How Do I Blend Cultures When I Have No Idea What I'm Doing?
It doesn’t matter how old we are, how many kids we have, or how many years of marriage are under our belts… we all hit the same realization eventually… "I have no idea what I’m doing."I’ve thought this...during fights with my husband... while correcting my children... while looking at my messy house... while driving with screaming kids in the car... after I burn dinner for the second time... when my kids ask me earth shattering questions about life... and especially when my husband and I try to figure out how to blend cultures in our family. It’s a normal feeling to have. We’ve all had it and will have it in the future. Instead of feeling defeated, we need to realize none of us know what we’re doing. All we can do is take it one day and one step at a time.
How Do I Blend Cultures When I Have No Idea What I’m Doing?
Talk. You and your spouse need to do a whole lot of talking. The more you talk about blending cultures, the more it’s on your mind, and the more intentional you’ll be. You may not know how to blend cultures in the moment, but that's okay!You can talk after a situation comes up and discuss how you could have blended better.Often times, we look back at situations and feel defeated because we see a missed opportunity. In reality, it was a teaching opportunity for your family. You can talk about it together and discuss what you could do next time or you and your spouse make a plan for next time.
The Worst Thing You Can Do When Blending Cultures...
Keeping your thoughts to yourself. It’s incredibly important in any relationship to keep the lines of communication open. You need to talk about how you feel, your opinions, and what you want to see in your family.Communication will help you blend cultures because you’ll know what’s important to each other and how you can make sure those things are present in your family and relationship.
None Of Us Know What We’re Doing
At the end of the day, none of us really know what we’re doing. We’re all figuring it out just like you. The only way any of us learns is by walking through life and sometimes through failing. After we fail, we can learn from it. The most important thing to keep in mind is how you respond. If you have no clue what you’re doing ask for advice, follow your gut, and give yourself a break.There isn’t a book out there that can tell us what to do every step of the way, so we’re all just doing the best we can. Guess what… You’re going to enjoy blending cultures way more if you just let it all go. It’s going to happen. You’re going to figure it out.
5 Steps For An Intercultural Relationship
5 Steps For YOUR Intercultural Relationship
Get To Know Each Other
If you want to figure out how to blend cultures and start your family together, you need to know each other. Take time to get to know who you're together with. I don't just mean their favorite color and what they like to watch on tv.You need to understand their culture. Their culture has shaped who they are and the decisions they'll instinctively make. Ask them questions about how they grew up, what they value from their culture, what they've struggled with in their culture, etc. All of this will help you to understand each other.
Develop A Family Culture
Now, it's time to develop a family culture. When you and your loved one start your relationship, you're starting a family. It doesn't matter if you have kids or not, you're a family. When you start a family, you have to develop your own family culture and identity.The best part is this culture will be from both of you. You need to sit down and talk about what's important from both of your cultures and decide how you can bring them together in one family. The best part is you don't have to worry about making the absolute best plan ever!While making a plan is vital, you can change it up when you need to. The idea behind the plan is to know before hand what's important and you can be more intentional in bringing it into your family.
Communicate
The lines of communication need to be open at all times. As you get to know each other, you'll feel more comfortable talking and discussing how your relationship is doing. Conflict is natural and will come up through your relationship. It will come up when trying to figure out how to blend cultures, when dealing with culture shock, and pretty much any time during your relationship. It's normal.The most important thing is that you learn how to communicate with each other so you can learn how to use your conflict to get closer.You also need to be able to discuss how you feel about blending cultures. Are you comfortable with how the blending is happening? Do you feel like one culture is taking over? These are important things you need to talk about through out your relationship.
Re-evaluate
While the plan you develop may work great right now, you need to be prepared that it will change. You and your loved one have to constantly re-evaluate how your plan is working. If it's not working like you thought or you'd like something to change, tweak it.It's going to change naturally over time because the longer you're together, you'll notice you're both changing. You're growing together and getting closer and your circumstances may change as well.You should be scheduling time to talk about all of these things at least once a month.
Give Each Other Grace
Grace. Your relationship needs to be filled with grace. You are bound to mess up or hurt your loved one's feelings and the other way around. The biggest thing is to remember you need to give each other grace. Blending cultures takes time. Even if you're been together for years, you aren't mind readers and things just happen.All you can do is be sure to talk about it, let them know how you feel, and give each other grace. Let your loved one know they have room to mess up and you'll still love them.--Intercultural relationships are beautiful, but they take a lot of patience and grace for each other. I can promise you one thing, it's always worth it. The more you and your loved one work at your relationship, the better it will be.