Do You Feel Like One Culture Is Taking Over In Your Interracial Relationship
Can You Prevent A Dominant Culture From Taking Over In An Intercultural Relationship?
My husband and I don't have your typical American marriage, nor are we a typical American family.
We're a blend of two cultures, four half Indian and half Caucasian boys and a little girl. There isn't a guidebook on how to have an interracial relationship. Instead, we've had loved ones around us who have given us advice as we go. One thing we've always said we wanted was a blend of both of our cultures.
Obviously, this is way easier said than done!
We've had to be intentional to make sure Indian culture is present in our lives.
We've lived a minimum of thirty hours from most of my husband's family. We'd do our best to see them for holidays, but that's only a few times a year. Knowing it was important to both of us, we made intentional decisions every day. We made sure to set aside money every paycheck to afford plane tickets, made Indian food frequently, taught our children to eat with their hands, taught Indian family values, and my husband and I tried to communicate to make sure we both felt our cultures were being represented in our family.
We realized that in order for our kids to truly be raised with a blend of American and Indian family values and traditions, we would need to live closer to my husband's side of the family. This meant a big step for me to move away from my side of the family.
After initially moving further away from my family, I found myself scared scared my culture would somehow be forgotten.
We'd always been so intentional about Indian culture in our family. We've never had to be intentional about American culture because we live in the US. Our kids were around American culture daily. However, we're constantly teaching our children about Indian traditions and my husband's family traditions. Now we have to be intentional about teaching our children my family traditions.
It's easy to let a dominant culture represent your family.
The dominant culture in the beginning of our marriage was Western culture. We live in the States so it was natural. Then we did a full swing to the other side. When we tried to blend cultures, it was always bringing Indian culture in more.
So, what can we do? What can we do to make sure our family is represented by two cultures?
My husband and I are learning that we need to make decisions as a family. We are constantly being faced with the trivial fork in the road. We're presented with a situation and Western culture says to respond one way, along with our Western friends. Then we have the choice to respond the way Indian culture and our Indian loved ones tell us to respond.
Each culture says their way is best along with the pressure that if you don't follow your culture, you're somehow betraying someone.
Our cultures have helped us become who we are today. It's also shaped the decisions we make on a daily basis. This has caused my husband and I to get into many disagreements because we've allowed our culture to pull us apart at times.
What can we do? How can we let our two different cultures be a blessing and not something that tears us apart?
We can let our cultures influence us and then come together and make a decision that's best for us. Don't let it be about which culture you will listen to. All you can do is take it one decision at a time and make it together.
Have you ever been faced with a decision where both of your cultures tell you to respond in a different way? How did you decide?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cR46EVt-Xw
Creating Healthy Boundaries In An Interracial Relationship
How To Create Healthy Boundaries In An Interracial Relationship
As a little girl, I used to sit at the coffee table with my mom. We would be there for what felt like was hours just coloring pictures. I remember looking at her and thinking what an amazing artist she was, being able to color in the lines so well and draw pieces of candy.It seems so little now. The fact that my mom could draw a piece of candy so well. As a child, I just remember staring at her pictures in pure awe. I loved the fact that she would take her crayon and trace the lines of the picture first. Then she would color inside the lines lightly.It was perfect.She knew how to perfectly stay within the lines, the right amount of pressure to use, and what colors went well together.
It makes me smile, thinking back to that little memory.
It brought me so much joy as a little kid sitting with my mom and coloring for hours. Now, I realize what a beautiful lesson she taught me through coloring at the coffee table with her. She showed me how amazing a picture could be if you color inside the lines and clearly identify where the boundaries are.Sure, I may not be a killer artist or be creating glamorous pieces of art, but I am using this lesson every day.
She taught me what it means to make boundaries.
Boundaries aren't always easy. In fact, creating boundaries can be freaking hard, am I right? Have you ever been in a situation where you need to create a firm boundary within a relationship or friendship and found yourself scared?It's not easy to draw lines in the sand. However, it creates something beautiful.Creating boundaries within our relationships helps us work towards a healthy relationship.
As we experience life as an interracial couple, we quickly start to realize how important boundaries are.
Situations come up, and we have to learn how to safeguard ourselves, making sure we allow things in our lives that are good for us.We may be facing a decision on whether or not to let our in-laws move in with us.We may be trying to decide which family members to move next to.We may be looking at how much we will let in our family members.We may be deciding how we let people talk to us.Whatever the reason is, we need these healthy boundaries.
These boundaries hold us accountable to make sure we have a healthy relationship or are working towards one. They help us individually and as an interracial couple.
Individually, we know where our lines in the sand are, and we are able to actually stick to them. Or at least do our very best. As an interracial couple, we can hold each other accountable to these boundaries.
Boundaries are hard to stick to.
We will have times where we feel too weak, or the pressure will get to us. These boundaries aren't created to make us live in a legalistic lifestyle. They're designed to show us guidelines and try to keep us within healthy limits. They're meant to encourage us and motivate us to always work towards healthy relationships with ourselves and with our partners.What is a healthy boundary you need to make today?
How Do I Introduce My Family To My Husband/Boyfriend's Culture?
How do i introduce my family to my boyfriend's culture
________
Dear Almost Indian Wife. I've been seeing my boyfriend for a little over two years. We just got engaged! I can't wait to marry this man , but one things is scaring me. I came into this relationship knowing I would have to learn about a brand new culture. Now that we're getting married, I've realized my family has to as well. He's not just marrying me, he's marrying my family. His family is coming to town for our engagement party and the nalugu. Our families are going to meet for the first time. I'm so scared my family is going to say the wrong thing or not embrace the culture. Please help! What do I do?
________
Introducing My Family To My Spouse's Culture
How Do I Introduce My Family To My Boyfriend or Husband's Culture?
When my husband and I were dating, things felt easy. It wasn't so much about blending cultures as it was getting to know each other. My boyfriend (now husband) would come over to my parent's house all the time. They loved him and it didn't feel difficult for them to embrace him.I did notice a shift when we got engaged. My family was still over the moon about my relationship, BUT we officially got introduced to blending cultures. It wasn't about getting to know each other any more. Now, it was about introducing everyone to blending cultures.We decided to have a fusion wedding.This meant, both sides of our family had to get a heavy duty dose of what it meant to be in an interracial relationship.Why is the ceremony so long?Why are you getting a necklace with a string dipped in turmeric?Why are all the Indians LATE?What kind of music is this?Why are your bridesmaids wearing American dresses?Both sides of our families had SO MANY questions. It was hard to blend cultures and make everyone happy. I felt a lot of pressure on my shoulders to teach my family about East Indian culture and I know my husband did as well.Looking back at this almost 11 years later, my husband and I have learned a few things. We've learned how to introduce our family to new traditions and a new way of doing things. Let's be honest, it's not always easy. In fact, it's been difficult. However, it's worth it!Here are few things my husband and I have learned about introducing your family to a new culture.
Open Dialogue
One of the most important things you need to do is create open dialogue between everyone. Both sides of the family need to know they can come to you and your fiancé with any questions they may have. Your families are going to be curious. They need to feel comfortable asking you about things they see or want to know more about. The more they talk with you the more comfortable they'll all feel.
Give Them Grace
Remember how new this is for everyone. Even though you two may have been together for a while, this is the first time your families have to encounter what it's like to blend cultures. When you first get together with your partner, you're focused on how you will blend cultures.When you get into a long term relationship with someone, all of your families will encounter situations where blending cultures is necessary. Be sure to give them grace as they figure out how to do it. There's going to be a situation where someone unintentionally says the wrong thing. That's ok. It usually happens because they don't realize what they're saying is wrong. Give each other a lot of grace.
Prepare Both Sides Of The Family
Before everyone get's together you need to have a little sit down. You can sit down with your family and let him sit down with his. If your families are comfortable with both of you, do it as a couple. Then talk about a few cultural traditions they're going to see when everyone gets together. Remember, even if it's become normal for you, it's not for them.
Remember You Have Time
None of this has to get figured out overnight. It's going to take time for your families to feel comfortable with each other and a new culture. Let it happen naturally so they can develop a good relationship with each other. It's easier if your families live close to each other, but that's not always the case. One problem that can arise is putting too much pressure on your families during the short amount of times they're together. Give it time.
How To Put Your Own Multicultural Stamp On Thanksgiving
How To Put Your Own Multicultural Stamp On Thanksgiving
I’ve always wondered why I love fall so much. Everything about it gets me so excited, and the same thing started happening for my kids. The more I think about it, I realize fall is the beginning of the holiday season. The second those leaves start changing and the weather cools down, you start to enter into the holiday season. We kick it off with Halloween and go straight into Thanksgiving and Christmas.The holidays look different for all of us, but it typically means family gets together from all around the world, we eat until our heart's desire, and countless family traditions.As a multiracial family, we also blend family traditions. There are so many ways our holiday traditions are unique, and we love finding ways to bring them all into our own growing family. Which means our Christmas and Thanksgiving don’t look the same as a lot of yours. I love that! I love that we can all put our own stamp on the holidays.What do the holidays look like in your family?
Here is a typical Thanksgiving in our family.
It’s all about the food!
What does a typical Thanksgiving meal look like for you? It’s probably turkey and mashed potatoes with some green bean casserole on the side… My mouth is already watering!If we visit my in-laws for the holidays, my mother-in-law makes her famous lemon pepper turkey, my uncle makes the creamiest mashed potatoes you’ve ever had, and all the cousins get together to make delicious sides and desserts! I’m not gonna lie; all of that makes me crave a typical American Thanksgiving meal, but it typically doesn’t show up for our Thanksgiving at home.If we stay home for the holidays, our Thanksgiving feast tends to be mostly Indian food. My husband is not a huge fan of traditional American Thanksgiving food. Not to mention, we are all completely obsessed with Indian food. Over the years, a tradition has formed. Now, when we are home for the holidays, my husband will spend hours preparing and making lamb biryani. Seriously, so amazing and worth every minute, he puts into it. I will whip up a few other things to go with it. We usually have eggplant curry and raita.Don’t worry, I didn’t forget the dessert. Even though we end up with an Indian feast, the kids and I still make our favorite pies. Last year we made a chocolate pie, pumpkin pie, and an apple crisp. There may only be five of us currently, but you can’t ever have enough pie. Like, for real... It's not even possible!
(Lamb Biryani Recipe)
We go around the table and share what we're thankful for.
This is one of the family traditions that both mine and my husband's families do every year. We were more than happy to carry on the same tradition with our kids.Before we eat or after, we all go around and ask everyone what they’re thankful for that year. It’s so fun to hear the kids reminisce over there year and hear how they were blessed. It’s also just as funny when the four-year-old says he’s just thankful for the food, and that’s it!
All the games we can fit in.
Usually, during Thanksgiving day, everyone is busy in the kitchen or watching football. And our family, we have both of those things, and we fit in as many games as we possibly can. Our family is seriously obsessed with board games and card games. I don’t think we could ever get enough of them. We will play games as the entire family and sneak in a few rounds of Settlers of Catan while the kids go outside and play basketball.
(Favorite family games amazon list)
Sometimes we get really brave and adding some new traditions for the first time.
It’s typically something we heard a friend of ours does each year or even have found on Pinterest. Sometimes they work out incredibly well, and we talk about doing it again and other times… Well, let’s just say it ends up a big fail.For example, one year, we decided to go and do a 5k On Thanksgiving day. I love all of you out there who can do that and then come home and still have a blast in today. My husband and I, on the other hand, end up stupid tired and end up skipping Thanksgiving entirely. Let’s just say we’ve decided in the future to only do 5k’s before or after the holidaysWhat do the holidays look like in your family?
How have you and your significant other been able to blend family traditions to put your own stamp on the holidays?
What To Expect The First Year Of An Interracial Marriage
I don’t think I ever could have anticipated all of the things that came out of my first year of my interracial marriage. I was so focused on getting through the wedding week itself, that I didn’t truly think through what was coming after.My husband and I were blessed and able to travel to the Bahamas for our honeymoon. The whole week was just a reprieve from the wedding. If you have planned a wedding you know just how crazy it is. There is so much that goes into a wedding that afterward your brain is literally fried. Thankfully I was crazy Young and my mother-in-law helped with more than I ever could’ve asked for during the wedding. In fact, I think she needed the biggest break of all afterward!Once we got back from the honeymoon, we were greeted with a house full of wedding gifts. We had just moved into our little apartment and for the very first time start living together. We were trying to figure out how to blend both of our tastes into one little apartment. Well, let’s be honest… We were trying to figure out how to afford anything to fit into our tiny little apartment!Everyone says the first year of marriage is hard. It’s no secret; they have movies about it, songs about it, and so much more. We get it. Marriage is tough work.Add in two completely different cultures, and you have a whole bunch of chaos on your hands.What can you expect your first year in an interracial marriage?Culture clash Dash I thought I did so much research before I got married. I wanted to learn everything there was about Indian culture. I asked my in-laws, my new family members, and my husband. Not to mention watch as many Bollywood movies I could fit into my day! However, nothing can truly prepare you for diving into another culture. There are so many moments throughout my first year of marriage that I collided with Indian culture and realized I had no clue what I was doing.
[Check out these culture clash stories!]
The best thing you can do to prepare for this is realizing from the get-go you don’t know what you’re doing. You can plan and research The hell out of it, but at the end of the day, you (in the words of my six-year-old son) are a noob.Don’t put the pressure on yourself to know it all because you never well. Let yourself make mistakes and remember it’s OK. The best thing you can do is to have grace for your spouse and for your spouse let yourself make mistakes and remember it’s OK. The best thing you can do is to have grace for your spouse and for your spouse to have grace for you in the situations. Always talk them through even if it’s uncomfortable.
Expectations of my interracial marriage:
I never realized just how different expectations can be in relationships. I just assumed they would be the same. Now, you’re probably laughing at me realizing just how crazy that is. They even go over this in pre-marriage counseling. Apparently I was distracted that day.Whether you and your spouse are from different cultures or simply different families, there will be different expectations. Whether it’s who cooks the meals, who takes out the trash, how to make the bed, or where someone’s freaking dirty socks go… Everyone has learned a different expectation, and getting married means you have to relearn expectations of each other.You can’t simply expect that someone is going to adopt your expectations because you’re To something. If that was the case, my husband would already love casseroles, drink iced coffee every day, put his dirty socks in the hamper, and do whatever I say. None of those things have happened. If that was the case, my husband would already love casseroles, drink iced coffee every day, put his dirty socks in the hamper, and do whatever I say. None of those things have happened in our ten years of marriage.
Family dynamic:
Everyone has a different family dynamic. I grew up with a single mom and then a mother and father once my mom got remarried. My husband grew up with parents who had had an arranged marriage. Needless to say, we grew up in extremely different families.Luckily for us, both of our families are incredibly close. This helped us a lot when we first got together because we were used to families who are very involved in our lives. This is not always the case in an interracial marriage.You may be used to a distant family like yours, and then marry into a family that comes over all the time. This could be extremely overwhelming when you’re still trying to figure out what your marriage is going to look like. Or you could be on the other end of the spectrum. You could’ve grown up with extremely close family and marry into a family that gives each other a lot of space.As you walk into this new family, you have to figure out how you best fit within their dynamic. You need to be aware of their cultural expectations and figure out what you were comfortable with. This took me years to figure out and same with my husband. It takes a lot of balancing in communication with your new family.
Becoming overwhelmed:
I don’t know about you, but change is not always easy for me. Sometimes it takes me a quick minute to get used to so many things in my life. The first year of an interracial marriage can be tricky. You may be moving overseas, you may be moving in with your in-laws, or you may just be experiencing all the new things that come with your first year of marriage. Either way that’s a whole lot of new things.You may even have times where your inner child comes out, and you want to go to your parents for dinner just to feel comfortable for a minute. That’s OK. It takes time to establish new routines and a new dynamic. You didn’t just get married; you created a brand new family with your spouse. That takes time to become comfortable.
Communication:
Did you grow up in a family of yeller‘s? Or did you grow up in a family full of passive aggressive people? Being in a relationship means you have to work on your communication constantly! You may have started to figure this out while you were dating, but nothing ramps it up like getting married.I found out I grew up in a family full of passive aggressive yeller‘s. Something makes us mad and that parentheses king parentheses temper comes right out at me. The crazy person in me wants my husband to yell right back with me. He won’t! How rude is that?!He waits for me to be done like a sane person and then talks to me. I just don’t get it. Even ten years later, this still bugs me.As you work on your communication with your spouse, you will start to figure out how to talk through tough topics like cultural expectations, balance, family, and so many more things that come up throughout your marriage.How was your first year of marriage? Did you experience some of the same things that my husband and I experienced here? Or were things much different for you? Share your experiences in the comments or tag me on Instagram. I can’t wait to hear your story!
Our Multiethnic Family's Christmas Bucket List
Since I was a little girl, Christmas has been my favorite holiday. The freshly fallen snow, cinnamon ornaments on the tree, Christmas music to drown out the Christmas Story movie, and snowmen all bring me to a very happy place. It reminds me of growing up and spending holidays with my family in Washington. I don't know what it is, but it just makes everything better.Now that my kids are getting older, they're beginning to get the Christmas fever like momma! They can't wait until we pull all the decorations out of storage and get our tree. They run around trying to find their favorite ornaments before their brothers so they can be the ones to put them up on the tree.My husband and I sit back and let them go wild. It doesn't matter that all of the ornaments are on one side of the tree and clustered together on the bottom. The look on their faces when they step back and admire their work makes our lopsided tree look like a magical piece of art.
And...
If we're going, to be honest with each other, I put up the breakable ornaments as soon as they go to bed.My husband used to be a Grinch during the holidays. He ner4 understood why his wife became an eggnog drunk crazy person during December. He just sat back and watched.Not anymore!!!Something happened to him after we had kids. Our Christmas craze somehow rubbed off on him. Now, he's the one begging us to get our tree the day after Thanksgiving! I happily oblige and carefully convince him we need more decorations each year.
Every year around Christmas, our house looks like an elf puked Christmas cheer all over, and it couldn't make me happier.
The more our family has gotten into the holiday spirit, the more we try to cram in. We make a bit list of all the things we want to do and see how many we can check off our list.
Here is our Christmas Bucket List this year!
Watch Christmas Movies.
I don't think anything beats a good Christmas movie with a glass of hot cocoa. My boys and I live for it!This year we want to watch the classics like Santa Clause, The Polar Express, The Christmas Story, Snow Day, and so many more! We search through all the new holiday movies on Netflix and watch them all!Then we get distracted and start watching Bollywood family movies. I know they aren't usually Christmas themed, but come on... They're amazing! My oldest son is now old enough to watch them and read the English subtitles. Needless to say, I'm about to have a Bollywood movie marathon with him!
AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT.
Our Elf On The Shelf lives wherever I can discretely throw him. The end. My boys still think he's the best thing in the world. I secretly hope my kids lose interest in the eld so I can toss him, but I'm pretty sure they'll keep it going until they're old enough to dangle him from precarious spots on their own.IN FACT...
This should be the new family tradition! Hide the Elf from the parents.
Who's with me?!
Convince my husband to put up Christmas lights.
As many of you know, hanging up Christmas lights is a huge task. My husband will buy us a tree, help us decorate inside, and even watch a few Christmas movies, but Christmas lights...He put them up two years ago, and it took him all weekend. Then during the move to North Carolina, we left all 3 BOXES of lights in Chicago. Since then the simple mention of Christmas lights brings an odd twitch to his eye.This year I plan on convincing, bribing, tricking, or even threatening to get said lights up on the house.Wish me luck.
Get a Christmas tree... CHECK
Pull the Christmas decorations out of storage and let the kids help set them up... Three broken ornaments and a wrestling match over the candy cane decorations... CHECK
Make jello salad.
Ok, this is probably the one Christmas tradition that is mine and mine alone. Growing up my family would make a yummy jello salad every year. It is amazing!When I was pregnant with Luke a few years ago, I made four jello salads in a two-week span. Don't judge. I'd blame the baby, but I probably would have done it anyway.The bad thing is my husband and ALL THREE OF MY BOYS hate it! They beg me not to make it and I just scoff. Like they could keep me from jello salad!
Go and look at Christmas lights with the kids.
My husband and I like to look up a fun neighborhood nearby and then we take the kids, with hot cocoa in hand, to check them out. We' have found neighborhoods that do fun Disney themes, have lights to "dance" around to music, and then the super-rich elaborately decorated houses.So fun!
Put together the kid's Christmas Eve box.
This is hands down, my favorite tradition every year. My grandma started this with my mom and aunts years ago. Every Christmas eve, we would open up a box with Christmas jammies! It was the only gift we could open before Christmas and then we'd all get into them and watch Christmas movies.Over the years, my hubby and I have tweaked it a bit. Now we add in slippers, a Christmas movie, and holiday-themed treats to go with the movie. I even put one together for Joel and I!
Start the Elf On The Shelf Shenanigan
The only thing I dread during the holidays is the f*&^*&^ Elf On The Shelf. My boys NEVER let us forget him. I always forget until I get the kids up for school and end up crazily running around trying to find a new spot for him to hide.Every year, I see the Pinterest parents putting together elaborate scenes with their eld, and I just laugh.
Somehow find a killer non-dairy, white hot chocolate cocoa recipe.
Hot cocoa is one of the biggest Christmas staples, but it brings up a bit of a problem in our house. My oldest and I are allergic to chocolate and recently discovered we can't have dairy.I refuse to give up hot cocoa, so I'm on the hunt for a non-dairy, white hot cocoa!If you know of one, please let me know!
Whip up a fusion feast fit for our multiethnic family!
Food is a big part of the holidays. Everyone is always thinking up what to make, pulling out family recipes, and eating way more than you thought possible.Our little family does the same thing, but with a twist. We make a BIG dinner on Christmas Eve! We make roast chicken, veggies, mashed potatoes... Oh yeah! We also make up Indian food to go with it! We make mine and my husband's childhood favorites! This year, we're even going to try our hand at biryani!
What are your family's holiday traditions?
How To Make KILLER Indian Food At Home
It's no secret to many of you that my poor husband had to deal with some pretty horrible meals when we first got married. We were young and I had no clue what I was doing. Sure, he could have picked up the slack and made up for my bad dinners, but he was a worse cook than I was!He could hardly boil water let alone teach me how to make an authentic Indian dish!It's one of the curses of getting married young. The positive part of it was that we ended up having to learn how to do it together! Almost ten years later and we've definitely made some progress. A few years ago, we hosted our own Thanksgiving where my husband made the most delicious turkey I've ever tasted!!!!! We've even started a new tradition where we have our friends over for authentic Indian feasts! Guess who the cook is...? ME!I never could have imaged my husband and I learning how to cook, let alone loving it! Ladies, do you know how hot it is when your husband makes your family a home-cooked meal?!One of our favorite things to cook together is Indian food. It took us quite a while to get the hang of it, but we did it! We got sick of trying out new Indian food restaurants only to find out they were a waste of time. Joel was dying to get some good, authentic Indian food in his life and my new found obsession demanded it!
Check out the tips we learned to make killer Indian food at home!
Always rinse your rice!
I don't know about you, but I had no idea you were supposed to rinse rice! Am I alone on this one? You're supposed to rinse the rice until the water is clear. It helps remove some of the extra starch from the rice and it ends up tasting much better!
Be patient.
Good food takes time. You can't try to rush it all along to fit your schedule or to quiet the hungry kids in your kitchen. You need to put the rush work in beforehand by prepping your ingredients and then let your food cook slowly. Let the spices blend together, and your dish simmer to perfection. While your hungry family may be getting on your last nerve, they'll more than forgive you when they taste the delicious dinner!
Don't skimp on spices.
What do you think one of the biggest misconceptions about Indian food is? Everyone always thinks it's all too spicy. Then they end up skimping on the spices only to find a bland dish.I promise you'll always regret skimping. Instead, add in what the recipe calls for and slowly add in the chili powder. Making it less spicy is one thing, but taking out other spices in fear of what it could be is only going to make you wish you spent the time going through drive-through instead.
Learn a thing or two from family recipes.
We ended up learning most of our cooking skills from our family! Joel's family taught us how to make a curry base, how to roast fresh spices, and how to temper our sauce so it didn't curdle.Don't rely on yourself to figure out all the cooking tricks. Instead, ask people that have been doing it for much longer than yourself. We learned tips and tricks that had been passed down through generations!
Always use fresh ingredients when possible.
A simple mistake when cutting costs is to buy cheap spices or packaged products. Do everything you can to use fresh ingredients when possible. You will definitely taste the difference. You can also buy fresh ingredients in bulk and then freeze them until you need them.It helps you cut costs without losing out on taste.What tips and tricks have you learned while cooking? Did you have someone in your life that taught you or did you figure it out on your own?Are you ready to try out a few recipes on your own? Check out my favorite Indian dishes below!
Episode 4: Embrace The Chaos
Join us for our first episode in our new series... Coffee and Chai!
Along with our interviews, Joel and I thought it would be fun to start a series where we just chat! We're going to answer your questions, show you a little glimpse into our lives, and maybe even let you know how crazy we are!Get yourself a cup of coffee or chai and join us this week as we talk about what it looks like to raise three boys under seven years old.
Products and links we mentioned:
Paul Tripp Parenting Bookhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JdcLE2NGCo
Challenge:
Embrace the chaos in your life!
Episode 2: Becky's Global Journey
The Almost Indian Family | Episode 2: Becky's Global Journey
Today, we're chatting with Becky from Kid World Citizen. She is a Spanish teacher turned world traveler with her multiethnic family. She and her family travel the world, learning about new cultures. She also helps teachers and parents who want to teach their own families about the world around them.Becky's love for the world comes across the entire episode as she shares how her family has been able to blend four cultures into one unique family. She jokes that her family has been called the United Nations family and I can definitely see why! She's answering your questions on adoption and world travel, sharing a glimpse into their big move to Mexico, and all the funny stories in between.Challenge: Make a family calendar with all of the cultural traditions that your family wants to do throughout the year. Don't forget to tag #TheAlmostIndianFamily as you take on the challenge! Becky and I can't wait to see what traditions your family chooses!
Follow Becky along on her journey by heading over to her blog and social media channels.
Blog/ Facebook/ Twitter/ Instagram
Links Mentioned:
Three Reasons You Should Love Your Mother In Law
3 Reasons You Should Love Your Mother In Law
Oh, mother in laws.You know who they are. You fall in love with a man. Realize he’s the one. Then you meet his mother. You’re terrified because you know you have to impress her. You know you'll officially be in each other's lives forever and it needs to go well.Then you enter into a relationship full of ups and downs, bickering, laughter, and love. It’s easy to blame your mother in law for so many things, but that will change one day.I was recently at my friend's wedding and I melted during the mother-son dance. All I could think about was the fact that one day, I will have to give away three of my baby boys. Then we'll be transitioning into a new dynamic. It won’t just be my husband, little boys, and I anymore.
This is the first time I’ve thought about blending families from this perspective.
Now, I’m wondering who has it worse: the mother or daughter in law. The daughter in law is coming into a new family and has to navigate her way through a relationship with her mother in law. The mother in law has to step back and watch a new woman come into her baby boy’s life. Her relationship with her son changes and she has to navigate her way through both relationships.It’s easy to look at this stage in life and blame the mother in law for everything that goes sideways. That all changes the moment you look into your little boy’s eyes and he asks you if you will marry you one day.
Then you realize you will be the mother in law one day.
After my little three year old proposed to me, I had to explain to him he will fall in love with a girl one day and marry her. Do you know what he told me? He said I love you, mama, can I marry you?Yes. Yes, you can.Here are a few reasons you should remember how great your mother in law is...
She raised the man you fell in love with.
This woman raised the man you love. She taught him his first words, how to read, how to boil a pan of water, how to speak to women, and how to be a respectful man.
She handled all of the difficult years so you could reap the benefits.
She dealt with the endless teething nights, temper tantrum toddlerhood, and rebellious teenager years. Her consistency and hard work paved the way so you could have the sweet and gentle man he is today.
She trained him to treat you like a queen.
It’s because of her that he treats you so well. She taught him how to treat women by being a good example. He loved her and she taught him how to show her love by respecting her, loving her, and taking care of her.This woman is the reason you have this man you love. Take a second to realize how blessed you are to have your mother in law. You wouldn’t be where you are without her.
Share one story about you and your mother in law!
Life Lessons Interracial Couples Can Learn From Fairy Tales
Life Lessons Interracial Couples Can Learn From Fairy Tales
As a little girl, I was obsessed with Fairy Tales. I loved watching couples fall in love on my Disney movies and watching their stories unfold. You'd think it would have changed as I got older, but I've only become more obsessed!I love watching fairy tales with my kids. If you watch them closely, you can even find valuable life lessons in their storylines. Lessons that we could use in our own marriages!
Cinderella
Cinderella grew up in a family that didn't love or respect her. They constantly dug in and tried to make her life terrible. If I were Cinderella, my first reaction would have been to be nasty right back. She didn't do that. She rose above it all and loved on them regardless.As interracial couples, we aren't always embraced by a family that fully accepts our relationship. Instead, we can be faced with family members that won't accept you. They may even be like Cinderella's family and tear you down. If we can learn one thing from Cinderella, it's to never stop loving them. Acceptance doesn't come easily for everyone and that's okay.You and your partner are together because you love each other. It will either take your family time to accept that or maybe they never will. Either way, you have the choice to rise above. You don't have to be hateful to them as well. Do your best to let it roll off your shoulders and love them with your actions.I'm not saying let them take advantage of you. At the end of the day, you aren't responsible for how they act. You're responsible for your own response. If you feed into the hate by giving it right back, it becomes an endless cycle. What if your loving response could actually lead to a good relationship with them in time? Sometimes the strongest way to fight against hate is by responding in love.
The Little Mermaid
As an interracial couple, you are constantly faced with new things. Those new things span from new food to new situations. Frankly, it can be terrifying. I grew up in a family where things stayed the same most of the time. We ate the same things, weren't too adventurous, and I was comfortable. Then I got married and was constantly pushed out of my comfort zone. I rarely knew what kind of meat I was eating or what to do in these new situations.If we were to take a few notes from The Little Mermaid, we would realize that it's usually worth it. It may be scary, but it can also be life-changing. She moved to a new world and rarely knew what she was doing. She didn't let that stop her! She tried everything, had an open mind, and it all changed her life.How can The Little Mermaid challenge you to be more adventurous? Are you the woman living in a new world (maybe a new country) or are you in an interracial relationship trying to embrace a new culture? Either way, you can open your mind and watch how it all changes your life!
Frozen
One of my favorite fairy tales is Frozen. I love the story of two sisters who love each other. The problem is Elsa loves her sister so much that she tries to protect her by hiding who she is. Yes, her parents prompted this decision, but after they passed away, she hid.Their story taught me how important it is to open up and trust special people in your life. When they finally trusted each other, they were able to do anything. As interracial couples, we tend to try and do it all ourselves. We think we know everything. Then we end up drowning in our own problems.Interracial relationships bring about so many unique challenges. Sometimes, you just need someone on the outside to give a new perspective. My husband and I have surrounded ourselves with older and younger interracial couples. I love having people in my life that have been through similar things as myself.If I actually allow myself to open up and trust them I can hear the advice and wisdom they have to offer. It may even end up saving me from a lot of struggle and hard seasons!
Head over to the comments and name one fairy tale that has taught you a valuable lesson.
Whole 30 With A South Asian Flair
One thing I’ve learned from Indian culture is the importance of Indian food. It’s the center of everything. If you go to an event, you already know they’re going to feed you. Not just feed you, but stuff you full of delicious food.Maybe it’s one of the reasons I keep getting pregnant. I have the perfect excuse to let them load up my plate until their hearts are content.It’s given me a new love for food. I love making food for people in my life and seeing that look on their face when it’s turned out perfectly.Or when my husband say’s I make the best chicken wings in the world (sorry Aunt Ca)!It’s become a passion to find and create new tasty recipes. My husband even joins in the fun and has a few new signature dishes our whole family begs for.
Our family loves food.
My four year old has even developed his own little passion for it. He tells us every day that he’s going to become a chef and needs to help us cook for practice.This year I promised him he could start helping me cook more. I want to encourage his passion for cooking and I love the quality time it gives us.However, there is a little problem. This year I also promised myself I would help my family to become healthier together. I promised we would make better food choices and find ways to make delicious healthy food.
My husband is convinced there is no such thing as delicious healthy food!
This is exactly why I was excited when my aunt told me about a 60 Day Challenge our gym was about to have.It’s a challenge to lose weight and get healthy together with a team. In the beginning, you detox your body of all the toxins and unhealthy foods by doing a Whole 30 diet. Then you start to add back in certain foods to see what your body can handle and can’t. It helps you find the perfect foods and diet to continue with after the program. It’s not meant to be a quick fix but a lifestyle change.So… How can this work for a family who loves food? How can we all fulfill our passion for making delicious food all while beginning a new healthy lifestyle?
Sounds like another challenge doesn’t it!?
The good thing is my husband and I like a good challenge. Our program starts February 10th and we have the next two months to show ourselves and all of you that healthy food can be good!What about the kids? You may be thinking the hardest ones to get on board would be the kids, but they love healthy food. They would eat salads and Brussel sprouts all day long if they could.The hard one to convince was my hubby! All you need to do is glance at our plates to see the difference. I pile my plate up with veggies and he gets two or three pieces. Just enough to show the kids he ate it. My plate, on the other hand, is all veggies and a bit of protein.He heard about the program and was skeptical until I said they chose a winner at the end who made the biggest transformation and they could win $1000.Done deal.My husband may be scared of healthy food, but he loves competitions. It’s the best motivator he could find to jump start our healthy lifestyle.Now comes the hard part. I have to show my family how good healthy food really can be!I hope you guys will have fun following us along on our family’s journey. We will give you updates each week to let you see how we do.
Here’s a look at what the first two weeks will look like for us.
Our kids will only be doing part of the Whole 30 with us. My plan for them is to get rid of the junk food, but they’ll still eat bread, beans, and some dairy. I mainly want them to try and fill up on meat and veggies rather than all the fillers.For the first two weeks, Joel and I will eliminate dairy, grains (hubby is still crying over no rice), alcohol, legumes, added sugar, processed food, and any other junk food.Our diets will stick to this schedule as much as we can —> protein shake, snack, salad, snack, high protein meal.We will also be working out 5-6 days a week and then having a day to give our bodies a break. Our gym has some fun classes so we will most likely do those each day. I work better with classes rather than on my own because it’s easier to keep up with other people than figure it out on my own.So far, I’ve been doing yoga and a cycle class. Joel even did yoga with me! He kept giving me “the look” for the first 20 minutes thinking I tricked him into a girl’s class. Then he started sweating and realizing how intense yoga is!Only a few more days until we start and I’m excited to see how it all goes! Keep an eye out for yummy recipes and updates!
Our Favorite Bollywood Movies This Month!
One of my favorite things to do when I visit my husband’s family is sit down with his aunts and mom to watch Bollywood movies. They’ve introduced me to so many over the years and lately my husband and I have been watching them more at home.I love watching them together as a family because my husband and I both enjoy them and it’s a great opportunity to learn more about Indian culture and even the language.Netflix has been a goldmine for Bollywood movies! We have found family friends movies and movies perfect for after they go to bed.Here are a few of the movies my husband and I are obsessed with this month!
Maacher Jhol
Basically, imagine the Indian Gordan Ramsey! This movie follows the life of a chef who gets called back home to Kolkata after his mom gets sick. As the story unfolds you find out it’s been nearly 13 years since he’s been there and he finds out what he left behind. This movie is set apart from your typical Bollywood movie because it reveals an interracial love story!
Kahaani
If you like thriller movies that keep you guessing, this is your movie. It follows a pregnant woman who travels to India to find her missing husband. Only when she gets there nothing is as it seems no one knows who or where her husband is.
Mubarakan
This was my favorite movies this month. It has everything I love… Singing, dancing, and a romance story! Two twins cause chaos everywhere they go as they try to hide their relationships from their family who tries to arrange their marriages to other girls. They throw each other under the bus to save their own skin and it’s hilarious!
Asoka
A modern-day Romeo and Juliet. This epic movie follows the life of Prince Ashoka who falls in love. After crazy circumstances, he ends up a ruthless warrior and you get to see his journey back to himself. All while he practically conquers India! This is a great movie for couples because it’s full of action and romance.
Prem Ratan Dan Payo
A prince is days before his coronation and someone tries to kill him. His family keeps it a secret while he recovers and lets a stranger who looks just like him replace him. His future bride notices the difference because her stern fiance is now a fun a playful man. This movie is full of lighthearted moments, action, and a beautiful romance!
What are your favorite Bollywood movies this month?
How Interracial Couples Can Find The Perfect Balance
How Interracial Couples Find The Perfect balance
Over the last ten years, I've been learning about Indian culture, experiencing it, and have slowly seen how it's become a part of who I am.I don't even realize how much Indian culture has spilled into my identity until other people spend out with our multiracial family. Then I have to explain little things like why we eat Indian food with our hands, call family members by unique names, let people speak into our kid's lives, have so many people living with us, or even clothes our kids wear to special events.I love it.My husband and I have started our own little family and I love seeing what we have made together. Our little life has become so much richer than I ever would have expected to be possible.We're happy. We've found a balance that works for us and strive to get better at it every year.
Balance.
It means something different in every family. While we have learned a balance that works for us in this season, we also know that it changes as we grow. Life happens and our circumstances change which means our balance has to change with it.We find our balance by talking to each other and finding out what we both need in our relationship. I'll give you a little hint. Finding a good balance means knowing when to say yes and when to say no.Sometimes we think it's wrong to say no, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Saying no means you know what you need and are willing to draw a line in the sand when need be.My husband and I figure out our balance by finding out what we both need. It's not always hard to figure that out. Sometimes it comes easy and natural to make the right choice.Other times you actually have to step out of your comfort zone and experience something before you make the decision. Whether it's a food concoction you could never have imagined trying or letting someone hand feed you... It's okay to try something new even if you feel a little uncomfortable at the beginning.
However, what do you do when you've either tried something or you've decided to put your foot down and say no?
If you're anything like me you may start comparing yourself to other couples out there. Then you start questioning everything.Am I embracing my husband's culture if I don't carry on all of his traditions?Will people think I don't care about his culture?This is typically the point in the process when my mind starts to go down about a dozen rabbit trails and I get lost in my head. I've always struggled with people pleasing and will even start to question myself if I think people may judge my decision.
Well, today I say something and even remind myself about something I've said many times before...
Decisions made in your relationship are between you and your partner. The balance you find needs to work for you and doesn't have to work for everyone else.There's no way to make everyone happy. You can't carry on every single tradition and that's okay. You get to pick and choose the ones that are best for you as a family.The most important thing you can do is talk as a couple. Walk through each decision together and talk about it. Your partner is a great person to talk to because they can tell if you're saying no because you're scared and nervous to step out of your comfort zone or if it's what you truly want.This is why I call myself the "Almost" Indian Wife. I'm not Indian. I don't have to carry on every single thing Indian culture tells me to. Same goes for you. Take all of that pressure off of your shoulder and have fun. Have fun figuring out what you'll carry on in your own family.At the end of the day the decision you make as a couple is perfect for your family. Whether you want to say yes or no to living in a joint family, shaving your kid's hair on the first birthday, or any other tradition... it's okay. Do what works for you and your partner.
Find the balance that works best for you.
One Piece Of Advice That's Kept My Interracial Marriage Strong
I was sitting down with my husband last night, listening to him play his guitar. All I could think about is how I used to watch him play almost ten years ago. I was only two years out of high school and barely knew what I was doing in life, but one thing I did know was how much I was starting to love this man of mine.The last ten years has been a whirlwind for my husband and I. We were both so young when we got married and now we have three boys, we've moved half a dozen times across the US, and the grey hairs have begun.I remind my kids every day that every grey hair on my head is because of them. They just laugh and go back to their wild antics.It's interesting to look back at the two kids we were when we got together. We had no idea about all the experiences life would throw our way.If there's one lesson we've learned through it all, it would definitely be how important it is to be a team.
We're a team. My husband and I are an unbreakable team.
Sure, there are days we don't always like each other all that well, but I love him with all of my heart. We've gotten each other through some tough times, health scares with the kids, and uprooted our family a few times.Not to mention walking through uncharted territory when it comes to blending cultures in our little family. There have been so many times where we find ourselves at odds on what's expected of us from a new culture, how to blend cultures into a new unique culture, and how to step out of our comfort zones to try new things.I'll be the first to say that it's hard.Life is hard.Interracial marriages are hard and require a lot of work.However, I would never dream up a different life for myself. I love my husband, his culture, the culture we have cultivated for our own family, and every piece of our unconventional life.The way we get through it is by standing by each other through it all. When we go into uncharted territories, I know my husband is there by my side to help me navigate the waters. I can lean on him and he can lean on me.Before anything else, we're a team.
Being a strong team helps guide us in our decisions every day.
When we are trying to figure out what to do, we look to see what's best for us as a family first and ask ourselves very specific questions. Is this going to help us grow as a family? Is this healthy for our family?As an interracial couple, we often find ourselves looking for any guidance on what to do. There are countless decisions to make every day for our relationship and families. By asking these questions before you take on step forward, it helps you know what to do or at least what direction you should start going in.
Being A Team Builds A Strong Foundation.
Relationships need to sit on a firm foundation so you can face any storm that comes your way. You need to know you can trust each other and depend on each other throughout it all.Interracial couples constantly walk into new and maybe even uncomfortable situations. You can even start to feel like an outsider when stepping into your partner's culture. If you walk into those moments as a team, you instantly feel more at ease. You know your partner is there to walk you through it and to help you figure it all out.My challenge to all of you is find out how you and your partner can be a better team this year. What can you do to make sure you are there for them throughout every situation and experience. Open up and tell them how they can be there for you. Then take the leap together and step out of your comfort zones.
Marriage Brings Out The Crazy In All Of Us
Rewind About 8 Years
When my husband and I got married, we both realized how important to learn more about Indian culture together. I wanted to soak it all in because I wanted it to truly be a part of our marriage.I was so concerned about learning those new traditions and customs that I didn't realize how odd some of my family's may seem to him. That was until this happened...
Introducing My Husband To My Childhood
We had been married for about a month when I decided to share a special meal with him. I grew up eating tuna noodle casserole and loved it! The tender egg noodles, moist tuna, and the crunch of the crackers on top makes my mouth water. (I even craved it while I was pregnant about two years later!) My husband, on the other hand, was used to spicy and very rich dishes. Casseroles... not so much.I went to the store after work and grabbed all of the ingredients. My husband was still in school getting his bachelor's degree at the time and I knew he would be home late for dinner. I had plenty of time to put together a good meal. After preparing it, I put the dish in the oven.I anxiously watched the clock because I couldn't wait for my husband to get home. I was so excited to share this with him! He walked in the front door a few moments later and I watched him excitedly. If I walked home to the smell of this delicious meal I would race to the dinner table, eager to devour every last bite.He took in a deep breath and a confused smile started to emerge.Umm. Babe, what are you cooking?I got a little giddy, told him to go sit down for dinner, and he would see. I dished up two large helpings and brought it to the table. I was ready and waiting for the sounds of...Oh, wow!This is amazing!
Then The Unexpected Happened
Instead, I got...It's good.Now, if our husbands are the same, you know what this actually means. It's code for...Dear, God. Please, don't make this again!Why he chooses to fib every time he doesn't like a meal I'll never know.Yelling at him, while explaining I spent a lot of time making that and then giving his dinner to the dog is a natural reaction when he doesn't love every one of my meals. Right?My husband has quickly learned to enjoy all of my meals with a big smile on his face. Even after I badger him to tell me what he thinks, he will lovingly say he loves it.So, maybe I wasn't the most mature when we first got married or maybe marriage just brings out the crazy side inside all of us. I only fed his dinner to the dog one more time... but it really wasn't my fault. He dared me and if my momma taught me anything it's never chicken out on a dare! Okay, I don't think that was my mom, but hey!
I Never Would Have Expected To Learn This From My Interracial Relationship
There's nothing like getting into a relationship that causes you to lay it all out on the table. Things you may have tried to keep to yourself before just don't matter anymore. They're with you and they either need to live with it or..This means your once oh-so-tidy partner may let you in on the well-known secret that they're a slob.. Or maybe you're the slob.The adventurous person you spent many wild nights may slowly become content with an evening at home watching Netflix with you.It all just changes.You become comfortable with each other and you let your walls down.What about interracial couples?We talk a lot about how they like to make everything a little trickier, more adventurous, and overall throw a curveball right at you!Being in an interracial relationship means you won't only find out about your partner, but you learn a lot about yourself too.
A Few Things Being In An Interracial Relationship Teaches You
You have no clue what you're doing.
I'd love to say you figure everything out after a few years, but I don't think it's ever the case. Experience teaches you a lot, but interracial relationships have a little curveball of their own.As you start to figure something out, you enter into a new phase of your relationship. You go from learning how to behave in your spouse's culture and then you have kids and the dynamics all change.Don't stress about it and give yourself a break. Take it day by day and use everything you've learned as you move forward.
Distance means nothing when you're in love.
I used to think there was no way a long distance relationship would work. Then I married a man who ended up having a traveling job. It definitely made things more difficult, but we loved each other. We figured out a way to make it work the best we could.It's that crazy thing about love. It makes you fight hard for what you have, regardless of how hard it may be. You do it because you know it's worth it.
How possible it is to fall in love with another culture.
I grew up in a very white community. Everyone at school was pretty much white and there wasn't a lot of diversity where we lived. Then I somehow met the man of my dreams and he just so happened to be East Indian.Quickly I learned how easy it was to fall in love with Indian culture. We've started a family and integrated it into our own family culture the best we could. I love learning new things about Indian culture and how comfortable in it as well.
You get beyond excited every time you see a new celebrity interracial couple get together!
When you see another interracial couple in public, you tend to get excited. It means another person has joined your little club and you may even find yourself looking for them in public!Seeing a celebrity interracial couple is huge! You cross your fingers and hope they'll be the ones to make it because it starts to normalize multiracial families on a big scale! Hopefully, it bridges its way to the big screen too!
You start to appreciate your culture more
The more you learn about your spouse's culture, the more you start to love your own. I grew up loving my family and who I was, but it changed when I started learning about Indian culture.I had a big desire to learn more about my heritage and even find out where my family came from. I want to be able to tell my kids all about the special things both of our cultures have to offer. Even on a personal level, I just want to know more about who I am!
Just how differently two people can grow up.
My husband and I have so many things in common. We're both the oldest siblings in our families, we're secretly homebodies, and we're obsessed with food. However, there are a lot of differences as well.One of the biggest differences is how we grew up. It starts with how we celebrated birthdays all the way to what we call our relatives. I love it though. Our differences help us to challenge each other to see things differently, to push the other one to be better and brings a lot of excitement into our relationship.
What have you learned from your interracial relationship?
Interracial Couples: What To Expect When Visiting Your In-Laws
One of the scariest things in a new relationship is the day you meet your future in-laws. It's intimidating and downright unnerving. You want to make the best impression possible, but so many thoughts start running through your mind.You know how important it is for it to go well because you truly love your partner. They've changed your world and you want to fit nicely into theirs.Meeting your in-laws is typically more unnerving for interracial couples as well because you're trying to learn a new set of cultural expectations on top of everything else.I've shared my experience with you guys before.As you can all see in my experience, one thing that can make the night a bit more difficult is when you don't know what to expect. Indian culture was completely new to me. I was trying to navigate through it all while preparing for a huge step in my relationship.Not to mention, teaching someone about Indian culture was new to my husband. Growing up, he had shared experiences and food with his friends, but he usually let his family fill them in on what to do during. When we got together, I had all kinds of questions for him. I wanted to know the whats as well as all the whys behind everything that went on.It was the only way I knew to throw myself into his culture so I could take part in as many things as I could. I didn't just want to know about Indian culture, I wanted to experience it.Whether you're about to meet your in-laws for the first time over the holidays or you're still getting to know them, there are a few things you should know.
Respect, Respect, Respect
Indian families tend to be more traditional than some Western families. You should talk to your partner beforehand and ask him how to show his/her family respect. While in your family it may mean telling them to feel at home, it means bringing your in-laws a cup of tea in Indian families.Cultural expectations look different when it comes to respect so your best bet is to communicate with your partner and go above and beyond what you see as respect. As you get to know them, you'll start to learn what respect looks like in their family.
Offer To Help
It doesn't if you're at your home or someone else, always offer to help. You can offer to help cook the meal, clean up dishes afterward, or offer to get someone a glass of water at any point. It's a small thing that goes a very long way.
Don't Use First Names
First names are a no-no with anyone older than you. Ask your partner what you should call them. In most Telugu families you will call everyone aunty and uncle. It's a general sign of respect and is about the same and Mrs. and Mr.Don't be like me and call your mother in law by her first name... Oops!
Hand Feeding
Hand feeding is very common in Indian families. Most Indian food is eaten with your hands. So during meal time, you won't see utensils unless they're trying to be nice to you.You will probably even see elders hand feed loved ones younger than them. They may do it to offer a taste to someone or do it to simply feed someone. It's not just with kids either. It's a gesture of love and very special thing among Indian family members.
Bring A Gift
If you're going to someone else's house, always bring a gift. It doesn't have to be big. It can be a festive candle, box of chocolates, or just about anything. It will score you major points with your in-laws and shows them that you're grateful to be asked into their home.
Take Off Your Shoes
Always take off your shoes when you step into someone's home. You will probably notice a stack of shoes by the door. Always look for them to see if it's expected at someone's home before you walk in. If you don't see it, you can simply ask.
No PDA
Public displays of affection are a big no when it comes to most traditional Indian families. This means you shouldn't be snuggling up to or kissing your partner while around their family. Holding hands is the line and you may even want to run that by your loved one.
5 Reasons Your In-Laws Are All Up In Your Business
During your relationship, you may start to notice just how involved your in-laws or future in-laws become. You may not have come from a family who is overly involved in each other's lives so it's a new concept for you.You try to be polite and smile but in the back of your mind, you're wondering when it's going to stop. You even convince yourself...My in-laws will back off a bit when we get married...One day, they'll give us a bit more room to breathe.When they see I'm here for good, they'll relax.Then the happy and joyous day comes.. You get married and you tell yourself, you're free. Now, it's all going to calm down and you can finally be a private couple. You don't have to worry about the overly involved in-laws and how it's just you two.The days start to roll by, then weeks, and maybe months.You sit down and think #&$&. It didn't stop. Now, you're married into it and have a glimpse into a future of living with critical and bossy relatives.Before you hide under your blankets and start yelling, think about something with me. Let's take a deeper look into the situation and find out whey they're like this.What causes them to jump into your business every time?What makes them feel like they can share advice for every single fight you have?
# 5 Reasons Your In-Laws Are All In Your Business
They Care About You
At the end of the day, they like you. Okay, they may be starting to like you, but they like your partner. They want you guys to be happy together and they may even be worried you still need them.As a mom, it's your mother in law's job to take care of her kid. Now you and her kid are together, starting your own family. She's trying to figure out what she can do for you as a couple and how she can make you two to be happy and successful.
They Want You To Make The Best Decisions
They may worry you still don't know exactly what you're doing. I often look at my kids, wondering how they'll ever survive without me! Even though you're both adults, the thoughts still cross their minds.They worry you'll make the wrong decision so they jump in and "gently shove" you towards what they believe is the right choice.
Letting Go Is Harder Than You Think
Your in-laws were responsible for your partner for over a decade. They were there for every snotty nose, coughing spell, late night, doctor visit, and tough choices. Now, they're expected to sit back while life happens all around their kid.They probably know they should sit back and let you guys make your own choices, but it's not as easy as you think.
Family Expectations Are Different
This is where things really get crazy. In your family, starting your own family may mean everyone else steps back. However, it may not be the same in your spouse's family. In many families outside of the US, getting married doesn't mean parents are now out of the equation.It means you've been added into their equation. Now instead of a couple living their lives on their own, you're a family doing things together.
They Want A Special Place In Your Lives
Beyond the cultural differences you may be facing, in-laws just want to know they have a special place in your lives. They may jump in every time they think you need them just to remind you how vital they are.It's scary when things change.Starting your own family means their place in your life transitions and they're trying to figure it out with you.
One Thing You Can Do...
Give your in-laws a bit of a break. Try to see it from their positions. It's not easy when life and roles change.However, for the couple that's been going through this for YEARS... Try to create an open dialogue with your in-laws. Find areas in your life they are needed or could help you with.Let them know they are needed and have a special place in your lives. It helps them to feel validated and also helps to strengthen your relationship with them. They don't want to feel like you're always trying to get rid of them. They do notice.Help then find out where they belong in your new family.
Interracial Couples: My In-Laws Won't Accept Me
Do you remember the first few months of your relationship? It was exciting!Everything was new.You were just getting to know your partner and all the feelings you were experiencing for each other were new. You spent all of your time together because you wanted to get to know what made them tick. You wanted to know what it was about them that was making you fall so hard.As your relationship progressed, it changed from living in your own little world together, to branching out. Now, it was time to meet his friends, his loved ones, and of course... his parents.You wanted nothing more than for them to love you because deep down you knew your relationship would last. However, your fears started to make their way to the surface. You started to wonder what they would think about you.Would they love you?
Would they accept you into their family?
We've all experienced this part differently. Some of you have been welcomed in happily and with open arms. Sadly some of you have experienced something much different, much more painful.Instead of feeling completely loved by your new family, you may have faced a harsh reality of being unaccepted. You spent your time worrying about the impression you would make, but they wouldn't even let you get there.They wouldn't give you a chance.What do you do if your new in-laws won't even give you an opportunity to make a bad impression?I've talked to many couples who are facing this situation. Some of them are facing in-laws who won't even talk to them, some partners won't even introduce them because they "know" what their parents will say, some face hostility at every family get together, and sadly they all hurt.
Every one of these situations makes someone feel inadequate.
If this is you, you know the feeling very well. You started off your relationship feeling madly in love and now you wonder if you're enough.Are you enough for him and his family?Should you keep trying?Should you let the relationship go and stop trying?You may think you know exactly what you would do, but you never know. The world tells you to fight for love, to stand up against all odds to hold onto it.Sadly, insecurities are painful. It's not as easy as ignoring it or letting it roll off. If this is you, I have one thing to tell you.You are enough.You are more than enough and love is worth fighting for.Some people get stuck completely stuck in old ideas. They think a relationship has to be between two people who look and behave the same. As a woman who's in an interracial relationship I know, that's not true.
Love comes in all shapes and sizes.
Don't stop fighting. As a couple, you need to hold onto each other for strength and keep walking forward. Don't let someone else tell you who you should love.Your in-laws have a choice. They can accept you for who you are and how happy you've made their child or they can choose to not be a part of your life. It's on them. You can't change them or make them think anything they don't want to and that's okay.You are making a difference. You're showing other interracial couples out there that it's worth the fight. The Loving's taught all of us what that fight can accomplish.We have an opportunity to fight fiercely for change so our kids have more opportunities than we did.Be the change you hope to see in the world. Don't give up.