Marriage Advice
This year, I sat around the Christmas tree with my growing family and looked back on the last five years. Joel and I have had three children, moved hundreds of miles away from a place we once called home, got a new job, made new friends, had our ups and downs, and we’ve learned so much together. Relationships are hard work and completely worth it. Intercultural relationships brings about their own little challenges. Most of the time you have no idea what you’re doing. I’ve learned so much and love being able to share two rich cultures with my children.
I love being able to share what I have learned in the last five years with all of you! I’ve received many emails asking for advice in different areas of intercultural relationships. The biggest piece of advice I’ve given is to give grace and keep an open mind.
You and your partner have grown up in two different families. You may have grown up in similar families or completely different. Either way your families are still different and you both have different expectations on how things should go.
You need to have grace for yourself and your partner. Joel and I have learned so many things by completely messing it up. We’ve said the wrong things, hurt each others feelings, and done things wrong. Afterwards you have a choice on how to respond. We could have said hey you don’t deserve my forgiveness and you better figure out how to make this better. Instead we gave each other grace; forgave and loved each other regardless of what they deserved based on their actions.
There’s no rule book on how to have an intercultural relationship. Sometimes you have to figure it out as you go which means you won’t always make the right choices.
You also need to keep an open mind. You both have family traditions that have value to you. They can be as simple as when to open Christmas presents, using canning jars as drinking glasses, or raising children. Regardless of the tradition, you need to be open to trying new things. That doesn’t mean letting go of your traditions, but it does mean remembering the value of your partners. Joel and I have both made silly comments about a tradition and hurt feelings.
When Joel and I got married we decided to start our own family. This means blending cultures, traditions, and our lives. The only way for this to happen is to give each other a lot of grace and to keep an open mind.