Culture Clash Wednesdays #14 "Stop Yelling At Me!"
I sent out a little survey last year and it turns out "Culture Clash Wednesdays" is a big favorite for you guys. I was so happy to hear this because I love sharing these amazing and awkward moments with all of you. If you’re new to the series, "Culture Clash Wednesdays" is a time to share moments where cultures collide or don’t quite blend well together. Culture can mean anything from the way you eat your food to ideas you have about parenting.
I have to tell you all something...
This week I want to share something a little personal with you guys. In order to share this story with you, I need to share a little something about myself. I am a yeller. I grew up in a family with strong and vocal women. It was and is a wide known fact, you don’t want to mess with King Women. I’ll admit, I took some pride in this.
I didn’t quite realized what a yeller I could be until I had kids. Now, I’m not saying I scream at my kids, but to say that we all could be told use our inside voices all day long would be correct. Instead of walking upstairs to tell my kids something, I'll yell from the kitchen. Instead of calmly telling my kids to put away their ridiculous legos I just stepped on, I yell to put them away.
This definitely comes into play when my husband and I argue. I start to raise my voice and he does the worst thing you could ever do… He remains perfectly calm and talks to me rationally… See!? Horrible!
Ok. A rational person may look at that and say, he’s doing the right thing. He should never raise his voice. However, the irrational angry person in me says he should yell so I don’t feel so bad! I figure if he yells, we will both feel silly later and it won’t end in me feeling silly over yelling over him leaving his socks on the ground. For the millionth time...
This year, I realized I really do want to work on my yelling. It’s not something I like to do, it’s just the response I tend to go with. I think it also has to deal with I live in a house full of loud and noisy kids. I’ve met so many moms that struggle with the same thing.
The more I get to know those moms, I start to see a common theme. Most of them, including myself, reflect the household they grew up in. If we yell, their was usually someone or a group of people that taught us to. I know I've already taught my kid to yell. They see mommy yelling and they think it’s a proper response and start to do it themselves.
In the moment, I’m furious my husband won’t come down to my level and yell. However, I’m so glad this is one of those things we have “clashed” over because he helps the kids and I to challenge ourselves.
This is another reason I love the “Culture Clash Wednesdays” series. Sometimes the culture clash moments are awkward and other times they help us to see something differently. They can challenge us in realizing things don’t have to be a certain way. We don’t have to do something just because we grew up doing it.
While I grew up with strong women, that doesn’t mean yelling is ok. I can still be strong without raising my voice. I don’t want my kids to see me yelling and think they can do it. It’s a cycle that will continue until someone chooses to break it. This year we are challenging each other to yell less.