Racial Stereotyping

(Picture courtesy of The Silver Pen)

If you’ve been on social media lately, you’ve seen the #IStandWithAhmed movement going on. A nine year old boy brought in a homemade clock to show his teacher. He was eager and proud to show off what he made at home. Instead of receiving praise for his creation, he was handcuffed and put in a juvenile detention center. His teacher was convinced it was a bomb, even though never made any threats.

After the horrible event, he told a reporter, "I didn't feel human." 

The question the world is asking is would this have happened if he was white?  His invention was instantly seen as a threat; he was seen as a terrorist. After 9/11 some people have started to see anyone that looks Middle Eastern as a potential terrorist, instead of realizing a radical terrorist group was responsible. They've decided who these people are based on the color of their skin.My husband has faced this stereotype as well. He travels for work every month. This means he spends hours and hours a year at the airport. He has a travel routine as well. Every night before a trip he packs up his bag, has a movie night with our kids, gives all of our boys dozens of kisses, talks to them about their plans for when he gets back, and he shaves.I didn’t think much of that until a few years ago. It was the infamous no shave November and he had an amazing beard. He was getting ready to shave and was telling me how bummed he was to do it. I started to question why he was doing it if he didn’t want to. Then he told me. He shaves before every trip because he doesn’t want to get extra checks through security or for people to stare.Now, my husband is an East Indian man born in Chicago. People instantly assume things about him at the airport because he has dark skin. America was supposed to be a place for people of different races to come together and be free from this oppression. Instead, we are still faced with racism.Buzzfeed recently posted an amazing video of a group of people standing up to racial stereotypes.[embed]https://youtu.be/JMQjyRc7eiY[/embed]How can we remind people to see past the color of our skin and see who we really are?[tweetthis]We need to recognize the problem, stand up, and say something. #StandUpToRacism[/tweetthis]Racial stereotyping and phobia are both types of racism. Racism can come out in the way people talk and treat each other. When we see this happen, we have to stand up say something. It’s easy to hear it, ignore it, and walk away. It takes courage to fight against it.This means don’t laugh when people make racist jokes or act like it’s not a big deal. If you see someone being treated unfairly based on the color of their skin, say something. We all have a voice and need to use it.Don’t sit idly by and watch racism happen. Let’s fight for each other and a loving world. Don’t let people’s hate for a group of people cause segregation. I want my children to grow up in a blended world, not a world where we push away people that are different than us.

Have you ever experienced racism or racial inequality? How did you respond?

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Am I Racist Against My Own Culture?

Falling In Love With A New Culture

Seven years ago I married the love of my life. As I said I do, I realized things were about to change. I had grown up only truly understanding my own culture. My new husband grew up experiencing something much different. He was raised by first generation East Indian parents who moved to the US shortly after they were married.As he grew up in the US he was raised in two distinct cultures. The East and the West quickly blended together into a new, unique culture. It was the only thing he knew and he was comfortable in it.As my husband and I were learning what it was like to be a newly married couple, we were also learning how to blend two different cultures in our marriage and lives. Even though my husband grew up with two cultures, teaching me about his culture was a new experience. We had to figure out how we could bring both of our cultures together to create a new family culture.Over the years I've developed a deep love for Indian culture. It's no longer a foreign concept to me, but part of my own life. I love learning more about East Indian culture because it means I can find new ways to incorporate it into my kid's lives.

Am I Racist Against My Own Culture?

I always assumed people would look in from the outside and be impressed with our family. I don't mean this in a "Look at me I'm so amazing" kind of impressiveness. I'm referring to people seeing the way we've been able to blend two cultures and see how much it's blessed our family.Sadly, that hasn't been everyone's reactions. Some people tell us how amazing they think it is. They're so happy to see how excited our kids are to share their culture with them and love the Indian feasts we put on.Then you have the other group of people. The group of people that think we're hurting and confusing our kids by raising them in two such different cultures. We've heard so many of these comments over the years. However, one tops them all.

You're racist against your own culture.

I've heard this one a few times. It's usually someone who finds my blog, sees me in a sari, and makes their own assumptions. The first time I heard this I was devastated. I sat their looking at my life and asking myself how someone could look in and ever think anything close to this.Was I some how showing people that I didn’t value my own culture?Was I racist towards my own culture?Then I realized no matter what I do, people will find fault in it. It doesn’t matter what I say or do, I will never please everyone. I either love Indian culture too much, love American culture too much, or I’m hurting my kids by blending cultures in their lives.

My love for Indian culture by no means reveals a dissatisfaction with my own.

My husband and I are raising our boys in a multicultural family. This means we are blending cultures every day. My husband and I love our culture so much that we want to show our kids the best both of our cultures have to offer. If I was somehow so dissatisfied with my own culture, I wouldn't go through the work of blending cultures.

In my own exploration of a new culture, I found myself comparing how American and Indian culture differed. I've married into a culture much different than my own. I love sharing what I've learned. This doesn’t mean I’m forsaking my own culture.

Is It Possible To Love Two Cultures

I’ve learned that people can become prideful about their culture. Instead of learning about others, they stand with a sense of superiority. It’s easier to pridefully stick with the same way of thought you've always had than to open your mind and try something new.

I’ve had so many people tell me they hate curry until they try an Indian dish. Then they start raving about how great the dish is. If only they would have been open to trying something new instead of insisting all Indian food, “curry,” tastes the same. Trying something new takes a hint of courage. We tell our son Liam every night, courage is doing something even if you’re scared. 

Instead of segregating cultures, let’s courageously learn about them. It doesn’t mean you don’t value your culture. It means you realize that we live in a nation full of vibrant cultures and you want to glean from them to become the best you!

How To Respond To Racism

I recently watched a video floating around the internet. The video shows a Sikh boy being called a terrorist, while riding home on his school bus. He responds by recording the event. A little warning, he decides to call them a mother f$&@ker. I'm sorry, but I can't say I'd stay calm in a situation like that either! This brings light to a bigger issue. Why was the girl in the video using a word as colorful as terrorist? She must have heard this before from someone in her life. Children imitate behavior they have seen. Racism is all around us. It may not be as prevalent where you live, but it happens every day. It's happening in grocery stores, at work, and on school buses full of children. 

 

Stories like this infuriate me and my anger stares the ignorant person right in the face. If I were in this situation, I would be yelling and showing another "great" example. So, what should we do in response to racism?

 

Stay calm

 

Don't respond in your anger. As hard as it is to not let your anger fuel your words, you need to take a deep breath. Separate your emotions from the situation as much as you possibly can and remember this is an opportunity to fight racism. 

 

Don't laugh

 

I've heard advice from people, saying you should laugh it off. Don't worry about it and just laugh so they stop talking about it. No. Laughter at racism only reinforces racist behavior. Whether it's a joke or a derogative comment, don't laugh. Racism is not funny. 

 

Ignore it or confront the issue. 

 

This is a tricky decision. You can either ignore it and walk away or confront the situation. Think about the situation. Are you in a state where you can respond in a constructive manner? If not, walk away from the situation. You can confront it later when you've calmed down. There's no need to get into a screaming match. Chances are the person won't hear a word you're saying anyways. When you are calm or if you are ready to confront the situation in the moment, take a deep breath and respond. 

 

Confront the issue, not the person

 

Confront the issue at hand, racism. It goes beyond one ignorant person and brings us to the culprit. Racism is fueled by ignorance. If the racism is in the form of a joke, ask them why they think that's funny. Or simple say, you don't think comments like that are appropriate. 

 

It's easy for us to ignore a situation so we don't stand out. Maybe, we want to fade into the background.. Maybe, we don't want the drama.. Regardless, racism is a global issue. Its victims are adults and children, children trying to ride home on a school bus. Stand up against racism. 

We Are The Fifteen Percent

I love sharing my blog with people. It's a great opportunity to talk to others about my marriage and what I've learned. Who doesn't want to talk to people about something that's made them so happy? I'm constantly looking up like-minded blogs. I want to hear other stories similar to mine, get advice, and see if they face the same challenges. I'm surprised when I only stumble upon a few. I forget that intercultural marriages aren't as common as I'd like to think. In a recent statistic, they stated only 15 percent of new marriages are intercultural. It's such a small group! So small in fact that it's started a movement called We Are The Fifteen Percent! There's a website where people all over the US share their pictures and show off their beautiful intercultural family. What a great idea! I love browsing through all the new pictures every month. It's encouraging when my husband and I go through challenging seasons. My husband and I have been very blessed to be in such a great community of people that support our marriage. All marriages have their struggles and some of ours come from blending two cultures, but most is just our stubborn attitudes. There are many intercultural marriages out there that can say the same thing. Not all couples are that lucky. Some are faced with tremendous prejudice and racism. I stumbled onto a story in the news this week. A server at a Buffalo Wild Wings was faced with racism over her relationship. She is white and her boyfriend is black which was apparently very offensive to a group of drunk kids. They started calling her boyfriend terribly derogative names. She then proceeded to write a blog post about it. She couldn't believe that this could still happen in 2015. Her post went viral! Thousands of people shared it and it had close to one million views. You would think that she would be greeted with a huge community support. She had a lot of positive and encouraging words alongside hate mail and death threats. Racism is real people. It hasn't gone away. Intercultural relationships may be more accepted, but it is the minority. What can you do?Be open to anything different and educate yourself. Learn about other cultures. Instead of awkwardly staring at someone with a turban, look up why they wear it. Every culture is rich with differences. Yours isn't better just because you're comfortable with it. If you'd like to share your story, share a picture of you and you're partner on Instagram and tag me @almstindianwife or share it on my facebook page. The more people hear and see the 15 percent, the less novel it becomes, and the more we defeat prejudice and racism.