Does It Make My Son Racist To Notice Different Skin Colors?

"Mom, look! He's black like daddy!"

This was what my 4 year old decided to yell as we walked through Target. The funny thing was that the man he was referring to looked at him and smiled, but a lady walking behind us was the one that gave Levi a double take. She wasn't mad necessarily, but you could tell it made her uncomfortable.My son is very visual, like most kids his age. When he retells me some of his adventures from the day, he tends to refer to children and adults by skin color. It's the descriptive words that his brain instantly recognizes."Can you get the black boys phone number so he can come and play?"In his mind, he's just describing his new friend like he would with any other adjectives.I've struggled over this one a bit. Everyone has such different opinions on what's acceptable, but at the end of the day, I had to make a decision for my kids.When my son was talking to me about his friend from the park, I responded by modeling different descriptors."Oh yeah, the kid with the orange shirt? He was really nice!"I don't correct him for using skin color as his descriptor, but I provide him with others as well. As a biracial child, I think it's important for him to realize we are who we are because of so many things. Our skin color doesn't define who we are, but it's one of many pieces of our identity.

Should We Raise Our Kids To Be Colorblind?

Another approach to this would be to raise our kids with a color blind mentality. It basically means you teach your kids not to see skin color.As a multiracial family, I can't see how that's healthy. My kids are being raised in two different cultures. Those cultures have influenced so many things about our family's identity and our daily decisions. If we were to teach our kids to stop seeing color, I feel like we'd be telling them to stop letting their Indian/American culture influence who they are.I've had people tell me I focus too much on my kid's culture rather than teaching them to simply be kids. I do it because I want my kids to be raised with a global mindset. If we're only teaching them about one culture we're ignoring all of the other amazing lessons they can learn from different cultures around the world.We currently attend a multiracial church and our pastor is always talking about being color blessed instead of color blind. I love it because it encourages us to embrace what makes us unique rather than ignore it.I want my kids to see the differences we all have so they also understand the unique part we all have to play in our diverse world.

 The Real Problem

At the end of the day, the problem isn't kids using colors to describe people around them. The problem is when we make negative and hurtful statements about people based on the color of their skin.We are raising our children in a society that still struggles with racism and prejudice. As far as we've come from the days of Martin Luther Kind Jr. and the Lovings, we still have a ways to go.It's because of this that race becomes an uncomfortable conversation. People would rather be colorblind than talk about something that makes them feel awkward. In reality, I think a lot of parents are scared of saying the wrong thing.I've been there too! It's one thing to talk about race in the comfort of your own home, but it's a different story when it happens in public. You don't want to offend anyone, but you don't want them that talking about different races makes you feel weird.I've just started to break the uncomfortable barrier by asking questions. If I'm not sure what to say, I'll ask friends around me. By asking the question, they know you want to be respectful and you'll even learn a few things!I want my kids to do the same thing. I encourage them to learn more about people and to feel comfortable noticing what makes us all unique.