Interracial Couples: The Feeling Of Never Doing It Well Enough

There are so many blessings in being an interracial couple. You get to present your children with multiple rich cultures, you get to dive into a new culture, you get to see how differently your spouse grew up, your family vacations are amazing because you get to visit places you both went as children, and your family becomes a strong unit because you're figuring out how to blend cultures together.However, along with all of the blessings, there are some difficulties as well. I've received so many emails and comments from all of you sharing a similar struggle...

The Struggle Intercultural Couples Face

You feel torn between two cultures. You want to blend these two rich cultures in your family, but it comes with a lot of outside pressure. Your family wants you to keep the traditions you grew up with and his family wants you to embrace his culture. It sounds easy enough, right?Then the comments start to roll in as you and your spouse start blending cultures the way you think is best. The wonderful comments that make you feel like complete garbage."Why are you doing it that way? That's not how we raised you to do it.""Why don't you tell her how she should be doing that?""Why do you let your child eat so much American food? Don't you want her to be raised with Indian food?""Why do you feed him such spicy food? We never gave you spicy food."These are some of the comments many of you have told me you get. As parents, you're probably already used to the outside pressure. There's always something you're not doing well enough or doing too much of. You can't win in the world's eyes because everyone has the idea that their way is the right way. This is definitely the same in blending cultures.It's almost like you're too (white) to be (Indian) and too (Indian) to be (white)... Switch it up and fill in the words that fit for you, but it's a real struggle intercultural couples are facing on a day to day basis.If you're not careful you're going to give into the pressure and start listening. All it will lead to is you feeling like a failure. Feeling like you can't do anything right.It means you're embracing both of your cultures and creating a new culture within your family.3 Ways To Respond To Negative Criticism Over The Way You've Chosen To Blend CulturesTake it with a grain of salt.When you hear a comment remember everyone has their own opinions. You may agree with some comments and completely disregard others. Before you ignore the comment, ask yourself if you agree. If not, that's ok! People always think their way is best and have a hard time changing what they think. Just remember it's your family and you will figure out the right way to blend cultures for you. Let it go and move on.Some comments you get will be frustrating, but easy to ignore. Others feel like a knife in the heart. It's hard to hear anything about your parenting or your family. You tend to get defensive and ready to fight off anyone that has anything negative to say about them. If they dare criticise either of them, you hold onto it. You let it fester and turn into something much worse.Instead, you have to let it go and move on. Their will always be someone out there with something negative to say. You can't hold onto it all because it will ruin you and it's not worth your time.Remember there is no perfect way to blend cultures.I have talked with so many people in intercultural marriages and my favorite thing is to see how they blend cultures in their family. I'm going to tell you a little secret... They all do it differently! They're all breaking the mold on what's right. Blending cultures is a beautiful and difficult task, but it's always worth it. Don't let the outside pressure get to you.