Should You Do Something You're Uncomfortable With In A Relationship?
The biggest thing you have to keep in mind is that you both have to be happy with your decision.
A few years ago, my husband and I moved our family closer to his side of the family. This meant we moved 36 hours away from my family. It was a really big decision for us. If I wasn’t a part of the decision to move here, it could have caused a lot of issues in our marriage. It would have been easy for this to cause a rift between us. However, we made this decision when we first got married. We discussed where we wanted to settle down and agreed we would settle by his family. There are so many factors that helped us to make this decision.However, timing changed. Every few years we would talk about making the big move. To be honest, I wasn’t ready until a few years ago. I knew I wanted to do it, but it was hard for me to move so far from my family. I had to be fully ready and my husband patiently waited.Now, we’re here and our family is so happy. Sure, we all miss my family, but our reasons for moving here makes it worth it. Indian culture is present in our children’s lives every day. It’s much easier to put them in the middle of this vibrant culture when we’re around my husband’s family. By living closer to my in-laws, it also means my kids are around Telugu more often.
My husband and I made this decision for our family.
We made it together and did what we think is best for our family. You can’t look at other multiracial families and do exactly what they do or concede to the pressure from loved ones to run your family the exact same way they did. They have seen what works for them and try to push you to do the same thing.All you can do is listen to their advice, see how their family functions, and see what you can take from it. Chances are you will be able to take a few things and change other things to fit your family better. There is no right way to have a multiracial family or interracial relationship.You have to communicate with each other every day and constantly reevaluate. You can make a decision that works for a while, but you need to see how those decisions work as your family grows and changes.
How To Keep My Culture Alive While Living Abroad
I'm very excited to join up with Lauren from English Wife Indian Life to share our stories. We're sharing how keep culture alive in our multicultural families. I share how we keep my husband's Indian culture alive in the US and she's sharing how she's keeping her English culture alive while living in India.
How To Keep My Culture Alive While Living Abroad
When I married an Indian, I remember thinking how lucky our children will be to belong to two extremely different cultures. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I spent hours researching baby names that would fall easily from both tongues. Then I started to worry, my own cultural identity has been questioned numerous times, from “you should be more Indian now you live in India” to “it seems you are not proud to be British anymore”.Will my child have a similar experience? Will my child feel British at all growing up in India?India is the country I have called home for three years. Since leaving England to start a new life with the man I love, I have been learning about Indian values and traditions. In fact, I made it my mission to learn as much as I possibly could so I could understand my new family and the world around me. There are so many amazing things I want my son to learn and enjoy from Indian culture, but what about his other culture?I thought about the ways I have managed to maintain my culture in India, what parts are so important to me that I couldn’t leave them behind when I took off from Heathrow. I don’t want to force either culture down his throat, but I do want to give him the opportunity to experience both sides of his heritage.
Enjoying a Full English Breakfast
The food we eat says a lot about who we are, our lifestyle and our heritage. In a couple of weeks, I going to start weaning my son, which has put the emotional aspect of food in the spotlight. I can’t predict what his tastes will be, but I would hate for him to have the same problem I have.I’m so attached to English food that I daydream about it! It has a huge sway on my emotional wellbeing when I am unable to indulge in cheese or bread. Finding quality cheese and bread in the city I live has been a struggle. I want my son to enjoy a variety of cuisines, give him as much choice as I can. I would hate to be visiting England and have to make something separate for him because he has the same emotional attachment to Indian food as I do to English food.
Celebrating Christmas, Easter and Pancake Day
Every Christmas morning I woke up with a stocking on the end of my bed, stuffed with small presents from Father Christmas. If we were living in the West, we would be surrounded by Christmas, but living in India, it’s my job to cultivate the spirit.I don’t want to lie to my child about Father Christmas, for starters we don’t even have a chimney, but I don’t want to lose one of the very few family traditions I have (especially when my husband’s family have hundreds). I still remember how disenchanted I felt with the entire world when I found out Father Christmas wasn’t real. It broke my heart. I’ve thought about this extensively (probably too much) and found a solution.There is a ten day Hindu festival celebrating the elephant God, Lord Ganesh. The tradition is that families bring a clay idol of Lord Ganesh into their home, bringing his spirit into the house, and enjoy their time with him. I thought of Father Christmas, and he is the symbol for the spirit of Christmas (jolly, giving etc.). I’m sure my children will understand it this way, and avoid the minor breakdown I had when I was about seven.
Please and Thank You
When I first moved to India, everyone laughed at me for saying “thank you”. Hysterical laughter that made me feel uncomfortable and insecure. Still, I continued to say thank you, it’s not only a habit. It’s a compulsion. It’s not that Indians are rude, concept of politeness is vastly different in India. I would say by Indian standards, I can be (unintentionally) very rude sometimes. I want to encourage my son to say please and thank you, avoiding the disapproving looks when we visit England.
Making the Most of Trips to Britain
We may not have as many traditions and festivals as India, but our little island has beauty, history and fun things to do. It dawned on me as I was flying to India, my son’s childhood will be drastically different from my own . There are so many things I remember with great fondness, and I want him to have the opportunity to experience them too. Therefore, I have promised myself that when we do visit England, we will not waste a moment.
Bring my Culture to India for my Son
When I started to write this post, I thought about the ways I have brought British culture to India and it made my stomach turn. Britain ruled India for almost 100 years before India achieved freedom in 1947. After all the bloodshed, enslavement and stolen wealth, the British retreated after the independence movement, known for its nonviolent philosophy. The actions of some of my ancestors in India were awful and inhumane. I feel ashamed when I read about the brutalities and injustice.That being said, I believe that people cannot be blamed for the actions of their ancestors, religion, nationality or race. It’s also important we don’t wipe away history from our consciousness, to learn from mistakes and treat everyone equally, regardless of race, religion, gender or nationality.In the end, that is what I hope most for my son (and any future children we are blessed with), that they are kind, open minded and respect all living things.
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3 Signs You're In An Intercultural Relationship
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What Do I Do If My Loved Ones Family Hates Me?
In a perfect world, your relationships would be supported by everyone around you. They would only see the love you have for your loved one and nothing else would matter. Instead people get held up on race, family background, and just about anything that makes you imperfect in their eyes. So, what do you do? What do you do if your relationship isn't supported by the people you love. What if your own family doesn't support your relationship? Do you let their opinions prevent you from being with the person you love? What if that choice means you or your loved one will get disowned from your family?
Make your choice together.
You need to sit down with your loved one and make the decision. Being in an intercultural relationship comes with it's challenges. These challenges are different for each family, but none of those challenges can compare to the love you have for one another. However, an un-supporting family can be destructive in a relationship.You both need decide if it's worth it. If it is then grab each other by the hand and face life together. You have to stand together otherwise the challenges can tear your relationship apart. You need to support each other.All you can do is trust that they will see the love you have for each other and grow to accept it. At the end of the day it's their choice to accept your relationship or not. It won't be you that changes their mind. They have to choose to be open to your intercultural relationship. You can't let their unwillingness prevent you from loving each other. Family is extremely important and I'm not saying throw your family away. What I am saying is that you can't choose how people respond. All you can do is be willing to fight for your family to accept your relationship.
Take it one day at a time.
Sometimes the challenges that can come with an intercultural relationship are overwhelming. You can get lost in it and lose sight of what's important. All you can do is take it one day at a time. Remember you love each other and that love is what's made everything worth it. Take your relationship with your family or your new family day by day. Just be yourself. Take every smile they give you, every nice comment, or any attention they pay to you as a success. It's one more positive experience with them that you can put under your belt. Try to let go of the negative experiences with them. They aren't worth remembering or wasting your time on. Instead try to build on the positive moments.
You're enough.
The biggest thing you need to focus on is that you are enough for each other. You're in this relationship because you are more than enough for one another. Don't let your in laws or your family's feelings about your relationship make you think you aren't enough. Often times, the problem isn't you. It's the idea of someone or something they didn't expect. They either expected someone within their race, religion, or similar family backgrounds. They don't know how to react to something different so they turn it into anger towards you. Don't let this drag you down.You are enough. Your relationship is worth any challenges that may come up because you love each other. Hold onto that love and let it change people.