I Never Would Have Expected To Learn This From My Interracial Relationship
There's nothing like getting into a relationship that causes you to lay it all out on the table. Things you may have tried to keep to yourself before just don't matter anymore. They're with you and they either need to live with it or..This means your once oh-so-tidy partner may let you in on the well-known secret that they're a slob.. Or maybe you're the slob.The adventurous person you spent many wild nights may slowly become content with an evening at home watching Netflix with you.It all just changes.You become comfortable with each other and you let your walls down.What about interracial couples?We talk a lot about how they like to make everything a little trickier, more adventurous, and overall throw a curveball right at you!Being in an interracial relationship means you won't only find out about your partner, but you learn a lot about yourself too.
A Few Things Being In An Interracial Relationship Teaches You
You have no clue what you're doing.
I'd love to say you figure everything out after a few years, but I don't think it's ever the case. Experience teaches you a lot, but interracial relationships have a little curveball of their own.As you start to figure something out, you enter into a new phase of your relationship. You go from learning how to behave in your spouse's culture and then you have kids and the dynamics all change.Don't stress about it and give yourself a break. Take it day by day and use everything you've learned as you move forward.
Distance means nothing when you're in love.
I used to think there was no way a long distance relationship would work. Then I married a man who ended up having a traveling job. It definitely made things more difficult, but we loved each other. We figured out a way to make it work the best we could.It's that crazy thing about love. It makes you fight hard for what you have, regardless of how hard it may be. You do it because you know it's worth it.
How possible it is to fall in love with another culture.
I grew up in a very white community. Everyone at school was pretty much white and there wasn't a lot of diversity where we lived. Then I somehow met the man of my dreams and he just so happened to be East Indian.Quickly I learned how easy it was to fall in love with Indian culture. We've started a family and integrated it into our own family culture the best we could. I love learning new things about Indian culture and how comfortable in it as well.
You get beyond excited every time you see a new celebrity interracial couple get together!
When you see another interracial couple in public, you tend to get excited. It means another person has joined your little club and you may even find yourself looking for them in public!Seeing a celebrity interracial couple is huge! You cross your fingers and hope they'll be the ones to make it because it starts to normalize multiracial families on a big scale! Hopefully, it bridges its way to the big screen too!
You start to appreciate your culture more
The more you learn about your spouse's culture, the more you start to love your own. I grew up loving my family and who I was, but it changed when I started learning about Indian culture.I had a big desire to learn more about my heritage and even find out where my family came from. I want to be able to tell my kids all about the special things both of our cultures have to offer. Even on a personal level, I just want to know more about who I am!
Just how differently two people can grow up.
My husband and I have so many things in common. We're both the oldest siblings in our families, we're secretly homebodies, and we're obsessed with food. However, there are a lot of differences as well.One of the biggest differences is how we grew up. It starts with how we celebrated birthdays all the way to what we call our relatives. I love it though. Our differences help us to challenge each other to see things differently, to push the other one to be better and brings a lot of excitement into our relationship.
What have you learned from your interracial relationship?
How To Raise Globally Conscious Kids
After talking with a few multiracial families lately, I'm seeing a popular question. It keeps coming up and I think it's a fun one to talk about together!How can I raise globally conscious children?Many of us think our kids are automatically exposed to diversity because they're growing up in a multiracial family, but it shouldn't stop there. We should always be exposing our kids to different cultures and ways of life.It helps them feel more confident in their biracial identity or multiracial family. It also helps our kids to be a part of a generation that understands how important ethnic diversity is in our world.We all have so much to teach each other and I for one want to teach my kids how great it is to learn about people around them. I want to nurture their curiosity and teach them it's okay to ask questions. I want them to have that little fire inside of them that makes them want to know how people live around the world.So many of the world's current problems could be solved if we simply cared about people around them. The first step is learning to be globally conscious as a family. Show your kids what it looks like and have fun doing it!
How To Raise Globally Conscious Kids
Watch foreign movies together!
This is an easy one! Head over to Netflix and check out all of their foreign family films. All you need to do is put on the captions and you're good to go. You'll hear fun new music, see different places around the world, and your kids will start asking questions!It's a fun way to get your kids exposed to a different culture and find a new family favorite movie!
Cook a dish from a different country.
Find a new cuisine to try out and let the kids help prepare it! Get their hands dirty and have fun! You can even take it up a notch by using utensils used in different parts of the world as well! Kids tend to be hands-on learners and cooking is a fun and simple way to learn something new. Not to mention it means family time!
Give up utensils for a night and see how they eat in India.
After eating Indian food with my hands for almost eight years, I hate eating it with a fork! I would never have expected it but now it's normal in our house. Teach your kids the technique East Indians and Ethiopians use when eating with their hands.
Attend a local community festival celebrating a different culture.
Most towns offer different cultural events throughout the year. Check out your town's website and see what they have to offer. Then schedule it into your family's calendar.These events can be a show, food show, music, crafts, or fun activities. It's a great change of pace for family night and helps your family step out of their comfort zone to try something new.
Fill Your Home With Diverse Books
This is one of my favorite ways to expose my kids to different cultures. We always look for books that talk about kids from across the globe. Each book is a glimpse into a different child's life and the customs they follow. This helps broaden their views because it becomes normal for them to see diversity.
Listen to popular hits, even if it's in a different language!
Turn up the music and dance! We have dance parties at our house every night and recently we've been listening to new music. One night we'll listen to Bollywood music and the next night we may be listening to music from somewhere deep in Africa.The kids love it and are always searching for new music to dance to!
Interracial Couples: What To Expect When Visiting Your In-Laws
One of the scariest things in a new relationship is the day you meet your future in-laws. It's intimidating and downright unnerving. You want to make the best impression possible, but so many thoughts start running through your mind.You know how important it is for it to go well because you truly love your partner. They've changed your world and you want to fit nicely into theirs.Meeting your in-laws is typically more unnerving for interracial couples as well because you're trying to learn a new set of cultural expectations on top of everything else.I've shared my experience with you guys before.As you can all see in my experience, one thing that can make the night a bit more difficult is when you don't know what to expect. Indian culture was completely new to me. I was trying to navigate through it all while preparing for a huge step in my relationship.Not to mention, teaching someone about Indian culture was new to my husband. Growing up, he had shared experiences and food with his friends, but he usually let his family fill them in on what to do during. When we got together, I had all kinds of questions for him. I wanted to know the whats as well as all the whys behind everything that went on.It was the only way I knew to throw myself into his culture so I could take part in as many things as I could. I didn't just want to know about Indian culture, I wanted to experience it.Whether you're about to meet your in-laws for the first time over the holidays or you're still getting to know them, there are a few things you should know.
Respect, Respect, Respect
Indian families tend to be more traditional than some Western families. You should talk to your partner beforehand and ask him how to show his/her family respect. While in your family it may mean telling them to feel at home, it means bringing your in-laws a cup of tea in Indian families.Cultural expectations look different when it comes to respect so your best bet is to communicate with your partner and go above and beyond what you see as respect. As you get to know them, you'll start to learn what respect looks like in their family.
Offer To Help
It doesn't if you're at your home or someone else, always offer to help. You can offer to help cook the meal, clean up dishes afterward, or offer to get someone a glass of water at any point. It's a small thing that goes a very long way.
Don't Use First Names
First names are a no-no with anyone older than you. Ask your partner what you should call them. In most Telugu families you will call everyone aunty and uncle. It's a general sign of respect and is about the same and Mrs. and Mr.Don't be like me and call your mother in law by her first name... Oops!
Hand Feeding
Hand feeding is very common in Indian families. Most Indian food is eaten with your hands. So during meal time, you won't see utensils unless they're trying to be nice to you.You will probably even see elders hand feed loved ones younger than them. They may do it to offer a taste to someone or do it to simply feed someone. It's not just with kids either. It's a gesture of love and very special thing among Indian family members.
Bring A Gift
If you're going to someone else's house, always bring a gift. It doesn't have to be big. It can be a festive candle, box of chocolates, or just about anything. It will score you major points with your in-laws and shows them that you're grateful to be asked into their home.
Take Off Your Shoes
Always take off your shoes when you step into someone's home. You will probably notice a stack of shoes by the door. Always look for them to see if it's expected at someone's home before you walk in. If you don't see it, you can simply ask.
No PDA
Public displays of affection are a big no when it comes to most traditional Indian families. This means you shouldn't be snuggling up to or kissing your partner while around their family. Holding hands is the line and you may even want to run that by your loved one.
My Son Is Colorblind
I'm very excited to introduce you to Rebecca, a presently homeschooling mother of 2, wife to her teenage sweetheart, and author & illustrator of Evie & Alistair: Farmhouse Warriors, now available on Amazon.
This is not a metaphor in regard to racial equality, being that he is a brown boy raised in a peach family. In fact, that metaphor is a significant irritation due to its unintended implications that we are choosing to overlook something that is perceived as inherently less-than in order to accept a person in spite of what they possess, rather than embracing or wholly valuing a person, with color being a fundamental ingredient in the makeup of who they are.Medically speaking, our son has strong deuteranomaly. Without the intervention of technology or a miraculous act of God, he will never see color rightly. That’s just the state of how he was wired in all his humanness. This doesn’t mean that there is something innately wrong with his personhood. It simply means that his visual perception is off.Colorblindness isn’t the only issue with our boy’s vision, and quite honestly, he is so good at compensating for it I may have never been aware of his struggles if a routine screening hadn’t indicated such. He seemed to recognize characters without trouble, he wasn’t squinting or complaining of headaches, and at the time his mix-ups in color recognition could be chalked up as age appropriate. He correctly identified them much of the time too, which cleverly masked his distortion. It’s just that his eyes are the only eyes that he has ever lived with, so he had adapted his output quite well, and at first none of us knew that what he was taking in wasn’t the right thing.His perception is totally valid, understandable, and logical. But its legitimacy & rationality don’t change the fact that it is wrong.Our boy is a problem solver by nature. For example, when he wanted me to cook a grilled cheese sandwich but I was unwilling, he took it upon himself to toast bread in the toaster, put cheese on it, and melt it in the microwave (since he’s not allowed to use the stove). I thought that showed pretty good ingenuity and initiative for a then 5 (now 7) year old.I’ve noticed this quality playing out in the practicality of education as well. Often his instructions would be to color a certain section according to a calculated sum. You know… color all of the 4’s yellow, color all of the 9’s purple, etc. Initially, though his arithmetic was correct, his colors were off. A lot. Understanding that it was due to the challenge with his eyesight, if I even were to say anything at all I may occasionally point out, “This is actually green and not brown, although I know it’s hard for you to see that.” As time went on, I realized that he hadn’t been making as many mistakes. I honestly just thought that his improvements were simply due to lucky guessing. Until one day, I noticed something peculiar out of the corner of my eye: our son would pick up a crayon, gaze at it intently, put it down. Pick up another crayon, examine it, put it down. Pick up another crayon, pause, use it. He was reading the labels! Duh! It never even occurred to me to suggest for him to do this, though it probably should have. (Hooray for getting that whole reading thing down).
Our boy acknowledged his weakness. He didn’t whine about it being hard. He didn’t make excuses about how he couldn’t help that he sees things the way he sees them. He didn’t play the victim and protest the way that he was made and wallow in self-defeat. He simply allowed his weakness to become an opportunity to exercise his strength.Our son went to the source– referred to the name that the crayon was designed to be, and did the next right thing in accordance to the truth—regardless of how he saw it. And what a beautiful picture was made.I don’t know about you, but I’m a grown-up and I still struggle with a tendency to elevate my perception and experiences as the standard of truth. Based upon the evidences set forth amidst the racially charged society in which we live, I am certain I am not the only one. Insides bow up against spoken truths when they feel like threats to our intentions, credibility, and value. I get stuck on not wanting to be misunderstood and so choose silence over solidarity. Frustrations arise at the brokenness and blindness of civilization, and I’m grievously overwrought when I realize my own. Peace is touted as a means to villainize the cries of the oppressed, justifying our comfort rather than actually pursuing justice necessary to bring about the genuine peace we claim to seek.The most worthwhile words of advice I have ever received as the white mother of a black son have been those that have directed my eyes to be opened to the full scope of history and culture, to not automatically shut out discomfort as my privilege allows, and to truly, intentionally see. Because no matter how I raise him, my dark brown son is going to grow up to be a dark brown man, walking independently of my white umbrella-shield. Choosing to turn a blind eye to the reality of what’s out there when others’ interactions are often based upon their own perceptions in regard to color does him no benefit, and is in fact a disservice that sets him up to be overcome by shock and awe.In the case of my son’s vision, I would not have taken the steps necessary to help him compensate for his deficiencies in vision if nobody ever told me they existed. He never would have bothered to work through his own inaccuracies if he were never made aware that he wasn’t seeing things quite right. Berating him for his shortcomings would have been absolutely asinine and not at all helpful. But the truth still needed to be lovingly spoken in order for a beneficial change to be made. Here’s the thing: once we see, we can’t unsee. We are responsible for our awareness. It hurts, it’s hard, and it takes a whole lot of grit. But in that striving and ache is exactly where beautiful strength and unity is birthed.
If you'd like to hear more from Rebecca, head over today and pick up her new book! Evie & Alistair: Farmhouse Warriors, now available on Amazon.
3 Ways Multiracial Families Can Blend Holiday Traditions
The holidays have always been my favorite. My family went above and beyond for them and I knew it meant my family would all get together and we'd have a great time.Now that I have my own little family, I get to share that love with them!I want them to see how much fun it is to make Thanksgiving dinner, decorate for fall, pick the perfect gifts for loved ones, and check off our holiday bucket lists!As my kids have gotten older, I'm starting to see how our multiracial family has put a unique spin on the holidays. We're always looking for ways to blend our cultures into our little family. I want my boys to see how fun it is to figure out what the holidays mean to us.Are you trying to figure out what the holidays mean to your own family? Maybe you're attempting to blend all your traditions together and you need some help? I have a few tips for you that can make blending holiday traditions fun and simple!
Fill your house with decorations that can stay up longer!
Mix Up Your Holiday Menu.
Try Out A New Tradition
Some families can feel pressure to bring in all the traditions they had growing up, but the holidays is a great time to try out something new. Think of a fun new tradition to start for your own family. You don't have to stick to a routine because it's what you've always done.Embrace your own family and put your spin on the holidays!You may even be surprised to find out you've already started one! Maybe you make the same thing ever Christmas morning or you you started making your famous dish for Thanksgiving. Sometimes the best traditions happen without even trying.How Do You Blend Holiday Traditions In Your Multiracial Family?
Getting Ready For An Indian Wedding
This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #TimeWithAveeno #CollectiveBias
Throughout the last few years, I have attended more Indian events than I can count. It’s where I’ve learned countless little nuggets of wisdom about Indian culture and built relationships with new friends and family. Getting ready to attend an Indian wedding is still a process, but I'm going to share a few tips on what to do and how I use AVEENO® products from Walmart.In Indian families, a wedding isn’t just a wedding. It’s a week long opportunity (longer if it takes place in India) to celebrate the love a couple has for each other and the love their family has for them. The week starts out with a Nalugu. This is a ceremony for the bride and groom. The families make a turmeric paste that they take turns smearing on the couple. The goal behind it started out as a way to lighten the couple's skin and make them glow on their wedding day. Yellow stained turmeric powder will definitely do that! While it sounds foreign to many of us, it truly is a beautiful moment. Family members and friends do it as a sign of love to the couple. Many tear stained faces greet the couple throughout the ceremony and let them know how much they love them. The following days are spent preparing the wedding and making sure all last minute details are finalized. The day of the wedding is similar to an American wedding in that they have a ceremony and reception. The ceremony is different in that there is typically a message from a pastor (full on Sunday morning length) and then the bride receives a necklace from her groom. It's called a mangalasutra and it has a very similar meaning to a wedding ring. I love thinking about all the different things that happen during Indian weddings. It brings up memories of my own wedding and throws me into full blown sentimental mode! My wedding was definitely a blend of American and Indian culture and we did our best to blend customs during the actual ceremonies. Now, we get to attend weddings and see how they decide to do theirs. We've attended a lot of truly Indian weddings and also weddings for interracial couples as well. After all the stress and chaos of putting together our own wedding, we would choose to attend rather than host a wedding any day of the week! Whether you're an "Almost Indian Wife" like me or you're attending for a friend, these are tips anyone can follow. 
Decide What You’re Going To Wear
I am always worried to be over or underdressed at a wedding. It's a concern that bridges cultures. The invitation can specify the dress code, but then you get there and realize you're the only one in formal attire! Or you are going to the wedding of an interracial couple and you don't know if you should wear Indian clothes of American. This happened to me once and I mistakenly asked my hubby what I should wear.Indian clothes.I decided to trust him and ended up the ONLY one in Indian clothes. Well, at least I stood out! I learned my lesson and started calling my sister in law to figure out what I needed to wear to Indian weddings! She taught me to dress to impress. If you're wearing Indian clothes, find the most sparkly and fancy sari you have. There is no such thing as overdressing at an Indian wedding. It helps you to take a big sigh of relief and just go for it. If you're unsure of attire, call someone in the bridal party. They can let you know how traditional the wedding is and whether Indian or American clothes are best.
Freshen Up And Get You Hair Wedding Ready
After you decide on what to wear, it's time to freshen up. Hop in the shower and get a nice little jump start on your day! I love to use AVEENO PURE RENEWAL® Shampoo and Conditioner. Your hair has to stand up to an entire day of wedding customs, dancing, and more!I've made the mistake of using hotel conditioner and ended up a frizzy mess by the end of the night. That's why I started using AVEENO®. It helped my hair to become silky and easy to style. You know you'll end up with an aunty making a comment about your hair and makeup at some point during your evening. There's always something they think you could do better. AVEENO® has your back! They use sulfate-free formulas that make your health look healthy and full of life! They don't leave room for aunty to say one word!Along with a fancy outfit, I love making sure my hair can stand up to the beautiful sari.
Find Out How To Put Everything On
You'd think at almost 30, I would know how to get myself dressed; however, Indian clothes are a whole new ballgame. It's straight up HARD. If you're wearing a lehenga, it's a bit easier. All you have to do is put on a skirt and top. It gets tricky when you decide on wearing a sari. It's by far my favorite because it's so beautiful. The problem is it's miles of fabric with no road map on how to put it on!I've tried to figure it out, but I still need help! Make sure you have someone that can help you put on your outfit if you're still unsure of what to do. I think people typically assume I don't know how to do it, so some aunty typically ends up in my room while I'm getting ready, offering to help me. Then you have the bangles! I swear they're beautiful but they're a death trap. They're tinier than wrists should be, but they expect you to put them on with ease. Or you put them on with a little help from lotion and then you're stuck with them on forever.
Enjoy The Wedding
The last step is easy... Enjoy yourself! Indian weddings are so much fun and after you manage to get ready, it's all a breeze. You get to watch two in love people get married, spend time with friends and family, and dance the night away! At the end of the night, you'll be so exhausted from your amazing evening that you'll be asleep the moment your head hits the pillow.
A Few More Thoughts About AVEENO®
I mentioned how I get ready using AVEENO PURE RENEWAL® Shampoo and Conditioner in the steps above, but I want to share a bit more. I don't just use them when I get ready for the wedding, but every other part of the wedding week! They help get off any turmeric leftover from the nalugu, get shiny and beautiful hair fit for any occasion, and they do it all using their natural formula. They help you get rid of any impurities and renew your hair after every shower. Not to mention they are perfect for sensitive skin and scalps like mine!Head over to your local Walmart and pick up your AVEENO® products today! You’ll find them for a killer deal at Walmart!Click here to download a coupon and save $2.00 on AVEENO® products! Wedding weeks are crazy enough without having to worry about your hair and skin. AVEENO® helps calm the crazy by jumping into action!
Racism Won't Stop If You Stay Quiet
I was twenty-one when I witnessed my first racist encounter. I'm sure it wasn't the first time I'd witnessed racism, but sadly it was the first time it made an impression. It was the first time it was personal.Joel and I were sitting in our car, at a red light. We were talking and hardly noticed the car pull up next to us. It was late at night and just like your momma always taught you, nothing good ever happens at night.My husband says he didn't hear it at first, but I did. They started asking me why I was with a n*****. I couldn't believe it. I was completely baffled. We weren't talking to them and didn't do anything to pick a fight with them. They just started going off.I didn't say anything. I was too shocked. Joel hardly flinched. To this day he doesn't even remember the situation.I don't know what hurts more... remembering the encounter or the fact that my husband has encountered ignorant people so often that our experience blended into the rest for him.It was only a few moments. They drove off before either of us could say anything, but I still remember it almost eight years later.It was a pivotal moment in my life. It opened my eyes to the world of racism that still exists. I had been sheltered from it for years even though so many people out there haven't known a life without racism.
The last two years have also opened people's eyes.
We've seen police officers shooting innocent African Americans.We've seen hateful people drive down innocent men and women during riots.We live in a world where parents have to warn their children about what to do if they encounter police or hateful people. Whether they're African American families, East Indian families, or any other ethnic background other than Caucasians... In the world's eyes, white people don't do the harm so every other race must be to blame.To this day, my husband still encounters racist people. They assume he's middle eastern and flag him at airports for extra security checks. He even has to go as far as shaving before he goes on a trip to try and avoid them.It's not okay.I know many people in the world haven't had to experience the same moments. It's the reason I get people emailing me and asking why I focus so much on race and blending cultures in my blog. They essentially question why I won't raise my kids to see life through a color-blind lens.Do you want to know why?
I teach my kids about both sides of their culture because I want them to know how special they are.
Society teaches children that any race other than caucasian is second-rate.Don't believe me?Why is it that the news never refers to a "white" man or woman, but then you'll see taglines like "black on black crime?" The US is supposed to be full of different cultures and backgrounds.Instead, it's a "melting pot." They want everyone to come together, let go of who they were before they came here, and be like everyone else. That's not good enough for me.I don't want to teach my kids they should be like everyone else. No. They're different. They are a beautiful blend of both mine and my husband's culture. I want them to understand what their biracial identity means to them and how important diversity is.
Racism still exists. It's real and it happens every day.
The excuse of "I didn't know" doesn't work anymore. It's not enough. It's the reason NFL players took a knee during a televised event where they know people all over the US were watching. They wanted to let the world know they're done. They're done going on with life and pretending like racial injustices aren't going on.I don't care if you agree with their methods or not. the fact of that matter is they got people talking.We need to stop arguing on Facebook over how the NFL players did it and think about what we can be doing to stop racism. Everyone has a lot to say right now about the NFL, but then they go quiet when you bring up racism.
Racism will never stop if people remain quiet.
We need to band together and stop the hate. Get off your couch, get off Facebook, and do something. Find a way to stand up.Whether it means using your platform to challenge racism or calling out your neighbor when they start sharing a racist joke.Do something.Racism isn't still around solely because of hateful people. It's also because of the hundreds of thousands of people that stay quiet. The people that overhear racism or watch someone get treated unjustly because of their race. Instead of standing up and stopping it, they stay quiet.Today's the day we let the world know we're done with racism.How are you going to make a change?
5 Reasons Your In-Laws Are All Up In Your Business
During your relationship, you may start to notice just how involved your in-laws or future in-laws become. You may not have come from a family who is overly involved in each other's lives so it's a new concept for you.You try to be polite and smile but in the back of your mind, you're wondering when it's going to stop. You even convince yourself...My in-laws will back off a bit when we get married...One day, they'll give us a bit more room to breathe.When they see I'm here for good, they'll relax.Then the happy and joyous day comes.. You get married and you tell yourself, you're free. Now, it's all going to calm down and you can finally be a private couple. You don't have to worry about the overly involved in-laws and how it's just you two.The days start to roll by, then weeks, and maybe months.You sit down and think #&$&. It didn't stop. Now, you're married into it and have a glimpse into a future of living with critical and bossy relatives.Before you hide under your blankets and start yelling, think about something with me. Let's take a deeper look into the situation and find out whey they're like this.What causes them to jump into your business every time?What makes them feel like they can share advice for every single fight you have?
# 5 Reasons Your In-Laws Are All In Your Business
They Care About You
At the end of the day, they like you. Okay, they may be starting to like you, but they like your partner. They want you guys to be happy together and they may even be worried you still need them.As a mom, it's your mother in law's job to take care of her kid. Now you and her kid are together, starting your own family. She's trying to figure out what she can do for you as a couple and how she can make you two to be happy and successful.
They Want You To Make The Best Decisions
They may worry you still don't know exactly what you're doing. I often look at my kids, wondering how they'll ever survive without me! Even though you're both adults, the thoughts still cross their minds.They worry you'll make the wrong decision so they jump in and "gently shove" you towards what they believe is the right choice.
Letting Go Is Harder Than You Think
Your in-laws were responsible for your partner for over a decade. They were there for every snotty nose, coughing spell, late night, doctor visit, and tough choices. Now, they're expected to sit back while life happens all around their kid.They probably know they should sit back and let you guys make your own choices, but it's not as easy as you think.
Family Expectations Are Different
This is where things really get crazy. In your family, starting your own family may mean everyone else steps back. However, it may not be the same in your spouse's family. In many families outside of the US, getting married doesn't mean parents are now out of the equation.It means you've been added into their equation. Now instead of a couple living their lives on their own, you're a family doing things together.
They Want A Special Place In Your Lives
Beyond the cultural differences you may be facing, in-laws just want to know they have a special place in your lives. They may jump in every time they think you need them just to remind you how vital they are.It's scary when things change.Starting your own family means their place in your life transitions and they're trying to figure it out with you.
One Thing You Can Do...
Give your in-laws a bit of a break. Try to see it from their positions. It's not easy when life and roles change.However, for the couple that's been going through this for YEARS... Try to create an open dialogue with your in-laws. Find areas in your life they are needed or could help you with.Let them know they are needed and have a special place in your lives. It helps them to feel validated and also helps to strengthen your relationship with them. They don't want to feel like you're always trying to get rid of them. They do notice.Help then find out where they belong in your new family.
Interracial Couples: My In-Laws Won't Accept Me
Do you remember the first few months of your relationship? It was exciting!Everything was new.You were just getting to know your partner and all the feelings you were experiencing for each other were new. You spent all of your time together because you wanted to get to know what made them tick. You wanted to know what it was about them that was making you fall so hard.As your relationship progressed, it changed from living in your own little world together, to branching out. Now, it was time to meet his friends, his loved ones, and of course... his parents.You wanted nothing more than for them to love you because deep down you knew your relationship would last. However, your fears started to make their way to the surface. You started to wonder what they would think about you.Would they love you?
Would they accept you into their family?
We've all experienced this part differently. Some of you have been welcomed in happily and with open arms. Sadly some of you have experienced something much different, much more painful.Instead of feeling completely loved by your new family, you may have faced a harsh reality of being unaccepted. You spent your time worrying about the impression you would make, but they wouldn't even let you get there.They wouldn't give you a chance.What do you do if your new in-laws won't even give you an opportunity to make a bad impression?I've talked to many couples who are facing this situation. Some of them are facing in-laws who won't even talk to them, some partners won't even introduce them because they "know" what their parents will say, some face hostility at every family get together, and sadly they all hurt.
Every one of these situations makes someone feel inadequate.
If this is you, you know the feeling very well. You started off your relationship feeling madly in love and now you wonder if you're enough.Are you enough for him and his family?Should you keep trying?Should you let the relationship go and stop trying?You may think you know exactly what you would do, but you never know. The world tells you to fight for love, to stand up against all odds to hold onto it.Sadly, insecurities are painful. It's not as easy as ignoring it or letting it roll off. If this is you, I have one thing to tell you.You are enough.You are more than enough and love is worth fighting for.Some people get stuck completely stuck in old ideas. They think a relationship has to be between two people who look and behave the same. As a woman who's in an interracial relationship I know, that's not true.
Love comes in all shapes and sizes.
Don't stop fighting. As a couple, you need to hold onto each other for strength and keep walking forward. Don't let someone else tell you who you should love.Your in-laws have a choice. They can accept you for who you are and how happy you've made their child or they can choose to not be a part of your life. It's on them. You can't change them or make them think anything they don't want to and that's okay.You are making a difference. You're showing other interracial couples out there that it's worth the fight. The Loving's taught all of us what that fight can accomplish.We have an opportunity to fight fiercely for change so our kids have more opportunities than we did.Be the change you hope to see in the world. Don't give up.
Am I A Bad Parent If My Child Chooses One Culture Over The Other?
As parents of multicultural or biracial kids, we have a lot of pressure on our shoulders.We want to make sure our kids understand everything they need to know about each culture in their family and to somehow balance it perfectly.We don't want anyone to think we're pushing our culture above our partner's so we're constantly in a balancing act.Then, the day comes... You thought you were doing a good job of blending cultures equally. You've been doing your best, but then you notice something.You start to realize your child is leaning towards one culture. Instead of trying to balance cultures in their own life, they're starting to identify with one over the other.Maybe you notice it because they start to say they're Indian rather than Indian and (blank)...Maybe they don't want to practice the customs of one culture.As a mom, one of my first reactions to this is that I'm not doing my job. I become frantic worrying about what I've done wrong.Did I not show them the beauty of both cultures?Did I subconsciously push one harder than the other?Was I not focusing on cultures at all?
I have three kids and they've all embraced their multiracial culture differently. At first, it was easy. They were little and frankly didn't have a choice in it all. They were just there in different situations where their culture was presented to them. As they've gotten older, I'm starting to see that they're beginning to decide for themselves.I've always said I want my kids to experience both cultures in their lives and blend them how they feel best. What if how they feel best isn't balanced?I have one child that would move to India and let go of their Western culture in a snap. Okay.. maybe they would smuggle in an iPad on their trip but they love their Indian side. They love learning Telugu, learning new customs, and the FOOD!Then I have my "Indian child." The child everyone says looks the most Indian out of their brothers. He's up for anything! Even though he's little, I can see he likes to blend. He doesn't want to leave anything out.Let's not forget my son who wants the spice from his Indian side and that's about it... He won't touch Indian food with his hands or listen to just about anything.Three kids and three completely different ways to blend cultures.
The perfectionist and worrier in me says that I'm doing something wrong. I wonder if I should start pushing them to embrace both sides of their unique culture, but then I see their little faces. They're happy. They aren't worried about this impossible balancing act. They simply love their family (Indian and Caucasian), themselves, and their little biracial lives.Society pushes this idea of a perfect balance onto parents, telling us we're lacking something if it's not 50/50. However, I think just about every parent out there has realized perfection is impossible to attain. As much as we'd all love it, nothing is perfect. We can parent perfectly and why would we teach our kids to push themselves to attain the impossible?At the end of the day, I simply want my kids to embrace who they are and be open to new experiences. I want them to see the amazing lessons both cultures can teach them and find a way to blend them that makes them happy.
Masala Chai Recipe | Authentic Spiced Tea
Over the years, I've learned the importance of masala chai tea. It's not just a drink in Indian families. It's the cure all for every illness, broken heart, poor relationship, and not to mention the the perfect fall drink.I didn't realize a non-alcoholic drink could be so heavenly!
As my husband and I have attended dozens of Indian get to togethers, we both picked up on one common theme. It doesn't matter who's house you're at, they will always have a warm cup of masala chai tea waiting for you. It doesn't matter if they know you or not (or if they even like you for that matter) they will always have it waiting for their guests.My husband grew up with masala chai so he didn't realize how important it was until I started asking if every single Indian was obsessed with chai.Masala chai is an unspoken rule in Indian homes.It's one of the first things you learn to make because you can't survive without it. After enjoying my first cup, I understand why. It's a simple yet fragrant drink. There are so many warm spices in every cup and I love watching how it brings families together.
[amd-yrecipe-recipe:26]
Establishing Personal Space In A Multiracial Family
Have you ever experienced a moment of extreme personal space invasion? You’re standing in line at the bank and there's someone in front of you and behind you. While you leave a considerable amount of space in front of you, the person behind you keeps inching forward. Then they get so close, you can feel them breathing on your neck. You compensate by moving forward, but then you’re then invading the space of the person in front of you. They turn around and look at you.It’s not my fault!My husband experienced this in India a few years back. He was raised in the US but he's spent a few years living in India. He was sent to live there with his grandparents as a toddler and visited every few years as he was older. As much as he remembers how it is there, it always takes time to re-acclimate.There are over one billion people living in India...That’s right. Over one billion! With so many people, let’s just say personal space isn’t high on their list of concerns. My husband told me while he was in the city, people were constantly right next to him. They would get close enough that he would end up bumping elbows every five seconds. Instead of realizing they were too close, they seemed oblivious.He also told me he was always getting hugged and kissed by all of the aunties and uncles he met. Whether he knew them or not, everyone was very affectionate. This goes hand and hand with a lack of concern for personal space. It’s not that they don’t understand personal space, it just doesn’t bother them. They’re comfortable being close to each other because that’s what they’ve always known.This is one of many reasons my son Liam is born for Indian culture. He would happily fit into the streets of India, loving every time he bumps into a stranger.
However, my son Levi is the complete opposite. He loves physical affection from his daddy and me, but other people are a different story. Everyone knows he's picky on who he decides to hug and kiss. He even has a Troll's blanket that says "No Hugs," just in case he needs to reference it to people!Levi's in a tricky position.As a part of our little multiracial family, he's a part of a culture that expects physical affection and a side that's not about it.Deep down he loves being hugged and squeezed by people that love him, it just has to be on his own time. My husband and I don't ever want to force him to show physical affection to anyone, but we can see the struggle he goes through when he's faced with it.
This is one of many moments like this he's going to face. As a biracial child, he's going to be at these little intersections where both of his cultures tell him to do something else. At the end of the day, I don't want him to stress out over which culture he has to choose to listen to. I want him to listen to his own heart and find out what's right for him.His daddy and I will love him regardless of what he chooses. Biracial children have a lot of pressure on their shoulders and I want him to know we love him for who he is, not which culture he identifies with more.
A Few Things Every Masala Wife Should Know
There are quite a few things you have to learn when you become a wife. I was very young when I got married and I felt like everything was different. I was learning what it looked like to live with someone, balance everything I had on my plate, and how to be there for my husband.In addition to all of that, I was told I was supposed to be some semblance of an Indian or "masala" wife. Indian culture was completely new to me and I usually had no idea what I was doing. I typically figured it out by doing something wrong or during the aftermath of it all.Today, I'm going to help you out. I'm going to give you a leg up in the battle of knowing everything a masala wife should know.
Learn to cook roti... trust me..
First things first. You need to learn how to make some type of roti. You could make parathas, naan, or chapatis. They're served with just about every meal and you can't depend on you MIL to make them for you forever. Not to mention you will get MAJOR masala wife points in you learn how!
Your mother in law will be very involved.
I hope you didn't think that getting together with your partner or even getting married means you get to make all of your own decisions. Your mother in law will always be involved. They will have advice for you in their back pocket at all times and won't hesitate to let you know when you're doing something wrong.If you're together with a momma's boy you're really in for it. They will tell her absolutely everything, even things you thought would be just between the two of you. She will always be there so make sure you work on that relationship. There's nothing better than a mother in law you actually want to be around and spend time with.
You should start saving for plane tickets now.
Traveling is a must when it comes to being a masala wife. You're going to need to travel to different weddings, events, and to visit family that will most likely be around the world. You may get lucky and have a few of them living in the States otherwise international travel here you come!Don't worry. If you're not a traveler now, you will be. You'll start to love it and get excited to fill up another page on your passport! Not to mention, I would travel anywhere in the world if it meant I could attend yet another Indian wedding!
Your mouth will eventually adapt to Indian spice levels... or your taste buds just go numb.
I'll never forget my first few times eating Indian food. I would sit down with a huge plate of curry, rice, and don't forget a huge glass of milk. I couldn't handle the heat with out a little help from milk!Over the years, I became more and more used to the heat. Now I find myself adding hot sauce to dishes I never would have and ditching the milk! Something happens in your mouth when you start eating Indian food. It starts out as a battle in your taste buds until they finally submit and realize it's not so bad!
Your spouse won't prepare you for everything... or much of anything..
Last, but not least... Your husband will never prepare you for everything. He may try and let you know what to expect in different situations, but most of the time you'll be sitting there trying to figure it all out. Or you'll be like me and figure it out by doing it very.. very wrong!Luckily most people expect it and hopefully give you a break. They may even tease you a bit. The only solution I can tell you is ask a lot of questions and go with the flow. Watch people around you and you will figure it out.
The First Lie I Ever Told My In-Laws
Should You Do Something You're Uncomfortable With In A Relationship?
The biggest thing you have to keep in mind is that you both have to be happy with your decision.
A few years ago, my husband and I moved our family closer to his side of the family. This meant we moved 36 hours away from my family. It was a really big decision for us. If I wasn’t a part of the decision to move here, it could have caused a lot of issues in our marriage. It would have been easy for this to cause a rift between us. However, we made this decision when we first got married. We discussed where we wanted to settle down and agreed we would settle by his family. There are so many factors that helped us to make this decision.However, timing changed. Every few years we would talk about making the big move. To be honest, I wasn’t ready until a few years ago. I knew I wanted to do it, but it was hard for me to move so far from my family. I had to be fully ready and my husband patiently waited.Now, we’re here and our family is so happy. Sure, we all miss my family, but our reasons for moving here makes it worth it. Indian culture is present in our children’s lives every day. It’s much easier to put them in the middle of this vibrant culture when we’re around my husband’s family. By living closer to my in-laws, it also means my kids are around Telugu more often.
My husband and I made this decision for our family.
We made it together and did what we think is best for our family. You can’t look at other multiracial families and do exactly what they do or concede to the pressure from loved ones to run your family the exact same way they did. They have seen what works for them and try to push you to do the same thing.All you can do is listen to their advice, see how their family functions, and see what you can take from it. Chances are you will be able to take a few things and change other things to fit your family better. There is no right way to have a multiracial family or interracial relationship.You have to communicate with each other every day and constantly reevaluate. You can make a decision that works for a while, but you need to see how those decisions work as your family grows and changes.
How To Help Your Multiracial Family Ease Back To School
As the summer draws to a close, parents everywhere are walking into the back to school haze. They know everything is about to get crazy. Free time is out the door and hectic schedules are about to be back in full swing.There are so many things to do for kids to be ready to transition back to school. Their sleep schedules are off, they spend their days outside with no desire for a structured activity, and they've gotten used to being home with mom and dad all day.
Get Back Onto A Sleep Schedule
Slowly ease your children back to a sleep schedule. During the summer late nights are normal because you're hoping they sleep in just a bit for you.Get them ready for school by setting bedtime a bit earlier and having them wake up by a certain time. Transition slowly to get their body clocks back to normal. If you ditch the transition, the first week back to their school schedule will be rough.
Meet Your Child's New Teacher
Find your teacher's email and schedule a time to meet before school starts. This is a great time for you child to meet their new teacher and maybe even get a little excited!It's also the perfect time to introduce their teacher to your multiracial family. You can share a few of the unique things about your family, words your child may use in a different language, etc. Teachers want to truly know who their students are and be aware of what makes them unique.
Set Up Play Dates With Their New Classmates
In addition to meeting their new teacher, try and set up a play date with some of their new classmates. One of the scariest parts of going back to school is the unknown. It's scary not knowing what to expect and the possibility of not knowing anyone.Make them more comfortable by helping them make a few friends early!
Start A New Back To School Tradition
Start a new tradition to celebrate going back to school! Do a drive in movie the last day of summer, throw a party after the first week with their new friends, or go out to breakfast the first morning. Find something fun that you know your kids will love! Make going back to school a fun thing and something they look forward to!
Make Sure To Have One On One Time With Your Kids Throughout The Week
One big transition kids have when going back to school is less time with mom and dad. They got used to spending all of their extra time with you and now they only get to see you for part of the day.Go out of your way to spend one on one time with them during the school week. It doesn't have to be a huge ordeal. It can be as simple as a little coffee date with momma.
How do you help your family ease back to school schedules and routines?
Do Kids Belong At A Meat Shop
Over the last eight years that my husband and I have been married, we've faced quite a few culture shock moments. Most of them happen when we least expect it. We just go about our day and then we find ourselves doing something we've done for years, only to see the look on our spouses face.Complete and utter shock.Or it's the other way around and we look at them wondering how in the world they don't realize how crazy it is.It gets even crazier when you have kids.About a year ago, my husband and I headed to our local Indian grocery store. We had planned out a few Indian dishes for the week and knew we needed to pick up spices and some fresh meat.We have taken our kids to this Indian grocery store dozens of times... Usually the Aunty or Uncle that works there gives them a sucker and they always try to find the good cookies.I knew they had fresh meat at this one, but I didn't realize how fresh.We went through the store and grabbed all of the groceries we needed and saved the meat for last. We walked to the meat section and I noticed they had a lot of pre-cut meat right up front. I assumed we'd pick from the meat in the fridge. My husband started talking to the guy about different cuts of meat and decided to order half a goat. The man then preceded to walk into the back room.
He walked back out carrying a goat over his shoulder.
Dead.Skinned.Baby Goat.My four year old instantly asked him, what's that? The man smiled and said it's a goat. Do you see his head? Want to watch me cut him up?
WHAT?
All I wanted to do was yell at this guy that just traumatized my four year old.Why in the world would you joke around with a toddler about a dead animal?! Right as I was about to make the biggest scene this guy has probably ever seen, I stopped and realized this was normal for him. He probably sees families come in all the time, children in their arms, watching this process happen.My husband even told me a story of him and his siblings in India. Him and his family had gone to Hyderabad for the summer. All week long, his younger brother and sister were playing with a goat. They had named it and started to treat it as a pet. One morning, they woke up to see it hanging on a tree behind their bungalow.An Aunty and Uncle were preparing it for dinner.As much of a shock as that was to them, they realized early on the reality of having animals in India.I watched my son the entire time. I was glued to his reactions to see if I needed to cover his eyes and run out of the store at any moment. Surprisingly, he was fine. While I was cringing at every moment, he was curious and then distracted by the cookies in the aisle next to us.This was one of those moments that was completely acceptable in Indian culture and a huge shock in American culture.He still goes with my husband to the Indian grocery store all the time and he still has just as many questions when he goes. The big thing I had to remember was just because this was something new to me, didn't necessarily mean it was a bad thing.I'll admit though... I still hesitantly watch their reactions the whole time!
Have you ever experienced culture shock?
What's Expected Of A Foreign Daughter In Law?
Does marrying into a foreign culture mean you are now expected to behave according to your new cultures rules?
This has come up for me in different ways. I’ve mentioned before, I grew up in a family with a single, mom. I was taught to be a strong, independent, and outspoken person. However, the culture I have married into expects humility, submission to leadership, and listening and trusting your elders. There’s not much room for outspoken remarks in there.When I first married my husband, I was very vocal to him. I told him that we are married, starting our own family, but he has to remember, I’m not Indian. He used to laugh.
Yes, hon. I think your white skin was a bit of a give away for me.
I could see some of the cultural differences from the beginning of our relationship. It all started my first Thanksgiving with his family. I was so interested and observed all weekend. I noticed everyone was called by Indian names (Ukka, Mama, Pinni, Ummamma), everyone was extremely close to each other, everyone ate Indian food with their hands, and all of the kids submissively obeyed their elders (even as adults).My husband and I have always wanted to bring Indian culture into our family. So, I tried to find out what was going to be expected of me as a foreign daughter in law. I wanted to be a good daughter in law, but I also didn’t want to be held to every Indian standard there was. In my head, I thought I'd be changing myself if I agreed to be held to all Indian standards.The longer I've been a foreign daughter in law, the more I’m realizing it’s not possible to truly bring Indian culture into our family without being held to some Indian standards.I have responsibilities as the oldest daughter (in law) in the family, as a mother of biracial children, as a wife, as a foreign daughter in law, and as an Akka (big sister).I've learned to love some of these expectations. I love that my husband and I have been able to be there for my brother and sister in law. I love being able to give advice to all of the cousins in the family. I love having family live with us for extended periods of time.Along with so many expectations I love, there are also some that I still struggle with. As an outspoken person, I have the hardest time listening without sharing my opinion. I’ve learned how disrespectful it can be in Indian culture to openly disagree with an elder. In my family, we all share our opinions and often leave it at, let’s agree to disagree. I’ve never seen that as disrespectful. I love that my family shares our opinions with each other. Even if we don’t follow what someone says, I love that we can challenge each other.Submissive obedience in Indian families means an elder tells you to do something and you do it, simple as that. I finally asked someone for advice on this.
Will I lose myself if I agree to submissive obedience?
She asked how I’d lose myself. How could I be myself, without sharing what I thought? What if I disagreed? What if I agreed, but I still want to share what I thought?The more questions I asked myself, the more I realized there's no way to lose myself by listening to someone who loves my family and is trying to help us. I have only been a parent for five years. I have so much to learn. If anything, I’m letting my pride prevent me from accepting help.When elders in our family tell me to do something, I’ve learned to be open. Obviously, I’m so far from perfect in this area. I know my pride will continue to rear it’s ugly head again and again. However, I want to teach my kids to listen to their elders as well. The best way to teach them this is to show them, even adults listen to their elders.This doesn’t mean I don’t have a voice in our family. That is the biggest idea that I struggle with. The western culture in my head says obeying as an adult means I’m being stifled and not respected. In reality it means someone loves us enough, they are trying to help us by giving us advice and trying to make our lives easier.There are the times where I am told to do something with my children and I don’t agree.
What do I do? I thank them for the advice and then my husband and I decide together.
At the end of the day, my husband and I will do what we think is best for our family. However, I am actively trying to quiet my pride so I can be open to what our family members have to offer as advice and wisdom.As a foreign daughter in law, the standards are different. Some may expect me to follow every Indian standard and others won’t hold me to any. My husband and I talk about which standards I feel comfortable holding myself to. The biggest thing I ask myself is what can I teach my child if I follow a certain standard. If I think it holds value to them, I try to follow it. If it’s not something I want to teach them, I don’t.
You won’t ever be able to please everyone. All you can do is what’s best for your family. You and your spouse chose together what you will do as a family.
Mistakes Interracial Couples Are Making
Mistakes Interracial Couples Are Making
There are a lot of things interracial couples have to do. They're constantly trying to figure out how to blend everything from taste preferences to family traditions. However, they're also doing a few things wrong.
Trying To Figure Everything Out On Their Own.
We've all heard the saying, "Relationships require open lines of communication." However, it's one thing most relationships lack. Over time, you start to talk less and either assume your partner knows what you're thinking or figure it's easier to do it all on your own.I'm definitely one that likes to do things on my own. I grew up with an independent single mom and my first instinct is to take care of myself. I've had to really learn over the years, to depend on and communicate with my husband.Communication is vital in interracial relationships. They have all the same things that typical couples have to face as well as all the challenges that come with blending cultures and expectations. It's important for them both to talk about how they feel along the way and to check in with each other frequently.
Assuming Expectations Are Universal.
Anyone in an interracial relationship will tell you just how different expectations are in different cultures. While you may think you're being hospitable and gracious, you in-law may think you're actually being rude and offensive.You may get lucky and have some expectations that are universal, but for the most part, they're not. Interracial couples have to talk about what's expected of each other in different situations. It's up to both of them to decide if they'll follow the expectations, in the end, but understanding what they are is key.
Getting Caught Up In The Drama.
It's easy to get caught up in the stress of blending cultures and trying to follow the expectations that have been placed on your shoulders. You start to forget why you fell for each other, to begin with, because your relationship becomes all about stress.You have to find a way to separate it all. You fell for your partner because you loved them. If you can stand strong as a couple, you can face the rest of it together. Even though it can be overwhelming at times, think of it as something to help you get closer together.
Forgetting What Culture Really Means.
Somehow the term "culture" has been mistranslated by many interracial couples. They assume one of them has more culture than the other because their partner grew up in India or some other part of the world. Then their relationship becomes all about blending their culture into the relationship rather than blending both cultures into their family.Culture is a person's beliefs, how they were raised based on where the lived or their ethnic background, their ideas, and how they behave.We all have a unique culture that sets us apart from everyone else. Interracial couples have to remember to blend both cultures into their family.
Not Laughing.
Interracial couples face a lot. It may be in the form of discrimination, stereotypical jokes, stress, or crazy comments from ignorant people. At the end of the day, they all have a choice. They can let it make them bitter or they can just laugh.Sometimes laughter is the best medicine.You can't control how other people are, but you can control your own response. Don't let other people come in make you feel like your relationship is a burden or stress you out.Instead, just laugh. Laugh because you knew you are completely in love with your partner and that is all that matters.
The Question Interracial Couples Secretly Ask Themselves
My husband and I are about to celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary. While it's gone by fast, it wouldn't have been possible with a lot of hard work.Every couple that has survived past the new relationship stage knows how hard a relationship can be. If you want it to work you have to grow together, forgive daily, and strive to be the best person you can be.What about interracial couples?While every couple faces challenges, interracial couples are in a whole new ballpark.In addition to meeting the in-laws, you have to be aware of all the different cultural expectations.You don't just have to figure out how to live together, you have to figure out how to blend cultures in your home.There's a unique edge to just about everything in your relationship. At the end of the day, just like other couples, you have to put in the hard work. You'll have different seasons throughout your relationship. The wonderful seasons will help get you through the rough seasons.Your love for each other trumps anything you will go through together.
However, if we're being honest... there's a question we've all asked ourselves at some point in our interracial relationship. A question we may even be embarrassed to admit.Would it have been easier if I didn't choose an interracial relationship?If we're going to sit here and be frank with each other, the answer is most likely yes.Blending cultural expectations, lifestyles, and beliefs can be overwhelming at times. It's also work that other couples don't necessarily have to put in daily like we do.While both people in the relationship could ask themselves this question, the thing to remember is that culture is one of the reasons you love your partner.When my husband and I started falling for each other, the fact that we had different cultures didn't cross our minds. In fact, I really didn't think about it until I met his family for the first time. Then I was able to see a beautiful culture and family that had helped my husband to be the person he is today.We can all look back on our stories and ask if we could have made it easier on ourselves somehow. Hindsight is 20/20 so yes. We could go back in time and save ourselves a lot of heartaches, but we've grown from every one of them.My interracial relationship has taught me to communicate with my husband, be open to the world around me, and to love hard.I wouldn't change the life I have today with him, even if it meant things could be a little easier. It's the intricate part of our family that makes my life so exciting.What has your interracial relationship taught you?