Culture Clash Wednesdays #9 The Stigma Of Adoption

I'll never forget that moment in my life. It changed everything for me. I knew I would feel complete after it happened. I had wanted it for so long. I had spend countless nights crying in my bed, hoping one day it might happen.Finally, the day had arrived... and I was going to be adopted by my dad. I was going to sign the papers and everyone would know he was my dad. I wouldn't have to dread Father's Day anymore, I could actually look forward to it. I finally had someone to call daddy.Adoption has always held an extremely important place in my heart. My mom raised my brother and I alone until she met my father. Everything fell into place when he came into our lives. I even started calling him dad right away. It was a word I had always wanted to use and never had a chance to. I have always been proud to tell people my father adopted me. As I've grown up with this reality in my life, I've realized not everyone sees it as something special. Each culture sees it differently. Some know the love it offers and others see it as something shameful. I recently read an article in The New York Times about a Korean couple. This couple had adopted a baby into their family. They knew their family would never approve so instead of telling them the truth, they told their parents the father had an affair. An affair was more acceptable than adoption... I read this article multiple times because I couldn't believe it. This couple longed to have a child of their own. This should have been a blissful moment. Instead, they were worried about what to tell their families. I've heard similar stories from families around the world. Some of them have kept the truth from their child to save them from pain and other keep the secret in fear of what others might think.If you raise a child without telling them the truth, they will think it's something to be ashamed of.[tweetthis display_mode="box"]We have to stop the stigma surrounding adoption and remember adoption means one more child is loved for. #aiwtribe[/tweetthis]One more child isn't alone.One more child has a parent. 

How were you raised to think of adoption?

Culture Clash Wednesday #8 Taste Buds

Last week, I offered three more entries into my Ultimate Spice Giveaway by taking a survey (only a few more days to enter!). This survey helps me see what all of you have enjoyed on my blog and what you want to see more of. There was a HUGE consensus.... You all love culture clash Wednesdays!! I'm so glad you are all enjoying because it has been such a fun series!This week were talking about taste buds. I think many of you will be able to relate to this one.. Food is one of the biggest passions in our house. This could be because we have an almost Indian family or because it's full of boys. I've always heard the way to a boys heart is through his stomach and I can tell you it's the same for Indians! We're always experimenting and trying new dishes! However, a problem always comes up... Can you guess what it is?? My husband and I can never agree if it's too spicy or too bland! Usually, I will love a dish and he says it's a little bland and needs more heat. On the other hand, he will have a dish and love it. All while I'm sweating bullets because it's so freaking spicy! Now, our kids are joining in on the fight. Liam thinks pepper is too spicy and Levi can handle his spicy food. This is probably why my husband loves visiting his family. It's typically a weekend full of spicy Indian food. My first few years in the family, I would get teased because I'd always have a glass of milk with dinner! I'd get the biggest glass possible because I knew how ridiculously spicy everything was going to be! It's been six years now and I never pour a glass of milk with dinner. Is this because I'm almost Indian and can handle my Indian food or is it because my pride kicked in and I won't ever let them know how badly my mouth is on fire? The world will never know... For the most part, we all love spicy food. It's just the level of heat we don't agree on. We've learned a few tricks over the years to make sure we're all in love with dinner. We've all trained our taste buds to handle some heat. We serve dinner and all sit down at the dinner table. If you look at our table, we will always have multiple kinds of hot sauce. We have hot sauce for every type of food we make too! We have hot pickled vegetables for Indian food, Cholula for Mexican food, and Sriracha for Asian food. This way we can all add the right amount of spice and I don't die from it!

Do you experience this in your house? Are you the one that likes heat?

Culture Clash Wednesday #7 Style Norms

It's the middle of the week! Do you know what that means? It's culture clash Wednesday! The day I share an awkward, fun, or uncomfortable moment with all of you! Today's will make you a little angry. My family and I recently attended a wedding for a family member. We were all excited for the opportunity to dress up in Indian garb for the event. We have boxes and boxes of the stuff and jump on any chance to put them on. Especially the kids because they call them their handsome clothes!The reception was held in a huge building. There were multiple other parties going on and a restaurant downstairs. At one point, my two year old said he needed to go potty. I grabbed him and we started to walk towards the restrooms. After we left the room our party was in, we noticed a couple from another party. They were talking to each other and then they saw my son and I. The moment they saw us, they stopped talking and stared. Now, I don't mean just looked at us, I mean stared! They looked us up and down and continued while we walked across the room. The didn't say a word.After we walked passed, our backs to them, they started laughing and pointing....I turned around to look at them and couldn't believe it. They were laughing at my son and I. They were clearly pointing at our outfits and laughing. I understand that seeing people in clothing other than what you're used to can be different, but to mock and laugh... I quickly took my son to the bathroom because I didn't want him to know what was happening. I have been thinking about this moment all week. A large part of me wishes I would have stopped and said something. Are we offending you somehow? Do our clothes bother you? Do you enjoy laughing at a mother and her child? It's easy for people to have snap judgements when they see something foreign to them. Instead of being open to new things, they get stuck on the fact that it breaks a norm they have lived within. The couple laughed at my son and I because we broke a style norm for them. We weren't wearing American clothes for the wedding and this baffled them.As this moment continues to stir up emotions within myself, I realize it's a great teaching opportunity for my kids. I don't want my kids to fear wearing Indian clothes in fear of someone's response. I want them to be proud of their culture and strut down the hall wearing their little Indian suits with all the pride in the world. We have to challenge this type of response in people. Instead of getting stuck in our rage we need to work towards change. We need to challenge their ignorance and expose the world to a new way of doing things. 

Have you experienced a similar situation? How would you have responded that you think could cause change.

Culture Clash Wednesday #4 Left Handed Faux Pa

This week's culture clash brings up a story I still laugh about today. Right before I went to meet my husband's family, he gave me a few warnings. He tried to explain a bit about Indian culture. He didn't get into too much detail, but he gave me some ideas on what to expect. One thing he mentioned was that I should try and avoid using my left hand as much as I can. Now, growing up being left handed was a very good thing. My mom was left handed and we used to joke about what that meant. Obviously, it meant we were extremely smart and amazing. I mean hey, they even have left handers day. Obviously, this was different in Indian culture. In India, the left hand is used for sanitation purposes. It's considered extremely rude to use your left hand for anything else in India. They eat with their right hand, shake hands with their right hand, and touch people with their right hand. When I met my husband's family, I did my best to not use my left hand. Instead they all noticed right away and thought it was funny. They even teased me about it! Since they had all lived in the US for so long, they didn't refuse to use their left hand. They didn't make a big deal about it and some of them even had left handed kids. The only thing they didn't use their left hands for was eating. That's the one thing that stuck with them. The next time I was with all of my husband's family was during our wedding week. I knew I'd be one of the only whiteys there and I wanted to make a good impression on everyone. I was going to follow all of the customs I had learned, especially avoiding using my left hand. A lot of family was there from India and I wanted to do my best. Just like the time before, people quickly realized I was left handed. I learned to pick up on a few telugu words while I was there. The first two were thella pilla. Can you guess what that means? White girl, of course. It made it really easy to know when people were talking about me. The best was when I would over hear them talking about me, while staring, and then come up to me. Then they would ask if I was left handed. I always laughed and said yes. Then they'd go right back to their group and keep talking in telugu! I don't think this culture clash will ever go away. I'm still a lefty and it will always be taboo in Indian culture. I guess this means Indians don't celebrate left hander's day...

Have you ever experienced a culture clash? Share it and use the #CultureClashWednesday.

Culture Clash Wednesday #3 Sibling Dynamics

This week I want to share a culture clash my husband has experienced. We are both the oldest in our families. I have six brothers and he has a brother and a sister. While we were both expected to help and take care of our younger siblings, it looked very different for us. Neither of us realized how different until we were married. We agreed to spend our Thanksgivings with my husband's side of the family, since we lived right next to mine. We always had a great time because all of the family got together, which was rare because we all lived in different cities. I would spend my time there observing and learning how to integrate myself into a new culture. One thing I picked up on rather quickly was my husband's relationship with his siblings, who were both five years younger than him. In Indian culture, the oldest sibling has a position of authority under their younger siblings. It's the oldest siblings responsibility to almost parent their siblings. As the oldest, my husband stepped in to mentor, advice, love, and take care of them. My husband told me it was always like that for them growing up. His parents taught him the importance of being the oldest child and shared the responsibility of raising his brother and sister. I even saw this with the rest of my husband's family. His mom is the oldest in the family and everyone listens to what she says. They love her and respect the advice and wisdom she has to offer.  While I took care of my younger brothers, it looked much different for me. My parents never shared the parental role, rather encouraged me to look out for my brothers. I was responsible to look out for their well being, teach them, and encourage them. My mom had my two youngest brothers very close together, so I ended up helping raise them. That was also because they were eleven years younger than me. The one thing I didn't do was major correction. If they did something wrong, I could talk to them about it, but all major correction fell under my parent's domain. This was interesting for my husband when he came into our family. He had to learn to navigate his role in my brother's lives, while respecting boundaries. This was a big culture clash for my husband. He had learn a brand new family dynamic. This is one of those culture clashes many people have faced. We all come from different families with different dynamics. This is one of the reasons I think we all have intercultural relationships. It takes time for all of us to learn how to navigate in our loved one's family. Did you experience this with your loved one? What was it like for you?

Culture Clash Wednesday #2 Eating With Your Hands

I can't believe it's already Wednesday. This week is flying by. We ended up taking a little road trip for Labor Day weekend to see my husband's Pinni and uncle (Hear more about them by signing up for my email list). My kids think of their house as their second home so it was well worth the drive to get there. We ended up getting back late Monday night. Then we had my favorite post vacation ritual, the next day... The let's wash everything we brought with us, clean the house, and try to get the kids back into their routine ritual. I'm sure it's your favorite post vacation ritual as well!Now, it's already Wednesday and we're half way through the week. That means today is #CultureClashWednesday! This series is so fun because culture clashes are different for all of us. What may be a shock for one person is completely normal for another. Today's culture shock moment is a little different. I've talked many times about our kids eating with their hands. When I met my husband's family, I was quickly taught how to eat Indian food with my hands. I was excited to learn the technique so I could take part in this while we ate together. Almost everyone on my husband's side of the family eats with their hands while we eat Indian food and I knew I wanted to take part. I also wanted it to be normal for my children which meant we needed to do it regularly at home. While this was a new custom for me, it was never a big shocker. It became a norm for me early on in my relationship. The interesting part came when we had kids and began to teach them how to eat with their hands. My oldest, Liam was eager to teach others how to eat with their hands. He took such pride in it that he wanted everyone to do it too. That's when I started to realize what a culture shock it was for others. I've heard people make some pretty terrible comments in regards to eating with your hands in different countries. We don't do that. We have manners and use utensils. That's disgusting, don't they have forks. Use your fork, we're not like that. I understand that this can be foreign to others, but I'm always surprised by some people's reactions. Sure, it may be different than you're used to, but it's a custom. Using forks or spoons is normal for us, chopsticks are normal for others, and eating with your hands is normal for many as well. Culture shock is normal. We have all grown up differently and have our own way of doing things whether it be based on cultural norms or family tradition. [tweetthis]Remember just because something is new doesn't mean it's less important. #CultureClashWednesday[/tweetthis]Have you ever tried to eat with your hands? Would you consider this a culture shock or is it normal for you? Have you tried it in front of someone that wasn't used to it?

How To Eat Indian Food With Your Hands

I've shared with you guys before on what happened when I met my in-laws for the first time. I was thrust into a situation with dozens of new people, new traditions and customs, and a boyfriend who forgot to give me a little heads up on what to expect.Thankfully, my in-laws were all amazing and very gracious. They continued to give me little hints and tips all weekend on what was going on each day. One of the first things they shared with me is the fact that they all ate Indian food with their hands.I was more than eager to try (while secretly insecure because I had no idea what I was doing.) I wanted to give the best first impression possible, but now I was asked to be vulnerable and attempt something I would probably be horrible with at first.I quickly learned that being in an interracial relationship meant I would be in vulnerable positions like frequently. It wasn't just on my part either, it was just as much for my husband. There were times we would just have to remind each other to trust us and then try something new. These moments have always brought us closer together over the years.Looking back on my first time using my hands to eat Indian food, I didn't do as horribly as I thought. They taught me the etiquette you were supposed to have while doing it and helped me get the hang of it. A few years later I was able to teach my boys the same thing.Now it's become a normal part of our family's routine, granted a few of us enjoy it more than others. To be honest, it's become such a normal routine for us that we don't even bring out silverware when we eat Indian food for dinner. We dish up the plates, find our seats at the table, and dig in.Sometimes we find our four-year-old sneak away to find a fork and we just smile. 

(Read more about our kid's thoughts on hand feeding here...)

Now it's your turn! If you’re going to try Indian food, make sure you try the whole experience! You learn more about other cultures by stepping in and trying new ways of doing things.

4 Steps To Eat With Your Hands

1. Using only the tips of your fingers, mix your main dish/side dish with yogurt/rice, in a separate place on your plate.2. Scoop up your food into a ball. The yogurt or rice will help you to do this.3. Using the tips of your fingers and your thumb, pick up the ball of food.4. Now, use your thumb to push the food into your mouth.See, that’s not too tricky! The more you try it, the more comfortable it will feel and the better you will do it.

Have you ever tried eating Indian food with your hands?