Why You Should Give Your Mother In Law Some Slack
I'll never forget the moment I waited in Uthama's (My husband's aunt) living room to meet my future mother in law. I was absolutely terrified. Joel was the first serious relationship I had ever had so meeting the parents was a whole new experience for me.I didn't know what to say or how to act. All I could think of was the fact that I was about to make the world's most awkward first impressions ever.What if she hated me?What if I didn't live up to her expectations?I paced back and forth until the moment I heard the garage door open. Then my heart completely stopped. This was it. This was the moment I would remember forever.Joel's family all walked in, one by one. I met his brother and sister first and it went well. They seemed really nice and I could tell it would be natural with them.Then in walked his mom... I practically froze. I started questioning everything I was about to do.Should I hug her? Shake her hand?Then she walked over to me and gave me a hug. I wish I could say all my fears disappeared in that moment, but they didn't. I was nervous all weekend because I wanted her to like me. I was already madly in love with her son and I knew we'd be together forever.It's funny looking back on how our relationship began because now she's the one I call when I need advice. It may be for a recipe, advice with the kids, or just to talk. We've both put in a lot of hard work for our relationship and it's completely paid off.
I'll admit, I didn't realize how important our relationship was until I had boys of my own. Then I pictured what it would look like when they grew up and got married.Would I be close to their wives? Would we be friends? Would I become the crazy mother in law in all of their stories?Having kids has taught more than I ever could have imagined about life, but having boys has taught me something special about my mother in law.
The Most Important Women In Your Husband's Life
When your husband got married, you became the most important women in his life. You became the one he would depend on, trust in, and go to for everything. While it's very special for you and your husband, it's extremely difficult for your mother in law. She not only has to figure out her relationship with you, but she has to figure out her new relationship with her son.She will always hold a special place in your husband's life, but it changes after he gets married. She has to step back and let you come in. It's easy to get frustrated with your mother in law when you feel certain pressures, see how involved she is, etc. Instead you have to look at how much her life has changed and the fact that she's trying to figure it out just like you.
Where Does Your Mother In Law Fit In
She wants to know where she fits in to her sons life now. I don't know about you, but I dread this moment with my sons. I am excited for them to get married, but I don't even like to think about the moment my relationship with them will change. It will always be beautiful and special, but it will change.In addition to the typical changes your mother in law will face, think about how much more complicated it becomes when her daughter in law was raised in a different cultures....I love looking to see what people search to find my blog. One of the new popular searches is How Do I Handle A Daughter In Law From A Different Culture...You all have expectations of what your relationship will look like with your mother or daughter in law. You come up those expectations based on how you've seen them happen in the past. Often times, you will look to your own life and see how it's happened with your sister in law, a cousin's wife, etc.Then you get married and realized it's all different. Everything you thought would happen doesn't and instead your faced with a new set of challenges.This is how it is for a mother who welcomes in a daughter raised in a different culture. She had all of these expectations on how she would talk to you, how she would interact with you, and how she would fit into your life. You had expectations as well, but they all looked differently.Letting go of expectations is difficult because they are deeply rooted in us. You may not even realize all of the expectations you had until they start to play out differently. As they start to happen differently than you anticipated you will typically respond by getting angry or distancing yourself. Your mother in law will do the same thing.It's hard. It's hard to let go of your expectations.So what do you do? What should your mother in law do? There is one thing that will truly help you figure out your relationship with each other. Communicate. Communication is the most important thing in any relationship. You and your mother in law have to talk to each other before, during, and after situations come up.It will help you to understand each other and talk about expectations you may not have known about. Be careful not to shut each other down if you don't agree. You need to be open to the reality that your relationship will look different than you thought and that's not a bad thing. The more you work on it and the more you communicate, the closer you will be.You're both just trying to figure out your roles and see where you fit into each other's lives. Give each other grace and a little slack as you figure it out.