How Should We Talk About Someone's Ethnic Background?

I recently posted a video on my Facebook and it started a lot of conversations on whether or not we should ask someone about their ethnic background. The video referred to people asking strangers about their ethnic background.The video received a lot of different responses. Some people think it's always fine to ask, regardless of the circumstances. Others believe that you should have somewhat of a relationship before you ask. At the end of the day, this video caused conversations to happen and I couldn't be happier!Just because you're OK with people asking questions about your ethnic background doesn't mean everyone else is and visa versa. At the end of the day I think it becomes a heart issue. If you're asking with good intentions and because you really want to get to know someone, it's great!

When Is It OK To Ask About Someone's Ethnic Background?

Curiosity is a normal part of human behavior. When we see something we aren't familiar with or can't label, we want to figure it out. As a mother of biracial children, I do tend to notice other biracial individuals and my mind starts to wonder. However, I wouldn't ask them about it unless we knew each other on some level.There are so many different views on this. Personally, I think you should get to know someone or at least know their name before you start asking questions about their ethnic background. As you start getting to know someone, it becomes a natural part of the process. You start asking each other questions and learning what makes each other tick.I love learning about someone's background because it all plays a part in who they are. Whether they grew up with a single mom, in Hyderabad, are the oldest in their family, etc. It's all a part of who they are.

What If I Don't Know How To Ask

People can usually tell if you're asking about their ethnicity because you care about them as a person or if you just want to fulfill your own curiosity. If they see you're being genuine, the how isn't usually a big deal. They can see that you aren't trying to be rude and that you are asking the best way you can. Then they're usually more willing to answer you.The problem is when people start throwing in stereotypes and assuming things about a complete stranger.

Here's What You Shouldn't Say To Someone Of A Different Ethnic Background Than Yourself

I asked my readers to share some common misconceptions they've experienced. Here are a few of the ones that really make you wonder what the stranger was thinking!

"I'm giving you the Hindi pamphlet so you can understand."

It doesn't matter whether or not you actually needed the pamphlet in a different language. They assume you do because you're Indian.

"His family must be really upset that you're married. Do they hate you?"

How do they know how your relationship is with your in laws? They assume there's strife because he's Indian and you're not.

"Was it really hard growing up in the US?"

They must be forgetting that the United States is full of people with different ethnic backgrounds. Just because you see an Indian man doesn't mean they grew up in India or a Russian women mean she grew up in Russia.

"You're so light! There's no way you can be African American!"

Who made the decision that you have to be a certain shade to "qualify" as African American?

Here's What You Should Do If Your Curious About Other Ethnic Backgrounds

As a society, we should all be learning about different cultures. The more we learn about them, the less likely we are to make generalized stereotypes. Stereotypes are what causes issues in talking about someone's ethnic background. Instead of asking someone about their background, we make statements based on what we assume to be true. Instead of assuming, learn.You should ask someone about their ethnic background to learn more about them as a person and to learn about their culture. Sometimes, it's hard to identify stereotypes we may have. The more you learn about another culture, the more those stereotypes are broken.

Let's Keep The Conversation Going

This has become a sensitive topic in our society. People get too nervous of saying the wrong thing and end up not talking about ethnicity at all. We need to challenge this and get the conversation going. The more we talk about race and ethnicity, the more walls are broken down.I want my kids to grow up in a society where they can be proud of their ethnic background and not feel ostracized for it. They love being biracial because they get to see amazing things from their culture. This can stay the same if we let all the stereotypes go and break down barriers between each other.

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Family Fridays #24 Josey

Happy Friday everyone! Josey is joining us this week to tell us all about her family!

 

 

Hi! I'm Josey, a sarcastically dry, fun loving and hard working kind of gal. The kind who is immediately puzzling and brings to mind one unanimous question "where is that girl from?" Now, if you have any color of skin that isn't white (or if you have a non-local accent) then you know what that question means, you know before the person can even finish the phrase. They aren't wondering about where you grew up, really, they just want to stick a label on you so they can put you in a category and continue in the social exchange. 'Where are your from' translates to 'what's your ethnicity" and "what do your parents look like?' So nice. Who cares? Well, everyone does, and well, it does matter (a little), so I will tell you.

 

I grew up in Washington state and grew up in a fairly white culture. My husband grew up in Minnesota and his culture was fairly similar (actually maybe a bit more diverse). However, my husband has white skin and I don't. I have a very confusing color of brown that makes sure no one can ever guess my ethnicity correctly. It immediately makes me seem foreign or well traveled, or both, or either. Regardless of the exterior, I grew up without any connections to my skin color (as far as cultural traditions go like Indian, Native American, African American, Samoan or any other bronzed skin beauties), so I never thought about this idea of 'interracial' or even 'race'. We are all people, aren't we?

 

 

At first, I was severely attracted to my husband's devilish smirk, his striking blue eyes, and his ability to play it cool in every situation. It certainly didn't mattered what color he was, and since I, as aforementioned, have no non-white cultural ties, there wasn't an issue of what kind of 'Christmas do you celebrate', or 'would you be willing to convert?' We met at school in the second coldest place in America; Grand Forks, ND. But our relationship has been anything but cold. He's the best friend I have ever had and I can guarantee that our love will last past infinity. He's a bit more reserved (think James Bond at a bar) and I am more, uhh, opposite (think if Rebel Wilson and Jennifer Lawrence had a baby, and it was dark skinned). Our love seriously rocks. And it has nothing to do with the color of our skin (although we do think one another is beautiful and handsome). 

 

What makes our family unique has really nothing to do with how people perceive our interracial status, but it has everything to do with how our lives are intermingled together. How we take the best bits of one another's character and personality, mimicking each other, compromising our differences and at the same time maintaining the essence of who we are as individuals. 

 

Though we did celebrate holidays differently before, now that we are we it is so important to the both of us that our lives are combined and melded. Which means change! Everybody loves change, right? Certainly any family blending together has got to be open to it, because regardless of your race, your heritage, or your color, families are meant to be celebrated. And so, that's me! In a nutshell, a shell that's easily cracked into. My biggest advice for two people attracted to one another, who happen to be on separate ends of the skin color wheel: love each other for who you are. And hopefully, eventually, our world will adapt and change along with the rest of us and soon color will be a thing of the past and we can finally shed that label of interracial and race, and begin to see people for who they are not what they appear to be.

 

Do you to hear more stories like Josey's? Check out our other Family Friday posts!