3 Ways To Blend Cultures Without Losing Your Identity
"We don't need a melting pot in this country, folks. We need a salad bowl. In a salad bowl, you put in the different things. You want the vegetables- the lettuce, the cucumbers, the onions, the green peppers- to maintain their identity. You appreciate differences."
- Jane Elliot
Let's Throw Out The Melting Pot!
I love this quote. I've always heard of America as a melting pot of different cultures. As a child, I didn't think twice about it because it made sense. Now that I hear it as an adult, it doesn't sit well with me.A melting pot means we all melt together and conform to the same thing. If America is a melting pot, then we're expected to keep the parts of our cultures that everyone is comfortable with and let the other things go.It brings me back to a question I get asked by many of you.
Now that I'm in an interracial relationship, do I have to lose my culture and conform to theirs?
No. Simply no.When your partner fell for you it was because of who you are, not what someone wanted you to be. Your culture and life has helped you to become the person you are today.As we begin blending cultures, some people go back to the melting pot idea. They think you have to melt all of your culture, traditions, and life together with your partners until it becomes something brand new. In reality, one of my favorite things about a multiracial family is that you're bringing together two distinct cultures.Over the last seven years, my husband and I have found ways to bring in traditions we both grew up with, parenting styles we had, and new customs unique to our own little family.When we first got together, there was a part of me that assumed I was expected to let go of my own culture. Some of it was my own idea of what I was supposed to do and some of it was expectations from other people.It took me a while to realize I had to put the melting pot aside because it wasn't working for my relationship or family. My husband was actually the big reason for this. He had been telling me from the beginning I wasn't expected to do anything I didn't want to do. If other people wanted those things, it was up to me to decide what I was comfortable with.As many of you know, culture expectations can be a heavy burden, but at the end of the day it's our choice. We can choose to conform to different expectations or we can find a different way.Our identity is made up of more than just our traditions. Our identity is who we are at the end of the day. As you're sitting here reading this, think about what's made you who you are today.You are who you are because of the decisions you've made, how you grew up, the influences you've had in your life, your culture, and so much more. Our identity truly does change over time.The identity I had before kids compared to now is different and I don't see it as a bad thing. It's because the love you have for your children changes you.As you get into a relationship, your identity changes because you start to care about someone and make room in your life for them. As you blend cultures, the same thing will happen, but it doesn't mean you have to lose your identity. You will develop a passion for this new culture and you'll notice you want to bring it into your life and family.If we can throw away the melting pot, the fear of losing ourselves to this new culture goes away. Our little salad bowl will contain the best parts of both of our cultures.
What can you do to make sure your relationship is a blend of two cultures?
Communicate
I can't ever say this one enough. Communication is so important. You need to talk to each other and let your partner know how you feel. They can't read your mind and if you don't speak up, nothing will change.
Check in with each other
Sit down with each other and discuss your relationship. Obviously, this will probably happen throughout the week as well, but make sure you're intentional about it at least once a month.Then you create a safe time to discuss how you're feeling. Whether this is how their family treats your traditions, how you feel blending cultures is going in your relationship, etc.Things change. An area of your relationship can be going great one month and struggle the next. Make sure you are always reevaluating together.
Make a list
I know this one might sound silly, but it's not. Make a list of things that are important in both of your cultures. Then you can think about how to make those things present in your lives.We currently don't live by my husband's family. Our kids don't get to see all of the Indian customs and traditions on a daily basis. Knowing what my husband wants his kids to know and follow based on his culture helps us find ways to intentionally incorporate it into our daily lives.Blending cultures is beautiful because it's bringing two people together and finding the best of both.