Multiracial Motherhood: Our Multiracial Family Through Adoption
What We Can Learn From One Mother's Story
Happy Friday! I thought we could kick off the weekend by starting up one of my favorite series again!Family Fridays!This series is so special to my heart because it's a chance for mothers to come together and share their experiences with their own multiracial family. The beautiful thing is that all of our families are unique. They all have their own special qualities, unique challenges, and different experiences.Today, my lovely and gorgeous friend Sara is sharing about her mixed race family. They have taught my family and I so much about diligence because Sara goes out of her way to make sure their lives reflect a true multiracial community. Check out more about her story below!
Let's Meet Sara
Hello, everyone! I'm Sara and I am excited to be here at The Almost Indian Wife to share a little bit about my family with you! Our situation is a bit different than the ones you may be used to reading about here, in that our family's multiracial "status" did not come about because of my husband or myself, but because of our children. And before I dive in, can I confess something? I don't always feel like we really are multicultural. Do we want to be? Yes! Are we working toward it? Yes! Do we still have lots more to learn? GOOD GRIEF, YES. And that's why I think connecting with other multi-cultural families is such a cool thing! Okay, back to the introductions...My husband, Phil, and I have been married for almost nine years now and we have two children. We lived in Ohio up until the spring of 2016 when we moved to Illinois. Phil and I were foster parents for four years in Ohio, during which we met and then adopted both our daughter and son. Russell (5 years) is African American and Claire (4.5 years) is Caucasian. Our children are not related biologically (yes, some people ask!) and have very different birth stories and foster care experiences. 
One thing my children do have in common though, (among plenty of other things, trust me) is that they have two parents who acknowledge and celebrate the things that make each of them unique.
Speaking of unique, let's talk culture. What exactly is culture anyway? Here's one definition: "The customary beliefs, social forms, material traits of a racial, religious, or social group;" also, "the characteristic features of every day existence shared by people in a place or time." Reading those definitions reinforces a couple things to me. One: The racial majority in our family is white American. That seemed so silly to even type but there it is. And let's be real, white American culture is not one we have to make an effort to call attention to. Ya know?
Two: If we want to be truly multi-cultural -- embracing, celebrating and participating in our son's racial culture -- we have to be intentional.
Neither my husband nor I are African American. And although our son is, he's been with us since he was two months old. Our white American culture is pretty much all he knows. So we have some work to do! What does this intentionality look like for us? Well, for starters, whenever I have the choice I choose African American. That might sound funny or off-putting but hear me out. It's not that we don't welcome and seek out other cultures. We absolutely do! But I'm here today talking specifically about my African American son and HIS culture and our desire for him to have racial mirrors in his life. If we want to raise a young man who embraces and is secure in his African American identity, he specifically needs African American people in his life. Okay, here's what I mean...Our community here in Illinois has a kids' sports program. So does the neighboring community. We're choosing to drive just a couple extra minutes to the neighboring community because it's more diverse. We figured there's a greater chance there for our son to have teammates and opponents and coaches who look like him than if he were playing on a sports team here. (Why didn't we choose to live there instead when we moved from Ohio, you ask? We wonder the same thing some times. Anyway...)When looking for a church to join, diversity was a priority for us. After Biblical teaching and gospel-centeredness, we looked for a place where our son could walk in and see people who looked like him. And not just in the pews, but on the stage speaking. In the classrooms teaching. In the small groups leading. When selecting books and toys for my kids, it's not difficult to find white baby dolls and white story characters and white action figures. In fact, if you're not purposely trying to avoid a whitewashed book and toy collection, you'll most likely end up with one. So when strolling through the store we see a giant Finn action figure (Star Wars main character who is African American- woo hoo!!), I snatch it up. A black baby doll for Claire? Yes, please. A picture book with black main characters instead of white ones? You get the idea. Now you might find this one silly, but I'm okay with that. When checking out at a store and I have the option (if it's not an insanely packed lane versus a totally empty one) I will choose a lane with a non-white cashier. 
We take our son to a black barber.
(A no-brainer.) This choice doesn't mean just one more racial mirror for my son. Every barber and almost every client there is African American. So, it means many. It means my son gets to be the majority. And my daughter and husband and I experience what it's like to be the minority. It means sitting and talking with people who share my son's culture. People who will tease me for never having seen "The Jeffersons" and who graciously and honestly answer my hair care questions. I'm telling you, walking into that shop where we are greeted by a packed room of 100% brown and black faces makes my heart swell with joy. Because the more we can immerse ourselves in African American culture, the more our family moves toward being truly multi-cultural. One more piece of advice. More important than all the little examples I shared above!
When seeking to embrace a culture that is not your own you have to first humbly acknowledge that you are not an expert.
And then start sharing your life with those who are! Become friends with people who are a part of your loved one's culture. Spend time with those who can help you understand the things you don't and who will lovingly correct you when you need it. I mean, read all the history you want; build the most diverse picture book library on planet earth; learn all the cultural traditions you can...but without real relationships with real people who know this culture, you will be missing out. And there you have it. We are a multi-racial family doing our best to recognize, embrace and encourage the unique identities of the precious children we've been entrusted with. We definitely don't have it all figured out but we're taking it one day at a time and learning as we go!
Follow Sara along on her journey and head over to her Instagram!
Culture Clash Wednesdays #9 The Stigma Of Adoption
I'll never forget that moment in my life. It changed everything for me. I knew I would feel complete after it happened. I had wanted it for so long. I had spend countless nights crying in my bed, hoping one day it might happen.Finally, the day had arrived... and I was going to be adopted by my dad. I was going to sign the papers and everyone would know he was my dad. I wouldn't have to dread Father's Day anymore, I could actually look forward to it. I finally had someone to call daddy.Adoption has always held an extremely important place in my heart. My mom raised my brother and I alone until she met my father. Everything fell into place when he came into our lives. I even started calling him dad right away. It was a word I had always wanted to use and never had a chance to. I have always been proud to tell people my father adopted me. As I've grown up with this reality in my life, I've realized not everyone sees it as something special. Each culture sees it differently. Some know the love it offers and others see it as something shameful. I recently read an article in The New York Times about a Korean couple. This couple had adopted a baby into their family. They knew their family would never approve so instead of telling them the truth, they told their parents the father had an affair. An affair was more acceptable than adoption... I read this article multiple times because I couldn't believe it. This couple longed to have a child of their own. This should have been a blissful moment. Instead, they were worried about what to tell their families. I've heard similar stories from families around the world. Some of them have kept the truth from their child to save them from pain and other keep the secret in fear of what others might think.If you raise a child without telling them the truth, they will think it's something to be ashamed of.[tweetthis display_mode="box"]We have to stop the stigma surrounding adoption and remember adoption means one more child is loved for. #aiwtribe[/tweetthis]One more child isn't alone.One more child has a parent.
How were you raised to think of adoption?