How To Get My Family More Comfortable With Our Family's Mixed Culture
Sometimes the idea of getting the whole family together can get a little stressful, especially if it means the in laws come along too. It's one thing when you spend time with everyone on their own terms, but it's another thing entirely when they're out of their comfort zones.After my husband and I had our boys, it all seemed easier. Most of our family events were focused on our kids and it helped our families to have something in common. They all loved our boys to pieces and it made them more comfortable in that environment.We did learn a few things through our first few get togethers. Most of what we learned was through trial and error, but at the end of the day these three things helped a lot!Include Your Family's Traditions At Special EventsFind opportunities to include your family in traditions during your parties. Every family has their own traditions for special events and they're the perfect way to include everyone.We found a fun way to include both of our families traditions during our kid's birthday parties.Growing up my family used to do smash cakes. They would make a cake for the guests and then a little cake for the birthday kid. The best part of the smash cake is watching the little ones dig into it! Some of our kids were more aggressive with it than their siblings, but it was always fun.In my husband's family, they hand feed each other during special events. It's a special moment for family members to love on the child.My husband and I decided to combine the two traditions. We made a smash cake for our birthday boy, but had our family members feed him a bit of the cake before they could dig in.
Let Your Family Know What To ExpectOne of the biggest things that leads to fear is the unknown. We fear things because we don't understand them. This is why it's so important for us to talk to our families about what they can expect as we blend cultures.During the week of my wedding mine and my husband's family got together. I don't know who was more nervous... me or them.My family had so many things to learn that week. Their were new traditions, new customs, new languages, and new people.At the end of the day, the thing that helped the most was talking. They needed a safe place to ask questions. The more we all talked, the more comfortable they all became.
Encourage Your Kids To Teach Them About Their CultureMy kids love teaching people about their traditions and what better way to learn about something new than from a bunch of cute kids.When we eat Indian food in front of my family, my kids teach my family how to use their hands. They show them the correct technique and how they like to do it. They've even started to teach my family little Telugu words they know! It gives them a sense of pride to be able to share something that means so much to them.How have you helped your family to be comfortable with a new culture?
12 Things You Understand If You're Mixed Race
1. You know your parents are angry when they yell at you in a different language
2. Friends felt awkward at your house
3. People assume you aren't related to your parents
4. Fusion food was normal in your house
5. Your family can't ever agree on how spicy food is
6. Only half of your family thinks they need sunblock
7. People will ask you questions all the time
People are constantly asking you questions about your ethnicity and family.
8. Filling out forms gets a little confusing
9. Explaining your name to people
10. Having to hear "it doesn't count you're only half"
11. Over people trying to guess your ethnicity
12. Not being fluent in the languages your family speaks
Which one can you relate to the most?
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Introducing A Babysitter To My Multiracial Family
Introducing A Babysitter To My Multiracial Family
Part of the reason our family clicked with her immediately was that we made sure she was comfortable with some of the unique qualities of our multiracial family. For the most part, our family is just like any other. However, there are a few customs and traditions that make us stand out.I wanted to make sure she was aware of them and also felt comfortable in our home. Here are a few things we did that you should too!
Make Sure Your Babysitter Is Aware Of Some Of The Language
While my children aren't fluent in Telugu, they do use many words throughout their conversations. It's important to let your new babysitter know a few words they're going to hear your kids say.This situation came up for us after our first experience with a babysitter. We left for the evening and found out afterward our four years old was frustrated. He had been trying to ask for milk all evening, but the babysitter couldn't understand what he was asking for. She would go to the fridge, Levi would ask for palu, and she would bring back juice.I didn't think about the fact that my kids used Telugu words throughout their conversations. Most of the things they say are milk, water, talking about a runny nose, and family member's names.From then on, we made sure to explain different words our kids use frequently. We also explain that family names sound different in Indian culture.This helps to prepare your babysitter as well as making sure there aren't going to be any language barriers while you're away.
Teach Your Babysitter About Your Family's Customs
If your babysitter doesn't know your family well, they aren't going to be aware of some of your family's customs. It's important to teach them about daily customs your family has. Most parents walk their new babysitters through their daily routine and as a multiracial family, you have to walk them through your customs as well.In our family, some of our customs are eating Indian food with our hands, referring to elders with their title (Mrs., Miss, Mr., etc), and our oldest child gets to correct our kids because he's their unna.Prepare your babysitter for the customs they're going to see and encourage them to try out a few if they're comfortable. My kids love teaching their babysitters how to eat Indian food with their hands and it becomes the sweetest bonding moment between them.
Invite Your Babysitter To Spend An Afternoon With Your Family
The best way for your babysitter to get to know your family is to invite them over for an afternoon. Go to the park together or even play in the backyard.This allows your babysitter to see your family in action and to make sure they get time to play with your kids while you're home. It makes it more comfortable for everyone all around.
Answer Any Questions They May Have
After an afternoon together, sit down with your new babysitter and ask them if they have any questions. Being introduced to a new culture can feel uncomfortable to some people. Most of that feeling is fueled by ignorance. They don't know enough about your culture to feel at ease.Make sure they know they can ask you anything. This breaks down any cultural barriers that may be there as well as making sure you're they are comfortable with your kids.
What do you do when introducing a babysitter to your multiracial family?
Multiracial Motherhood: Our Multiracial Family Through Adoption
What We Can Learn From One Mother's Story
Happy Friday! I thought we could kick off the weekend by starting up one of my favorite series again!Family Fridays!This series is so special to my heart because it's a chance for mothers to come together and share their experiences with their own multiracial family. The beautiful thing is that all of our families are unique. They all have their own special qualities, unique challenges, and different experiences.Today, my lovely and gorgeous friend Sara is sharing about her mixed race family. They have taught my family and I so much about diligence because Sara goes out of her way to make sure their lives reflect a true multiracial community. Check out more about her story below!
Let's Meet Sara
Hello, everyone! I'm Sara and I am excited to be here at The Almost Indian Wife to share a little bit about my family with you! Our situation is a bit different than the ones you may be used to reading about here, in that our family's multiracial "status" did not come about because of my husband or myself, but because of our children. And before I dive in, can I confess something? I don't always feel like we really are multicultural. Do we want to be? Yes! Are we working toward it? Yes! Do we still have lots more to learn? GOOD GRIEF, YES. And that's why I think connecting with other multi-cultural families is such a cool thing! Okay, back to the introductions...My husband, Phil, and I have been married for almost nine years now and we have two children. We lived in Ohio up until the spring of 2016 when we moved to Illinois. Phil and I were foster parents for four years in Ohio, during which we met and then adopted both our daughter and son. Russell (5 years) is African American and Claire (4.5 years) is Caucasian. Our children are not related biologically (yes, some people ask!) and have very different birth stories and foster care experiences. 
One thing my children do have in common though, (among plenty of other things, trust me) is that they have two parents who acknowledge and celebrate the things that make each of them unique.
Speaking of unique, let's talk culture. What exactly is culture anyway? Here's one definition: "The customary beliefs, social forms, material traits of a racial, religious, or social group;" also, "the characteristic features of every day existence shared by people in a place or time." Reading those definitions reinforces a couple things to me. One: The racial majority in our family is white American. That seemed so silly to even type but there it is. And let's be real, white American culture is not one we have to make an effort to call attention to. Ya know?
Two: If we want to be truly multi-cultural -- embracing, celebrating and participating in our son's racial culture -- we have to be intentional.
Neither my husband nor I are African American. And although our son is, he's been with us since he was two months old. Our white American culture is pretty much all he knows. So we have some work to do! What does this intentionality look like for us? Well, for starters, whenever I have the choice I choose African American. That might sound funny or off-putting but hear me out. It's not that we don't welcome and seek out other cultures. We absolutely do! But I'm here today talking specifically about my African American son and HIS culture and our desire for him to have racial mirrors in his life. If we want to raise a young man who embraces and is secure in his African American identity, he specifically needs African American people in his life. Okay, here's what I mean...Our community here in Illinois has a kids' sports program. So does the neighboring community. We're choosing to drive just a couple extra minutes to the neighboring community because it's more diverse. We figured there's a greater chance there for our son to have teammates and opponents and coaches who look like him than if he were playing on a sports team here. (Why didn't we choose to live there instead when we moved from Ohio, you ask? We wonder the same thing some times. Anyway...)When looking for a church to join, diversity was a priority for us. After Biblical teaching and gospel-centeredness, we looked for a place where our son could walk in and see people who looked like him. And not just in the pews, but on the stage speaking. In the classrooms teaching. In the small groups leading. When selecting books and toys for my kids, it's not difficult to find white baby dolls and white story characters and white action figures. In fact, if you're not purposely trying to avoid a whitewashed book and toy collection, you'll most likely end up with one. So when strolling through the store we see a giant Finn action figure (Star Wars main character who is African American- woo hoo!!), I snatch it up. A black baby doll for Claire? Yes, please. A picture book with black main characters instead of white ones? You get the idea. Now you might find this one silly, but I'm okay with that. When checking out at a store and I have the option (if it's not an insanely packed lane versus a totally empty one) I will choose a lane with a non-white cashier. 
We take our son to a black barber.
(A no-brainer.) This choice doesn't mean just one more racial mirror for my son. Every barber and almost every client there is African American. So, it means many. It means my son gets to be the majority. And my daughter and husband and I experience what it's like to be the minority. It means sitting and talking with people who share my son's culture. People who will tease me for never having seen "The Jeffersons" and who graciously and honestly answer my hair care questions. I'm telling you, walking into that shop where we are greeted by a packed room of 100% brown and black faces makes my heart swell with joy. Because the more we can immerse ourselves in African American culture, the more our family moves toward being truly multi-cultural. One more piece of advice. More important than all the little examples I shared above!
When seeking to embrace a culture that is not your own you have to first humbly acknowledge that you are not an expert.
And then start sharing your life with those who are! Become friends with people who are a part of your loved one's culture. Spend time with those who can help you understand the things you don't and who will lovingly correct you when you need it. I mean, read all the history you want; build the most diverse picture book library on planet earth; learn all the cultural traditions you can...but without real relationships with real people who know this culture, you will be missing out. And there you have it. We are a multi-racial family doing our best to recognize, embrace and encourage the unique identities of the precious children we've been entrusted with. We definitely don't have it all figured out but we're taking it one day at a time and learning as we go!
Follow Sara along on her journey and head over to her Instagram!
Multicultural Corner: Raising Global Citizens
My husband and I made the decision to homeschool our kids for so many different reasons. We both loved the idea of having flexibility to fit around my husband work schedule, the ability we would have to teach them the way they learned best, and the fact that we could choose their curriculum.Since we've started we've been able to do studies on butterflies, nature, and the ocean. I love seeing how excited my kids get when we start a new study. They want to soak everything in and they always have so many questions. My favorite part about homeschooling has been our discussions!We cozy up on the couch and talk about our study for the month. Often times it goes off on tangents where we daydream actually experiencing what we're learning about. Which of course leads to giggles and silly kids.I will always cherish these conversations with my kids. I do everything I can to teach my children that I'm there for them. I want them to know they can talk to me about anything. This is why there are no silly questions in our house. I'll be teaching the kids about butterflies and my three year old will ask me if he'll ever become a butterfly himself...I love it. I love their little questions.As a mother, it's my privilege to be able to teach them about the world and everything inside of it.[tweetthis display_mode="button_link"]As a mother it's my privilege to be able to teach them about the world and everything inside of it. #aiwtribe[/tweetthis]
Our Very Own Multicultural Corner
Last month, I sat down and tried to brainstorm different ideas on how I could get my kids excited about our diverse world. I want them not only to be raised as biracial children loving two cultures, but as global citizens who love the whole world.Then it came to me. Multicultural corner. Every month we're going to focus on a new multicultural resource. The goal of this is to get our kids excited about the world and to learn more about different cultures.Along with our multicultural resource we're going to do hands on activities, prepare delicious food, and share what we learn together.
Mixed Me
This book has been an amazing addition to our little library. It does a wonderful job of teaching kids the beauty in their biracial identity. There aren't many books out there that discuss multicultural families and Tay Diggs has taken his own experiences in teaching his son and has given us a great resource.Mixed Me walks us through the life of Mike. He is a little boy trying to figure out his biracial identity. Throughout the book he asks questions about his parents and himself. He wants to understand how he can be a blend of both of them when he looks so different.While my kids and I read this book I could see the excitement in their faces. My oldest son instantly felt a connection between the Mike and himself."Momma, he's like me!"
How You Can Join Multicultural Corner With Your Kids
Whether you're homeschooling your kids or you just want to create opportunities to encourage them to learn about the world around them, join us each month for multicultural corner! We will post new activities and ways for your family to join us!This month, we're starting off by talking about biracial identities. Pick up your own copy of Mixed Me from the library or get your own. We can't wait to hear the conversations it gets going with your family.
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Share Your Own Multicultural Corner Resources, Activities, and Recipes!
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Teaching My Multicultural Kids What's "Normal"
My Little Explorers
One of my favorites part of homeschool has been watching my kids explore. My little boys are curious about everything around them! If you look into their eyes, you can see they're always pondering something.Momma, why can't I marry you?Why can't we spend your grocery money on our toys? Aren't toys more important?Why doesn't everyone speak Telugu like daddy and me?I love hearing the questions their little minds come up with. While I may be assuming they're only thinking about the toy in their hand, they're actually processing life going on around them. They want to figure it all out.Sometimes, these questions are centered around what they want in the moment, like going toy shopping rather than grocery shopping. Other times, they're thinking about something much deeper. I'm always surprised to hear how deep their questions can become.Lately, my oldest son, Liam has been pondering the differences between him and those around him. As a biracial child, he's not new to the idea of being different than some of his friends, but he's starting to identify how they're different.
I Speak Normal
This week, we went to the store to pick up a few supplies. While we there, Liam overheard a few employees speaking in Spanish. He's fascinated with other languages because this is the first year he's had a personal desire to pick up more Telugu.He immediately started talking to me and asked if they were speaking Spanish. I said yes and he started to go off in his own version to show off for them, throwing in a few real Spanish words.He was so proud of himself. Then I became the mom that reminded him most of what he said was made up. Luckily, he just laughed and he started listing off all the Telugu words he knows.I love that he wants to explore languages, but I don't ever want him to come off as mocking someone else. I want him to know the difference between a made up language and a real language. Then he brought up one of his cousins who grew up in India.Momma, why doesn't he speak normal like me?Hun, there's not really a normal language. People across the world grow up speaking different languages and he grew up speaking Telugu. It's normal to him. Mom... Listen to me. See.. I'm speaking normal. It took some time to explain to him that normal is relative, but it got me thinking. I don't want to raise kids that think they're way is the only "normal" way. Right now, he's young and he's trying to process the world around him. I love that he's able to talk to me about everything he sees and wants to know more about.
Diversity Is Normal
I want my kids to grow up knowing diversity is what's normal. I want them to be able to look around and see the beauty in the differences between cultures.The more I can talk to my kids about the differences they see, the more normal it becomes. "Normal" is relative. It changes for everyone. However, one thing that should always be normal is a love for different cultures around the world.As my kids continue to question and figure out the world, I'm going to be right next to them. I want to help them as they figure it out.It's our role as parents to teach our kids the beauty of diversity. How can you do that? You do it by pointing out racial inequality, talking to your kids about what's going on the world, encouraging them to ask questions, and teaching them that all lives matter.Sometimes, I look at the news and for a moment, I wish I could hide it all from my kids. I don't want them to see how terrible people can be. I don't want them to know that some people are so hateful that they see their race as better than another.It's my job as their parent to talk to them about the hard things. I'd rather be the one to tell them, so I can also be the one to remind them all lives are important and diversity is what makes our world so beautiful.
12 Things Parents Of Mixed Race Kids Hear
Parents of mixed race kid are constantly having people come up to them and asking them wildly inappropriate questions. Can you relate to any of these?
12 Things Parents Of Mixed Kids Hear
1. Can I touch his hair?
2. What are they? No, really. What are they?
3. She doesn't act...(Indian, Hispanic, etc.)
4. I'd never guess he was...(Insert ethnicity)
5. He's mixed isn't he!?
6. Are they adopted?
7. Are you the babysitter?
8. Do you think she will be confused about her race growing up?
9. Are you worried he won't fit in?
10. She's lighter than I thought she'd be...
11. What languages do they speak? Indian? African?
12. Mixed babies are the cutest!
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