Things Only A Boy Mom Can Understand
When people find out that I have all boys, they look at me completely shocked. They quickly tell me what a brave woman I am and that they don't know how I do it.Well, I'm going to let you in on a little secret.. I don't know how I do it either!My husband and I always knew we wanted to have kids. We talked about it early on in our relationship. However, when we talked about it we never realized we'd have all boys!Our once quiet and structured lives have turned into noise and chaos. Even on one of the hard days, we both love it. We love our little boys so much and they've taught us more than we ever could have imagined.We'll be sitting down for dinner and our four-year-old is always singing some new song to himself."I love spicy chicken curry! Even the bread, but I love my chicken more because it's better than Liam's!"Dinner immediately becomes a competition between all three of our boys and they rarely remember to use their inside voice. Sometimes they even excuse themselves to go and wrestle in the living room so they can see who the winner is once and for all.Okay, more than just sometimes.I start to think how completely crazy my life is until I find another boy mom. She always understands exactly what my days are like. It doesn't even shock her when I tell her why I'm late... Even though it probably has to do with the fact I was cleaning up pe because my two-year-old decided to pee in a Gatorade bottle. (This really happened y'all!)
7 Things Boy Moms Everywhere Understand
Pee Everywhere
Boy moms are no stranger to pee. It's everywhere. It doesn't matter if your kids have been potty trained for years or if they're in diapers. It's going to get everywhere.You may as well quarantine the bathrooms now because they never get it in the toilet! Not to mention they're fascinated with it! They think it's funny to pee in the garbage next to the toilet and even the tub...When you ask them what excuse they could possibly have... they just smile.
Constantly Buying Food
Little boys are never full. They will probably put up a fight when it comes to dinner because they're picker than all get out, but in between meals is when they really get you.They're constantly in the fridge and pantry. They assume you're hiding the goods so they rifle through it all.It only gets worse as they get older. My kids are 2, 4, and 6 and I swear they're trying to eat me out of house and home. I can't imagine what they're going to be like when they become teenagers!
Everything Turns Into Wrestling
They could start out reading a book to themselves or cleaning their rooms and they will somehow end up wrestling. There's no rhyme or reason to why it starts, but it always does.Usually younger one knowingly takes it too far and then runs to hide behind mom. Then you're left trying to mediate and keep the older one from killing said brother.Right as you think you have it solved, someone sucker punches the other one and they run off in a hurry. Age doesn't stop them either. I never thought a baby could throw a sucker punch until I saw my 2-year old messing with his older brothers.My husband tries to tell me it's how they all bond. I just hope they all survive the bonding!
Bodily Functions Are Hillarious
You can try all you want to convince your kids to talk appropriately at all times, but at the end of the day, bodily functions are hilarious to them.You're really in for it when they learn to fart on command. All three of my kids can and I swear they stink us out of the whole room. My husband and I end up leaving only to hear them yelling "victory" as we close the door behind ourselves!The worst is when they do it in public. Someone does it by accident and of course, I start to yell at them. Then the younger one does it to make his brothers laugh. Then you're outnumbered because they think they're freaking hysterical!
Everything Turns Into A Weapon
I love watching my kids play and seeing where their little imaginations can take them. Especially how it doesn't matter what toy they have in their hands, they'll always pretend it's a weapon.You may have something against your kids playing with weapons and refrain from buying them. However, I'm going to let you in on a little secret.. They'll pretend every other toy they have is one anyways.I've even seen my kids turn their cousin's Barbie into a super secret agent with lasers for eyes and swords coming out of her hands. I'm telling you... They're crazy and love pretending things shoot.
At the end of the days, boy moms deserve a freaking award for the things they experience day in and day out!
My Son Is Colorblind
I'm very excited to introduce you to Rebecca, a presently homeschooling mother of 2, wife to her teenage sweetheart, and author & illustrator of Evie & Alistair: Farmhouse Warriors, now available on Amazon.
This is not a metaphor in regard to racial equality, being that he is a brown boy raised in a peach family. In fact, that metaphor is a significant irritation due to its unintended implications that we are choosing to overlook something that is perceived as inherently less-than in order to accept a person in spite of what they possess, rather than embracing or wholly valuing a person, with color being a fundamental ingredient in the makeup of who they are.Medically speaking, our son has strong deuteranomaly. Without the intervention of technology or a miraculous act of God, he will never see color rightly. That’s just the state of how he was wired in all his humanness. This doesn’t mean that there is something innately wrong with his personhood. It simply means that his visual perception is off.Colorblindness isn’t the only issue with our boy’s vision, and quite honestly, he is so good at compensating for it I may have never been aware of his struggles if a routine screening hadn’t indicated such. He seemed to recognize characters without trouble, he wasn’t squinting or complaining of headaches, and at the time his mix-ups in color recognition could be chalked up as age appropriate. He correctly identified them much of the time too, which cleverly masked his distortion. It’s just that his eyes are the only eyes that he has ever lived with, so he had adapted his output quite well, and at first none of us knew that what he was taking in wasn’t the right thing.His perception is totally valid, understandable, and logical. But its legitimacy & rationality don’t change the fact that it is wrong.Our boy is a problem solver by nature. For example, when he wanted me to cook a grilled cheese sandwich but I was unwilling, he took it upon himself to toast bread in the toaster, put cheese on it, and melt it in the microwave (since he’s not allowed to use the stove). I thought that showed pretty good ingenuity and initiative for a then 5 (now 7) year old.I’ve noticed this quality playing out in the practicality of education as well. Often his instructions would be to color a certain section according to a calculated sum. You know… color all of the 4’s yellow, color all of the 9’s purple, etc. Initially, though his arithmetic was correct, his colors were off. A lot. Understanding that it was due to the challenge with his eyesight, if I even were to say anything at all I may occasionally point out, “This is actually green and not brown, although I know it’s hard for you to see that.” As time went on, I realized that he hadn’t been making as many mistakes. I honestly just thought that his improvements were simply due to lucky guessing. Until one day, I noticed something peculiar out of the corner of my eye: our son would pick up a crayon, gaze at it intently, put it down. Pick up another crayon, examine it, put it down. Pick up another crayon, pause, use it. He was reading the labels! Duh! It never even occurred to me to suggest for him to do this, though it probably should have. (Hooray for getting that whole reading thing down).
Our boy acknowledged his weakness. He didn’t whine about it being hard. He didn’t make excuses about how he couldn’t help that he sees things the way he sees them. He didn’t play the victim and protest the way that he was made and wallow in self-defeat. He simply allowed his weakness to become an opportunity to exercise his strength.Our son went to the source– referred to the name that the crayon was designed to be, and did the next right thing in accordance to the truth—regardless of how he saw it. And what a beautiful picture was made.I don’t know about you, but I’m a grown-up and I still struggle with a tendency to elevate my perception and experiences as the standard of truth. Based upon the evidences set forth amidst the racially charged society in which we live, I am certain I am not the only one. Insides bow up against spoken truths when they feel like threats to our intentions, credibility, and value. I get stuck on not wanting to be misunderstood and so choose silence over solidarity. Frustrations arise at the brokenness and blindness of civilization, and I’m grievously overwrought when I realize my own. Peace is touted as a means to villainize the cries of the oppressed, justifying our comfort rather than actually pursuing justice necessary to bring about the genuine peace we claim to seek.The most worthwhile words of advice I have ever received as the white mother of a black son have been those that have directed my eyes to be opened to the full scope of history and culture, to not automatically shut out discomfort as my privilege allows, and to truly, intentionally see. Because no matter how I raise him, my dark brown son is going to grow up to be a dark brown man, walking independently of my white umbrella-shield. Choosing to turn a blind eye to the reality of what’s out there when others’ interactions are often based upon their own perceptions in regard to color does him no benefit, and is in fact a disservice that sets him up to be overcome by shock and awe.In the case of my son’s vision, I would not have taken the steps necessary to help him compensate for his deficiencies in vision if nobody ever told me they existed. He never would have bothered to work through his own inaccuracies if he were never made aware that he wasn’t seeing things quite right. Berating him for his shortcomings would have been absolutely asinine and not at all helpful. But the truth still needed to be lovingly spoken in order for a beneficial change to be made. Here’s the thing: once we see, we can’t unsee. We are responsible for our awareness. It hurts, it’s hard, and it takes a whole lot of grit. But in that striving and ache is exactly where beautiful strength and unity is birthed.
If you'd like to hear more from Rebecca, head over today and pick up her new book! Evie & Alistair: Farmhouse Warriors, now available on Amazon.
Simple And Easy Ways To Get Rid Of Extra Halloween Candy
Ever since Halloween night, my husband and I have been plagued with the same question. Over and over. When we wake up and when we go to bed.Can I have some candy?It doesn't matter that we tell them only after lunch and dinner can they have a piece. They somehow "forget" every time they ask and pretend to be shocked when we remind them of the rules...I didn't know!It's getting so bad that I'm even being woken up by the question! Not to mention it's all three of my boys!It's not like we don't have sweets in the house all year. Grandma and Nanamma bring candy and sweets when they visit and the kids flip. They're super excited while they're here and then they mellow when the visits are over. Typically the sweets last us forever! We put them up in our pantry, where the kids can't see, and they usually leave us alone about it.Halloween candy is a whole new beast.
Make A Few Big Desserts
Take all the chocolate your kids got and freeze it. You can use it to throw in a milkshake or even make gooey cookie bars! This way you use a big chunk for something the whole family can enjoy. Not to mention it helps us all avoid midnight chocolate cravings!Donate Your Candy To A Soldier http://opgrat.wordpress.com/2013/07/18/halloween-candy-for-the-troops/You can donate to Operation Gratitude and they send care packages to troops. You can tell your kids how excited the soldiers will be when they open up a package full of Halloween candy!The holidays are a great time to teach your kids about giving back!
Get A Treat From Your Dentist
A lot of dentist's offices offer an exchange for Halloween candy. You bring in your candy and they will let you switch out your candy for a toothbrush and a few prizes out of their treasure box they keep for patients.
The Candy Fairy
Let your kids indulge for one night and then have them leave their candy out for the candy fairy. When they fall asleep switch it out for a small gift. This way they still get something for all their hard-earned Halloween candy, however, it's without a toothache!
Expert Parent Tips
If you're really feeling snarky, here are a few other ways to unload all the Halloween candy! Not that I've ever done any of these....
The Pantry Monster
When the kids wake up one morning, incessantly begging for candy, go to the pantry and feign complete shock when you see all the candy is gone. Run from cupboard to cupboard looking for the "missing" candy only to come to the sad realization it's gone. This is when you introduce the pantry monster to your kids. The pantry monster did it and you couldn't do anything to stop it.The downside of this method is the pantry monster is a little scary and may end up causing you more of a hassle when they come to your room in the middle of the night....
Steal It!
Instead of taking it all overnight... you can do what my cousin's dad does.. Every time you pass the candy you can take a handful. Put the handful into your own secret candy stash and enjoy.If your kids start to notice they're candy supply dwindling, put the blame on them!Wow, you are eating it fast!What do you do with your extra Halloween candy?
Biracial Identity: Why I Will Never Call My Kids Indian
While you're pregnant you often wonder what your kids are going look like. I always tried to piece my kid's faces together from pieces of my husband and I and what little glimpses we could see through ultrasounds.The only thing I was ever right on was the massive amount of hair my little boys had. All my heartburn was a dead giveaway on that one so it was an easy guess!However, the moment my eyes met theirs for the first time, I knew it didn't matter how many of mine or my husband's features there were in their little faces.They were perfect.
They were a perfect blend of both of us and I couldn't have loved them any more than I did.
My kids are blessed with two distinct cultures in their lives that are blending together into their own unique culture. I love watching how each of my boys blend cultures differently. They each put their own unique touch on it because they all have different ideas, experiences, and opinions.My kids will have to figure out their own biracial identity for themselves. My husband and I do our best to be there for them and help them to experience both of our cultures. We encourage them to try things and to be brave in everything that they do. 
However, one thing you won't ever see me do is referring to them as solely Indian.
You might think it's funny, but there's more to it than you think.Have you ever heard of the "one-drop rule?" It was a racial classification back in the 19th century that said anyone with African American ancestry was deemed, Black. This means you just needed "one drop" of African American blood. People used this to show any biracial child or adult that they were less than everyone else.Most people think this idea was a thing of the past. Sadly to say, it's far from over. There are so many biracial adults that identify as one piece of their biracial identity.Halley Barry even brought up this rule in her custody battle with her ex. She cited the one-drop rule saying that her daughter is African American. She herself is biracial but identifies as an African American woman. She goes on to say her daughter will one day have to decide who she is much like she did as a child. She decided to identify with one piece of her ethnic background rather than being biracial.We've come so far from the time this rule was first introduced, but it's crazy to see that biracial identities still aren't celebrated like they should be.Some people have referred to my kids as Indian, but I correct them. They aren't just Indian. They are a beautiful blend of Indian and Caucasian culture.
I don't ever want my kids to feel ashamed of their biracial identity.
I want to help them fall in love with everything their culture has to offer instead of falling for this trap that they have to fit into this perfect little race bubble.We need to break open the box for our kids. They don't have to follow what society says and pick a race to identify with. Biracial children and adults get to write in their own answer.Biracial.
It's something to be proud of.
For some, it may show the fight their parents had to go through for their love to be accepted. For others, it may show how love can conquer all distance between one another.My kids are a bit of me and a bit of my husband. Now they get to figure out what they'll take from each side and I'm excited to see what they'll do.
How do you help your kids figure out their biracial identity?
My Adoption Story: The Two Sides Of Adoption
Today, I want to share my adoption story.
My story begins when I was about eight years old. My entire world paused one morning at a welfare office. My mom, brother, and I were there to pick up food stamps. However, instead of getting what we needed for groceries, I ended up leaving questioning my entire life.It was an accident. The woman helping us was going through the questions she needed to ask my mom. Basic. They were basic questions to her. My mom was half paying attention as she was also trying to keep my brother and I entertained.What's your first name?Candace.How many kids do you have?Two.Do they have the same father?Nothing. My mother froze.The woman asked the question again, but my mother couldn't talk. This is when the woman realized something was happening.My mom answered quietly. Pained.No.I instantly looked up. I had been listening to the questions while I sat there, but hardly paying attention. I heard her answer. At first, I assumed she was lying. Maybe she had to say that so we were able to get food stamps.I started to ask her why she said that, but she put her hand on my shoulder and said later.It was the tone of my mom's voice and the pained look on her face that made the woman run past the rest of the questions. She realized she somehow just uncovered something meant to stay hidden for just a bit longer.I sat there for the rest of our appointment with a dozen questions running through my head. I didn't understand. I couldn't understand why she would need to lie for us. Why was she so sad? What was she going to say when we got to the car?We walked to the car and my mom walked as slow as possible. I now know she was trying to figure out how to possibly have the conversation she was about to have.I quickly sat in the front seat while my mom buckled in my brother into his car seat. When she was finished she sat in her seat, quiet.Mom, why did you say that?She looked me right in the eye and I knew I wasn't going to like the answer. She looked broken.To be honest, I don't remember what she said. I don't remember the words she used. The rest of that moment is a blur. All I remember was finding out I didn't know my biological father.My entire world stopped. We went straight to my grandma's house where my mom fell apart to her sisters and mom. She felt horrible. I sat on the chair crying. I didn't know what to say or what to do.I just hurt. Everything hurt.My grandma came up to me and hugged me. She tried to explain that my mom didn't tell me because she wanted to protect me.At first, I was angry with her. I didn't understand why she would lie to me. Looking back on that moment, I do understand. As a mom you want to do everything in your power to protect your child from the world, that includes the terrible truths sometimes.
Fast-forward two years.
I had dealt with my new reality the best I could. I went through every emotion possible. Anger. Sadness. Confusion.I just didn't understand. I didn't understand why I had to go through this, but my friends around me didn't. They had both parents and I didn't. I was the one sitting around during Father's Day trying to figure out what to do or if I could just stay home from school.Shortly after I turned ten years old, my mom met Tim. They fell for each other right away. He moved to Washington for her and they got married. I told myself I would hate him because I didn't need anyone. Then I met him. He was perfect. He went out of his way to make sure he and I had a relationship. He even wrote me emails at first! I loved that he was making such a big effort to be my friend.The next monumental moment in my life was the day they got married. I was the flower girl. I remember walking down the aisle thanking God for bringing me the father I had cried for so many nights.Our life was beautiful. I had two parents. I started calling him dad right away. I couldn't wait. It felt right. He fit so perfectly into that spot in my life. He never pushed his way in, he let me make the decision on what I wanted him to be in my life.He became my father.I'll never forget the day I walked into his room and asked if he would adopt me. I now know he was waiting and praying for that day to come. I could hardly get the sentence out of my mouth before he started crying.Things were perfect. I felt completely loved by my parents and very blessed in my life.
This is why I was confused why I kept thinking about my biological dad.
I never stopped thinking about him. I had asked my mom questions about him growing up. She answered what she could, but I knew it was a hard conversation.I was careful to talk about him often because I didn't want to hurt my parents. I didn't want my dad to think he wasn't enough for me.After my husband and I got together he helped me to realize I was still curious because regardless of how good my life was, my biological father was a part of me. I started looking for him online. I had secretly done it as a kid, but never found anything.I decided to try one last time while with my aunt in Washington. I searched his name and we looked together. Then it happened. I found him on Facebook.I called my mom and she confirmed it.I don't know how long I sat on the couch trying to get up the courage to message him. I just wanted to know. I wanted to know that he wanted nothing to do with me and let myself move on. However, life rarely happens the way you expect it to.I pressed send. Not long later, I got a response. I was terrified to read it. I didn't know if I could take his harsh words.Then I opened the message. Instead of a man trying to push me away, I found myself reading the words of a man beyond happy to have found his daughter.It turns out he had been looking for me. He had a hard life as a kid and wasn't ready to be responsible for another human being at the time. While he hates that he missed out on my life, he realizes that he wasn't ready to be a father then.It's been a few years since that message.My life has completely changed. Now, I have my adopted father who has been the man I will always see as my father. I also have my biological father who has been able to come into my life as someone I care about very much and am getting to know every day.I don't think I could have been able to let my biological father into my life if my dad hadn't given me his blessing. I called him one night crying. I didn't want to hurt him and I wanted to know what he thought about me meeting him. He not only gave me his blessing but let me know how proud he was that I never stopped looking and was able to meet him.
My adoption story isn't over. It's my life.
I will always be working through different layers of this. I can't wrap it up in a perfect bow. I still struggle with feelings of abandonment and feeling like I'm enough for people. However, I know I'm not the only one walking through my adoption story.There are two sides of adoption. There's the beauty of finding a new family and there's the pain of abandonment. Everyone walks through it differently.If this is you and you're walking through your own adoption story, I have one thing to leave you with. You don't have to feel guilty over what you decide about wanting to meet your birth parents or not.It doesn't mean your adoptive family isn't enough. It simply means you're doing what feels right for you.
What is your adoption story?
Getting Ready For An Indian Wedding
This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #TimeWithAveeno #CollectiveBias
Throughout the last few years, I have attended more Indian events than I can count. It’s where I’ve learned countless little nuggets of wisdom about Indian culture and built relationships with new friends and family. Getting ready to attend an Indian wedding is still a process, but I'm going to share a few tips on what to do and how I use AVEENO® products from Walmart.In Indian families, a wedding isn’t just a wedding. It’s a week long opportunity (longer if it takes place in India) to celebrate the love a couple has for each other and the love their family has for them. The week starts out with a Nalugu. This is a ceremony for the bride and groom. The families make a turmeric paste that they take turns smearing on the couple. The goal behind it started out as a way to lighten the couple's skin and make them glow on their wedding day. Yellow stained turmeric powder will definitely do that! While it sounds foreign to many of us, it truly is a beautiful moment. Family members and friends do it as a sign of love to the couple. Many tear stained faces greet the couple throughout the ceremony and let them know how much they love them. The following days are spent preparing the wedding and making sure all last minute details are finalized. The day of the wedding is similar to an American wedding in that they have a ceremony and reception. The ceremony is different in that there is typically a message from a pastor (full on Sunday morning length) and then the bride receives a necklace from her groom. It's called a mangalasutra and it has a very similar meaning to a wedding ring. I love thinking about all the different things that happen during Indian weddings. It brings up memories of my own wedding and throws me into full blown sentimental mode! My wedding was definitely a blend of American and Indian culture and we did our best to blend customs during the actual ceremonies. Now, we get to attend weddings and see how they decide to do theirs. We've attended a lot of truly Indian weddings and also weddings for interracial couples as well. After all the stress and chaos of putting together our own wedding, we would choose to attend rather than host a wedding any day of the week! Whether you're an "Almost Indian Wife" like me or you're attending for a friend, these are tips anyone can follow. 
Decide What You’re Going To Wear
I am always worried to be over or underdressed at a wedding. It's a concern that bridges cultures. The invitation can specify the dress code, but then you get there and realize you're the only one in formal attire! Or you are going to the wedding of an interracial couple and you don't know if you should wear Indian clothes of American. This happened to me once and I mistakenly asked my hubby what I should wear.Indian clothes.I decided to trust him and ended up the ONLY one in Indian clothes. Well, at least I stood out! I learned my lesson and started calling my sister in law to figure out what I needed to wear to Indian weddings! She taught me to dress to impress. If you're wearing Indian clothes, find the most sparkly and fancy sari you have. There is no such thing as overdressing at an Indian wedding. It helps you to take a big sigh of relief and just go for it. If you're unsure of attire, call someone in the bridal party. They can let you know how traditional the wedding is and whether Indian or American clothes are best.
Freshen Up And Get You Hair Wedding Ready
After you decide on what to wear, it's time to freshen up. Hop in the shower and get a nice little jump start on your day! I love to use AVEENO PURE RENEWAL® Shampoo and Conditioner. Your hair has to stand up to an entire day of wedding customs, dancing, and more!I've made the mistake of using hotel conditioner and ended up a frizzy mess by the end of the night. That's why I started using AVEENO®. It helped my hair to become silky and easy to style. You know you'll end up with an aunty making a comment about your hair and makeup at some point during your evening. There's always something they think you could do better. AVEENO® has your back! They use sulfate-free formulas that make your health look healthy and full of life! They don't leave room for aunty to say one word!Along with a fancy outfit, I love making sure my hair can stand up to the beautiful sari.
Find Out How To Put Everything On
You'd think at almost 30, I would know how to get myself dressed; however, Indian clothes are a whole new ballgame. It's straight up HARD. If you're wearing a lehenga, it's a bit easier. All you have to do is put on a skirt and top. It gets tricky when you decide on wearing a sari. It's by far my favorite because it's so beautiful. The problem is it's miles of fabric with no road map on how to put it on!I've tried to figure it out, but I still need help! Make sure you have someone that can help you put on your outfit if you're still unsure of what to do. I think people typically assume I don't know how to do it, so some aunty typically ends up in my room while I'm getting ready, offering to help me. Then you have the bangles! I swear they're beautiful but they're a death trap. They're tinier than wrists should be, but they expect you to put them on with ease. Or you put them on with a little help from lotion and then you're stuck with them on forever.
Enjoy The Wedding
The last step is easy... Enjoy yourself! Indian weddings are so much fun and after you manage to get ready, it's all a breeze. You get to watch two in love people get married, spend time with friends and family, and dance the night away! At the end of the night, you'll be so exhausted from your amazing evening that you'll be asleep the moment your head hits the pillow.
A Few More Thoughts About AVEENO®
I mentioned how I get ready using AVEENO PURE RENEWAL® Shampoo and Conditioner in the steps above, but I want to share a bit more. I don't just use them when I get ready for the wedding, but every other part of the wedding week! They help get off any turmeric leftover from the nalugu, get shiny and beautiful hair fit for any occasion, and they do it all using their natural formula. They help you get rid of any impurities and renew your hair after every shower. Not to mention they are perfect for sensitive skin and scalps like mine!Head over to your local Walmart and pick up your AVEENO® products today! You’ll find them for a killer deal at Walmart!Click here to download a coupon and save $2.00 on AVEENO® products! Wedding weeks are crazy enough without having to worry about your hair and skin. AVEENO® helps calm the crazy by jumping into action!
Racism Won't Stop If You Stay Quiet
I was twenty-one when I witnessed my first racist encounter. I'm sure it wasn't the first time I'd witnessed racism, but sadly it was the first time it made an impression. It was the first time it was personal.Joel and I were sitting in our car, at a red light. We were talking and hardly noticed the car pull up next to us. It was late at night and just like your momma always taught you, nothing good ever happens at night.My husband says he didn't hear it at first, but I did. They started asking me why I was with a n*****. I couldn't believe it. I was completely baffled. We weren't talking to them and didn't do anything to pick a fight with them. They just started going off.I didn't say anything. I was too shocked. Joel hardly flinched. To this day he doesn't even remember the situation.I don't know what hurts more... remembering the encounter or the fact that my husband has encountered ignorant people so often that our experience blended into the rest for him.It was only a few moments. They drove off before either of us could say anything, but I still remember it almost eight years later.It was a pivotal moment in my life. It opened my eyes to the world of racism that still exists. I had been sheltered from it for years even though so many people out there haven't known a life without racism.
The last two years have also opened people's eyes.
We've seen police officers shooting innocent African Americans.We've seen hateful people drive down innocent men and women during riots.We live in a world where parents have to warn their children about what to do if they encounter police or hateful people. Whether they're African American families, East Indian families, or any other ethnic background other than Caucasians... In the world's eyes, white people don't do the harm so every other race must be to blame.To this day, my husband still encounters racist people. They assume he's middle eastern and flag him at airports for extra security checks. He even has to go as far as shaving before he goes on a trip to try and avoid them.It's not okay.I know many people in the world haven't had to experience the same moments. It's the reason I get people emailing me and asking why I focus so much on race and blending cultures in my blog. They essentially question why I won't raise my kids to see life through a color-blind lens.Do you want to know why?
I teach my kids about both sides of their culture because I want them to know how special they are.
Society teaches children that any race other than caucasian is second-rate.Don't believe me?Why is it that the news never refers to a "white" man or woman, but then you'll see taglines like "black on black crime?" The US is supposed to be full of different cultures and backgrounds.Instead, it's a "melting pot." They want everyone to come together, let go of who they were before they came here, and be like everyone else. That's not good enough for me.I don't want to teach my kids they should be like everyone else. No. They're different. They are a beautiful blend of both mine and my husband's culture. I want them to understand what their biracial identity means to them and how important diversity is.
Racism still exists. It's real and it happens every day.
The excuse of "I didn't know" doesn't work anymore. It's not enough. It's the reason NFL players took a knee during a televised event where they know people all over the US were watching. They wanted to let the world know they're done. They're done going on with life and pretending like racial injustices aren't going on.I don't care if you agree with their methods or not. the fact of that matter is they got people talking.We need to stop arguing on Facebook over how the NFL players did it and think about what we can be doing to stop racism. Everyone has a lot to say right now about the NFL, but then they go quiet when you bring up racism.
Racism will never stop if people remain quiet.
We need to band together and stop the hate. Get off your couch, get off Facebook, and do something. Find a way to stand up.Whether it means using your platform to challenge racism or calling out your neighbor when they start sharing a racist joke.Do something.Racism isn't still around solely because of hateful people. It's also because of the hundreds of thousands of people that stay quiet. The people that overhear racism or watch someone get treated unjustly because of their race. Instead of standing up and stopping it, they stay quiet.Today's the day we let the world know we're done with racism.How are you going to make a change?
Choosing The Best Car Seat For All Your Kids
As a mom, I've had to learn a few things about what it means to make things last. I have three boys and it means everything I buy is times three! I have to buy three sets of dress clothes for holidays, three sets of cleats for sports, three sets of winter jackets, and three sets of car seats.It gets expensive!It's because of this I've learned how to stretch a dollar. I go to the store looking for more than how cute it is. While style is important, dependability is the priority. I look for items I like, but know will last for all three kids.If not, I know I'll end up back at the store for child number two!
One item I've learned quite a bit about over the years is a good quality car seat. The first time I picked up a car seat was terrifying. I was pregnant and had no idea what to look for. Luckily, I had a friend who pulled me under her wing and let me borrow her Graco infant car seat.When he was ready to upgrade, I made a poor decision. I purchased a car seat that was cheap but had nowhere near the level of safety as my very first car seat. I returned it the same day and purchased a new and upgraded Graco car seat.We've been a Graco family ever since that moment. Their car seats are made to last, their car seats are rigorously tested to meet or exceed US FMVSS safety standards, and they are a great deal!
Now that our kids are bigger, we still know Graco is the brand to trust with our child's safety.Our kids love their seats too! They always tell us they like to take naps in their seats because of the cozy headrests. Not to mention, they love that they're big enough to get themselves buckled up! They hop straight in the car, buckle themselves in, and ask if we're there yet...
While it may be easy to buckle up, it's not easy enough for them to unbuckle themselves. Our Graco 4Ever seat straps into our car with the built in seat hooks and gives you the directions you need whether you're using forward facing or rear facing.
When I went on the hunt for our new Graco 4Ever car seat I price checked around my neighborhood. The prices were different everywhere I went. The absolute best deal I found was at Walmart. My favorite thing about Walmart is that you can order their products online! Then you can choose to pick up at the store or have them ship it to your house! Either way you don't have to lug the kids inside, only for them to ask for about a dozen other things!
We had them ship our car seat to our home and it was free 2 day shipping! I'm always up for free shipping!All of this has taught me one thing... Parents need to remember to invest wisely into their kid's necessities. While it may save you a few dollars in the moment, you need to think about how much it will save you in the long run.Buy a car seat that will last!
Avoid Diaper Blowouts With These Foolproof Tips!
This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #MoreHuggiesMoreSavings #CollectiveBias
While I was pregnant with my first son, I tried to prepare for everything. I looked through all the books, asked all of my friends with kids for advice, and got everything I imagined we would need. In my mind, I was already an expert and parenting would be a breeze.Fast forward a few months and my husband and I were sitting on the couch with a newborn, with absolutely no idea what we were doing. Everything was so new. I had been around kids my whole life, but it's completely different when it's your own baby.You're not just watching a baby for a time, you're fully responsible for their whole life. Growing up, your joke is always that everything is your mom's fault.Now, you're the mom!It was in those early days with my little boy that I realized a very big parenting secret. Are you ready?Parents around the world have no idea what they're doing. We all act like we do, but it's a day by day situation. We're sleep deprived and trying to make sure we can offer everything possible to our little ones.Three kids later and there were still things that got through the cracks. Yes, I had figured out quite a bit with each kiddo, but each child is so different.There is one problem all parents face, no matter how seasoned their parenting skills are. Diaper blowouts.
We've all seen them, experienced them, and as a parent you've even dealt with them first hand. I'd love to say they only happened with my first son, but that would be a lie!Today, I'm here to help. I'm here to tell you a few tips handed down to me from veteran parents!
Make Sure Your Child Is Wearing The Right Size Diapers
One of the biggest causes of diaper blowouts is getting the wrong size diapers. If the diapers are too tight or too loose, you're just asking for an explosion of .... well you know.Huggies® has a chart to help parents find the best fit for their little ones. It even tells you how much you save by purchasing diapers in bulk at Sam's Club.
Adjust All Little Boy Parts
This one is for mommas of little boys. Changing boy's diapers has a unique set of challenges for parents. Even if you get the right size diaper, there is a very specific thing you need to do to avoid pee going everywhere.You need to make sure all the little boy parts are facing down. I've made the mistake many times of forgetting and all the sudden pee goes straight up and out of the diaper. Point it down! Trust me.
Don't Fasten The Diaper Too Tight
Some parents try to avoid diaper blowouts by fastening the sides too tight. Instead of helping the situation it makes it much worse. If you do this the diaper doesn't have the ability to catch anything. Instead, it pushes it all out.Fasten it snug, but not too tight. After you fasten it, run your finger underneath the diaper and make sure it fits well. Also, make sure the cuffs of the diaper are all pulled out so it's flush with your babies leg.Last, but not least, buy your diapers in bulk so you don't ever run out! I have a special deal for you too! Sign up for a Sam's Club membership today and get $45 in instant savings for your Huggies purchase if you get 3 participating products!
Huggies For Life!
Fast-forward a few years and my kids are still using Huggies. My oldest is getting near the end of diapers. He currently wears them at night for bed and then big boy underwear during the day. These tips are all the same with Pull-ups! Save yourself some hardships and extra cleaning this week!What tips do you have for avoiding diaper blowouts?
$45 in Instant Savings --> Sam's Club Membership
Head over to link above to find out more information on your savings. You can either print it off and take it in-store to be honored, or fill it out online through the link. Join online now and get a $5 e-gift card!I signed up last night and grabbed all the wipes and Pull-ups I needed for the month! At the checkout I watched my total go down by $45! It's a great deal for parents!Sam's Club knows how busy parents are and they offer in-store pickup! You simply need to order your groceries online, check your app to see when it's ready, and head over and pick it up!No more spending an hour at the store to get everything you need while the kids lose their minds! Make it easy with Sam's Club!
The Secret On Keeping Up With A Chaotic Schedule
Life over the last six years has become unbelievably busy. I went from having one little boy and a semi-quiet home to three boys, two dogs, a revolving door of roommates, and sprinkle in a bit of homeschool and sports.I remember when parents used to tell me to enjoy my time home while I could. While my kids were little, we spent most of our time at home. We didn't have a big need to leave the house often other than for play dates.This year it's all changed. Our quiet little life has turned into complete chaos!
While I still have a good chunk of time at home, it's filled with things to do. We decided to homeschool our two oldest kiddos again this year. My oldest, Liam is 6 years old and his school time is a little more rigid and requires us to get through more every day.Then we have sports... Our once quiet and boring weekends are now FULL of practices and games. Our kids love it and it makes it all worth it, but my husband and I are constantly going to and from the field, carrying everything imaginable on our backs.Someone (we won't name names) also decided to adopt a puppy while her husband was away on a work trip. I used to just have one old dog who loved to sleep all day. Then I brought our new puppy into our lives and home.Wow.She's nonstop.She's our new little toddler who runs around finding new things to get into and chew up every day. I can't turn my head for more than a minute otherwise I find her making my life much more difficult.
Luckily, I know her puppy stage won't last forever. She is such a little sweetheart, chewing aside. She follows the kids around all day and won't ever turn down a good belly rub.All of that to say, our lives have been turned upside down this year. Keeping up has definitely been a challenge.I know many of you have been there. It may not be due to surprise puppies, homeschool, sports, and three boys, but you know the feeling. You know what it's like to get so stressed out you'd rather hide in bed than face it all. This year I'm determined to get a better handle on everything. I don't want to spend my days catching up.Instead, I'm changing things up this year. I've learned a little secret tool to getting back in control of my days and it's something you can do too.
Get On Auto-Pilot.
We all have a handful of things that happen routinely each month. It may be groceries you buy each week, bills that get paid on the same day each month, and so on.Take a few things off your plate by going on auto-pilot. You don't need to wait until your bill is due to pay it. You can get on auto-payments. This way, you know it will get paid on time each month without even having to lift a finger.
Do the same thing with your groceries. One of my favorite things to do is get my dog food through Amazon's subscribe and save program! You can save up to 5% when you purchase your Hill's Science Diet pet food this way! We love getting Hill's Science Diet for our pups. Vets even choose it for their own pets and it's their #1 choice today!Both of my pups eagerly know what's arrived when the delivery guy comes to the door! Their little tails wag and can hardly wait for us to open the package for them!
I know I'm not the only one who's ended up running to the store last minute to pick up dog food because you had no idea you were out. Or because your kids decided to pour it all into the dog's water to make it "easier" for them to eat/drink.I make sure to schedule my dog food deliveries early just in case the kids decide to "help" me out. I'm never without this must have for my dogs.This was also a huge help while we were busy traveling this summer. We were always heading out for different family events and even through in a few vacations. My brother stayed back to watch the dogs and he didn't have to worry about anything!
How do you and your family keep up with your busy life?
Lessons We Can Learn From Our Kids
Do you ever find yourself sitting on the couch, avoiding all of your responsibilities, and watching Captain Underpants with your kids for the fifth time?Oh, just me?I sit there and think about all the things I need to get done, but it doesn't urge me off the couch. If anything I sink in deeper and deeper with every thought. Not to mention, cuddles from my little boys can seriously cure just about anything.They're so carefree and I love watching them. The smallest things make them happy. Even a silly movie about a superhero in underpants! I need to take a few lessons from them on how to let go of the stress and just enjoy my day.
Sometimes You Just Need A Hug To Make It All Better
You really don't know the power of a hug until you have kids. Something catastrophic can happen to one of them (like a tiny scrape on the knee.... catastrophic) and they can start looking their minds. Right when you think they may never calm down, you walk over and give them a tight hug. You feel them start to relax in your arms and they know everything is going to be okay.I think we as adults need hugs just as bad. Life can turn into complete chaos around us and sometimes a hug is the answer. Even at almost 30, a hug from my mom feels just as good.
Focus On The Task At Hand
As much as we'd all love for our kids to be able to do more than one thing at a time, it just doesn't happen. If they sit down to do homework, their focus will be completely lost the moment they start thinking about dinner. Or they start to go upstairs to grab something like you've asked them to do and forget everything when they see a toy they left on the top stair.Even though it drives us crazy, they may have a point. Sometimes, we have to turn our brains down and just focus on one thing at a time. Maybe it's an evening with your kids and you know you need to set your phone down. Or maybe it's focusing all of your attention onto your spouse while on a date rather than listing off your to do list in your head.
It's Okay To Take A Break
My kids are constantly taking breaks throughout their extremely "difficult" days. Soccer is the perfect example. My son will be on the field for all of two minutes before he desperately needs a Gatorade break. In his mind, he's worked as long as he can and now he needs a little r and r.How often do we give ourselves breaks? We look at the to do list in front of us and tell ourselves there's no way we can justify a break. Take a little note from your kids and give yourself a break just because. You work your tail off every day and you don't need an excuse to kick your feet up for a minute or 30!
Not Everything Is As Important As You Think
There have been so many times I sit stressed out at my desk, only to have one of my kids come up to me and ask why I don't just stop. "Momma, why can't you just stop if it's making you so mad?" I always shrug it off because what do they know... right...?As adults, we tend to think everything is life and death. We struggle with the stress and uncertainty of life, but at the end of the day it's okay. Not everything is as big of a deal as we think. The world will keep turning if we don't fold all the laundry before bed. Your kids will survive if they eat mac n cheese for dinner... again.
A Bit Of Encouragement Goes A Long Way
As a homeschool mom, I've seen how important encouragement is for my boys. They truly thrive on it. When they're working on something difficult they're quick to give up unless I stand behind them acting as their cheerleader!We all need a bit of encouragement in our lives. It's been driven into our heads just how hard we need to be on ourselves. Instead, we should take a moment to pat ourselves on the back. Think about all the successes we've had! Fill your life with people that will do the same thing. If we thrived on encouragement as a child, think about how important it is in your life currently!What is one lesson your kids have taught you?
5 Reasons Your In-Laws Are All Up In Your Business
During your relationship, you may start to notice just how involved your in-laws or future in-laws become. You may not have come from a family who is overly involved in each other's lives so it's a new concept for you.You try to be polite and smile but in the back of your mind, you're wondering when it's going to stop. You even convince yourself...My in-laws will back off a bit when we get married...One day, they'll give us a bit more room to breathe.When they see I'm here for good, they'll relax.Then the happy and joyous day comes.. You get married and you tell yourself, you're free. Now, it's all going to calm down and you can finally be a private couple. You don't have to worry about the overly involved in-laws and how it's just you two.The days start to roll by, then weeks, and maybe months.You sit down and think #&$&. It didn't stop. Now, you're married into it and have a glimpse into a future of living with critical and bossy relatives.Before you hide under your blankets and start yelling, think about something with me. Let's take a deeper look into the situation and find out whey they're like this.What causes them to jump into your business every time?What makes them feel like they can share advice for every single fight you have?
# 5 Reasons Your In-Laws Are All In Your Business
They Care About You
At the end of the day, they like you. Okay, they may be starting to like you, but they like your partner. They want you guys to be happy together and they may even be worried you still need them.As a mom, it's your mother in law's job to take care of her kid. Now you and her kid are together, starting your own family. She's trying to figure out what she can do for you as a couple and how she can make you two to be happy and successful.
They Want You To Make The Best Decisions
They may worry you still don't know exactly what you're doing. I often look at my kids, wondering how they'll ever survive without me! Even though you're both adults, the thoughts still cross their minds.They worry you'll make the wrong decision so they jump in and "gently shove" you towards what they believe is the right choice.
Letting Go Is Harder Than You Think
Your in-laws were responsible for your partner for over a decade. They were there for every snotty nose, coughing spell, late night, doctor visit, and tough choices. Now, they're expected to sit back while life happens all around their kid.They probably know they should sit back and let you guys make your own choices, but it's not as easy as you think.
Family Expectations Are Different
This is where things really get crazy. In your family, starting your own family may mean everyone else steps back. However, it may not be the same in your spouse's family. In many families outside of the US, getting married doesn't mean parents are now out of the equation.It means you've been added into their equation. Now instead of a couple living their lives on their own, you're a family doing things together.
They Want A Special Place In Your Lives
Beyond the cultural differences you may be facing, in-laws just want to know they have a special place in your lives. They may jump in every time they think you need them just to remind you how vital they are.It's scary when things change.Starting your own family means their place in your life transitions and they're trying to figure it out with you.
One Thing You Can Do...
Give your in-laws a bit of a break. Try to see it from their positions. It's not easy when life and roles change.However, for the couple that's been going through this for YEARS... Try to create an open dialogue with your in-laws. Find areas in your life they are needed or could help you with.Let them know they are needed and have a special place in your lives. It helps them to feel validated and also helps to strengthen your relationship with them. They don't want to feel like you're always trying to get rid of them. They do notice.Help then find out where they belong in your new family.
Interracial Couples: My In-Laws Won't Accept Me
Do you remember the first few months of your relationship? It was exciting!Everything was new.You were just getting to know your partner and all the feelings you were experiencing for each other were new. You spent all of your time together because you wanted to get to know what made them tick. You wanted to know what it was about them that was making you fall so hard.As your relationship progressed, it changed from living in your own little world together, to branching out. Now, it was time to meet his friends, his loved ones, and of course... his parents.You wanted nothing more than for them to love you because deep down you knew your relationship would last. However, your fears started to make their way to the surface. You started to wonder what they would think about you.Would they love you?
Would they accept you into their family?
We've all experienced this part differently. Some of you have been welcomed in happily and with open arms. Sadly some of you have experienced something much different, much more painful.Instead of feeling completely loved by your new family, you may have faced a harsh reality of being unaccepted. You spent your time worrying about the impression you would make, but they wouldn't even let you get there.They wouldn't give you a chance.What do you do if your new in-laws won't even give you an opportunity to make a bad impression?I've talked to many couples who are facing this situation. Some of them are facing in-laws who won't even talk to them, some partners won't even introduce them because they "know" what their parents will say, some face hostility at every family get together, and sadly they all hurt.
Every one of these situations makes someone feel inadequate.
If this is you, you know the feeling very well. You started off your relationship feeling madly in love and now you wonder if you're enough.Are you enough for him and his family?Should you keep trying?Should you let the relationship go and stop trying?You may think you know exactly what you would do, but you never know. The world tells you to fight for love, to stand up against all odds to hold onto it.Sadly, insecurities are painful. It's not as easy as ignoring it or letting it roll off. If this is you, I have one thing to tell you.You are enough.You are more than enough and love is worth fighting for.Some people get stuck completely stuck in old ideas. They think a relationship has to be between two people who look and behave the same. As a woman who's in an interracial relationship I know, that's not true.
Love comes in all shapes and sizes.
Don't stop fighting. As a couple, you need to hold onto each other for strength and keep walking forward. Don't let someone else tell you who you should love.Your in-laws have a choice. They can accept you for who you are and how happy you've made their child or they can choose to not be a part of your life. It's on them. You can't change them or make them think anything they don't want to and that's okay.You are making a difference. You're showing other interracial couples out there that it's worth the fight. The Loving's taught all of us what that fight can accomplish.We have an opportunity to fight fiercely for change so our kids have more opportunities than we did.Be the change you hope to see in the world. Don't give up.
Am I A Bad Parent If My Child Chooses One Culture Over The Other?
As parents of multicultural or biracial kids, we have a lot of pressure on our shoulders.We want to make sure our kids understand everything they need to know about each culture in their family and to somehow balance it perfectly.We don't want anyone to think we're pushing our culture above our partner's so we're constantly in a balancing act.Then, the day comes... You thought you were doing a good job of blending cultures equally. You've been doing your best, but then you notice something.You start to realize your child is leaning towards one culture. Instead of trying to balance cultures in their own life, they're starting to identify with one over the other.Maybe you notice it because they start to say they're Indian rather than Indian and (blank)...Maybe they don't want to practice the customs of one culture.As a mom, one of my first reactions to this is that I'm not doing my job. I become frantic worrying about what I've done wrong.Did I not show them the beauty of both cultures?Did I subconsciously push one harder than the other?Was I not focusing on cultures at all?
I have three kids and they've all embraced their multiracial culture differently. At first, it was easy. They were little and frankly didn't have a choice in it all. They were just there in different situations where their culture was presented to them. As they've gotten older, I'm starting to see that they're beginning to decide for themselves.I've always said I want my kids to experience both cultures in their lives and blend them how they feel best. What if how they feel best isn't balanced?I have one child that would move to India and let go of their Western culture in a snap. Okay.. maybe they would smuggle in an iPad on their trip but they love their Indian side. They love learning Telugu, learning new customs, and the FOOD!Then I have my "Indian child." The child everyone says looks the most Indian out of their brothers. He's up for anything! Even though he's little, I can see he likes to blend. He doesn't want to leave anything out.Let's not forget my son who wants the spice from his Indian side and that's about it... He won't touch Indian food with his hands or listen to just about anything.Three kids and three completely different ways to blend cultures.
The perfectionist and worrier in me says that I'm doing something wrong. I wonder if I should start pushing them to embrace both sides of their unique culture, but then I see their little faces. They're happy. They aren't worried about this impossible balancing act. They simply love their family (Indian and Caucasian), themselves, and their little biracial lives.Society pushes this idea of a perfect balance onto parents, telling us we're lacking something if it's not 50/50. However, I think just about every parent out there has realized perfection is impossible to attain. As much as we'd all love it, nothing is perfect. We can parent perfectly and why would we teach our kids to push themselves to attain the impossible?At the end of the day, I simply want my kids to embrace who they are and be open to new experiences. I want them to see the amazing lessons both cultures can teach them and find a way to blend them that makes them happy.
The First Lie I Ever Told My In-Laws
Our Little Fixer Upper *Before*
If you’ve been following my blog for long, you’ve picked up a few things about my family. We’re a multiracial family, I like to adopt pets while my husband is at work, and we move… a lot. We’re at it again!
We just closed on our new home! Purchasing a home is one of the most exciting things! We started looking for our dream home a few months ago. We anticipated we’d end up starting the process sometime after March. We wanted to have enough time to find the perfect place and be able to save.We had only been looking for about a week when I got a text from my husband. One sentence would send our family into a whirlwind and change all of our plans.Check out this house!I fell in love with it right away! We decided to drive by it that afternoon and our pastor hooked us up with a realtor from our church. We ended up hating the house after seeing it in person.It’s the funny thing about house hunting. A house that looks so perfect in pictures can feel completely different in person.Nonetheless, that house started us on our house hunting journey. We absolutely loved our realtor, Michaela and decided we wanted to keep looking. About one week later, we found Our Fixer Upper House.
The funny thing is that we had skipped over it the first time we saw it. The pictures made the house look like something we wouldn’t like. However, it was sitting on 2 acres and my husband decided to add it to our list of houses to see.In order to get to this little gem, you have to drive down this windy little road into our woods. Yes, our woods! It’s absolutely beautiful. I have always wanted to have a yard that my kids could play in all day long. The woods were a dream I never thought I’d be able to have!
The inside is a bit of a different story. It took my much longer to fall in love with. It’s much more outdated and needed a good bit of work. However, every episode of Fixer Upper that my husband and I had spent watching together kicked in and made us realize we could turn it into Our Fixer Upper. 
It simply needed a fresh coat of paint, elbow grease, and some Joanna Gaines magic!This house definitely has its charm. It has a 70’s vibe everywhere you go. It even has its own intercom system! My husband was going to get rid of it but I quickly reminded him it meant we could yell at our kids wherever they went!Not to mention the popcorn ceiling…Every single room had popcorn ceiling and we knew it would be the first thing we’d get rid of when we moved in! As soon as you started to get lost in the work the house needs, you simply need to walk outside and see why it’s all worth it.The peaceful backyard makes every moment of work worth it. Especially when you hear how it influences you kid’s imaginations. It’s not just a backyard for my boys.
Should You Do Something You're Uncomfortable With In A Relationship?
The biggest thing you have to keep in mind is that you both have to be happy with your decision.
A few years ago, my husband and I moved our family closer to his side of the family. This meant we moved 36 hours away from my family. It was a really big decision for us. If I wasn’t a part of the decision to move here, it could have caused a lot of issues in our marriage. It would have been easy for this to cause a rift between us. However, we made this decision when we first got married. We discussed where we wanted to settle down and agreed we would settle by his family. There are so many factors that helped us to make this decision.However, timing changed. Every few years we would talk about making the big move. To be honest, I wasn’t ready until a few years ago. I knew I wanted to do it, but it was hard for me to move so far from my family. I had to be fully ready and my husband patiently waited.Now, we’re here and our family is so happy. Sure, we all miss my family, but our reasons for moving here makes it worth it. Indian culture is present in our children’s lives every day. It’s much easier to put them in the middle of this vibrant culture when we’re around my husband’s family. By living closer to my in-laws, it also means my kids are around Telugu more often.
My husband and I made this decision for our family.
We made it together and did what we think is best for our family. You can’t look at other multiracial families and do exactly what they do or concede to the pressure from loved ones to run your family the exact same way they did. They have seen what works for them and try to push you to do the same thing.All you can do is listen to their advice, see how their family functions, and see what you can take from it. Chances are you will be able to take a few things and change other things to fit your family better. There is no right way to have a multiracial family or interracial relationship.You have to communicate with each other every day and constantly reevaluate. You can make a decision that works for a while, but you need to see how those decisions work as your family grows and changes.
How To Teach Our Kids Self-Love
As a little girl, summers were special. They meant a break from school for our whole family. My mom worked at a school so she was on the same school schedule as my little brother and I. Our summers were full of days at the beach and sleepovers. If we could have lived on the water we would have.It was the place that just made everything go away. Bad days, stressful season, everything would simply wash away in the water.There was just one little problem. Summers also meant something else. Every moment of sun meant another freckle on my face.You may laugh, but as a kid, I hated my freckles. No one else in my class had them and they made me stand out. Everyone would make comments about them and they made me feel different.
As a kid, being different is uncomfortable.
There isn't this sense of pride that comes along with it, instead, it makes you feel set apart from your friends.If only I could have told my younger self not to worry because one-day freckles would start trending. One day everyone would want to have your freckles so badly that they'll even get them tattooed on their face.I hope it doesn't take my boys a decade to realize how special they are for being uniquely them. Instead, I want them to look at who they are and be proud.I want them to look at their passions and do what makes them happy, even if it's not what their friends are doing.I want them to stop comparing themselves to other families out there and be proud to have a multiracial family that looks different.
I want them to look in the mirror before they head off for school and smile because they're content with who they are.
So how can we as their parents, teach them to love themselves? How can we help them bypass the years of self-hatred that too many kids face and go straight to loving who they are?It's not as complicated as you may think it is. One of the best ways to help you kids love themselves is by loving yourself first.It all started with mom, so why are we surprised to find out self-love does as well?Our kids watch every move we make.
We are their living, breathing example of everything.
They're looking to us to figure out how they should think, talk, and behave.The problem is we're not always what we teach. It's why we tell them so often to "Do what I say, now what I do." Part of it's our imperfect nature. There is no way we will ever be the perfect example to our kids and I think it's better that way. Instead of giving them this impossible image to attain to, we're showing them what it looks like to lead an imperfect life and how to respond to failure.We're going to do and say the wrong things at times and it's okay. It's the best moment to teach our kids a lesson. You can use the opportunity to be vulnerable with your kids and let them know you were wrong and give them a glimpse into your journey.
Self-love has been that imperfect journey for myself.
I look at my stretch marks, the weight I just can't get off after baby Lucas, and love isn't the first thought that comes to mind. Instead, it's self-hate and comparison. I look at other moms that lost the weight immediately after they had their baby and the mom that bypassed the ugly stretch marks and wonder why I can't look like that. The more I lose myself into the self-loathing, the more it starts to come out verbally."Why am I so fat?""These stretch marks are so ugly."You may not realize, but little ears hear it all. They pick up on the negativity and start to look at their own body twice. If their own mom hates what she looks like, they instinctually start to question theirs.
This leads to the road of self-loathing that takes decades to get over.
If we want our children to love themselves, we have to love ourselves first. We have to let the self-hate go and verbally praise the things we do love about our bodies and selves.It's okay if it's small at first. The more you fill your life with positivity, the easier it will become. Then you'll slowly realize how far you've come and how much you truly do love about yourself.
It starts today. Love yourself daily.
A Reminder To The Momma Who Doesn't Think She Make It Through Today
Last week, I planned out a fun and relaxing evening with my husband. Our lives have been pretty chaotic lately and it was the first evening in a while that we didn't have anything scheduled.It felt like the first breath of fresh air in a while.We had put the kids to be and were about to sit down. Then the baby came out of his room, wild as can be! I instantly knew we were in for an interesting night. When baby Luke gets in these moods it's nearly impossible to keep him in his room. We end up in a back and forth battle of who can keep the baby in bed.Although this time, my husband snuck away. I can't fault him because it was my plan too, he simply beat me to the punch.I was about to wrestle baby Luke back to his room and decided to give him a little tickle fest. Although instead of laughter, he erupted into a hysterical crying fit. I was dumbfounded and assumed he had gotten hurt somehow. Ten minutes of crying later, I realized something else was going on.I kissed his forehead and noticed he had a fever right away. In our family, a fever for baby Luke isn't a small thing. It typically means a febrile seizure and sleepless night.
(Read more about our journey with febrile seizures here...)
I swooped him up and put him in our bed. My husband and I were able to calm him down with a popsicle and cuddles. Then the crying started up again. He was trying to tell me he had an owie and I realized what that meant too late.
Vomit.
Vomit everywhere.
A puddle of vomit in my bed, on my clothes, all over him.
I yelled for my husband and he quickly came in, swooped up the baby in his arms, and put him straight in the bath. He didn't even flinch at the buckets of vomit everywhere.
Needless to say, our quiet evening quickly turned into a night of cleaning bed sheets, sanitizing everything (including myself), and cuddling a sick baby.These are the nights that make parenthood feel like a blur.The moments that make you question whether or not you can get through the next few years while your kids are all little.I'm here to tell you a little secret that can get you through the worst of times.
It's just a season of your life and every season comes to an end.
Motherhood is far from easy. It's not for the faint of heart, but it's all worth it. Your kids are only little once. I know right now, all you can see if the finish line far off, behind the puke stained sheets, pee covered toilets, and sleepless nights, but it's there. One day, you'll be sitting with your friends over brunch, laughing at all of these stories.So, what about today?How do you get through the season you're in?
You take it one day at a time. One moment at a time if that's what you need. Soak up the special moments with your kids and remember the rough times can't last forever.
Sooner than you know it, you'll be in a completely different season of life and you'll be looking back at today as a memory.
What Mom Is Really Doing When She's Grocery Shopping
Grocery shopping has always been cathartic for me. I have three kids under 6 years old so alone time isn't always a reality. In fact, they're always there. Everywhere I turn I have kids telling me about Minecraft, asking for snacks, or tattling on their brothers.Grocery shopping is my time.Mine.Over the last few weeks, I started leaving the kids at home when I go and it's been heavenly! I stop by Starbucks for a quick drink, then head to the store. I have a list in my purse, but that doesn't stop me from going down every single aisle. That's right, all of them. Even the ones I know I won't be getting anything from. It's not the point.The point is to stay at the store as long as humanly possible. Every stolen moment is a moment my husband gets to appreciate me a little more. I know he understands how much I do, but there's nothing like leaving him with three wild children to appreciate me a little more. It doesn't take long for the texts to start.Babe, how much longer?Where is the disinfectant? Levi peed all over the bathroom floor.Are you almost done?If I have to hear another word about Minecraft.....SOS.They're like little love notes from him while I'm away. They definitely don't entice me to come home any sooner. I've been there, done that.Every day while he's off working, I'm dealing with all three wild children. I'm daily trying to convince my four-year-old to pee in the toilet instead of the floor, seat, or bathroom garbage (real story!). I wake up every day to my 5-year-old asking, "Mom, can I tell you all about Minecraft?" I'm constantly making snacks for the never ending belly of a 2-year-old baby, who camps out by the fridge.I know the pain he's experiencing while I'm away. That's where the cathartic feeling comes from. Knowing full well that I'm helping him to walk an hour in my shoes...my high heel stilettos that look gorgeous, but feel like complete hell to wear.
This is why moms take so long at the grocery store.
Pay back.It's all about pay back ladies and gentlemen. Don't bother texting, it just fuels us to stay out longer.I change my name while I'm grocery shopping. Mom is no longer what I go by. I look around at the other moms shopping with their kids and laugh. I sprint away with my Starbucks in hand and a hysterical laughter erupts.It doesn't matter that the number of grocery trips I take each week is increasing because they all need to eat. It's one thing they won't fight because I soothe their pain by bringing them all back food.One day, our kids will get big enough to watch themselves and I'll let my husband join me on my grocery shopping adventure. Then we'll laugh together at the texts from our kids, asking us when we'll get home. We'll skip down the aisles together with the coffee in hand, although at that point I'm sure we'll have upgraded to alcoholic beverages.But for now, it's just me. My grocery trips are a solitary adventure that I have no intention of cutting short anytime soon.