The First Lie I Ever Told My In-Laws

There were quite a few scary and intimidating moments I had encountered while dating my boyfriend at the time. I knew I was falling hard for Joel, but it was all so new to me. I was young and he was my first serious relationship. As you all know, serious relationships come with a lot of intimidating experiences.One of the scariest is meeting that family for the first time. You want them to love you right away, but instead of going into it with a cool head, your mind plays tricks on you.Would I say the right thing? What would their first impression of me be? Would they like me? Would I survive the night?Some of you have heard bits of this story before. I met my in-laws for the first time in Texas. Cali-Mama (my husband's uncle) lived there and was eager to host Thanksgiving. Their family looked forward to the holidays every year because it meant everyone would come together and soak up as much time with each other as they could.This year was special because Joel invited me along. In his mind, he figured everyone was together so what better time to introduce my girlfriend.I was excited to meet these people Joel had spent so much time talking about but secretly terrified. There are so many people in my husband's immediate family which meant I had a lot of people to convince. To convince that we were a great couple and that I was in it for the long run.Luckily, I was able to transition into the house with ease. We had arrived early so there were only a few people there. Joel's two uncles picked us up from the airport. We quickly hopped into the back seat and I noticed there was a car seat. We sat on either side of it and his uncle (granted his white uncle who is also in an interracial marriage) told me it was there on purpose to keep us apart. I started to laugh and he didn't.... I quickly learned his sense of humor and picked up on the fact that he liked teasing and messing with me. It truly helped take the edge off.The next few days, he proceeded to give me a few pointers and tell me how it was for him coming into the family almost a decade before.He and his wife had one of the first interracial marriages in their family and truly broke the mold for the rest of us. It was a bigger struggle for them because everyone was trying to figure out what it would look like.Would they follow all of the Indian traditions? Would they need to behave like an Indian couple?Luckily for us, they walked through the fire so we didn't have to. Nevertheless, hearing all of his stories made me even more nervous about meeting Joel's mom. I wanted so desperately for her to like me.I’ll never forget the night I met Joel’s mom. Joel decided to be a good son and terrible boyfriend by picking his mom up from the airport. He was a great son because what mom doesn’t want to be picked up from their son who they haven’t seen in a while. Don’t forget the terrible boyfriend part. I was about to meet his mom and what does he do?LEAVES ME ALONE. I ended up pacing the living room the entire time. An hour later, I heard the garage door open.What was I thinking? I can just leave. Walk home. Maybe they won’t notice. Or I can hide.Joel’s sister came in first and she was so sweet and calmed me down so much when she gave me a big hug. Okay, a nice sister. I can do this.Then Joel’s mom came in. She was quiet, slowly walking towards me. I’m sure she was checking me out thinking who in the world is this girl dating my son.She gave me a hug and walked into the kitchen. She then proceeded by asking me what kind of food I cooked. Apparently, Joel told her I made casseroles. Thanks, Joel. First of all, I have NEVER made him a casserole. Ever. What was I supposed to say? I was twenty and barely knew how to cook. So, I said I made casseroles.I couldn’t decide if she liked me the whole weekend! I second guessed every look and everything she said!I quickly learned Joel’s mom’s sense of humor.. She has this quiet, sarcastic humor that is hilarious. However, if you don’t know her it freaks you out because you can’t tell if she’s serious! Now, we have a great relationship.She teases me about being white and I remind her that I’m more Indian than her son. She would never tell me, but I’ve heard through the grapevine that she’s told people I’m becoming more Indian! Two points for the almost Indian wife.Maybe one day you will be reading my new blog… The INDIAN Wife.

How do you make an intercultural relationship work...

I’ve been getting emails from some of you lately on your struggles with the cultural differences in an intercultural relationship. Let’s be honest with each other. When you get into a relationship with anyone, expect cultural differences and all of the struggles that follow. Either way, you and your partner grew up in different families and different ways. Two different cultures if you may.It doesn’t matter what kind of relationship you are in, you will always deal with compromise and communication. If you want a perfectly easy relationship, stick to fiction. If you want a real relationship with anyone, remember there will be struggles, compromise, you will often not know what to do or who is right, you will challenge each other, grow together, and your relationship will reap all the blessings of your hard work.I love my husband more today than I did when we got married. Why you ask? I love him more now because we have worked hard for our relationship and always strive to make our marriage stronger. If you have ever been around us, you know that we fight, bicker, I’m always trying to convince him I’m right about everything, he thinks laughing while we fight is necessary, and we usually have no idea what we’re doing.We often come up to a crossroads in our marriage. Do we do what Indian culture says to do or do we do what Western culture says to do? There is no perfect answer to this question. It changes with every situation. I walked into my marriage with Joel knowing he’s Indian and I’m a whitey. We have to respect each other’s cultures, which means a lot of compromise. There are times when we do what Indian culture says to do and there are times when we do what Western culture says to do. We decide what works best for our little family.Give yourself a break. There is no perfect relationship. Try your best to listen to your partner, compromise, lovingly encourage one another when you don’t know what to do, be willing to hear their side, and remember just because you grew up doing it one way doesn’t mean it’s the only way.Love your partner for who they are, be proud of your marriage and all of it’s little imperfections, and know it’s all worth it.