things, and we fit in as many games as we possibly can. Our family is seriously obsessed with board games and card games. I don’t think we could ever get enough of them. We will play games as the entire family and sneak in a few rounds of Settlers of Catan while the kids go outside and play basketball.
(Favorite family games amazon list)
Sometimes we get really brave and adding some new traditions for the first time.
It’s typically something we heard a friend of ours does each year or even have found on Pinterest. Sometimes they work out incredibly well, and we talk about doing it again and other times… Well, let’s just say it ends up a big fail.For example, one year, we decided to go and do a 5k On Thanksgiving day. I love all of you out there who can do that and then come home and still have a blast in today. My husband and I, on the other hand, end up stupid tired and end up skipping Thanksgiving entirely. Let’s just say we’ve decided in the future to only do 5k’s before or after the holidaysWhat do the holidays look like in your family?
How have you and your significant other been able to blend family traditions to put your own stamp on the holidays?
What To Expect The First Year Of An Interracial Marriage
I don’t think I ever could have anticipated all of the things that came out of my first year of my interracial marriage. I was so focused on getting through the wedding week itself, that I didn’t truly think through what was coming after.My husband and I were blessed and able to travel to the Bahamas for our honeymoon. The whole week was just a reprieve from the wedding. If you have planned a wedding you know just how crazy it is. There is so much that goes into a wedding that afterward your brain is literally fried. Thankfully I was crazy Young and my mother-in-law helped with more than I ever could’ve asked for during the wedding. In fact, I think she needed the biggest break of all afterward!Once we got back from the honeymoon, we were greeted with a house full of wedding gifts. We had just moved into our little apartment and for the very first time start living together. We were trying to figure out how to blend both of our tastes into one little apartment. Well, let’s be honest… We were trying to figure out how to afford anything to fit into our tiny little apartment!Everyone says the first year of marriage is hard. It’s no secret; they have movies about it, songs about it, and so much more. We get it. Marriage is tough work.Add in two completely different cultures, and you have a whole bunch of chaos on your hands.What can you expect your first year in an interracial marriage?Culture clash Dash I thought I did so much research before I got married. I wanted to learn everything there was about Indian culture. I asked my in-laws, my new family members, and my husband. Not to mention watch as many Bollywood movies I could fit into my day! However, nothing can truly prepare you for diving into another culture. There are so many moments throughout my first year of marriage that I collided with Indian culture and realized I had no clue what I was doing.
[Check out these culture clash stories!]
The best thing you can do to prepare for this is realizing from the get-go you don’t know what you’re doing. You can plan and research The hell out of it, but at the end of the day, you (in the words of my six-year-old son) are a noob.Don’t put the pressure on yourself to know it all because you never well. Let yourself make mistakes and remember it’s OK. The best thing you can do is to have grace for your spouse and for your spouse let yourself make mistakes and remember it’s OK. The best thing you can do is to have grace for your spouse and for your spouse to have grace for you in the situations. Always talk them through even if it’s uncomfortable.
Expectations of my interracial marriage:
I never realized just how different expectations can be in relationships. I just assumed they would be the same. Now, you’re probably laughing at me realizing just how crazy that is. They even go over this in pre-marriage counseling. Apparently I was distracted that day.Whether you and your spouse are from different cultures or simply different families, there will be different expectations. Whether it’s who cooks the meals, who takes out the trash, how to make the bed, or where someone’s freaking dirty socks go… Everyone has learned a different expectation, and getting married means you have to relearn expectations of each other.You can’t simply expect that someone is going to adopt your expectations because you’re To something. If that was the case, my husband would already love casseroles, drink iced coffee every day, put his dirty socks in the hamper, and do whatever I say. None of those things have happened. If that was the case, my husband would already love casseroles, drink iced coffee every day, put his dirty socks in the hamper, and do whatever I say. None of those things have happened in our ten years of marriage.
Family dynamic:
Everyone has a different family dynamic. I grew up with a single mom and then a mother and father once my mom got remarried. My husband grew up with parents who had had an arranged marriage. Needless to say, we grew up in extremely different families.Luckily for us, both of our families are incredibly close. This helped us a lot when we first got together because we were used to families who are very involved in our lives. This is not always the case in an interracial marriage.You may be used to a distant family like yours, and then marry into a family that comes over all the time. This could be extremely overwhelming when you’re still trying to figure out what your marriage is going to look like. Or you could be on the other end of the spectrum. You could’ve grown up with extremely close family and marry into a family that gives each other a lot of space.As you walk into this new family, you have to figure out how you best fit within their dynamic. You need to be aware of their cultural expectations and figure out what you were comfortable with. This took me years to figure out and same with my husband. It takes a lot of balancing in communication with your new family.
Becoming overwhelmed:
I don’t know about you, but change is not always easy for me. Sometimes it takes me a quick minute to get used to so many things in my life. The first year of an interracial marriage can be tricky. You may be moving overseas, you may be moving in with your in-laws, or you may just be experiencing all the new things that come with your first year of marriage. Either way that’s a whole lot of new things.You may even have times where your inner child comes out, and you want to go to your parents for dinner just to feel comfortable for a minute. That’s OK. It takes time to establish new routines and a new dynamic. You didn’t just get married; you created a brand new family with your spouse. That takes time to become comfortable.
Communication:
Did you grow up in a family of yeller‘s? Or did you grow up in a family full of passive aggressive people? Being in a relationship means you have to work on your communication constantly! You may have started to figure this out while you were dating, but nothing ramps it up like getting married.I found out I grew up in a family full of passive aggressive yeller‘s. Something makes us mad and that parentheses king parentheses temper comes right out at me. The crazy person in me wants my husband to yell right back with me. He won’t! How rude is that?!He waits for me to be done like a sane person and then talks to me. I just don’t get it. Even ten years later, this still bugs me.As you work on your communication with your spouse, you will start to figure out how to talk through tough topics like cultural expectations, balance, family, and so many more things that come up throughout your marriage.How was your first year of marriage? Did you experience some of the same things that my husband and I experienced here? Or were things much different for you? Share your experiences in the comments or tag me on Instagram. I can’t wait to hear your story!
You Know You're Biracial When...
As a mother of three biracial boys, I know they're going to experience some unique moments in their lives. There are going to be different times in their lives that only other people in a multiracial family can understand.
You're Used To Hearing Two Different Languages
You've grown accustomed to hearing two different languages all the time. Between your parents and your extended family members, people are always speaking a blend of different languages. So much so that you may not even notice it anymore.
You Find Yourself Constantly Explaining Your Ethnicity
One of the first things people ask you when you meet them is, "What are you?" It's not even a surprising question anymore. You know it's coming and then you have to figure out if you're going to be giving them the long answer or short answer. Are you going to try and explain your biracial heritage to them or are you going to do a short cut and pick one?
You Have To Convince People Your Parents Really Are Your Parents
When people see you walking down the street with your parents, they always assume you're not together. In their minds there's no way you could all be from one family. Then you have to try and convince them that they are indeed your parents.
You Never Know Which Box To Check On Forms
Standardized tests have always been a big pain. Now, you have the stress of figuring out which box to check when they ask you about your ethnicity. They're pushing you to choose a side and then you see both parents sitting on your shoulders, waiting to see which one you pick.
You're Expected To Be Bilingual
People are always assuming you speak both languages because you're biracial. While you probably understand a good portion of it, due to the constant scolding from your parents, speaking it is a whole different ball game. Some people even consider you "less than" because of this little fact and you just roll your eyes.
You're Feel Torn Between The Expectations From Both Cultures
Both cultures are telling you to behave a certain way and then you find yourself at the trivial fork in the road. Which culture do you listen to? It doesn't matter which one you pick because either way you end up with a family member in the background scolding you for your choices.
You Can Easily Spot Other Biracial People
You have this crazy radar where you can spot a biracial child or adult anywhere you go. They walk into a room and your spidey senses know they're there. You look around until you spot them and give them a little head nod in acknowledgement.
You Ate Fusion Food Before It Started Trending
Your home has always been full of fusion food. Mom will prepare a big dinner and then all the sides will be a jumble of both cultures in the house. Not to mention all the hot sauce!
You Always Get Looks When You Tell People Your Last Name
The second you tell people your last name, they immediately look at you sideways. "What kind of name is that?" Human. It's a human last name. I mean how are you supposed to answer that!?
You Know Some Of Your Family Members Still Give Your Parents The Stink Eye
Your parents broke the mold when they got together. While a lot of people had open minds and decided that love was enough, some people were stuck in the past. They looked at your parents relationship and saw something wrong. Even years later, you still find them giving you and your parents looks.
Fill in the blank. You Know You're Biracial When _______.....
Our Multiethnic Family's Christmas Bucket List
Since I was a little girl, Christmas has been my favorite holiday. The freshly fallen snow, cinnamon ornaments on the tree, Christmas music to drown out the Christmas Story movie, and snowmen all bring me to a very happy place. It reminds me of growing up and spending holidays with my family in Washington. I don't know what it is, but it just makes everything better.Now that my kids are getting older, they're beginning to get the Christmas fever like momma! They can't wait until we pull all the decorations out of storage and get our tree. They run around trying to find their favorite ornaments before their brothers so they can be the ones to put them up on the tree.My husband and I sit back and let them go wild. It doesn't matter that all of the ornaments are on one side of the tree and clustered together on the bottom. The look on their faces when they step back and admire their work makes our lopsided tree look like a magical piece of art.
And...
If we're going, to be honest with each other, I put up the breakable ornaments as soon as they go to bed.My husband used to be a Grinch during the holidays. He ner4 understood why his wife became an eggnog drunk crazy person during December. He just sat back and watched.Not anymore!!!Something happened to him after we had kids. Our Christmas craze somehow rubbed off on him. Now, he's the one begging us to get our tree the day after Thanksgiving! I happily oblige and carefully convince him we need more decorations each year.
Every year around Christmas, our house looks like an elf puked Christmas cheer all over, and it couldn't make me happier.
The more our family has gotten into the holiday spirit, the more we try to cram in. We make a bit list of all the things we want to do and see how many we can check off our list.
Here is our Christmas Bucket List this year!
Watch Christmas Movies.
I don't think anything beats a good Christmas movie with a glass of hot cocoa. My boys and I live for it!This year we want to watch the classics like Santa Clause, The Polar Express, The Christmas Story, Snow Day, and so many more! We search through all the new holiday movies on Netflix and watch them all!Then we get distracted and start watching Bollywood family movies. I know they aren't usually Christmas themed, but come on... They're amazing! My oldest son is now old enough to watch them and read the English subtitles. Needless to say, I'm about to have a Bollywood movie marathon with him!
AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT.
Our Elf On The Shelf lives wherever I can discretely throw him. The end. My boys still think he's the best thing in the world. I secretly hope my kids lose interest in the eld so I can toss him, but I'm pretty sure they'll keep it going until they're old enough to dangle him from precarious spots on their own.IN FACT...
This should be the new family tradition! Hide the Elf from the parents.
Who's with me?!
Convince my husband to put up Christmas lights.
As many of you know, hanging up Christmas lights is a huge task. My husband will buy us a tree, help us decorate inside, and even watch a few Christmas movies, but Christmas lights...He put them up two years ago, and it took him all weekend. Then during the move to North Carolina, we left all 3 BOXES of lights in Chicago. Since then the simple mention of Christmas lights brings an odd twitch to his eye.This year I plan on convincing, bribing, tricking, or even threatening to get said lights up on the house.Wish me luck.
Get a Christmas tree... CHECK
Pull the Christmas decorations out of storage and let the kids help set them up... Three broken ornaments and a wrestling match over the candy cane decorations... CHECK
Make jello salad.
Ok, this is probably the one Christmas tradition that is mine and mine alone. Growing up my family would make a yummy jello salad every year. It is amazing!When I was pregnant with Luke a few years ago, I made four jello salads in a two-week span. Don't judge. I'd blame the baby, but I probably would have done it anyway.The bad thing is my husband and ALL THREE OF MY BOYS hate it! They beg me not to make it and I just scoff. Like they could keep me from jello salad!
Go and look at Christmas lights with the kids.
My husband and I like to look up a fun neighborhood nearby and then we take the kids, with hot cocoa in hand, to check them out. We' have found neighborhoods that do fun Disney themes, have lights to "dance" around to music, and then the super-rich elaborately decorated houses.So fun!
Put together the kid's Christmas Eve box.
This is hands down, my favorite tradition every year. My grandma started this with my mom and aunts years ago. Every Christmas eve, we would open up a box with Christmas jammies! It was the only gift we could open before Christmas and then we'd all get into them and watch Christmas movies.Over the years, my hubby and I have tweaked it a bit. Now we add in slippers, a Christmas movie, and holiday-themed treats to go with the movie. I even put one together for Joel and I!
Start the Elf On The Shelf Shenanigan
The only thing I dread during the holidays is the f*&^*&^ Elf On The Shelf. My boys NEVER let us forget him. I always forget until I get the kids up for school and end up crazily running around trying to find a new spot for him to hide.Every year, I see the Pinterest parents putting together elaborate scenes with their eld, and I just laugh.
Somehow find a killer non-dairy, white hot chocolate cocoa recipe.
Hot cocoa is one of the biggest Christmas staples, but it brings up a bit of a problem in our house. My oldest and I are allergic to chocolate and recently discovered we can't have dairy.I refuse to give up hot cocoa, so I'm on the hunt for a non-dairy, white hot cocoa!If you know of one, please let me know!
Whip up a fusion feast fit for our multiethnic family!
Food is a big part of the holidays. Everyone is always thinking up what to make, pulling out family recipes, and eating way more than you thought possible.Our little family does the same thing, but with a twist. We make a BIG dinner on Christmas Eve! We make roast chicken, veggies, mashed potatoes... Oh yeah! We also make up Indian food to go with it! We make mine and my husband's childhood favorites! This year, we're even going to try our hand at biryani!
What are your family's holiday traditions?
How To Raise Bilingual Kids
One thing many multiethnic families are trying to figure out is how to teach their child multiple languages. Sometimes, it seems too hard, so parents drop a language. Most of the parents I've talked to that have done so regret it. They wish they would have taught their child to be bilingual from the very beginning.
What about you?
Are you teaching your child multiple languages? Are you nervous how to do it? Do you want some advice? If so, here are some tips to help your family raise bilingual children.
Tips For Raising Bilingual Children
Start Young
Start talking to your child in both languages right away. People tend to think it will create confusion, but statistics are showing that children are more successful in learning both languages when they start young.
Family Agreement
You and your spouse need to be on the same page. It will be much more challenging to teach your child to be native in both languages if one of you wants to teach your child a second language and the other doesn't. When you're both on the same page, you'll be more proactive in teaching them.
Make A Plan
After you've made the decision, you need to make a plan. Every bilingual family looks different. While your child will be able to speak multiple languages, they could be dominant in one. You need to decide what your family wants. If you want your child to be native in both languages, your lifestyle will need to reflect this.
This could mean you ask family members to only speak their native language to your child and have them respond in the same language. Think about how you can make it happen and make a plan your whole family can follow.
Don't Panic
Take a deep breath and don't panic. Teaching your child to be bilingual takes time. They might start to mix languages or take a little longer, but it's ok. Encourage them as they go and don't rush them.
Learn your stuff
Read up on bilingual families. Look on Amazon or your local library to find resources and hear from other families just like yours. The more you can educate yourself on what to do, the more successful your child will be.
Make it fun
The worse thing to do is make it all a big chore. If you can make it fun for your children to learn both languages, they'll be more willing to put in the work. You can buy games in both languages, listen to music, get apps, and play memory games. Show them how fun it can be to learn!
Talk to your kids
One of the best ways to teach your child a language is to talk to them in it! You can go for a walk, go outside, or sit down over dinner and talk. Make sure you and your spouse plan times throughout your day to sit and chat.
It doesn't matter if you and your family members are big talkers or not, it's important to be intentional in increasing how much you talk with your child in both languages throughout the day.
Read out loud
Kids love when you take the time to sit and read with them. Regardless of how old they are read multiple books out loud to them every day. There are even bilingual book companies that want to help you! The top is English, and the bottom is the language you choose.
Do you have any questions or advice about how you can teach your bilingual children? If so, please comment and share with us!
Episode 6: Celebrating International Adoption With Tiffany
Meet Tiffany!
Today we're chatting with Tiffany Bluhm! She is a wife, momma, Bible teacher, writer extraordinaire. I have been reading her blog and listening to her on podcasts for years now!After we recorded today's episode, we even realized our lives have collided in real life! A few years ago, my husband was at the She Speak's conference working, and Tiffany just so happened to attend. She was able to see my husband teaching at the conference and she had no idea that he was my husband until I mentioned where he worked. Not to mention, she currently lives in Seattle which is only a few hours away from where I grew up in the Pacific North West.A bit of background on Tiffany and her family... Tiffany is an East Indian women who is married to her wonderful husband. Together they are raising a beautiful multiethnic family with their two little boys. I love seeing how transparent they are as a family and it has been a huge encouragement to my family.
Today, Tiffany is sharing her family's story in adopting their little boy Jericho.
As an adopted woman herself, she had a heart for adoption. However, her and her husband had no idea how quickly they'd throw themselves into the process until it began. She knew she had to be 25 years old to adopt internationally... So what did they do? She and her husband filled out all the paperwork and sent it off on her 25th birthday!They pursued adoption in Uganda, and the process ended up taking them two years! Two years of waiting to bring their little boy home. They had originally set out to adopt two little ones, but complications prevented them from adopting one of the children.Tiffany and her husband spent four months in Uganda getting to know Jericho before they were able to bring him home. Jericho hit it off right away with his new family; however, the concept of daddy was foreign. Jericho ended up calling him uncle for a while at first because that's what he knew.One thing you need to know about Tiffany and her husband is they didn't walk into the adoption process blindly. Her background is in social justice, and she understood that adoption wasn't all rainbows and butterflies.
"Adoption is born our of loss, and there's no getting around that."
As a family, Tiffany and her husband walked alongside Jericho. They started the family mantra early on, "Family for the long haul." They wanted Jericho to know they were with him for the good and hard times.Shortly after arriving home, they put Jericho in trauma counseling. Tiffany knew how vital counseling would be for her son because he had strong memories growing up in Uganda and now creating a new home in the US.
This year the Bluhm's celebrated their 5th adoption anniversary with Jericho!
Over the last five years, they have learned what it means to be a strong family. This means talking... a lot! They talk about it all from Jericho noticing the last of diversity in books he reads to the diversity in his own family. They've walked through some difficult seasons a family, but they do it together.Tiffany says adoption has been the best decision of her entire life after marrying her husband. She knew it wouldn't always be easy, but also knew it would change her family for the better. She has grown as a person and has seen the blessing adoption has had on her life and family.Raising a multiethnic family means you will face unique challenges. Jericho is learning how to stand up against stereotypes and what he can do as a leader. He has a big heart to lead and that means he has a HUGE opportunity to make a change around him.
Challenge:
Tiffany's challenge for all of you is to research people who have been adopted and learn about them as a family. Did you know Superman was adopted!?
Head over and follow Tiffany today!
Episode 4: Embrace The Chaos
Join us for our first episode in our new series... Coffee and Chai!
Along with our interviews, Joel and I thought it would be fun to start a series where we just chat! We're going to answer your questions, show you a little glimpse into our lives, and maybe even let you know how crazy we are!Get yourself a cup of coffee or chai and join us this week as we talk about what it looks like to raise three boys under seven years old.
Products and links we mentioned:
Paul Tripp Parenting Bookhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JdcLE2NGCo
Challenge:
Embrace the chaos in your life!
Episode 2: Becky's Global Journey
The Almost Indian Family | Episode 2: Becky's Global Journey
Today, we're chatting with Becky from Kid World Citizen. She is a Spanish teacher turned world traveler with her multiethnic family. She and her family travel the world, learning about new cultures. She also helps teachers and parents who want to teach their own families about the world around them.Becky's love for the world comes across the entire episode as she shares how her family has been able to blend four cultures into one unique family. She jokes that her family has been called the United Nations family and I can definitely see why! She's answering your questions on adoption and world travel, sharing a glimpse into their big move to Mexico, and all the funny stories in between.Challenge: Make a family calendar with all of the cultural traditions that your family wants to do throughout the year. Don't forget to tag #TheAlmostIndianFamily as you take on the challenge! Becky and I can't wait to see what traditions your family chooses!
Follow Becky along on her journey by heading over to her blog and social media channels.
Blog/ Facebook/ Twitter/ Instagram
Links Mentioned:
What It Means To Be An Anna In Our Multiracial Family
What It Means To Be An Anna In Our Multiracial Family
As a little girl, I always knew I wanted to have a big family. I loved having my brother with me growing up. We did everything together. We built forts together, we had epic movie nights on the weekends, we stood up for each other, and we always knew we weren't alone. We always had someone there to look out for us.Even if that meant I yelled at dumb kids on the bus when they decided to pick on my little brother. He was my little brother and I wasn't about to let anyone mess with him.
Along with all the good times, we had plenty of knock out, drag out fights. We were siblings, what else do you expect.
I loved my little brother, but as we got older it wasn't just fun. I had responsibilities as his big sister. I HAD to be there for him all the time. I HAD to look out for him to make sure he wasn't dumb enough to swallow a penny (which in fact he was dumb enough to do and did).Older siblings carry a lot of weight on their shoulders. You can ask any older sibling how it was growing up with little siblings and you'll instantly hear grumbling.It's one of many reasons my husband and I got along so well. We were both the oldest kids and knew exactly what the other one went through.
When we had our second son, we looked at our oldest with excitement and a bit of pity. We knew the road he was about to embark on.
In our multiracial family, we have raised our kids to understand what it means to be an anna. An anna is an older brother and it also carries a different meaning in our almost Indian family. It's a badge of honor for older brothers. It means it's not their responsibility to help raise their little brothers. They have to look out for them as they're little and even as they venture out into the real world as adults.Our oldest son, Liam became an anna when his little brother was born. Then Levi became an anna when Lukey was born.Their dad and I do everything we can to teach them how important this role is in each other's lives. It's not a burden like it feels like at times. It's a special bond they will always have with each other.
It doesn't matter where life takes them around the globe, they will always have each other.
The three amigos. They will always be partners in crime and I can't tell you how happy that makes me.It's not an easy road as an anna. It's hard. The weight is heavy, but the best part is they can all carry it together. Even as the little brother, they can look out for their anna. They can all be there when one of them needs help. They can all be there to love on each other. They can all push each other to be the best they can be.I know they'll even be there to cover each other's backs when one of them decides to be dumb. Even though I'll give them the mommy look of death when I catch them in the act (I'll secretly be smiling as I see what a strong unit they've become).
Being an anna isn't easy, but it's one of the most special things they'll have in their lives.
Life Lessons Interracial Couples Can Learn From Fairy Tales
Life Lessons Interracial Couples Can Learn From Fairy Tales
As a little girl, I was obsessed with Fairy Tales. I loved watching couples fall in love on my Disney movies and watching their stories unfold. You'd think it would have changed as I got older, but I've only become more obsessed!I love watching fairy tales with my kids. If you watch them closely, you can even find valuable life lessons in their storylines. Lessons that we could use in our own marriages!
Cinderella
Cinderella grew up in a family that didn't love or respect her. They constantly dug in and tried to make her life terrible. If I were Cinderella, my first reaction would have been to be nasty right back. She didn't do that. She rose above it all and loved on them regardless.As interracial couples, we aren't always embraced by a family that fully accepts our relationship. Instead, we can be faced with family members that won't accept you. They may even be like Cinderella's family and tear you down. If we can learn one thing from Cinderella, it's to never stop loving them. Acceptance doesn't come easily for everyone and that's okay.You and your partner are together because you love each other. It will either take your family time to accept that or maybe they never will. Either way, you have the choice to rise above. You don't have to be hateful to them as well. Do your best to let it roll off your shoulders and love them with your actions.I'm not saying let them take advantage of you. At the end of the day, you aren't responsible for how they act. You're responsible for your own response. If you feed into the hate by giving it right back, it becomes an endless cycle. What if your loving response could actually lead to a good relationship with them in time? Sometimes the strongest way to fight against hate is by responding in love.
The Little Mermaid
As an interracial couple, you are constantly faced with new things. Those new things span from new food to new situations. Frankly, it can be terrifying. I grew up in a family where things stayed the same most of the time. We ate the same things, weren't too adventurous, and I was comfortable. Then I got married and was constantly pushed out of my comfort zone. I rarely knew what kind of meat I was eating or what to do in these new situations.If we were to take a few notes from The Little Mermaid, we would realize that it's usually worth it. It may be scary, but it can also be life-changing. She moved to a new world and rarely knew what she was doing. She didn't let that stop her! She tried everything, had an open mind, and it all changed her life.How can The Little Mermaid challenge you to be more adventurous? Are you the woman living in a new world (maybe a new country) or are you in an interracial relationship trying to embrace a new culture? Either way, you can open your mind and watch how it all changes your life!
Frozen
One of my favorite fairy tales is Frozen. I love the story of two sisters who love each other. The problem is Elsa loves her sister so much that she tries to protect her by hiding who she is. Yes, her parents prompted this decision, but after they passed away, she hid.Their story taught me how important it is to open up and trust special people in your life. When they finally trusted each other, they were able to do anything. As interracial couples, we tend to try and do it all ourselves. We think we know everything. Then we end up drowning in our own problems.Interracial relationships bring about so many unique challenges. Sometimes, you just need someone on the outside to give a new perspective. My husband and I have surrounded ourselves with older and younger interracial couples. I love having people in my life that have been through similar things as myself.If I actually allow myself to open up and trust them I can hear the advice and wisdom they have to offer. It may even end up saving me from a lot of struggle and hard seasons!
Head over to the comments and name one fairy tale that has taught you a valuable lesson.
How Do I Blend Cultures When I Have No Idea What I'm Doing?
It doesn’t matter how old we are, how many kids we have, or how many years of marriage are under our belts… we all hit the same realization eventually… "I have no idea what I’m doing."I’ve thought this...during fights with my husband... while correcting my children... while looking at my messy house... while driving with screaming kids in the car... after I burn dinner for the second time... when my kids ask me earth shattering questions about life... and especially when my husband and I try to figure out how to blend cultures in our family. It’s a normal feeling to have. We’ve all had it and will have it in the future. Instead of feeling defeated, we need to realize none of us know what we’re doing. All we can do is take it one day and one step at a time.
How Do I Blend Cultures When I Have No Idea What I’m Doing?
Talk. You and your spouse need to do a whole lot of talking. The more you talk about blending cultures, the more it’s on your mind, and the more intentional you’ll be. You may not know how to blend cultures in the moment, but that's okay!You can talk after a situation comes up and discuss how you could have blended better.Often times, we look back at situations and feel defeated because we see a missed opportunity. In reality, it was a teaching opportunity for your family. You can talk about it together and discuss what you could do next time or you and your spouse make a plan for next time.
The Worst Thing You Can Do When Blending Cultures...
Keeping your thoughts to yourself. It’s incredibly important in any relationship to keep the lines of communication open. You need to talk about how you feel, your opinions, and what you want to see in your family.Communication will help you blend cultures because you’ll know what’s important to each other and how you can make sure those things are present in your family and relationship.
None Of Us Know What We’re Doing
At the end of the day, none of us really know what we’re doing. We’re all figuring it out just like you. The only way any of us learns is by walking through life and sometimes through failing. After we fail, we can learn from it. The most important thing to keep in mind is how you respond. If you have no clue what you’re doing ask for advice, follow your gut, and give yourself a break.There isn’t a book out there that can tell us what to do every step of the way, so we’re all just doing the best we can. Guess what… You’re going to enjoy blending cultures way more if you just let it all go. It’s going to happen. You’re going to figure it out.
Our Favorite Bollywood Movies This Month!
One of my favorite things to do when I visit my husband’s family is sit down with his aunts and mom to watch Bollywood movies. They’ve introduced me to so many over the years and lately my husband and I have been watching them more at home.I love watching them together as a family because my husband and I both enjoy them and it’s a great opportunity to learn more about Indian culture and even the language.Netflix has been a goldmine for Bollywood movies! We have found family friends movies and movies perfect for after they go to bed.Here are a few of the movies my husband and I are obsessed with this month!
Maacher Jhol
Basically, imagine the Indian Gordan Ramsey! This movie follows the life of a chef who gets called back home to Kolkata after his mom gets sick. As the story unfolds you find out it’s been nearly 13 years since he’s been there and he finds out what he left behind. This movie is set apart from your typical Bollywood movie because it reveals an interracial love story!
Kahaani
If you like thriller movies that keep you guessing, this is your movie. It follows a pregnant woman who travels to India to find her missing husband. Only when she gets there nothing is as it seems no one knows who or where her husband is.
Mubarakan
This was my favorite movies this month. It has everything I love… Singing, dancing, and a romance story! Two twins cause chaos everywhere they go as they try to hide their relationships from their family who tries to arrange their marriages to other girls. They throw each other under the bus to save their own skin and it’s hilarious!
Asoka
A modern-day Romeo and Juliet. This epic movie follows the life of Prince Ashoka who falls in love. After crazy circumstances, he ends up a ruthless warrior and you get to see his journey back to himself. All while he practically conquers India! This is a great movie for couples because it’s full of action and romance.
Prem Ratan Dan Payo
A prince is days before his coronation and someone tries to kill him. His family keeps it a secret while he recovers and lets a stranger who looks just like him replace him. His future bride notices the difference because her stern fiance is now a fun a playful man. This movie is full of lighthearted moments, action, and a beautiful romance!
What are your favorite Bollywood movies this month?
How Interracial Couples Can Find The Perfect Balance
How Interracial Couples Find The Perfect balance
Over the last ten years, I've been learning about Indian culture, experiencing it, and have slowly seen how it's become a part of who I am.I don't even realize how much Indian culture has spilled into my identity until other people spend out with our multiracial family. Then I have to explain little things like why we eat Indian food with our hands, call family members by unique names, let people speak into our kid's lives, have so many people living with us, or even clothes our kids wear to special events.I love it.My husband and I have started our own little family and I love seeing what we have made together. Our little life has become so much richer than I ever would have expected to be possible.We're happy. We've found a balance that works for us and strive to get better at it every year.
Balance.
It means something different in every family. While we have learned a balance that works for us in this season, we also know that it changes as we grow. Life happens and our circumstances change which means our balance has to change with it.We find our balance by talking to each other and finding out what we both need in our relationship. I'll give you a little hint. Finding a good balance means knowing when to say yes and when to say no.Sometimes we think it's wrong to say no, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Saying no means you know what you need and are willing to draw a line in the sand when need be.My husband and I figure out our balance by finding out what we both need. It's not always hard to figure that out. Sometimes it comes easy and natural to make the right choice.Other times you actually have to step out of your comfort zone and experience something before you make the decision. Whether it's a food concoction you could never have imagined trying or letting someone hand feed you... It's okay to try something new even if you feel a little uncomfortable at the beginning.
However, what do you do when you've either tried something or you've decided to put your foot down and say no?
If you're anything like me you may start comparing yourself to other couples out there. Then you start questioning everything.Am I embracing my husband's culture if I don't carry on all of his traditions?Will people think I don't care about his culture?This is typically the point in the process when my mind starts to go down about a dozen rabbit trails and I get lost in my head. I've always struggled with people pleasing and will even start to question myself if I think people may judge my decision.
Well, today I say something and even remind myself about something I've said many times before...
Decisions made in your relationship are between you and your partner. The balance you find needs to work for you and doesn't have to work for everyone else.There's no way to make everyone happy. You can't carry on every single tradition and that's okay. You get to pick and choose the ones that are best for you as a family.The most important thing you can do is talk as a couple. Walk through each decision together and talk about it. Your partner is a great person to talk to because they can tell if you're saying no because you're scared and nervous to step out of your comfort zone or if it's what you truly want.This is why I call myself the "Almost" Indian Wife. I'm not Indian. I don't have to carry on every single thing Indian culture tells me to. Same goes for you. Take all of that pressure off of your shoulder and have fun. Have fun figuring out what you'll carry on in your own family.At the end of the day the decision you make as a couple is perfect for your family. Whether you want to say yes or no to living in a joint family, shaving your kid's hair on the first birthday, or any other tradition... it's okay. Do what works for you and your partner.
Find the balance that works best for you.
One Piece Of Advice That's Kept My Interracial Marriage Strong
I was sitting down with my husband last night, listening to him play his guitar. All I could think about is how I used to watch him play almost ten years ago. I was only two years out of high school and barely knew what I was doing in life, but one thing I did know was how much I was starting to love this man of mine.The last ten years has been a whirlwind for my husband and I. We were both so young when we got married and now we have three boys, we've moved half a dozen times across the US, and the grey hairs have begun.I remind my kids every day that every grey hair on my head is because of them. They just laugh and go back to their wild antics.It's interesting to look back at the two kids we were when we got together. We had no idea about all the experiences life would throw our way.If there's one lesson we've learned through it all, it would definitely be how important it is to be a team.
We're a team. My husband and I are an unbreakable team.
Sure, there are days we don't always like each other all that well, but I love him with all of my heart. We've gotten each other through some tough times, health scares with the kids, and uprooted our family a few times.Not to mention walking through uncharted territory when it comes to blending cultures in our little family. There have been so many times where we find ourselves at odds on what's expected of us from a new culture, how to blend cultures into a new unique culture, and how to step out of our comfort zones to try new things.I'll be the first to say that it's hard.Life is hard.Interracial marriages are hard and require a lot of work.However, I would never dream up a different life for myself. I love my husband, his culture, the culture we have cultivated for our own family, and every piece of our unconventional life.The way we get through it is by standing by each other through it all. When we go into uncharted territories, I know my husband is there by my side to help me navigate the waters. I can lean on him and he can lean on me.Before anything else, we're a team.
Being a strong team helps guide us in our decisions every day.
When we are trying to figure out what to do, we look to see what's best for us as a family first and ask ourselves very specific questions. Is this going to help us grow as a family? Is this healthy for our family?As an interracial couple, we often find ourselves looking for any guidance on what to do. There are countless decisions to make every day for our relationship and families. By asking these questions before you take on step forward, it helps you know what to do or at least what direction you should start going in.
Being A Team Builds A Strong Foundation.
Relationships need to sit on a firm foundation so you can face any storm that comes your way. You need to know you can trust each other and depend on each other throughout it all.Interracial couples constantly walk into new and maybe even uncomfortable situations. You can even start to feel like an outsider when stepping into your partner's culture. If you walk into those moments as a team, you instantly feel more at ease. You know your partner is there to walk you through it and to help you figure it all out.My challenge to all of you is find out how you and your partner can be a better team this year. What can you do to make sure you are there for them throughout every situation and experience. Open up and tell them how they can be there for you. Then take the leap together and step out of your comfort zones.
Marriage Brings Out The Crazy In All Of Us
Rewind About 8 Years
When my husband and I got married, we both realized how important to learn more about Indian culture together. I wanted to soak it all in because I wanted it to truly be a part of our marriage.I was so concerned about learning those new traditions and customs that I didn't realize how odd some of my family's may seem to him. That was until this happened...
Introducing My Husband To My Childhood
We had been married for about a month when I decided to share a special meal with him. I grew up eating tuna noodle casserole and loved it! The tender egg noodles, moist tuna, and the crunch of the crackers on top makes my mouth water. (I even craved it while I was pregnant about two years later!) My husband, on the other hand, was used to spicy and very rich dishes. Casseroles... not so much.I went to the store after work and grabbed all of the ingredients. My husband was still in school getting his bachelor's degree at the time and I knew he would be home late for dinner. I had plenty of time to put together a good meal. After preparing it, I put the dish in the oven.I anxiously watched the clock because I couldn't wait for my husband to get home. I was so excited to share this with him! He walked in the front door a few moments later and I watched him excitedly. If I walked home to the smell of this delicious meal I would race to the dinner table, eager to devour every last bite.He took in a deep breath and a confused smile started to emerge.Umm. Babe, what are you cooking?I got a little giddy, told him to go sit down for dinner, and he would see. I dished up two large helpings and brought it to the table. I was ready and waiting for the sounds of...Oh, wow!This is amazing!
Then The Unexpected Happened
Instead, I got...It's good.Now, if our husbands are the same, you know what this actually means. It's code for...Dear, God. Please, don't make this again!Why he chooses to fib every time he doesn't like a meal I'll never know.Yelling at him, while explaining I spent a lot of time making that and then giving his dinner to the dog is a natural reaction when he doesn't love every one of my meals. Right?My husband has quickly learned to enjoy all of my meals with a big smile on his face. Even after I badger him to tell me what he thinks, he will lovingly say he loves it.So, maybe I wasn't the most mature when we first got married or maybe marriage just brings out the crazy side inside all of us. I only fed his dinner to the dog one more time... but it really wasn't my fault. He dared me and if my momma taught me anything it's never chicken out on a dare! Okay, I don't think that was my mom, but hey!
I Never Would Have Expected To Learn This From My Interracial Relationship
There's nothing like getting into a relationship that causes you to lay it all out on the table. Things you may have tried to keep to yourself before just don't matter anymore. They're with you and they either need to live with it or..This means your once oh-so-tidy partner may let you in on the well-known secret that they're a slob.. Or maybe you're the slob.The adventurous person you spent many wild nights may slowly become content with an evening at home watching Netflix with you.It all just changes.You become comfortable with each other and you let your walls down.What about interracial couples?We talk a lot about how they like to make everything a little trickier, more adventurous, and overall throw a curveball right at you!Being in an interracial relationship means you won't only find out about your partner, but you learn a lot about yourself too.
A Few Things Being In An Interracial Relationship Teaches You
You have no clue what you're doing.
I'd love to say you figure everything out after a few years, but I don't think it's ever the case. Experience teaches you a lot, but interracial relationships have a little curveball of their own.As you start to figure something out, you enter into a new phase of your relationship. You go from learning how to behave in your spouse's culture and then you have kids and the dynamics all change.Don't stress about it and give yourself a break. Take it day by day and use everything you've learned as you move forward.
Distance means nothing when you're in love.
I used to think there was no way a long distance relationship would work. Then I married a man who ended up having a traveling job. It definitely made things more difficult, but we loved each other. We figured out a way to make it work the best we could.It's that crazy thing about love. It makes you fight hard for what you have, regardless of how hard it may be. You do it because you know it's worth it.
How possible it is to fall in love with another culture.
I grew up in a very white community. Everyone at school was pretty much white and there wasn't a lot of diversity where we lived. Then I somehow met the man of my dreams and he just so happened to be East Indian.Quickly I learned how easy it was to fall in love with Indian culture. We've started a family and integrated it into our own family culture the best we could. I love learning new things about Indian culture and how comfortable in it as well.
You get beyond excited every time you see a new celebrity interracial couple get together!
When you see another interracial couple in public, you tend to get excited. It means another person has joined your little club and you may even find yourself looking for them in public!Seeing a celebrity interracial couple is huge! You cross your fingers and hope they'll be the ones to make it because it starts to normalize multiracial families on a big scale! Hopefully, it bridges its way to the big screen too!
You start to appreciate your culture more
The more you learn about your spouse's culture, the more you start to love your own. I grew up loving my family and who I was, but it changed when I started learning about Indian culture.I had a big desire to learn more about my heritage and even find out where my family came from. I want to be able to tell my kids all about the special things both of our cultures have to offer. Even on a personal level, I just want to know more about who I am!
Just how differently two people can grow up.
My husband and I have so many things in common. We're both the oldest siblings in our families, we're secretly homebodies, and we're obsessed with food. However, there are a lot of differences as well.One of the biggest differences is how we grew up. It starts with how we celebrated birthdays all the way to what we call our relatives. I love it though. Our differences help us to challenge each other to see things differently, to push the other one to be better and brings a lot of excitement into our relationship.
What have you learned from your interracial relationship?
Interracial Couples: What To Expect When Visiting Your In-Laws
One of the scariest things in a new relationship is the day you meet your future in-laws. It's intimidating and downright unnerving. You want to make the best impression possible, but so many thoughts start running through your mind.You know how important it is for it to go well because you truly love your partner. They've changed your world and you want to fit nicely into theirs.Meeting your in-laws is typically more unnerving for interracial couples as well because you're trying to learn a new set of cultural expectations on top of everything else.I've shared my experience with you guys before.As you can all see in my experience, one thing that can make the night a bit more difficult is when you don't know what to expect. Indian culture was completely new to me. I was trying to navigate through it all while preparing for a huge step in my relationship.Not to mention, teaching someone about Indian culture was new to my husband. Growing up, he had shared experiences and food with his friends, but he usually let his family fill them in on what to do during. When we got together, I had all kinds of questions for him. I wanted to know the whats as well as all the whys behind everything that went on.It was the only way I knew to throw myself into his culture so I could take part in as many things as I could. I didn't just want to know about Indian culture, I wanted to experience it.Whether you're about to meet your in-laws for the first time over the holidays or you're still getting to know them, there are a few things you should know.
Respect, Respect, Respect
Indian families tend to be more traditional than some Western families. You should talk to your partner beforehand and ask him how to show his/her family respect. While in your family it may mean telling them to feel at home, it means bringing your in-laws a cup of tea in Indian families.Cultural expectations look different when it comes to respect so your best bet is to communicate with your partner and go above and beyond what you see as respect. As you get to know them, you'll start to learn what respect looks like in their family.
Offer To Help
It doesn't if you're at your home or someone else, always offer to help. You can offer to help cook the meal, clean up dishes afterward, or offer to get someone a glass of water at any point. It's a small thing that goes a very long way.
Don't Use First Names
First names are a no-no with anyone older than you. Ask your partner what you should call them. In most Telugu families you will call everyone aunty and uncle. It's a general sign of respect and is about the same and Mrs. and Mr.Don't be like me and call your mother in law by her first name... Oops!
Hand Feeding
Hand feeding is very common in Indian families. Most Indian food is eaten with your hands. So during meal time, you won't see utensils unless they're trying to be nice to you.You will probably even see elders hand feed loved ones younger than them. They may do it to offer a taste to someone or do it to simply feed someone. It's not just with kids either. It's a gesture of love and very special thing among Indian family members.
Bring A Gift
If you're going to someone else's house, always bring a gift. It doesn't have to be big. It can be a festive candle, box of chocolates, or just about anything. It will score you major points with your in-laws and shows them that you're grateful to be asked into their home.
Take Off Your Shoes
Always take off your shoes when you step into someone's home. You will probably notice a stack of shoes by the door. Always look for them to see if it's expected at someone's home before you walk in. If you don't see it, you can simply ask.
No PDA
Public displays of affection are a big no when it comes to most traditional Indian families. This means you shouldn't be snuggling up to or kissing your partner while around their family. Holding hands is the line and you may even want to run that by your loved one.
