Do You Feel Like One Culture Is Taking Over In Your Interracial Relationship

Can You Prevent A Dominant Culture From Taking Over In An Intercultural Relationship?

My husband and I don't have your typical American marriage, nor are we a typical American family.

We're a blend of two cultures, four half Indian and half Caucasian boys and a little girl. There isn't a guidebook on how to have an interracial relationship. Instead, we've had loved ones around us who have given us advice as we go. One thing we've always said we wanted was a blend of both of our cultures.

Obviously, this is way easier said than done!

We've had to be intentional to make sure Indian culture is present in our lives.

We've lived a minimum of thirty hours from most of my husband's family. We'd do our best to see them for holidays, but that's only a few times a year. Knowing it was important to both of us, we made intentional decisions every day. We made sure to set aside money every paycheck to afford plane tickets, made Indian food frequently, taught our children to eat with their hands, taught Indian family values, and my husband and I tried to communicate to make sure we both felt our cultures were being represented in our family.

We realized that in order for our kids to truly be raised with a blend of American and Indian family values and traditions, we would need to live closer to my husband's side of the family. This meant a big step for me to move away from my side of the family.

After initially moving further away from my family, I found myself scared scared my culture would somehow be forgotten.

We'd always been so intentional about Indian culture in our family. We've never had to be intentional about American culture because we live in the US. Our kids were around American culture daily. However, we're constantly teaching our children about Indian traditions and my husband's family traditions. Now we have to be intentional about teaching our children my family traditions.

It's easy to let a dominant culture represent your family.

The dominant culture in the beginning of our marriage was Western culture. We live in the States so it was natural. Then we did a full swing to the other side. When we tried to blend cultures, it was always bringing Indian culture in more.

So, what can we do? What can we do to make sure our family is represented by two cultures?

My husband and I are learning that we need to make decisions as a family. We are constantly being faced with the trivial fork in the road. We're presented with a situation and Western culture says to respond one way, along with our Western friends. Then we have the choice to respond the way Indian culture and our Indian loved ones tell us to respond.

Each culture says their way is best along with the pressure that if you don't follow your culture, you're somehow betraying someone.

Our cultures have helped us become who we are today. It's also shaped the decisions we make on a daily basis. This has caused my husband and I to get into many disagreements because we've allowed our culture to pull us apart at times.

What can we do? How can we let our two different cultures be a blessing and not something that tears us apart?

We can let our cultures influence us and then come together and make a decision that's best for us. Don't let it be about which culture you will listen to. All you can do is take it one decision at a time and make it together.

Have you ever been faced with a decision where both of your cultures tell you to respond in a different way? How did you decide?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cR46EVt-Xw

Joint Families

If you've followed my blog for very long, you probably know my husband travels for work. His work schedule is chaotic. He has extremely busy seasons and then quiet seasons. (Check out his blog to hear how he balances traveling for work and a family). When he's gone, the kids and I keep ourselves very busy. Before you start thinking I plan out my days with super fun, structured activities... remember I have three boys under four. Most days you will find me chasing after them, picking up swords, trying to explain to them why they can't ride our dog like a dragon, and trying to convince my middle child to keep his clothes on. It's naturally jam packed. Luckily, I don't have to do it alone. I haven't had to for most of my kid's lives. We've usually had my brother in law, father in law, or one of my family members close by to help. While everyone understands how great it is to have some extra help with the kids, some people thought it was strange we invited family members to live with us at different times. It has never been a strange concept to me. I grew up with my aunts and mom living with my grandparents off and on and I've seen the roommate dynamic a lot. The more I talked to my American friends, I realized it wasn't common for them. They thought it was strange that we would live with family after we got married. Why not? We had just purchased a big house and had the space. Why not fill it up with family. My aunt has always been the same way. Her house is constantly open for her family to come and stay. In fact I can't remember a time in the last four years that only her family lived in her house. The more I researched it and thought about it, I realized my friends were the exception. Joint families are extremely common right now. What is a joint family you may be thinking... A joint family is where parents and their kids live with additional family members such as siblings, grandparents, and in laws. A joint family dynamic is different than a typical family dynamic. Joint families function as a single unit. The oldest couple is typically in charge, unless they let the couple younger than they take the authority. For example grandparents allowing their oldest child and spouse. Everyone in the family contributes financially and around the house. They combine their money and use it for the family. When I thought about this, I figured the US wouldn't have very many joint families. Wow. I was wrong. In 2003, there were 79 million joint families. This is one thing that Americans have in common with other countries. Joint families are becoming more common around the world every day. Children in joint families tend to feel very secure and confidant in who they are. They have family members all around them encouraging them and helping to raise them. They usually don't have the same financial strains smaller families do. This is because joint families tend to have multiple family members working and contributing to the finances. I don't think there's anyway to say which type of family is better, joint family or nuclear family, but I will say I've learned how great joint families are. 

Have you ever seen a joint family? Did the family work well together?

Did you like this post? If so click here!