The Danger In Teaching Your Children Independence
As a mom, I've always been a big supporter of my kids gaining their independence. I assumed all moms would feel the same way. The more they can do on their own, the easier it is on me! Right? Nope. I've actually gotten a lot of people challenging me on this mindset.
My Fiercely Independent Child
My kids are used to my husband and I encouraging them to be independent. We praise them as they learn new skills and are always looking for opportunities to teach them how to do things on their own. Now, this doesn't mean we're telling them they can walk to the store by themselves at two and four, but we do think they can learn to put their own dirty dishes in the sink. My oldest son, Liam prides himself on his independence. He never wants help doing anything he thinks he could do on his own. If he doesn't know how, he asks you to teach him so he can do it the next time. While we were visiting my husband's family a year or so ago, we encountered a little situation. An auntie was trying to hand feed Liam. Now, hand feeding is done with adults and kids. It by no means says anything about you being a child or incapable of being able to do it on your own. It's a sign of endearment from someone. That's definitely not how he saw it. He tried to tell the auntie he could do it himself, but she lovingly insisted. He relented and took the food. The next day, he ran to me crying. I asked him what was wrong and his response was eye opening. Everyone is treating me like a baby and I'm not a baby! I'm big!I gave him a big mama bear hug and had to explain that people love him so much, they like to help him.
The Danger In Teaching Children Independence
I realized something in that moment. I realized that while I was teaching my kids independence, I forgot to teach them humility. The moment Liam came to me crying was an opportunity to teach him that even though he is big and can do so many things, it doesn't mean he always has to. He has to let people help him sometimes. Whether it's because he is indeed to small to do something, someone wants to help him because they love him, or just because they moment requires someone else to do something. Now, we still encourage our kids to be independent. I still think it's a valuable skill to teach them, but we also teach them that just because they can do something on their own doesn't always mean they need to. It's a balancing act for them to learn.My son still tries to convince me he is big and that he knows how to do it all, but he's starting to see how good it can make people feel to help him sometimes. I love his fiercely independent spirit! I don't think it will ever be natural for him to have people help him, but the fact that he is trying is good enough for me. 