How Do I Introduce My Family To My Husband/Boyfriend's Culture?

How do i introduce my family to my boyfriend's culture

________

Dear Almost Indian Wife. I've been seeing my boyfriend for a little over two years. We just got engaged! I can't wait to marry this man , but one things is scaring me. I came into this relationship knowing I would have to learn about a brand new culture. Now that we're getting married, I've realized my family has to as well. He's not just marrying me, he's marrying my family. His family is coming to town for our engagement party and the nalugu. Our families are going to meet for the first time. I'm so scared my family is going to say the wrong thing or not embrace the culture. Please help! What do I do?

________

Introducing My Family To My Spouse's Culture

How Do I Introduce My Family To My Boyfriend or Husband's Culture?

When my husband and I were dating, things felt easy. It wasn't so much about blending cultures as it was getting to know each other. My boyfriend (now husband) would come over to my parent's house all the time. They loved him and it didn't feel difficult for them to embrace him.I did notice a shift when we got engaged. My family was still over the moon about my relationship, BUT we officially got introduced to blending cultures. It wasn't about getting to know each other any more. Now, it was about introducing everyone to blending cultures.We decided to have a fusion wedding.This meant, both sides of our family had to get a heavy duty dose of what it meant to be in an interracial relationship.Why is the ceremony so long?Why are you getting a necklace with a string dipped in turmeric?Why are all the Indians LATE?What kind of music is this?Why are your bridesmaids wearing American dresses?Both sides of our families had SO MANY questions. It was hard to blend cultures and make everyone happy. I felt a lot of pressure on my shoulders to teach my family about East Indian culture and I know my husband did as well.Looking back at this almost 11 years later, my husband and I have learned a few things. We've learned how to introduce our family to new traditions and a new way of doing things. Let's be honest, it's not always easy. In fact, it's been difficult. However, it's worth it!Here are few things my husband and I have learned about introducing your family to a new culture.

Open Dialogue

One of the most important things you need to do is create open dialogue between everyone. Both sides of the family need to know they can come to you and your fiancé with any questions they may have. Your families are going to be curious. They need to feel comfortable asking you about things they see or want to know more about. The more they talk with you the more comfortable they'll all feel.

Give Them Grace

Remember how new this is for everyone. Even though you two may have been together for a while, this is the first time your families have to encounter what it's like to blend cultures. When you first get together with your partner, you're focused on how you will blend cultures.When you get into a long term relationship with someone, all of your families will encounter situations where blending cultures is necessary. Be sure to give them grace as they figure out how to do it. There's going to be a situation where someone unintentionally says the wrong thing. That's ok. It usually happens because they don't realize what they're saying is wrong. Give each other a lot of grace.

Prepare Both Sides Of The Family

Before everyone get's together you need to have a little sit down. You can sit down with your family and let him sit down with his. If your families are comfortable with both of you, do it as a couple. Then talk about a few cultural traditions they're going to see when everyone gets together. Remember, even if it's become normal for you, it's not for them.

Remember You Have Time

None of this has to get figured out overnight. It's going to take time for your families to feel comfortable with each other and a new culture. Let it happen naturally so they can develop a good relationship with each other. It's easier if your families live close to each other, but that's not always the case. One problem that can arise is putting too much pressure on your families during the short amount of times they're together. Give it time.

How To Challenge Racism And Prejudice As A Family

Over the last eight years in my interracial marriage, my eyes have been open up to a new world.

I had no idea how sheltered I was in my own little bubble. I grew up in a white community, with a white family, and white friends.I loved everyone I met, so it wasn't an issue of any ill-feelings on my part. I simply didn't know a life outside my own. I never learned about cultures around the world other than the little bit they teach us in history class.It wasn't until I married my wonderful husband that I saw the harsh reality that racism exists. The fact that an entire people group could be stereotyped as one personality or one characteristic of an extremist. It's easier for society to clump people together rather than get to know the actual people involved.Even though you may have the same ethnic background as someone, by no way means your culture was the exact same growing up. Our culture is so much more than just our ethnicity. It's the way you grew up, your beliefs, whether or not you were the oldest in the family, the situations you've experienced, and everything that has shaped you to be the person you are today.

Racism and prejudice aren't hidden from society. It's out in the open every day.

We see it in the news.We see if when we walking in town and someone crosses the street just to avoid walking next to a man of color.We see it when people make a rude, stereotypical joke to a friend.We see it when people spew hateful, toxic things to people they've never even met.It's happening every day, all around you. Here's the problem. People either give excuses to why they did what they did or claim they didn't know any better. We're no longer living in a day and age where those excuses work. We are fighting for a better world for our kids. This fight means we have to stand up and say this is not ok. We have to challenge wrong thinking and start learning about those around us.

Let's start by learning a few definitions.

Racism: prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior.Prejudice: preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience.Ignorance: lack of knowledge or information.Racism and prejudice are both learned behaviors. Through out our lives people have shaped what we believe. Maybe you grew up in a family that made racist remarks. Or maybe they lived in their bubble like I did growing up and didn't know better.

Either way, ignorance leads to both racism and prejudice.

So how can we stop it? What can we do to make sure our kids don't learn this hate?We can teach our kids. It starts as simple as that. We can help them to have a deep love for cultures around the world. We can remind them to ask questions when they don't know something rather than lay a stereotypical label on it.Remember, kids learn by example. You need to be the right example to them and challenge yourself. If you mess up, admit it to them and have a conversation about it. If you see someone in their life, whether it's a family member or someone in the media, call out bad behavior. Don't ignore it when it happens. If you do, your kids will be left trying to figure it out on their own.

How can you challenge racism, prejudice, and ignorance around you?

3 Signs You're In An Intercultural Relationship

I love hearing about intercultural love stories. I'm always looking for these stories in books, blogs, and in real life. These relationships are beautiful! Not only that, I'm always curious to see how they have blended their cultures in their relationship. Everyone does it differently because each culture is so different.As I've gotten to know people in these beautiful intercultural relationships and I've learned that it's not limited to different races. While bringing people from different races together can bring about extreme cultural differences, we all have similar differences.Culture is defined as the way people live. This is referring to traditions, customs, and beliefs. No two families are alike which means we each have our own culture. Often times, it's similar within the same country, but differences are still there and require blending in a relationship.Are you still unsure if this applies to you? Well here are three signs you're definitely in an intercultural relationship.You're In A Relationship With Someone Other Than Yourself. If you are dating anyone other than yourself, you are in an intercultural relationship. Only you have experienced your culture exactly. Any person you will date will have differences in their culture, regardless of how big or small.Your Family Lives Were Different.Let's take a look at your families. Can you spot differences in the way you were both raised?Were you raised by both parents? A single parent? Divorced parents? Did your parents get married young? Married at all? Was their marriage arranged? Were you the oldest child? Did you have any siblings? Is your family religious?I'm sure you can find a few differences in there. All of these differences shape the person you are today. They all take part in the reason you believe what you do, think the way you do, and behave the way you do.You Find Yourselves Mixing Traditions. Do you notice a trend of mixing traditions in your relationship? Unless your families were the exact same, you will be faced with decisions of which traditions to follow. Who's family tradition will be continued in your family? Or will you start a new tradition?If you have seen these signs in your relationship, I am here to tell you... you are in an intercultural relationship! Congratulations! Embrace it and enjoy it. There is nothing better than an intercultural relationship. They are full of diversity, new experiences, and a lot of love.

Share you intercultural love story with me today on twitter!

How Should We Talk About Someone's Ethnic Background?

I recently posted a video on my Facebook and it started a lot of conversations on whether or not we should ask someone about their ethnic background. The video referred to people asking strangers about their ethnic background.The video received a lot of different responses. Some people think it's always fine to ask, regardless of the circumstances. Others believe that you should have somewhat of a relationship before you ask. At the end of the day, this video caused conversations to happen and I couldn't be happier!Just because you're OK with people asking questions about your ethnic background doesn't mean everyone else is and visa versa. At the end of the day I think it becomes a heart issue. If you're asking with good intentions and because you really want to get to know someone, it's great!

When Is It OK To Ask About Someone's Ethnic Background?

Curiosity is a normal part of human behavior. When we see something we aren't familiar with or can't label, we want to figure it out. As a mother of biracial children, I do tend to notice other biracial individuals and my mind starts to wonder. However, I wouldn't ask them about it unless we knew each other on some level.There are so many different views on this. Personally, I think you should get to know someone or at least know their name before you start asking questions about their ethnic background. As you start getting to know someone, it becomes a natural part of the process. You start asking each other questions and learning what makes each other tick.I love learning about someone's background because it all plays a part in who they are. Whether they grew up with a single mom, in Hyderabad, are the oldest in their family, etc. It's all a part of who they are.

What If I Don't Know How To Ask

People can usually tell if you're asking about their ethnicity because you care about them as a person or if you just want to fulfill your own curiosity. If they see you're being genuine, the how isn't usually a big deal. They can see that you aren't trying to be rude and that you are asking the best way you can. Then they're usually more willing to answer you.The problem is when people start throwing in stereotypes and assuming things about a complete stranger.

Here's What You Shouldn't Say To Someone Of A Different Ethnic Background Than Yourself

I asked my readers to share some common misconceptions they've experienced. Here are a few of the ones that really make you wonder what the stranger was thinking!

"I'm giving you the Hindi pamphlet so you can understand."

It doesn't matter whether or not you actually needed the pamphlet in a different language. They assume you do because you're Indian.

"His family must be really upset that you're married. Do they hate you?"

How do they know how your relationship is with your in laws? They assume there's strife because he's Indian and you're not.

"Was it really hard growing up in the US?"

They must be forgetting that the United States is full of people with different ethnic backgrounds. Just because you see an Indian man doesn't mean they grew up in India or a Russian women mean she grew up in Russia.

"You're so light! There's no way you can be African American!"

Who made the decision that you have to be a certain shade to "qualify" as African American?

Here's What You Should Do If Your Curious About Other Ethnic Backgrounds

As a society, we should all be learning about different cultures. The more we learn about them, the less likely we are to make generalized stereotypes. Stereotypes are what causes issues in talking about someone's ethnic background. Instead of asking someone about their background, we make statements based on what we assume to be true. Instead of assuming, learn.You should ask someone about their ethnic background to learn more about them as a person and to learn about their culture. Sometimes, it's hard to identify stereotypes we may have. The more you learn about another culture, the more those stereotypes are broken.

Let's Keep The Conversation Going

This has become a sensitive topic in our society. People get too nervous of saying the wrong thing and end up not talking about ethnicity at all. We need to challenge this and get the conversation going. The more we talk about race and ethnicity, the more walls are broken down.I want my kids to grow up in a society where they can be proud of their ethnic background and not feel ostracized for it. They love being biracial because they get to see amazing things from their culture. This can stay the same if we let all the stereotypes go and break down barriers between each other.

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5 Steps For An Intercultural Relationship

Whether your brand new to your intercultural relationship of you've been around the block a few times, I have 5 steps for you. These steps will help you to get closer to your loved one, understand who they are, develop a plan to blend cultures, and make sure your improving where you can.Haven't you ever said to yourself, "If only I had a guide for all of this!?"Well, today I'm giving you that guide and I know you'll love it!

5 Steps For YOUR Intercultural Relationship

 

Get To Know Each Other

If you want to figure out how to blend cultures and start your family together, you need to know each other. Take time to get to know who you're together with. I don't just mean their favorite color and what they like to watch on tv.You need to understand their culture. Their culture has shaped who they are and the decisions they'll instinctively make. Ask them questions about how they grew up, what they value from their culture, what they've struggled with in their culture, etc. All of this will help you to understand each other.

Develop A Family Culture

Now, it's time to develop a family culture. When you and your loved one start your relationship, you're starting a family. It doesn't matter if you have kids or not, you're a family. When you start a family, you have to develop your own family culture and identity.The best part is this culture will be from both of you. You need to sit down and talk about what's important from both of your cultures and decide how you can bring them together in one family. The best part is you don't have to worry about making the absolute best plan ever!While making a plan is vital, you can change it up when you need to. The idea behind the plan is to know before hand what's important and you can be more intentional in bringing it into your family.

Communicate

The lines of communication need to be open at all times. As you get to know each other, you'll feel more comfortable talking and discussing how your relationship is doing. Conflict is natural and will come up through your relationship. It will come up when trying to figure out how to blend cultures, when dealing with culture shock, and pretty much any time during your relationship. It's normal.The most important thing is that you learn how to communicate with each other so you can learn how to use your conflict to get closer.You also need to be able to discuss how you feel about blending cultures. Are you comfortable with how the blending is happening? Do you feel like one culture is taking over? These are important things you need to talk about through out your relationship.

Re-evaluate

While the plan you develop may work great right now, you need to be prepared that it will change. You and your loved one have to constantly re-evaluate how your plan is working. If it's not working like you thought or you'd like something to change, tweak it.It's going to change naturally over time because the longer you're together, you'll notice you're both changing. You're growing together and getting closer and your circumstances may change as well.You should be scheduling time to talk about all of these things at least once a month.

Give Each Other Grace

Grace. Your relationship needs to be filled with grace. You are bound to mess up or hurt your loved one's feelings and the other way around. The biggest thing is to remember you need to give each other grace. Blending cultures takes time. Even if you're been together for years, you aren't mind readers and things just happen.All you can do is be sure to talk about it, let them know how you feel, and give each other grace. Let your loved one know they have room to mess up and you'll still love them.--Intercultural relationships are beautiful, but they take a lot of patience and grace for each other. I can promise you one thing, it's always worth it. The more you and your loved one work at your relationship, the better it will be.

How Can We Teach Kids To Celebrate Diversity

As a multicultural family, we're always looking for ways to teach our children about diversity. In a society that teaches our kids to blend in and avoid standing out, it's our responsibility to teach them to have pride in their differences. It's important for us to teach them that those differences make up who they are.In celebrating those differences, we surround our kids with diversity. We want diversity to become the norm for them. There are so many different ways you can teach your kids about diversity. 

3 Fun Ways To Teach Your Child About Diversity

Games

Teaching your child through hands on activities is a great way to get the conversation going about diversity. You can play world games or you can look up games played in other countries. By making it fun, you've already grabbed their attention and their more likely to stay engaged because they want to learn more. 

School

As our kids get older, they're in school about 3-8 hours a day. It's most of their day! Schools are the perfect opportunity to talk with your children about diversity. If your kid's schools don't offer programs that encourage diversity, start one! Start a multicultural festival where kids hear about different cultures around the world! Get involved and make diversity happen in your kid's schools. Your kids will love it! 

Books

Books are one of our favorite ways to talk to our kids about diversity. It not only gets your kids excited to hear about the story, but it creates dialogue. Your kids will want to learn more about the pictures in their books. They want to know all about the characters, what makes them who they are, and how they can relate to them. 

Where Do I Find Books Featuring Multicultural Kids And Families 

Finding books about multicultural kids is hard. If you do find it, a white child is usually the main character. It has been a huge challenge for me to find books with a non-white child as the main character. I have great news... I found it!Bharat Babies is a wonderful company that features Indian children as the main characters in all of their books. Their books teach children about India through beautiful stories. As your child reads a book like Let's Celebrate Diwali, they will learn why children in India celebrate the holiday and meet Harini and her friends. Bharat Babies books are great for children whether they live in a multicultural family or want to learn about a different culture. As parents, it's our job to teach our children about diversity. It needs to be a conversation so kids can ask questions and understand the differences that make us up are beautiful. I love how Bharat Babies celebrates diversity in their books!Let's join together and teach our kids about diversity today!

Learn more about Bharat Babies and stay up to date on new books by following themFacebook/ Twitter/ Instagram/ Blog

***This post was sponsored by Bharat Babies. As always all opinions are my own.**

Intercultural Couples: Why Should You Cook For Your Loved One?

This post is sponsored by Saffron Fix. As always all my opinions expressed here are my own. 

As a wife in an intercultural relationship, I can tell you making food from a culture so new to me can be intimidating. When I first started making Indian food for our family, I had no idea what I was doing. The first time I made chicken curry was a disaster and to be really honest, I wasn't extremely motivated to keep trying. There are so many couples out there facing similar situations. They want to learn to make the food their loved one grew up with, but they're intimidated and tend to give up early. Taking the time to learn how to make food from your loved one's childhood means more than you think. 

It shows your spouse you love them. 

When you take the time to learn something new, it reminds your spouse how much you love them. Sometimes, you need to go beyond just saying "I love you," and actually show them. 

It brings you and your spouse together. 

Food has always been the thing to bridge cultures and bring people together. Whether you're eating or cooking together, you're putting everything else on hold and making each other the priority. 

It reminds your spouse you want to blend cultures. 

Blending cultures in your food is a great idea because it means you're both experiencing it together. Every bite you have and every minute you take to prepare the dish, is another moment you're blending cultures in your family. ---You can see how important it is to blend cultures in your family meals, but don't let it intimidate you. All you need to do is ask for help. If this is you and you're looking for a little help to learn how to make authentic dishes for your family, Saffron Fix is the answer.Saffron Fix is a meal-kit service that will send you everything you need to make delicious Indian dishes in no time! All you need to do is go to their site, choose from mouth watering recipes, and checkout. They'll send you a box full of pre-chopped ingredients, authentic spices, and the recipes. All of the meals are ready in under thirty minutes!Whether you want to learn how to make authentic Indian dishes or need quick and easy meals throughout the week, Saffron Fix is for you. 

Family Fridays #24 Josey

Happy Friday everyone! Josey is joining us this week to tell us all about her family!

 

 

Hi! I'm Josey, a sarcastically dry, fun loving and hard working kind of gal. The kind who is immediately puzzling and brings to mind one unanimous question "where is that girl from?" Now, if you have any color of skin that isn't white (or if you have a non-local accent) then you know what that question means, you know before the person can even finish the phrase. They aren't wondering about where you grew up, really, they just want to stick a label on you so they can put you in a category and continue in the social exchange. 'Where are your from' translates to 'what's your ethnicity" and "what do your parents look like?' So nice. Who cares? Well, everyone does, and well, it does matter (a little), so I will tell you.

 

I grew up in Washington state and grew up in a fairly white culture. My husband grew up in Minnesota and his culture was fairly similar (actually maybe a bit more diverse). However, my husband has white skin and I don't. I have a very confusing color of brown that makes sure no one can ever guess my ethnicity correctly. It immediately makes me seem foreign or well traveled, or both, or either. Regardless of the exterior, I grew up without any connections to my skin color (as far as cultural traditions go like Indian, Native American, African American, Samoan or any other bronzed skin beauties), so I never thought about this idea of 'interracial' or even 'race'. We are all people, aren't we?

 

 

At first, I was severely attracted to my husband's devilish smirk, his striking blue eyes, and his ability to play it cool in every situation. It certainly didn't mattered what color he was, and since I, as aforementioned, have no non-white cultural ties, there wasn't an issue of what kind of 'Christmas do you celebrate', or 'would you be willing to convert?' We met at school in the second coldest place in America; Grand Forks, ND. But our relationship has been anything but cold. He's the best friend I have ever had and I can guarantee that our love will last past infinity. He's a bit more reserved (think James Bond at a bar) and I am more, uhh, opposite (think if Rebel Wilson and Jennifer Lawrence had a baby, and it was dark skinned). Our love seriously rocks. And it has nothing to do with the color of our skin (although we do think one another is beautiful and handsome). 

 

What makes our family unique has really nothing to do with how people perceive our interracial status, but it has everything to do with how our lives are intermingled together. How we take the best bits of one another's character and personality, mimicking each other, compromising our differences and at the same time maintaining the essence of who we are as individuals. 

 

Though we did celebrate holidays differently before, now that we are we it is so important to the both of us that our lives are combined and melded. Which means change! Everybody loves change, right? Certainly any family blending together has got to be open to it, because regardless of your race, your heritage, or your color, families are meant to be celebrated. And so, that's me! In a nutshell, a shell that's easily cracked into. My biggest advice for two people attracted to one another, who happen to be on separate ends of the skin color wheel: love each other for who you are. And hopefully, eventually, our world will adapt and change along with the rest of us and soon color will be a thing of the past and we can finally shed that label of interracial and race, and begin to see people for who they are not what they appear to be.

 

Do you to hear more stories like Josey's? Check out our other Family Friday posts!

Teaching Children About India With A FREE WORKBOOK

Recently, I was able to talk to the readers over at 5 Minutes For Mom and address a question a lot of you have asked me. Many of you want to share the world with your children, but the big question is how do I teach my children about different cultures. I shared 5 ways you can teach them. 

1. Try different dishes from around the world. 
2. Make sure their books show diversity. 
3. Listen to new music.
4. Make a craft with your kids.
5. Attend local events as a family. 

What Resources Can We Use To Teach Our Kids About Different Cultures?

Now, there are countless other ways you can do this as well. The biggest thing is that we need to be thinking about how we can do this. Teaching kids about different cultures is extremely important for kids to understand their own culture and identity. [tweetthis twitter_handles="@almstindianwife" display_mode="box"]The more kids learn about the world, the more comfortable they will be with who they are. [/tweetthis]My husband and I are constantly trying to find new ways to teach our children about Indian culture. They are blessed with two cultures in their lives and we want to make sure they are immersed in both. We teach our children through their stomachs and showing them different Indian customs.It doesn't matter if your children have multiple cultures in their lives or not, they all need to learn about the world. There are so many ways you can do it! The hard part is finding the resources to make it possible. Well, I've made it a little easier for you!

 

I've Made All Of You A FREE WORKBOOK To Teach Your Kids About India!

This free workbook is great for kids around 3-6 years old. It's full of hands on way to teach your children about India and I threw in some Telugu words too! All you have to do is print it out today!Find your free workbook by clicking here or on a picture above. 

How Can You Use Education And Laughter Against Ignorance?

There was an article that made it's way around Facebook a few months ago. A friend of ours had shared it with my husband, Joel and it went viral! So many people could relate to the hilarious questions people ask. When people find out my husband is East Indian, they tend to ask him a lot of questions. Most of the time, the questions are simply... ridiculous. My favorite question people have asked me about my husband is, "Does he speak Indian?"I truly hope I have at least taught most of you at least a few things about Indian culture. At least enough to know that no one speaks Indian, rather one of the hundreds of dialects found in India. Joel speaks Telugu.  I used to ignore people's mistake and answer their question, pretending they said the right thing. Now, I just laugh. It would be like me walking into a room of people and asking someone if they spoke American. We've seen the same things with our kids. People are already asking us hilarious questions about our mixed kids. It's funny to think about the questions our boys will have to answer through out their lives. Some of them will be funny like this and others will be insulting. I want my husband and I to raise our kids to respond well, regardless of what people do or say. We can't control what people do, but we can control our response. 

[tweetthis twitter_handles="@almstindianwife" display_mode="box"]"Two things reduce prejudice: education and laughter." -Laurence J. Peter[/tweetthis]

I love this quote because it really hits the point head on. It's easy for people to let anger take over when faced with prejudice or ignorance, but it won't change anything. Anger only fuels more anger. Instead, we need to teach our children how to respond. They can either teach people or laugh. 

 

If someone ignorantly says something that offends you, take a minute and teach them something. They probably didn't realize that they said was offensive. Bring laughter to the situation and make a joke!

 

[tweetthis twitter_handles="@almstindianwife" display_mode="box"]Keeping your calm in the face of ignorance creates an opportunity for change.[/tweetthis]

 

Culture Clash Wednesday #10 The Help

(Picture Credit Stock Snap)

If you stop by my house unannounced, you will be walking into a huge mess. I have three boys which means they love leaving little messes everywhere they go. It doesn't matter how many times I do the dishes, sweep the floor, or put toys away.. I turn around and it's all messy again. I've come to terms with it and now that my youngest is about to start walking, it's only going to get worse!Often times, I complain to my husband about the house. I sit there, staring at the crayon on the walls, asking how in the world the house can get messy as quickly as it does. Usually, he asks me what I need help with and we get it done together. Recently, a family member said we should hire someone to clean the house. I was taken back because I didn't quite know what to think. Were they insulting my messy house? My husband didn't seem to think it was a bad idea. Now, before you all pick up your pitchforks and chase down my husband, hear me out. My husband grew up with his family hiring people to clean the house all the time. Both of his parents worked full time and were extremely busy. They hired someone to come once a week or so and they did all of the deep cleaning. His family was used to having someone help with the house because that's how it was for them in India as well. In Hyderabad, where they grew up, they had people that helped with the cooking, gardening, and cleaning. While I don't think there is anything wrong with either way, the idea of hiring someone to clean my house is foreign to me. Growing up, it was my family and I who always took care of everything. We all had a list of chores and got it done. I wouldn't even know what to do if I hired someone to clean my house. Would I stay while they cleaned? Awkwardly pretend I have somewhere to go?Granted, a spotless house would be nice to come home to...This is yet another way of doing things that differ in each family, regardless of where you grew up. While it is extremely common in India to hire help, it's the same for many families in the US. I have a lot of friends who hire people to help out and say it's the only thing that keeps them sane. Others couldn't imagine letting someone clean their messy house and do it themselves. At the end of the day, we all do what we can to get through the day. If it would help your week be a little less stressful and you have the money in your budget, hire someone to help! If you would rather clean your house yourself, do it!If you'd rather sit back, watch Netflix, and leave the dishes for another day.. DO IT! 

While this is a culture clash moment for my husband and I, it may not be for you. I'd love to hear from you. Would this be a culture clash moment in your house?

5 Ways You Can Teach Your Children About Different Cultures

I recently participated in the Periscope With Purpose Challenge put on by Blog Clarity. It was an amazing opportunity to try and Periscope and meet some amazing people. One gal I met while completing the challenge was Susan from 5 Minutes To Mom. I quickly fell in love with her blog. It's a place for moms to connect. They share about everything parenting to social media tips. If you haven't checked them out yet, this is this time! 

I'm very excited to be featured on their site today! 

I get asked how to teach children about different cultures every day. It's a shared desire among many of you, but the "how to" is hard to figure out. Today, I am sharing 5 simple ways you can teach your children about other cultures. It's a chance to include the whole family and spice up your week! If you are interested in hearing more, click here to read my article. 

Culture Clash Wednesday #8 Taste Buds

Last week, I offered three more entries into my Ultimate Spice Giveaway by taking a survey (only a few more days to enter!). This survey helps me see what all of you have enjoyed on my blog and what you want to see more of. There was a HUGE consensus.... You all love culture clash Wednesdays!! I'm so glad you are all enjoying because it has been such a fun series!This week were talking about taste buds. I think many of you will be able to relate to this one.. Food is one of the biggest passions in our house. This could be because we have an almost Indian family or because it's full of boys. I've always heard the way to a boys heart is through his stomach and I can tell you it's the same for Indians! We're always experimenting and trying new dishes! However, a problem always comes up... Can you guess what it is?? My husband and I can never agree if it's too spicy or too bland! Usually, I will love a dish and he says it's a little bland and needs more heat. On the other hand, he will have a dish and love it. All while I'm sweating bullets because it's so freaking spicy! Now, our kids are joining in on the fight. Liam thinks pepper is too spicy and Levi can handle his spicy food. This is probably why my husband loves visiting his family. It's typically a weekend full of spicy Indian food. My first few years in the family, I would get teased because I'd always have a glass of milk with dinner! I'd get the biggest glass possible because I knew how ridiculously spicy everything was going to be! It's been six years now and I never pour a glass of milk with dinner. Is this because I'm almost Indian and can handle my Indian food or is it because my pride kicked in and I won't ever let them know how badly my mouth is on fire? The world will never know... For the most part, we all love spicy food. It's just the level of heat we don't agree on. We've learned a few tricks over the years to make sure we're all in love with dinner. We've all trained our taste buds to handle some heat. We serve dinner and all sit down at the dinner table. If you look at our table, we will always have multiple kinds of hot sauce. We have hot sauce for every type of food we make too! We have hot pickled vegetables for Indian food, Cholula for Mexican food, and Sriracha for Asian food. This way we can all add the right amount of spice and I don't die from it!

Do you experience this in your house? Are you the one that likes heat?

How Can You Teach Your Children About Diwali

Lately, most of our mornings have started extremely slowly. We wake up, I make my iced coffee, the kids eat oatmeal, and we drudge over to the school table and get started. I'm blaming this on the the blustery grey weather we've been having. It just makes you want to curl up in bed with Netflix or a good book. Today, started much differently. Yesterday, I gave my kids a sneak peak of our new Festive Roots box. They couldn't wait to open it and explore this morning! They woke up and ran straight to the school table, begging to begin for the day.Festive Roots is a fantastic company with the goal to teach kids about different cultures!!  They sent us their Diwali Trunk and we couldn't wait to check it out! If it can get my kids to beg me to start school so they can dig in, I'd say this product is perfect for all of you! As soon as we opened the box, bright orange confetti spilled out. My kids thought it was Christmas! The Diwali Trunk is filled with three separate crafts to teach your children all about this special holiday! Diwali is also known as The Festival of Lights. These trunks are a brilliant way to show your children the different festivals that occur in India. Each craft comes with all of the supplies needed and super easy to follow instructions. My kids loved getting their hands dirty and creating these beautiful crafts. Teaching your children about different cultures and holidays through hands on experiences is a guaranteed way for them to learn! My boys were on the edge of the seat the whole time. They couldn't wait to start each craft and for me to explain what Diwali is all about.  If you're looking for a simple way to teach your children about the world, this is it! Festive Roots offers a one time purchase or a subscription. We are definitely going to sign up for the yearly subscription. It will teach my boys about four different festivals and I won't have to come up with the crafts on my own! I'm definitely not a crafty person and I love how beautiful and easy these are!Be sure to check them out today! Diwali is right around the corner and this is the way to teach your family about The Festival of Lights!Use the coupon code AIFDiwali and get $5 off your order!Make sure you LIKE their Facebook page so you can stay updated on new promotions! 

*This post has been sponsored by Festive Roots. All opinions are my own.*

Culture Clash Wednesday #7 Style Norms

It's the middle of the week! Do you know what that means? It's culture clash Wednesday! The day I share an awkward, fun, or uncomfortable moment with all of you! Today's will make you a little angry. My family and I recently attended a wedding for a family member. We were all excited for the opportunity to dress up in Indian garb for the event. We have boxes and boxes of the stuff and jump on any chance to put them on. Especially the kids because they call them their handsome clothes!The reception was held in a huge building. There were multiple other parties going on and a restaurant downstairs. At one point, my two year old said he needed to go potty. I grabbed him and we started to walk towards the restrooms. After we left the room our party was in, we noticed a couple from another party. They were talking to each other and then they saw my son and I. The moment they saw us, they stopped talking and stared. Now, I don't mean just looked at us, I mean stared! They looked us up and down and continued while we walked across the room. The didn't say a word.After we walked passed, our backs to them, they started laughing and pointing....I turned around to look at them and couldn't believe it. They were laughing at my son and I. They were clearly pointing at our outfits and laughing. I understand that seeing people in clothing other than what you're used to can be different, but to mock and laugh... I quickly took my son to the bathroom because I didn't want him to know what was happening. I have been thinking about this moment all week. A large part of me wishes I would have stopped and said something. Are we offending you somehow? Do our clothes bother you? Do you enjoy laughing at a mother and her child? It's easy for people to have snap judgements when they see something foreign to them. Instead of being open to new things, they get stuck on the fact that it breaks a norm they have lived within. The couple laughed at my son and I because we broke a style norm for them. We weren't wearing American clothes for the wedding and this baffled them.As this moment continues to stir up emotions within myself, I realize it's a great teaching opportunity for my kids. I don't want my kids to fear wearing Indian clothes in fear of someone's response. I want them to be proud of their culture and strut down the hall wearing their little Indian suits with all the pride in the world. We have to challenge this type of response in people. Instead of getting stuck in our rage we need to work towards change. We need to challenge their ignorance and expose the world to a new way of doing things. 

Have you experienced a similar situation? How would you have responded that you think could cause change.

How Can We Teach Biracial Children To Be Proud Of Their Culture?

(I couldn't help the throwback picture. Look how little they were!)

I'm very excited about today's post. Over at Mixed Root's Stories, I'm discussing how we can teach our kids to be proud of their cultures.We are raising children in an interesting time. Intercultural relationships are on the rise and becoming much more normal in every day society. This means that we are going to start seeing a lot more biracial children. Biracial children are extremely blessed to have multiple cultures in their lives. However, if we're not careful, their unique heritage can become something negative to them. I've seen biracial kids shy away from talking about their parent's ethnicities because they want to be seen as the same as their friends, not someone with a blend of races. In my article, I discuss a few ways we can teach biracial kids to be proud of their cultures. Check it out here and let me know what you think.

What is a good way to teach biracial children to be proud of their culture?

 

Am I Racist Against My Own Culture?

Falling In Love With A New Culture

Seven years ago I married the love of my life. As I said I do, I realized things were about to change. I had grown up only truly understanding my own culture. My new husband grew up experiencing something much different. He was raised by first generation East Indian parents who moved to the US shortly after they were married.As he grew up in the US he was raised in two distinct cultures. The East and the West quickly blended together into a new, unique culture. It was the only thing he knew and he was comfortable in it.As my husband and I were learning what it was like to be a newly married couple, we were also learning how to blend two different cultures in our marriage and lives. Even though my husband grew up with two cultures, teaching me about his culture was a new experience. We had to figure out how we could bring both of our cultures together to create a new family culture.Over the years I've developed a deep love for Indian culture. It's no longer a foreign concept to me, but part of my own life. I love learning more about East Indian culture because it means I can find new ways to incorporate it into my kid's lives.

Am I Racist Against My Own Culture?

I always assumed people would look in from the outside and be impressed with our family. I don't mean this in a "Look at me I'm so amazing" kind of impressiveness. I'm referring to people seeing the way we've been able to blend two cultures and see how much it's blessed our family.Sadly, that hasn't been everyone's reactions. Some people tell us how amazing they think it is. They're so happy to see how excited our kids are to share their culture with them and love the Indian feasts we put on.Then you have the other group of people. The group of people that think we're hurting and confusing our kids by raising them in two such different cultures. We've heard so many of these comments over the years. However, one tops them all.

You're racist against your own culture.

I've heard this one a few times. It's usually someone who finds my blog, sees me in a sari, and makes their own assumptions. The first time I heard this I was devastated. I sat their looking at my life and asking myself how someone could look in and ever think anything close to this.Was I some how showing people that I didn’t value my own culture?Was I racist towards my own culture?Then I realized no matter what I do, people will find fault in it. It doesn’t matter what I say or do, I will never please everyone. I either love Indian culture too much, love American culture too much, or I’m hurting my kids by blending cultures in their lives.

My love for Indian culture by no means reveals a dissatisfaction with my own.

My husband and I are raising our boys in a multicultural family. This means we are blending cultures every day. My husband and I love our culture so much that we want to show our kids the best both of our cultures have to offer. If I was somehow so dissatisfied with my own culture, I wouldn't go through the work of blending cultures.

In my own exploration of a new culture, I found myself comparing how American and Indian culture differed. I've married into a culture much different than my own. I love sharing what I've learned. This doesn’t mean I’m forsaking my own culture.

Is It Possible To Love Two Cultures

I’ve learned that people can become prideful about their culture. Instead of learning about others, they stand with a sense of superiority. It’s easier to pridefully stick with the same way of thought you've always had than to open your mind and try something new.

I’ve had so many people tell me they hate curry until they try an Indian dish. Then they start raving about how great the dish is. If only they would have been open to trying something new instead of insisting all Indian food, “curry,” tastes the same. Trying something new takes a hint of courage. We tell our son Liam every night, courage is doing something even if you’re scared. 

Instead of segregating cultures, let’s courageously learn about them. It doesn’t mean you don’t value your culture. It means you realize that we live in a nation full of vibrant cultures and you want to glean from them to become the best you!

Our Adventure To Chicago

Thirty-two hours, one moving van, one flight, about twenty iced coffees, one lost ninja turtle bag, twelve lost food vouchers, an Indian wedding, and three crazy kids later... we're now in Chicago! I'm pretty sure we've packed our last two weeks as full as humanly possible. Let me lay it for you. Joel and my cousin decided to drive our boxes to Chicago. It took them 34 hours! They made the best of it! For the sake of my children and my sanity, my aunt and I decided to fly with the kids, turning it into a four hour journey. Little did we know it would turn into an entire day at the airport...As our taxi pulled into the airport at six a.m., I checked my flight, for the second time that morning. Instead of flashing ON TIME for the seven a.m. flight, it was now saying our five p.m. flight was on time. Apparently, our first flight was cancelled and they pushed us onto a direct flight. All I was picturing my head was the horrible fight it took to wake my kids up and get them ready so early. Now, I had an entire day at the airport to throw at them. I told my aunt and her response was perfect, "No. We won't be doing that." My aunt is one of those no nonsense kind of ladies and I love her for that! We went in and found an open kiosk. After some negotiating, we were able to get rebooked on a 3 p.m. flight with a different airline. The gal helping us was amazing and even gave us twelve food vouchers. Instead of going back to the hotel, we decided we could hack it there for the morning. There was a kid's play area and a Starbucks at every turn. Our brains were shot because we were both functioning on a few hours of sleep. In the next few hours and three Starbucks drinks later, we had lost all of our food vouchers, lost a backpack, found a back pack, and were asking ourselves why in the world we decided to stay in the airport. Getting on the plane was a huge relief. Our flight was four hours so we figured the kids would sleep. They slept for three hours which was AMAZING. Although my aunt had to deal with my oldest, Liam getting four bloody noses! He had been dealing with really bad allergies all week and the high altitude was the shove over the edge his body didn't need. We arrived to Chicago only to find out my bag had been put on a different flight. While waiting for my bag Levi got his foot stuck in the stroller... Are you even surprised at this point? We weren't.What made the whole day better? Arriving to our new home and being greeted with delicious butter chicken my father in law made us! Indian food can seriously make anything better. The rest of my aunts visit was much better. We started unpacking boxes and then started to eat our way around our new town. We tried all the best deep dish places, which my husband was all too happy to take part in. Then we celebrated her last day in the city. We took Lucas and explored! A day or so after she left, we drove to my sister in law's wedding. Indian weddings are full of ceremonies, delicious food, more ceremonies, more food, dancing, family, and more food. It was a beautiful week and our family had a great time. One of my favorite parts of weddings on my husband's side is that family from India comes!! I was able to FINALLY meet one of Joel's cousins and I was able to witness first-hand how talented she is. She put together ALL of the dance numbers throughout the wedding week. They were great and everyone had so much fun! The kids were also able to cuddle with Nanamama (great-grandma) and Thathia (great-grandpa) all week. The day of the wedding was beautiful. My sister in law was so calm and collected all day. She was taking care of everyone else and making sure her bridesmaids and photographers were enjoying themselves. We had to remind her, "This is your day to be selfish!!" I now know why her friends all call her mom. She had the biggest heart and selfishness just isn't in her nature. I don't think there could have been a better way to start off our adventure in a new city. Make sure to follow my blog so you can hear more about the wedding our follow us on our new adventure in Chicago! If you liked this post and want to hear more about our family, sign up for weekly updates!

How To Teach Boys To Respect Women

The little feminist in me rarely comes out these days. She secretly likes the freedom of being able to depend on a man she's in love with. However, there are a few things that make her stand up and scream. A recent story in the news got her going. A BBC documentary was recently released on YouTube.  It tells the story of a woman in India who was raped and then blamed for the terrible tragedy. This horrible crime occurred in 2012. A woman and her male friend had just gone out to see a movie. On the way home, a group of guys decided to pick them up. They proceeded to rape the woman and beat her and her friend. The documentary shows a clip of one of the assailants. He blames her for the event. 

 

Apparantly he thought she should have given in, allowed them to assault her, and then it would have been fine. In the documentary, he said she asked for it by being out late. 

 

What is the world coming to when a woman is blamed for something traumatic that consequently killed her? 

 

What is society teaching men that allows this to be acceptable? 

 

This can be seen at varying degrees in different cultures. Not all cultures are as bold, but an absence of respect for women can be seen. 

 

We have to start teaching our young boys to love and respect women. If they learn this and see it modeled to them, they will grow up to be strong men that take care of the women in their lives and stand up against injustices like this. 

 

Here are a few things we're doing to teach our boys about respect. 

 

Respect them. 

Kids learn through example. We are constantly trying to show our boys how much we love them. They need to know they are the priority when we're together. We do that by looking at them when we're talking, listening to their stories (as long as they can be), hug them, and tell them how much we love them.

 

Teach by example.  

My husband is the first person our boys are going to look to in order to see how women should be treated. He is constantly showing them what it looks like to love mommy, take care of mommy, and be there for mommy. We also have a lot of great male friends, uncles, cousins, and grandfathers that teach our children a great example.

Be honest and open. 

We're all going to fail. We'll make wrong choices in the moment, but your response teaches a lot. Show your boys what to do when you mess up. Make sure you are honest when you make a mistake and apologize right away.

How do you teach your boys to respect women?  

My Intercultural Love Story- Guest Post

I'm very excited to be partnering with Madh Mama this morning and sharing my Intercultural Love Story. Madh Mama is one of my new favorite blogs. She has a very similar story to my own. She married her East Indian husband, had an adorable little girl, and is now navigating life through two cultures. On her blog, she shares Intercultural Love Stories and her experience in Indian culture. Make sure you check her out.Check out her blog this morning to see my story. She asked me questions about my husband, family, how we met, and a handful of others. Heres a little peak.