The First Lie I Ever Told My In-Laws

There were quite a few scary and intimidating moments I had encountered while dating my boyfriend at the time. I knew I was falling hard for Joel, but it was all so new to me. I was young and he was my first serious relationship. As you all know, serious relationships come with a lot of intimidating experiences.One of the scariest is meeting that family for the first time. You want them to love you right away, but instead of going into it with a cool head, your mind plays tricks on you.Would I say the right thing? What would their first impression of me be? Would they like me? Would I survive the night?Some of you have heard bits of this story before. I met my in-laws for the first time in Texas. Cali-Mama (my husband's uncle) lived there and was eager to host Thanksgiving. Their family looked forward to the holidays every year because it meant everyone would come together and soak up as much time with each other as they could.This year was special because Joel invited me along. In his mind, he figured everyone was together so what better time to introduce my girlfriend.I was excited to meet these people Joel had spent so much time talking about but secretly terrified. There are so many people in my husband's immediate family which meant I had a lot of people to convince. To convince that we were a great couple and that I was in it for the long run.Luckily, I was able to transition into the house with ease. We had arrived early so there were only a few people there. Joel's two uncles picked us up from the airport. We quickly hopped into the back seat and I noticed there was a car seat. We sat on either side of it and his uncle (granted his white uncle who is also in an interracial marriage) told me it was there on purpose to keep us apart. I started to laugh and he didn't.... I quickly learned his sense of humor and picked up on the fact that he liked teasing and messing with me. It truly helped take the edge off.The next few days, he proceeded to give me a few pointers and tell me how it was for him coming into the family almost a decade before.He and his wife had one of the first interracial marriages in their family and truly broke the mold for the rest of us. It was a bigger struggle for them because everyone was trying to figure out what it would look like.Would they follow all of the Indian traditions? Would they need to behave like an Indian couple?Luckily for us, they walked through the fire so we didn't have to. Nevertheless, hearing all of his stories made me even more nervous about meeting Joel's mom. I wanted so desperately for her to like me.I’ll never forget the night I met Joel’s mom. Joel decided to be a good son and terrible boyfriend by picking his mom up from the airport. He was a great son because what mom doesn’t want to be picked up from their son who they haven’t seen in a while. Don’t forget the terrible boyfriend part. I was about to meet his mom and what does he do?LEAVES ME ALONE. I ended up pacing the living room the entire time. An hour later, I heard the garage door open.What was I thinking? I can just leave. Walk home. Maybe they won’t notice. Or I can hide.Joel’s sister came in first and she was so sweet and calmed me down so much when she gave me a big hug. Okay, a nice sister. I can do this.Then Joel’s mom came in. She was quiet, slowly walking towards me. I’m sure she was checking me out thinking who in the world is this girl dating my son.She gave me a hug and walked into the kitchen. She then proceeded by asking me what kind of food I cooked. Apparently, Joel told her I made casseroles. Thanks, Joel. First of all, I have NEVER made him a casserole. Ever. What was I supposed to say? I was twenty and barely knew how to cook. So, I said I made casseroles.I couldn’t decide if she liked me the whole weekend! I second guessed every look and everything she said!I quickly learned Joel’s mom’s sense of humor.. She has this quiet, sarcastic humor that is hilarious. However, if you don’t know her it freaks you out because you can’t tell if she’s serious! Now, we have a great relationship.She teases me about being white and I remind her that I’m more Indian than her son. She would never tell me, but I’ve heard through the grapevine that she’s told people I’m becoming more Indian! Two points for the almost Indian wife.Maybe one day you will be reading my new blog… The INDIAN Wife.

The Biggest Relationship Killer

Did you know that there is something at work in your relationship right now that could destroy it? It's big, it's nasty, and it's a relationship killer.

What is the biggest relationship killer?

It sits there hunched over you and your loved one every night after you put the kids down for bed... It digs it's way in between you both deeper and deeper after every fight... Can you guess what the big, nasty relationship killer is? It's a lack of communication.Now, you may be thinking, pfff that's it? That's the big relationship killer? Shouldn't a relationship killer be deadlier than that? Oh, that's what it wants you to think. It wants you to think its not a relationship killer. It wants you to think its no big deal, let it in, ignore it, when all of the sudden it DESTROYS your marriage. A lack of communication is a silent relationship killer. It silently eats it's way at every part of your relationship. The more you don't talk after a fight...The more you sweep under the rug...The more you bite your tongue...The more it pulls you both a part and convinces you of the lie. The lie that it's all ok when your relationship is crumbling down around you. Don't believe it! Don't believe the lie that this big, nasty relationship killer is telling you!

The Silent Killer

It's not ok to be silent in your relationship. Counselors and psychologists say one of the biggest signs of damage in a relationship is when the couples say they don't fight. Couples are often mistaken, thinking a lack of fighting means they are doing something right. When in reality, they're not working on their issues. They choose to keep silent and not say what's wrong in order to prevent a fight. As long as you fight in a healthy way (no screaming and actually resolve it) it's beneficial to your relationship.[tweetthis twitter_handles="@almstindianwife" display_mode="box"]"Fighting in a healthy way can actually be the sign of a healthy relationship."[/tweetthis]

Who Needs Communication In Their Relationship?

Everyone! Every relationship out there needs to have communication, it's vital to relationships. When couples start to talk about the problems in their relationship, you can just about guarantee it's due to a lack of communication. Long distance relationships have a lot of things that can be difficult to overcome. However, if you have good communication, it will help you to face anything that comes your way. New relationships are in desperate need of communication. You have two people trying to get to know each other and how the other one ticks. You need communication to get to know each other and to learn how you can be a good partner. Even relationships that have been going on for years need communication. The can get comfortable with where they are and forget that they still need to talk about everything. If a lack of communication is a relationship killer, think what good communication could do to your relationship.

How do you think communication could improve your relationship?

Our Life Is About To Change Again

Our life has never been boring, that's for sure. The last five and a half years have been full of so many changes. We've lived in two different states, had three little boys, purchased a home, made amazing friends, and made countless memories. Our life is about to change again. We're...... no we're not pregnant again. We're... moving!We've been thinking and praying about this for the last six months and now it's happening. We debated back and forth between Houston and Chicago. My husband has family in both places and both are great options for us. We recently decided on Chicago, the land of the best deep dish pizza! My husband is a "little" pizza obsessed. The main reason we're moving is because we want to be closer to a big airport. My husband travels for work and we need to be right by an airport so his trips will be shorter and we need to be a bit closer to the actual conferences. What can I say, we love Joel and want him home more! If any of you have been around us the last year, you will understand how much he's been gone. We're ready for more family time!We will be moving at the end of June. This means we're selling just about everything, moving our family to a different state, and settling in to our new home. Which just so happens to be my mother and father in law's home. My father in law will be living with us as well. My kids are beyond thrilled about this! They love their Thatha and can't wait to live with him. He goes to India a few times a year and my husband better not be surprised if I stow away in his luggage and he finds me in India as well! This doesn't just affect me either. It affects you! How you say? My father in law is an amazing cook and I will be learning everything I can from him! All of his recipes will end up here! You will love him just as much as we do. I'm also excited about living in a much larger Indian community there. I can't wait for my kids to experience more of their culture. We've always been physically closer to my side of the family; an Almost Indian Family living in American culture. Now we will be an Almost Indian Family living in a predominately Indian culture. I'll share everything I learn with all of you. This is such a big time for our family and I can't wait to see where God takes us in this next year. Check out my husband's blog to hear his point of view on our big move. 

An Imperfect Marriage: Should We Put Our Spouse First?

This man. We’ve been together for almost six years. Looking back over the last six years amazes me. I can’t believe we have fit so much into such a small time. We’ve moved around and lived in two different states, had three beautiful sons, purchased a home, and are about to sell it so we can get something that fits our growing family better.

 

We’ve learned so much about each other and life. 

 

Marriage is hard work. We’ve told each other sorry hundreds of times, said I love you thousands of times, hurt each other, and made each other extremely happy. I don’t regret any of our hard times. Those hard times got us to the place we are now. My husband is my best friend. He’s taught me so much and loved me unconditionally. 

 

I recently realized something I should have known the day I said, I do. It probably would have saved us many hardships. My husband cannot be everything for me. He has to be second. God has to be first. 

 

My husband and I are two imperfect people with imperfect pasts. We’re sinners. We have sinned countless times and there are consequences to those sins. We can’t expect each other to fulfill every single thing we need. The only one that can do that is God. He is perfection. He won’t ever fail us, leave us, betray us, hurt us, or disappoint us. 

 

If we hold onto this truth, we can have grace for our spouse. We will stop expecting them to be perfect and we can fully depend on God. 

 

I want my children to see my marriage and learn something from it. Don’t we all want that? Don’t we all want to teach our children something valuable; something that can save them from hardships? 

 

Here are a few things I want to teach my children from my marriage. 

 

God has to be first.

 

It’s so easy to expect the impossible from our spouse. We want them to be perfect and never fail us. It’s not possible. Expecting this will only lead to problems in your marriage. It also takes away our reason to depend on Christ. If our spouse was perfect, we wouldn’t need a perfect God. 

 

Apologize.

 

You and your spouse will hurt each other. It’s inevitable because we’re all sinners. When it happens, you need to apologize. It’s never easy. My husband and I have had so many fights where we wait on the other to apologize first. My pride has gotten in the way so many times and my husband was often first. Or we would go to bed angry and forget about it by the next day. It seemed like a great idea. We’d wake up and our anger would have passed. However, we never ended up dealing with the things that caused us to fight. Apologize frequently, every time, and humbly. 

 

Fight openly.

 

Fighting brings out the worst in you. Being the incredibly “perfect” person I am, I tend to yell or say ridiculous things when I fight. Often times, people try to keep their fights to themselves. You will be mid fight, someone will come over, and you will act like everything is fine. Now, I’m not saying every fight is meant to happen in public. What I am saying is don’t put on a show for people. If someone is coming over and you’re mid fight, say I love you and agree to discuss it later. We also fight in front of our family and children sometimes. This holds us accountable to what we are saying and teaches us how to communicate. Not to mention, a few little boys to remind us when we’re being mean to each other. Liam has told Joel and I to be kind to each other many times. It always stops us dead in our tracks, prompts us to apologize to each other and Liam, and realize we’re constantly teaching our children with our actions. 

 

Marriage is tough work and such a blessing from God. As I’m learning to trust God fully, I’ve found myself falling more in love with my husband. 

 

What is the best advice you have received for your relationship? Share it with us in the comment section. 

My Intercultural Love Story- Guest Post

I'm very excited to be partnering with Madh Mama this morning and sharing my Intercultural Love Story. Madh Mama is one of my new favorite blogs. She has a very similar story to my own. She married her East Indian husband, had an adorable little girl, and is now navigating life through two cultures. On her blog, she shares Intercultural Love Stories and her experience in Indian culture. Make sure you check her out.Check out her blog this morning to see my story. She asked me questions about my husband, family, how we met, and a handful of others. Heres a little peak.