"Mommy, Why Don't I Look Like You?"
While you’re pregnant, so many things go through your head. You think about the little baby growing in your belly, what kind of parent you will be, if newborn exhaustion is really as bad as they say… You want to prepare for everything and be the best parent you can be. As a mother in a multiracial family, there are other thoughts that may go through your head. You wonder if your child will identify with one race over the other, how you will blend cultures, how you can help your child be proud of their culture…
Preparing for these things is one thing, but experiencing it is something entirely different. I recently saw a mother talking on Facebook about a question her daughter asked her. She was at a loss because she didn’t know what to say.
“Mommy, why don’t I look like you?”
The moment no mom can truly be ready for. The moment your child looks at you and realizes, you don’t match. There’s something different about the two of you. Whether or not you’ve talked about it before, there will be the moment when your child realizes. It’s inevitable. There’s nothing you can do to prevent it.
Your child is beginning to question the world around them and wants to know how they fit. When your child asks you this question you need to be ready to answer. Don’t put it off because you’re worried or uncomfortable.
Here are a few things to think about when raising biracial kids.
1. Remind your child even though you may look different on the outside, you are still the same one the inside.
Kids understand race at different levels throughout their childhood. Musing Momma does a great way of explaining this in one of her posts, “I’m The Only Brown One.” At first kids merely see the difference of appearance. They start to question why it’s different than people around them. From that point on, children start to look deeper.
Maybe they...
realize they are a minority in their neighborhood or their own family.
realize they look like daddy and not mommy.
As their parent, it is your job to reassure them. Let them know how beautiful they are and that you love them for who they are.
2. Make sure diversity is present in their lives.
Children need to see diversity throughout their lives. They need to see it in their books, movies, and even their play groups. This is easier said than done at times. Especially, if you live in an area without racial diversity. However, you can still show them what a diverse world they live in.
Expose them to new things they didn’t know about the world. You can cook dishes from different countries, read books that have a diverse group of characters, buy dolls and action heroes of color, and so much more. Their lives at home should reflect the diversity you want them to see in the world.
Show your child that being different isn’t bad. In fact it’s those differences that make us who we are.
3. Realize your children will have different experiences than your own.
As a parent of a biracial child, you need to understand their childhood will look different than your own. Whether you are biracial or not, they will have to figure it out for themselves. As they start to discover their identity, they will explore both cultures. They will have to learn how to blend them in their own life and figure out how they will identify themselves.
As a parent, it is your responsibility to prepare them as much as you can. Keep communication open so they feel comfortable coming to you. As different things come up, you can help them walk through it.