One of my favorite parts about blogging is getting questions from all of you! The whole reason I started blogging was to take what I've learned from my multicultural family and give you tips for yours!
I was looking through some of my recent reader questions and found one I think a lot of you could relate to. Whether you're trying to learn about a new culture or teach your loved one about yours, this post is for you!
First of all, thank you so much for writing in! I changed a few minor details to make sure the person that sent in their question could remain anonymous.
Dear Almost Indian Wife,
I need help! My husband and I have been married for a little under a year now. He's amazing! The only problem is our cultures collide all the time. I'm East Indian and he's American. Most of our fights are surrounding our families. I keep trying to explain my family to him, but he doesn't get it. He gets frustrated so much and all I want is for him to feel comfortable with my family. What do you think?
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When my husband and I first met, we had an instant attraction to each other. We knew right away that there was a spark between us and we were interested in taking our friendship further. We didn't start thinking about what it would look like to blend cultures until we were engaged and planning a fusion wedding.In the beginning of most of our relationships, I think it's safe to say it's similar. We're so interested in getting to know each other and it's just fun. The beginning of a relationship is fun because it's all new. It's all about the first dates, the first kiss, and the first time you feel completely yourself in front of that person.As your relationship continues and you get closer, things begin to get more serious. You start to meet their family, they meet yours, and you start to see what it may look like to blend cultures together. This is where things get a little tricky.My husband grew up with parents who had an arranged marriage and spent the first part of their lives living in India. I grew up with a single mom who got remarried to my, now dad, at 10 years old. It's safe to say our families were very different.I didn't realize how different until he started to spend time with my family. He knew my family was different than his, but he was trying to find his place. He wanted to know how to talk to my brothers because in his family he has a sense of authority with his siblings. They listen to and respect him because he's there unna (big brother). In my family we were more equals with my siblings.The hardest thing for us was how different the dynamics were. We couldn't simply do what we did in out own families. It was different.
Teaching Your Loved One About A New Culture
Remember it's new
The most important thing you need to remember is that you’re teaching you’re loved one a new culture. They didn’t grow up in it like you did. There are so many things your culture affects. Your culture is the way your family thinks, what they believe, and how you behave. It also teaches you how you should treat your loved one. You’re going to look at your cultural norms to see how you should talk to them, what you should say, and how you show your love for them.
It’s all new. They’re learning everything about your life and why you are they way you are. Give them patience while they learn and fall in love with your culture like you.
Give it time.
You can’t just explain so many things to your loved one in one night. It’s going to take time for them to learn from what you tell them and how you behave. As they see that, they can figure out how they want to blend cultures, what they want to adopt from your culture, and more.
All you can do is take it day by day and one situation at a time. You’re typically going to be able to teach your loved one the most about your culture in the moment. As you experience things together, it’s going to bring you closer together. They’re going to learn much more by actually experiencing your family, culture, and traditions with you.
Communicate
I can’t say this one enough. You need to communicate! Most of my marital struggles with my husband are due to a lack of communication. As soon as we make the time to talk things through, we do so much better!
You need to make time to talk everything through. Don’t just expect they understand or are ok with something, you need to actually ask them. Ask them how they’re doing and frequently take the temperature on your relationship. While the way you’re blending cultures now may work, it may not always. Your lives will change as you both grow which means you need to constantly reevaluate how you’re doing things together. This happens by talking all the time.
Remember some things are universal
It’s easy to get lost in all the differences when you’re in an interracial relationship. However, keep in mind some things are universal. Regardless of where you grew up, love is the same anywhere. We all fight for the people we love. If you start to get stressed out in the blending process, go back to what you have in common.
You’re both fighting for your relationship because you love each other. That makes it all worth it.
What's helped you teach your loved one about a brand new culture? Or are you on the opposite end of the equation?
