What To Expect The First Year Of An Interracial Marriage
I don’t think I ever could have anticipated all of the things that came out of my first year of my interracial marriage. I was so focused on getting through the wedding week itself, that I didn’t truly think through what was coming after.My husband and I were blessed and able to travel to the Bahamas for our honeymoon. The whole week was just a reprieve from the wedding. If you have planned a wedding you know just how crazy it is. There is so much that goes into a wedding that afterward your brain is literally fried. Thankfully I was crazy Young and my mother-in-law helped with more than I ever could’ve asked for during the wedding. In fact, I think she needed the biggest break of all afterward!Once we got back from the honeymoon, we were greeted with a house full of wedding gifts. We had just moved into our little apartment and for the very first time start living together. We were trying to figure out how to blend both of our tastes into one little apartment. Well, let’s be honest… We were trying to figure out how to afford anything to fit into our tiny little apartment!Everyone says the first year of marriage is hard. It’s no secret; they have movies about it, songs about it, and so much more. We get it. Marriage is tough work.Add in two completely different cultures, and you have a whole bunch of chaos on your hands.What can you expect your first year in an interracial marriage?Culture clash Dash I thought I did so much research before I got married. I wanted to learn everything there was about Indian culture. I asked my in-laws, my new family members, and my husband. Not to mention watch as many Bollywood movies I could fit into my day! However, nothing can truly prepare you for diving into another culture. There are so many moments throughout my first year of marriage that I collided with Indian culture and realized I had no clue what I was doing.
[Check out these culture clash stories!]
The best thing you can do to prepare for this is realizing from the get-go you don’t know what you’re doing. You can plan and research The hell out of it, but at the end of the day, you (in the words of my six-year-old son) are a noob.Don’t put the pressure on yourself to know it all because you never well. Let yourself make mistakes and remember it’s OK. The best thing you can do is to have grace for your spouse and for your spouse let yourself make mistakes and remember it’s OK. The best thing you can do is to have grace for your spouse and for your spouse to have grace for you in the situations. Always talk them through even if it’s uncomfortable.
Expectations of my interracial marriage:
I never realized just how different expectations can be in relationships. I just assumed they would be the same. Now, you’re probably laughing at me realizing just how crazy that is. They even go over this in pre-marriage counseling. Apparently I was distracted that day.Whether you and your spouse are from different cultures or simply different families, there will be different expectations. Whether it’s who cooks the meals, who takes out the trash, how to make the bed, or where someone’s freaking dirty socks go… Everyone has learned a different expectation, and getting married means you have to relearn expectations of each other.You can’t simply expect that someone is going to adopt your expectations because you’re To something. If that was the case, my husband would already love casseroles, drink iced coffee every day, put his dirty socks in the hamper, and do whatever I say. None of those things have happened. If that was the case, my husband would already love casseroles, drink iced coffee every day, put his dirty socks in the hamper, and do whatever I say. None of those things have happened in our ten years of marriage.
Family dynamic:
Everyone has a different family dynamic. I grew up with a single mom and then a mother and father once my mom got remarried. My husband grew up with parents who had had an arranged marriage. Needless to say, we grew up in extremely different families.Luckily for us, both of our families are incredibly close. This helped us a lot when we first got together because we were used to families who are very involved in our lives. This is not always the case in an interracial marriage.You may be used to a distant family like yours, and then marry into a family that comes over all the time. This could be extremely overwhelming when you’re still trying to figure out what your marriage is going to look like. Or you could be on the other end of the spectrum. You could’ve grown up with extremely close family and marry into a family that gives each other a lot of space.As you walk into this new family, you have to figure out how you best fit within their dynamic. You need to be aware of their cultural expectations and figure out what you were comfortable with. This took me years to figure out and same with my husband. It takes a lot of balancing in communication with your new family.
Becoming overwhelmed:
I don’t know about you, but change is not always easy for me. Sometimes it takes me a quick minute to get used to so many things in my life. The first year of an interracial marriage can be tricky. You may be moving overseas, you may be moving in with your in-laws, or you may just be experiencing all the new things that come with your first year of marriage. Either way that’s a whole lot of new things.You may even have times where your inner child comes out, and you want to go to your parents for dinner just to feel comfortable for a minute. That’s OK. It takes time to establish new routines and a new dynamic. You didn’t just get married; you created a brand new family with your spouse. That takes time to become comfortable.
Communication:
Did you grow up in a family of yeller‘s? Or did you grow up in a family full of passive aggressive people? Being in a relationship means you have to work on your communication constantly! You may have started to figure this out while you were dating, but nothing ramps it up like getting married.I found out I grew up in a family full of passive aggressive yeller‘s. Something makes us mad and that parentheses king parentheses temper comes right out at me. The crazy person in me wants my husband to yell right back with me. He won’t! How rude is that?!He waits for me to be done like a sane person and then talks to me. I just don’t get it. Even ten years later, this still bugs me.As you work on your communication with your spouse, you will start to figure out how to talk through tough topics like cultural expectations, balance, family, and so many more things that come up throughout your marriage.How was your first year of marriage? Did you experience some of the same things that my husband and I experienced here? Or were things much different for you? Share your experiences in the comments or tag me on Instagram. I can’t wait to hear your story!