What Loving Day Means To My Multiracial Family
What Is Loving Day?
In 1967, the Supreme Court decided they would no longer prevent couples from marrying based on the color of their skin. This wasn't an easy decision in the 60's. Mildred and Richard Loving fought against a law they knew was wrong. After they were married, they were sentenced with one year in prison. They were madly in love and the state of Virginia didn't care. It only saw the color of their skin.The Lovings fought for their love and it's because of their perseverance and strength that multiracial families can proudly walk the streets together today.Every year on June 12th, we celebrate Loving Day to remember the Lovings and celebrate their victory, our victory. It's because of them that all couples can marry, regardless of their race.
Who Should Celebrate Loving Day?
Whether you are in an interracial marriage, have a multiracial family or not, Loving Day is for you too. It's not only for a select group of people. Loving Day stands for something bigger. It stands for racial justice and our right to marry the person we love.Without the Loving's fight, my husband and I would not be married. Our marriage would be illegal because of the color of our skin. Our children wouldn't be able to marry girls of a different race or ethnic background. The Lovings changed my life, my children's lives, and the world.Everyone should celebrate Loving Day because it affects all of us.
How Can You Celebrate Loving Day?
Find a Loving Day celebration.
There are Loving Day celebrations all over the US during this time of year. You can even go to the Loving Day website and look for your city. If you don't have one around you, start your own! Get your town into it and celebrate!
Celebrate at home.
Make a special dinner for your family and talk about the Lovings. Share their story with your spouse and/or children. Talk about the fight they had for us to marry who we love. You can even watch a movie all about it!
Spread awareness.
While the Lovings changed the world for our family, not everyone knows just how important they are. You can spread the word and share Loving Day with your friends.
What Loving Day Means For My MultiracialFamily.
While the Lovings stood against a law forbidding white and black citizens from marrying, it made a difference for my family too. My husband is East Indian and I'm white. The Lovings not only fought for their family, but for us.The Lovings fought so my husband and I could raise our kids in a world where love isn't defined by skin color.My children are young, but they know that Loving Day is important. It's because of this special day in history that my children don't know a world where mommy and daddy can't get married because of the color of their skin.
How Can You Spread Awareness For Loving Day Today?
Head over to Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram to share your story. Post a picture of your family, introduce yourself, and tell us what Loving Day means for your family.
Head over to the Multiracial Motherhood Facebook Group and see how other multiracial families are celebrating!
*This post contains affiliate links.*
My Gut Reaction To Hand Feeding
My Gut Reaction To Hand Feeding
When I first met my husband's family, I was so nervous that I didn't think about questions I should be asking him to prepare myself. I was just focused on not making a complete fool of myself!Luckily, his family is full of amazing people that made me feel comfortable right away. They even shared some cultural differences I may notice throughout our first week together. One of the first things they mentioned was that they ate Indian food with their hands.They showed the technique behind how to do it and I even ended up trying it out myself. I'll be honest, it took me a little bit to feel comfortable doing it in front of them consistently, but I learned. It became something I could do to show my husband (fiancé at the time) that I was eager to learn more about his culture and to embrace it.Over the years we've been together, it's become second nature to me. In fact, I can't remember the last time I ate Indian food with a utensil. The joke in Indian families is that food doesn't taste as good when using a utensil and I'm starting to agree!A meal isn't just about the food in Indian culture. It's about family and the love you have for each other.When my husband and I were engaged, we had a ceremony. During the evening, some of the older aunty's and uncles (older friends of the family) hand fed us sweets.At first, I was surprised and kept offering to do it myself. Then my husband gently nudged me and let me know it was part of the ceremony itself.This one took me longer to be comfortable with. The last time someone hand fed me, I was a little kid. In my mind, hand feeding was something parents did for their children who needed help. I had never seen it done in any other way.Fast forward a few years and I ran into an interesting situation with my 5-year-old, Liam. He is my child that wants to be big, now! He's not about this whole growing up business. He wants everyone to know he's mature for his age and doesn't need help. He's s spitting image of myself as a child.During one of our trips to visit my husband's family, one of Liam's Uthamas started to try and hand feed him. His instant reaction was to take it from her hand and do it himself. She offered a few more times and then stopped. My husband and I tried to explain it to him, but he wasn't having it.I'm not a baby, momma.This was the first moment I realized hand feeding was something bigger than I thought it was. It wasn't about an adult treating someone like a kid. It was about the special moment between two people who cared about each other.Uthama was hand feeding Liam because she loved him. It was just like snuggling on the couch for her. They were having a special bonding moment.
Over the years, my kids have responded to this differently. My two younger kids live for it. If they could be hand fed for every meal, they would! Liam is still a different story. He's becoming more comfortable with it, but in the back of his mind, he still pushes back.One thing we've done to try and help explain it to him is having him feed his uncle. My sister in law got married a little over a year ago. Her husband asked Liam to feed him some fruit on one of our trips. Liam started to laugh thinking he was being silly.Then he did it and it was such a special moment. He loves his uncle so much so for him I think it finally clicked in his mind. Obviously he could have fed himself, but he asked Liam to do it.Ever since then, he's been much more willing to have people hand feed him. He would still prefer to feed himself, but I don't notice him turning people down as much anymore. Now he just asks to feed them after!
A Special Bond Between Brothers
How Do You Do It?
When people find out I have three boys under 6 years old, they immediately ask me, "How do you do it!" To be honest, most days are crazy. There are always little kids climbing on couches, fighting over toys, talking about bodily functions, and it gets messy.Real messy. Like Cheerios everywhere you can imagine kind of messy.However, there is one person that helps keep me sane every day, my five year old Liam. He is a rock star. He's definitely coming into a sassy I know everything phase, but he is always helping me. In our family, he is the Unna, which means the big brother.An Unna is a very special role in Indian families. They have the responsibility of looking out for their siblings and truly coming in as a little parent. For those of you that are the oldest in your family, you know what this looks like. Indian families take it a step further though. It's not just that they look out for their siblings, they truly have a place of authority in their siblings lives.I was introduced to this when I met my brother and sister in law for the first time. It was Thanksgiving and I was still getting to know my husband's family. We had been dating for a while at this point and knew it was serious. I was anxious to see what type of relationship my husband had with his siblings.I was the oldest of all my brothers so I had an idea what it looked like to have the responsibility on your shoulders. The more I watched them interact, the more I noticed something different. His siblings truly respected him and actually listened.I tell my brothers what to do all the time and usually they do what they want in the end. I'm sure I'd be the same way if the tables were turned.My brother and sister in law had a completely different relationship with their big brother. They valued what he said and went to him like they would to their own parents.
Passing Down Traditions To Our Boys
This was always something I wanted to pass on to my kids. I loved the idea behind it. It meant my kids would always be looking after each other and what mom doesn't want that.All three of my kids know and understands what it means to be an Unna. All three of them listen to their older brother and know it's their responsibility to take care of each other. Now, I'm not saying I let them parent each other while I lounge on the couch... As much as I'd love that!The relationship they have with each other is special. They rely on each other, love each other, and they're little partner's in crime everywhere they go.Out of all of the traditions we've passed down to the boys, this special bond is one of my favorites. I love the closeness it has brought all three of them.The funny thing is now they think all families are like ours. They assume they're unnas to everyone who is younger than this. This gets fun when we have play dates because they start bossing all the little kids around! Sometimes being an Unna is an excuse to be the boss.As they get older, they're going to learn more about what the role of an Unna means and I can't wait to watch them figure it out.
Living With Your In-Laws: The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly
Have you ever wondered what it would look like to live with your in-laws? Maybe you already live in a joint family and need some advice. Today, we get to have a little peak into what it actually looks like from Amanda! Amanda is the blogger behind the website MarocMama, a fearless guide to food and travel. She lives in Marrakech, Morocco with her extended family and loves to share culinary experiences and unique destinations around the world with her readers.
Living with Your In-laws: The Good, The Bad and the Ugly
Would you live with your in-laws? For many people who haven’t grown up in a culture where this practice is common it sounds like an absolute nightmare – and sometimes it is. Thirteen years ago I met and married my Moroccan husband. We lived in the US for many years until returning to Morocco four years ago. When we returned we moved into the family home.There are a lot of reasons extended families live in a single home and in Moroccan culture it’s as much to do with keeping the family together as it is practicality. When family members age they need to be cared for and this is done by their children. The reasons are also financial. In countries like Morocco it’s not always possible for a young couple to afford their own apartment or home.When we moved to Morocco, our first intention was to stay for only a year and to save money and make the move easier we opted to move into the family home. I had a few reservations but decided I could do just about anything for a year. While in some situations each family would have just their own room or two with shared common spaces, we had our own floor of the house with a private living room, bathroom, and kitchen. However, the house is laid out like a traditional Moroccan home – with an open center courtyard. All of the rooms on each floor face outward to this open middle space. So, while technically we had a private space it in actuality is semi-private.
What is it like to live with your in-laws?
Hard. But, not every situation is the same. For me, someone that had lived alone since I was 18 years old it was incredibly strange to get used to having to contend with others around me. There were two major issues that were difficult to get used to. First, when there would be a noise disturbance in the US from a neighbor I could call the police, that doesn’t work here. Moroccans, and especially my in-laws, tend to be night people. They stay up until very late at night, every night with little regard for the amount of noise they are making. This was an issue was I am a big fan of routines and bedtimes for our kids who were six and eight when we moved. Four years later this remains an issue but it is better than it was in the beginning.The second issue was the lack of privacy. Thankfully our floor of the house is private but in the beginning family members would walk in without knocking at any time. It was also very common that they would take, and in some cases ask, for different things that we had. It could be a brush, a broom, or something from the kitchen. I’ve heard from others that their clothing or shoes would “go missing,” and end up being worn by a sister in law or niece that day.Communal living can be a huge mental drain. I am someone that really needs solitude and time away from people. I’m not anti-social but I need to “recharge.” It was hard for my mother in law to understand that just because I wasn’t sitting in the living room with them didn’t mean I didn’t like them, it just meant I valued my space. I also work from home and it took a VERY long time to explain what this was. Again, I wasn’t being anti-social but I was working.When you are a foreign spouse in a traditional family there is a desire to want to do what they expect you to do. I felt this in the beginning but my advice to anyone who is living with their in-laws or considering it is not to fall into this trap. You will lose your own identity and in the end regret it, especially when you realize you’ll never be able to meet their expectations. If I were a typical Moroccan daughter-in-law, I would have been expected to cook and clean around the entire house, not just my floor. In the beginning this was mentioned but I immediately pushed back. I would help but I didn’t move here to become the live in help. It is critical that you have a firm sense of who you are, what your values are, and what your goals are so that you can compromise accordingly.
Are there any benefits to living with your in-laws?
I realize this all sounds very negative, but there are some benefits to living this way. One of the biggest advantages is that it can save a lot of money. If you’re on a tight budget or planning to relocate for a short period of time it can be ideal. Discuss with the family how your family will contribute; will you buy groceries, pay the electric bill, or something else? Living this way means shared responsibility in the household upkeep.The other advantage for us is that I travel a lot for work. My kids are able to always stay in their home without having to be uprooted from their house to go to grandma’s or their aunties house when mom and dad are gone or at work. There is always another adult around if they need something. No babysitters needed!Finally, even though it can be a huge strain living this way does bring a family closer together (it also drives you crazy but hey, that’s family!). My mother-in-law can come up and have lunch with us if she wants. We all can help each other when something is wrong and my kids always have playmates thanks to their cousins being right downstairs.I don’t think this style of living is for everyone and I do think it’s helpful to put a time limit on it. It can be very stressful for people who come from a culture where they are not used to living in such a way. If you do make this choice, put up your boundaries right away and stick to them, it will make life much easier for everyone. Be true to who you are and what your desires are because they will be challenged regularly. Finally, learn to accept the good with the bad and do whatever you can to make the bad a little more tolerable!
Follow Amanda's Journey
What Can I Do If They Won't Speak My Language?
Early on in an interracial relationship, one of the most uncomfortable moments is sitting in a room where everyone is talking in a different language around you. So many things start to go through your mind...Are they doing it because they don't like you?Are they talking about you?You start questioning their motive and whether or not they're welcoming you into the family. A few years, later you realize it's just a part of the game. Honestly, at some point they have talked about you, but most of the time they're just talking.It's different in every family. In my experience, my in laws speak in Telugu because it's comfortable and a part of who they are. It was the first language they learned so why wouldn't they speak it when they're together with their family?They don't do it the whole time I'm there, but I couldn't imagine asking them to speak in English when I'm around. That's just me and may be completely different for you.You may be married into a family where they do it out of spite... Maybe they truly aren't welcoming you in, don't speak in English at all, or they're just learning to be aware of the language when you walk into a room.Whatever they reason, most of us have been there. So, what do you do? What is your response in that moment?Instead of getting upset, I'm here to help you find a few different ways you can respond and maybe even get you to smile in that moment!
6 Responses When You Have No Idea What's Being Said Around You
At the end of the day, you can't control what people do. The only thing you can do is choose how you respond to the situation. Here are a few ways you can respond and bring a smily to your face in the moment!
Smile and Nod
While they're talking in front of you, just smile and nod. Unless they're in a heated conversation then put on your best angry face! This is the "Let's hope it stops soon" situation. Most likely they'll start speaking in English soon so you just wait it out.
Laugh When Appropriate
Pretend like you're completely in the conversation. If everyone's laughing, start laughing with them! You'll nighter get their attention and they'll laugh with you or they'll stare at you wondering what you're laughing about. Then you let them wonder what you're thinking.
Secretly Learn The Language
This is my favorite. Secretly learn the language. Then you can sit there in those conversations, knowing exactly what they're saying. Wait for the best moment to finally catch them talking about you! Aha! I knew it! Then you can pull the most epic moment ever and respond to them in the same language!
Go Take A Nap
While they're talking, sneak away for a little r and r. Maybe they won't even notice, but at least you get a nap out of the situation. This was my go to response when I was pregnant with my kids.
Gentle Hints
Oh, what was that? I couldn't hear you. What did you say?After enough "gentle" hints they'll get the message and hopefully start including you in the conversation.
Have Your Husband Interpret
Let your husband be your covert spy. Have him interpret the conversation for you. Although let me warn you right now the jokes they make are never funny after being interpreted. They loose all humor in translation and you may regret having him interpret everything for you.
What is your go to response?
Why You Should Give Your Mother In Law Some Slack
I'll never forget the moment I waited in Uthama's (My husband's aunt) living room to meet my future mother in law. I was absolutely terrified. Joel was the first serious relationship I had ever had so meeting the parents was a whole new experience for me.I didn't know what to say or how to act. All I could think of was the fact that I was about to make the world's most awkward first impressions ever.What if she hated me?What if I didn't live up to her expectations?I paced back and forth until the moment I heard the garage door open. Then my heart completely stopped. This was it. This was the moment I would remember forever.Joel's family all walked in, one by one. I met his brother and sister first and it went well. They seemed really nice and I could tell it would be natural with them.Then in walked his mom... I practically froze. I started questioning everything I was about to do.Should I hug her? Shake her hand?Then she walked over to me and gave me a hug. I wish I could say all my fears disappeared in that moment, but they didn't. I was nervous all weekend because I wanted her to like me. I was already madly in love with her son and I knew we'd be together forever.It's funny looking back on how our relationship began because now she's the one I call when I need advice. It may be for a recipe, advice with the kids, or just to talk. We've both put in a lot of hard work for our relationship and it's completely paid off.
I'll admit, I didn't realize how important our relationship was until I had boys of my own. Then I pictured what it would look like when they grew up and got married.Would I be close to their wives? Would we be friends? Would I become the crazy mother in law in all of their stories?Having kids has taught more than I ever could have imagined about life, but having boys has taught me something special about my mother in law.
The Most Important Women In Your Husband's Life
When your husband got married, you became the most important women in his life. You became the one he would depend on, trust in, and go to for everything. While it's very special for you and your husband, it's extremely difficult for your mother in law. She not only has to figure out her relationship with you, but she has to figure out her new relationship with her son.She will always hold a special place in your husband's life, but it changes after he gets married. She has to step back and let you come in. It's easy to get frustrated with your mother in law when you feel certain pressures, see how involved she is, etc. Instead you have to look at how much her life has changed and the fact that she's trying to figure it out just like you.
Where Does Your Mother In Law Fit In
She wants to know where she fits in to her sons life now. I don't know about you, but I dread this moment with my sons. I am excited for them to get married, but I don't even like to think about the moment my relationship with them will change. It will always be beautiful and special, but it will change.In addition to the typical changes your mother in law will face, think about how much more complicated it becomes when her daughter in law was raised in a different cultures....I love looking to see what people search to find my blog. One of the new popular searches is How Do I Handle A Daughter In Law From A Different Culture...You all have expectations of what your relationship will look like with your mother or daughter in law. You come up those expectations based on how you've seen them happen in the past. Often times, you will look to your own life and see how it's happened with your sister in law, a cousin's wife, etc.Then you get married and realized it's all different. Everything you thought would happen doesn't and instead your faced with a new set of challenges.This is how it is for a mother who welcomes in a daughter raised in a different culture. She had all of these expectations on how she would talk to you, how she would interact with you, and how she would fit into your life. You had expectations as well, but they all looked differently.Letting go of expectations is difficult because they are deeply rooted in us. You may not even realize all of the expectations you had until they start to play out differently. As they start to happen differently than you anticipated you will typically respond by getting angry or distancing yourself. Your mother in law will do the same thing.It's hard. It's hard to let go of your expectations.So what do you do? What should your mother in law do? There is one thing that will truly help you figure out your relationship with each other. Communicate. Communication is the most important thing in any relationship. You and your mother in law have to talk to each other before, during, and after situations come up.It will help you to understand each other and talk about expectations you may not have known about. Be careful not to shut each other down if you don't agree. You need to be open to the reality that your relationship will look different than you thought and that's not a bad thing. The more you work on it and the more you communicate, the closer you will be.You're both just trying to figure out your roles and see where you fit into each other's lives. Give each other grace and a little slack as you figure it out.
What would you say to someone struggling in their relationship with a mother or daughter in law?
5 Things Multicultural Kids Love To Hear
5 Things Multicultural Kids Love To Hear
Multiracial kids are becoming more common every year. Something that was seen as such an abnormality is now becoming normal. Even though it’s becoming more normal, people are still trying to figure it out. Instead of keeping their questions to themselves, they tend to ask you questions that make you feel uncomfortable and remember how different your family is than theirs.The best is when people around you notice the positives about your multiracial family. Having a unique family and integrating multiple cultures into your family means your family has so many things that makes you special. Here are just a few things multicultural families love to hear.
1. You've traveled more than anyone I know!
One of the amazing things about being a child in a multicultural family is that they have family all over the world. Family vacations for them don't just mean a simple trip to Disney Land. Instead it means a two day flight to India!
2. You know how many languages!?
Raising a bilingual child is difficult and requires a lot of hard work. You have to be intentional every day to present them with multiple languages in a practical way. You also have to make it fun enough to encourage them so they want to learn multiple languages.Hearing how impressed someone is by their ability doesn't just make you as the parent feel good. It makes your child feel amazing! They take such pride in all of their hard work.
3. You look just like both of your parents!
Biracial children can feel ostracized by how different they look from their parents. They don't tend to hear time and time again how much they look like their mom. Instead people tend to be shocked when they find out who their parents are.Having someone come up and tell a biracial how much they do look like their parents makes them feel a strong sense of family unity.
4. You’ve integrated multiple cultures into your life so well! How did you do it?
Blending multiple cultures into one life requires hard work, patience, understanding, grace, and so much more. You question how well you do and what you could do better. When someone recognizes what a good gob you’re doing you can finally take a deep breath and pat yourself on the back.
5. You've taught me so much about your culture!
>Biracial children will inevitably face ignorance in their lives. They'll get asked rude questions and have people make incorrect snap judgements about them. The biggest thing they can do is to challenge ignorance by teaching people around them.When a biracial child hears how much they've been able to teach someone about their culture shows them they've been able to make a difference.
What is your favorite thing to hear as a parent of a multicultural parent?
Are Your Kids Represented In The Books They Read?
Are Your Kids Represented In The Books They Read?
I want to raise my children in a world full of diversity and a love for anyone different than them.
Growing up, I was always a book lover. I couldn't wait for my teachers to pass out the scholastic book fair catalogs because I would race home and beg my mom for as many books as she could afford. Then I would eagerly wait to bring the books home and hole up in my room and read them all!
My favorite part was seeing myself in the stories. I would open a book like Ramona and see a little girl just like me. It was a comforting feeling.
My husband is just as big of a reader as I am. The first thing we had to buy when we got married were five book cases. Yes, you read that right... Five large bookcases. We even had to get rid of a box or two of books because we had a lot of doubles!
Reading was a passion we definitely wanted our children to share. I started buying books as soon as the pregnancy test turned up positive.
I quickly realized how difficult it was to find books that would represent our multiracial family and our biracial children. I wanted my children to share the same feelings I did when reading their books.After talking about it with my husband, we quickly made the decision to hunt down books with multiracial families and children of color. We wanted to fill their rooms with stories of little boys just like them.
When kids read books, they want to identify with the characters. Most of the books they read are an inspiration to them. It may inspire them to be adventurous, to stand up against the bad guys in the world, or even to be who they are.
By seeing kids that look like them, they start to let go of the limits they've put on themselves. They start to believe that they can do anything they set their minds to. I want my kids to dream as big as their little minds let them.
Are you looking for books with multiracial families? Here are some of our favorites.
Mixed Me by Taye Diggs
Mixed Me is all about Max, a biracial little boy. He is constantly answering questions about being mixed race. He loves that he's a perfect mix of mommy and daddy.
I Am Mixed by Garcelle Beauvais
I Am Mixed is all about twins Jay and Nia discovering how great it is to be a blend of multiple cultures.
Mixed Blessing: A Children's Book About a Multi-Racial Family by Marsha Cosman
Young kids don't realize they're biracial right away. It takes them time to understand that they're different. This book walks with a child as he discovers he's different than mommy and daddy in a fun and creative way.
What I Like About Me by Allia Zobel Nolan
This book celebrates the diversity in our world. Instead of feeling bad about looking different than your friends, this book tells you how special we all are!
I Am Flippish by Leslie V Ryan
This book is all about Sean and his experience when his friends start to ask him why he doesn't look like his daddy.
Marisol McDonald Doesn't Match by Monica Brown
Marisol is beautiful and doesn't match. She is proud of being biracial and won't let anyone put her in a box.-----
Fill your house with books that will remind your children how special they are to be different. Do you have a favorite book about interracial families?
*I get a small commission when you purchase these books off Amazon. Whether you're looking into the books to support me or find your children some amazing books.. you can't lose!*
Letting Go Of Who Culture Says You Should Be
Letting Go Oh Who Culture Says You Should Be
About 4 years ago, I was sitting in my kitchen. I was feeling overwhelmed with all the pressure I had on my shoulders to be the perfect Indian wife.In all honesty, I was beating myself up. I was feeling crushed under the pressure to be the perfect Indian wife. It didn't matter what I did, I couldn't do anything Indian enough. I had been married for a few years at that point and I thought I'd have it figured out by then. Instead, I was just disappointed in myself. I was questioning if I'd ever be able to get there.
Would I ever be the perfect Indian wife?
Then it hit me.No.The answer was so simple, but the freedom I felt from saying it felt incredible.I would never be the perfect Indian wife because I'm not Indian. I may have teased that my tan skin during my wedding did, in fact, mean I was East Indian, but I wasn't.I married my husband, knowing he was East Indian and he married me knowing I wasn't. I was enough for him, so why was I pressuring myself to change?There are so many interracial couples out there doing exactly what I did. They're pressuring themselves to fit an image culture has created for someone else.Multiracial families break the mold when it comes to what it looks like to be a wife, girlfriend, husband, or boyfriend. There isn't one image that works for everyone because we're all blending cultures in our families differently.This is how The Almost Indian Wife was born. I knew I wouldn't ever be able to become the perfect Indian wife, so I asked myself who I was. This is a huge question for anyone.
Who am I?
Then it came to me. I was The Almost Indian Wife. Every time I say it, I smile. The Almost... It's a reminder to me that I'm my own person. While I love Indian culture and I'm always looking for ways to bring it into our family, I'm not Indian. I even tease my husband that we're the Almost Indian Family!The Almost Indian Wife isn't expected to do everything the Indian way. She isn't expected to be the perfect Indian parent. She's navigating between two beautiful cultures and making the rules for herself.Today, I want to take a moment to remind you that you're enough. You don't have to change yourself for your relationship. You don't have to be the perfect partner based on your partner's culture.
Your partner fell in love with you and not for an idea of what you would become.
Today, I welcome you to the Almost club. This club is full of people who pride themselves on being who they are. Don't worry we don't have any cheesy chants or songs (until I can think of one!). By joining, all you have to do tell yourself, I am enough.Your confidence will help you get through anything that comes your way. It took me a long time to be confident in being The Almost Indian Wife.In all honesty, I had to start walking it out before I felt it. Sometimes your feet need to tell the rest of the body what's going on. By walking out your confidence, even if it's not quite there, you're still making a commitment to yourself.You're committing to loving yourself whether you feel it or not.You're committing to being proud of who you are. Take a moment today and really think about the pressure you're putting on yourself, like I did. Then ask yourself that question. Who am I?
In the comments, tell me who you are. What defines YOU? Let all the pressure and expectation go. Who are you?
12 Things Interracial Couples Are Tired Of Hearing
12 Things Interracial Couples Hear All The Time
As an interracial couple, you're used to people asking you questions and maybe staring a bit. Sometimes people are curious and other times they're just enamored but what an adorable couple you are.The questions though.. They get a little crazy. They start off innocent and then just get... Well, you'll see.
1. You met online...?
2. Did your family approve?
3. Getting quizzed to see if the stereotypes are true
4. Racial jokes
5. Have you ever been attracted to your own race?
6. I would love having mixed kids! Can you help me find a (____)
7. Won't your kids be confused
8. I've dated someone who's ____ before
9. Is it uncomfortable getting both of your families together
10. Doesn't it feel weird being the only (___) at their family events
11. You're really progressive.
12. I love Kim Kardashian and Kanye!
What are you tired of hearing about your interracial relationship?
7 Multiracial Families You Should Follow!
The Almost Indian Wife
I love sharing my story with all of you on here. If you really want to see the nitty gritty of our multiracial family's day to day, be sure to follow us on Instagram. You'll see my boys mischievous little plans, what we're whipping up for dinner, hear fun stories, and get to know the family behind the blog.
Are Those Your Kids
Diedre is the glamorous girl behind Are Those Your Kids blog. She is a momma who seriously does it all! She helps her hubby on the farm, works as an educator, all while being the momma of two gorgeous little girls! Her Instagram is full of tips for curly hair, a glance at farm life, and all the fun in-between.
We're Parents
Larisha is the semi-crunchy mom behind We're Parents blog. Together with her fiancé, she is raising two beautiful little girls! Her Instagram is full of mouthwatering food, family adventures, baby wearing, breastfeeding, and authentic life moments. Her family is adorable and I love following their adventures!
De Su Mama
Vanessa is the beautiful momma behind De Su Mama blog. Her whole blog is about your multiracial motherhood legacy and what it looks like to be a multiracial family. Her family is always visiting fun places and I love seeing how they blend cultures and what it looks like to have a family legacy.
Cherish 365
Jennifer is the voice behind Cherish 365 blog formerly known as Baby Making Machine. She is truly a rockstar in her family. She has a little boy and a girl and her whole mission with her blog and Instagram is to cherish every day. She finds the beauty in every moment and it's truly inspiring.
Madh Mama
Alexandra is the voice behind Madh Mama blog. Her story is beautiful and I love following her along on her journey. She is raising two beyond gorgeous little girls while living in a joint family. I love seeing how her family embraces Indian culture together and what it looks like for them to be a multiracial family.
English Wife Indian Life
Lauren is the jet setting momma behind English Wife Indian Life blog. She fell in love with her husband and moved her entire life to India. Now they are raising a beautiful little boy together while she lives abroad. I love seeing her family on Instagram because she's showing how she keeps her culture alive while living so far from home. The beautiful thing is now India is her home!
Ask The Almost Indian Wife: How Can I Teach My Loved One A New Culture
One of my favorite parts about blogging is getting questions from all of you! The whole reason I started blogging was to take what I've learned from my multicultural family and give you tips for yours!
Dear Almost Indian Wife,
I need help! My husband and I have been married for a little under a year now. He's amazing! The only problem is our cultures collide all the time. I'm East Indian and he's American. Most of our fights are surrounding our families. I keep trying to explain my family to him, but he doesn't get it. He gets frustrated so much and all I want is for him to feel comfortable with my family. What do you think?
When my husband and I first met, we had an instant attraction to each other. We knew right away that there was a spark between us and we were interested in taking our friendship further. We didn't start thinking about what it would look like to blend cultures until we were engaged and planning a fusion wedding.In the beginning of most of our relationships, I think it's safe to say it's similar. We're so interested in getting to know each other and it's just fun. The beginning of a relationship is fun because it's all new. It's all about the first dates, the first kiss, and the first time you feel completely yourself in front of that person.As your relationship continues and you get closer, things begin to get more serious. You start to meet their family, they meet yours, and you start to see what it may look like to blend cultures together. This is where things get a little tricky.My husband grew up with parents who had an arranged marriage and spent the first part of their lives living in India. I grew up with a single mom who got remarried to my, now dad, at 10 years old. It's safe to say our families were very different.I didn't realize how different until he started to spend time with my family. He knew my family was different than his, but he was trying to find his place. He wanted to know how to talk to my brothers because in his family he has a sense of authority with his siblings. They listen to and respect him because he's there unna (big brother). In my family we were more equals with my siblings.The hardest thing for us was how different the dynamics were. We couldn't simply do what we did in out own families. It was different.
Teaching Your Loved One About A New Culture
Remember it's new
Give it time.
Communicate
Remember some things are universal
What's helped you teach your loved one about a brand new culture? Or are you on the opposite end of the equation?
Interracial Couples: The Feeling Of Never Doing It Well Enough
There are so many blessings in being an interracial couple. You get to present your children with multiple rich cultures, you get to dive into a new culture, you get to see how differently your spouse grew up, your family vacations are amazing because you get to visit places you both went as children, and your family becomes a strong unit because you're figuring out how to blend cultures together.However, along with all of the blessings, there are some difficulties as well. I've received so many emails and comments from all of you sharing a similar struggle...
The Struggle Intercultural Couples Face
You feel torn between two cultures. You want to blend these two rich cultures in your family, but it comes with a lot of outside pressure. Your family wants you to keep the traditions you grew up with and his family wants you to embrace his culture. It sounds easy enough, right?Then the comments start to roll in as you and your spouse start blending cultures the way you think is best. The wonderful comments that make you feel like complete garbage."Why are you doing it that way? That's not how we raised you to do it.""Why don't you tell her how she should be doing that?""Why do you let your child eat so much American food? Don't you want her to be raised with Indian food?""Why do you feed him such spicy food? We never gave you spicy food."These are some of the comments many of you have told me you get. As parents, you're probably already used to the outside pressure. There's always something you're not doing well enough or doing too much of. You can't win in the world's eyes because everyone has the idea that their way is the right way. This is definitely the same in blending cultures.It's almost like you're too (white) to be (Indian) and too (Indian) to be (white)... Switch it up and fill in the words that fit for you, but it's a real struggle intercultural couples are facing on a day to day basis.If you're not careful you're going to give into the pressure and start listening. All it will lead to is you feeling like a failure. Feeling like you can't do anything right.
It means you're embracing both of your cultures and creating a new culture within your family.3 Ways To Respond To Negative Criticism Over The Way You've Chosen To Blend CulturesTake it with a grain of salt.When you hear a comment remember everyone has their own opinions. You may agree with some comments and completely disregard others. Before you ignore the comment, ask yourself if you agree. If not, that's ok! People always think their way is best and have a hard time changing what they think. Just remember it's your family and you will figure out the right way to blend cultures for you. Let it go and move on.Some comments you get will be frustrating, but easy to ignore. Others feel like a knife in the heart. It's hard to hear anything about your parenting or your family. You tend to get defensive and ready to fight off anyone that has anything negative to say about them. If they dare criticise either of them, you hold onto it. You let it fester and turn into something much worse.Instead, you have to let it go and move on. Their will always be someone out there with something negative to say. You can't hold onto it all because it will ruin you and it's not worth your time.Remember there is no perfect way to blend cultures.I have talked with so many people in intercultural marriages and my favorite thing is to see how they blend cultures in their family. I'm going to tell you a little secret... They all do it differently! They're all breaking the mold on what's right. Blending cultures is a beautiful and difficult task, but it's always worth it. Don't let the outside pressure get to you.
Multiracial Motherhood: How We Celebrate Multiple Cultures In Our Family
I'm very excited to be continuing our Multiracial Motherhood series this morning. So far we've walked along the journey with Sara and Larisha. They've shared a bit about their family with us and what they've learned in raising a multiracial family. Today, Becky from Kid World Citizen is joining us! There family has traveled the world to make sure their kids are raised with a global mindset and today she is teaching us a few of her secrets. 
Meet Momma Becky!
My husband and I met when he was an exchange student from Mexico spending a year at University of Illinois, while I was a student there. I had just returned from a semester in Spain and was matched up with a "buddy" exchange student who I was supposed to show around.From the moment I met Toño at our welcome picnic, we were instantly drawn to each other. Despite huge language barriers, we managed to talk for hours about everything under the sun. It was such a fun semester of studying, dancing, and running together.Thanks to long-distance phone calls, trips between the US and Mexico, and a lot of patience and love, we got married in the year 2000. Our 5 kids have joined out family in different ways. First, we had our 2 sweet biological daughters: the loves of our lives, who make us smile every day... but we knew our family was't complete.
We adopted our oldest sun when he was almost 4, and his contagious, playful smiles instantly endeared us to our playful son. We decided to expand our family again when we adopted Ricky from Ethiopia. An inquisitive ball of energy, Ricky injected our family with a spirit of curiosity. Two girls, two boys, and we were a balanced, happy family--- but we still had this little voice telling us that we weren't complete.As we rode the roller coaster of becoming foster parents, we met our bundle of exuberant, intense joy: Mario. There is not a person who meets him who doesn't fall in love with this little ham.Having so many diverse cultures forming the foundation of our family has been incredibly enriching. We try to celebrate and honor our heritage cultures both in big ways (such as important holidays) and also little ways (through cuisine, home decor, books, etc).
We've learned that in the hustle and bustle of carpooling and swim team, homework and housework- sometimes the easier route would be to let time pass by without a mention of our backgrounds. But- and we are not perfect- we have to consciously try to always make our cultures an integral part of our daily lives by having friends from diverse backgrounds, choosing a neighborhood that reflects our family's cultures, and having open communication with our kids about race, ethnicity, and what it means to be growing up as "x" in the US.My advice to other multiracial families would be to embrace and learn about your loved ones' cultures as much as you can, so that you end up creating your own family culture that is a blend of customs and traditions from both sides.
Finally, if at all possible, travel and immerse yourself to truly learn about your partner's background, language, and really the heart and soul of what makes them who they are. Our family has bonded so much by traveling together, while developing a pride in and love for each others' countries.It's this love and respect that builds us up and helps us support each other.
Follow Becky along on her journey here!
Our Multiracial Family Mentors
Holidays are full of chaos and sweet memories in our family.
What can you expect when you get so many people together in one home!Easter this year was no different. As most of you know, we recently moved to North Carolina which sadly is only further away from family. We absolutely love my husband's job change, as it means he hardly ever travels anymore, but being away from family is hard.Throughout our marriage, my husband and I have always lived by one side of our families. It's changed over the years as we've moved around, but family was always there.Now, the closest family member is about 8 hours from our home. We're no strangers to road trips, so I see plenty of road trips over the summer to spend time with the kid's uthas, chininas, uncles, and nanamas.In the meantime, we definitely miss everyone. This is why Easter was so special this year. My husband's pinni, uncle, cousins, and mom came to spend the holiday weekend at our new house!We were so excited to show everything off and show them the new town and home we've fallen in love with.Our home was bustling with people all weekend and it truly made our new house feel like our home. My husband and I love having family stay with us!One of the best parts of the weekend was seeing our kids spend time with their uthas and chinina (cousins).They are being raised in a multiracial family like my kids are and I'm always so encouraged watching them. Their parents have made such a strong effort to blend Eastern and Western culture within their family. They've always been our go to family for advice on how to blend. They've been doing it for 22 years!Sometimes I lay in bed at night wondering if I'm doing it well enough.I get worried I won't be able to bring Indian culture into our family as much as I want it to be.I worry my kids won't truly understand how rich and beautiful Indian culture is.Then I see their cousins and see that it's possible. They have a deep love for both cultures. It may be shown differently, but it's there. As they get older, their pride for both cultures only gets stronger.
What are their secrets? What have they done throughout their kid's lives to make this a reality?
Travel
They have traveled to India as a family multiple times. It seems simple, but spending time in India takes what they've learned from their parents about Indian culture and takes it to the next level. There's only so much you can say and at a certain point you have to show them.Our family has yet to take our kids to India as my son is dealing with health issues, but we save every year so that we can make it a reality. We want to show our kids what it looked like for daddy to live in India.Traveling to India isn't just for the kids, it's for our marriage too. I want to see India and actually spend time there. I want to experience India with my husband.
Food
If you glance in their fridge or pantry, you'll see traditional dishes for both cultures and fusion dishes. You can look at the table and see one kid eating a samosa, one eating a mango, and one eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Their kids are comfortable with both cuisines and I love it.We try and do the same with our kids. Our staple meals consist of keema curry, pasta, burgers, and chicken tikka masala. I do the best I can to make sure both cultures are represented throughout the week in my meal plan. Although if it was up to me it would be all Indian food because I'm obsessed!
Open Minds
This couple is completely open to their spouse's culture. While Pinni grew up in India, she has no problem embracing her husband's family culture. She wants him to know she values and loves his family, culture, and everything that has made him the person he is today.The same can be said about the way he treats her. He travels with her to India, he wears traditional Indian clothes, and makes sure his kids use the appropriate Indian terms for family members.The best part is that he has taught me so much about what it means to embrace Indian culture. He has been my go to person for advice so many times.Having an open mind in a multiracial family is vital. There are going to be so many times your culture will push you towards different directions. You and your partner have to be open to trying things a different way.
Do you have a multiracial family in your life that you look up to? What have they taught you?
3 Ways To Blend Cultures Without Losing Your Identity
"We don't need a melting pot in this country, folks. We need a salad bowl. In a salad bowl, you put in the different things. You want the vegetables- the lettuce, the cucumbers, the onions, the green peppers- to maintain their identity. You appreciate differences."
- Jane Elliot
Let's Throw Out The Melting Pot!
I love this quote. I've always heard of America as a melting pot of different cultures. As a child, I didn't think twice about it because it made sense. Now that I hear it as an adult, it doesn't sit well with me.A melting pot means we all melt together and conform to the same thing. If America is a melting pot, then we're expected to keep the parts of our cultures that everyone is comfortable with and let the other things go.It brings me back to a question I get asked by many of you.
Now that I'm in an interracial relationship, do I have to lose my culture and conform to theirs?
No. Simply no.When your partner fell for you it was because of who you are, not what someone wanted you to be. Your culture and life has helped you to become the person you are today.As we begin blending cultures, some people go back to the melting pot idea. They think you have to melt all of your culture, traditions, and life together with your partners until it becomes something brand new. In reality, one of my favorite things about a multiracial family is that you're bringing together two distinct cultures.Over the last seven years, my husband and I have found ways to bring in traditions we both grew up with, parenting styles we had, and new customs unique to our own little family.When we first got together, there was a part of me that assumed I was expected to let go of my own culture. Some of it was my own idea of what I was supposed to do and some of it was expectations from other people.It took me a while to realize I had to put the melting pot aside because it wasn't working for my relationship or family. My husband was actually the big reason for this. He had been telling me from the beginning I wasn't expected to do anything I didn't want to do. If other people wanted those things, it was up to me to decide what I was comfortable with.As many of you know, culture expectations can be a heavy burden, but at the end of the day it's our choice. We can choose to conform to different expectations or we can find a different way.Our identity is made up of more than just our traditions. Our identity is who we are at the end of the day. As you're sitting here reading this, think about what's made you who you are today.You are who you are because of the decisions you've made, how you grew up, the influences you've had in your life, your culture, and so much more. Our identity truly does change over time.The identity I had before kids compared to now is different and I don't see it as a bad thing. It's because the love you have for your children changes you.As you get into a relationship, your identity changes because you start to care about someone and make room in your life for them. As you blend cultures, the same thing will happen, but it doesn't mean you have to lose your identity. You will develop a passion for this new culture and you'll notice you want to bring it into your life and family.If we can throw away the melting pot, the fear of losing ourselves to this new culture goes away. Our little salad bowl will contain the best parts of both of our cultures.
What can you do to make sure your relationship is a blend of two cultures?
Communicate
I can't ever say this one enough. Communication is so important. You need to talk to each other and let your partner know how you feel. They can't read your mind and if you don't speak up, nothing will change.
Check in with each other
Sit down with each other and discuss your relationship. Obviously, this will probably happen throughout the week as well, but make sure you're intentional about it at least once a month.Then you create a safe time to discuss how you're feeling. Whether this is how their family treats your traditions, how you feel blending cultures is going in your relationship, etc.Things change. An area of your relationship can be going great one month and struggle the next. Make sure you are always reevaluating together.
Make a list
I know this one might sound silly, but it's not. Make a list of things that are important in both of your cultures. Then you can think about how to make those things present in your lives.We currently don't live by my husband's family. Our kids don't get to see all of the Indian customs and traditions on a daily basis. Knowing what my husband wants his kids to know and follow based on his culture helps us find ways to intentionally incorporate it into our daily lives.Blending cultures is beautiful because it's bringing two people together and finding the best of both.
How do you make sure your family is a good blend of you and your partner's cultures?
12 Things You Understand If You're Mixed Race
1. You know your parents are angry when they yell at you in a different language
2. Friends felt awkward at your house
3. People assume you aren't related to your parents
4. Fusion food was normal in your house
5. Your family can't ever agree on how spicy food is
6. Only half of your family thinks they need sunblock
7. People will ask you questions all the time
People are constantly asking you questions about your ethnicity and family.
8. Filling out forms gets a little confusing
9. Explaining your name to people
10. Having to hear "it doesn't count you're only half"
11. Over people trying to guess your ethnicity
12. Not being fluent in the languages your family speaks
Which one can you relate to the most?
If you liked this, you'll LOVE this one!
Introducing A Babysitter To My Multiracial Family
Introducing A Babysitter To My Multiracial Family
Part of the reason our family clicked with her immediately was that we made sure she was comfortable with some of the unique qualities of our multiracial family. For the most part, our family is just like any other. However, there are a few customs and traditions that make us stand out.I wanted to make sure she was aware of them and also felt comfortable in our home. Here are a few things we did that you should too!
Make Sure Your Babysitter Is Aware Of Some Of The Language
While my children aren't fluent in Telugu, they do use many words throughout their conversations. It's important to let your new babysitter know a few words they're going to hear your kids say.This situation came up for us after our first experience with a babysitter. We left for the evening and found out afterward our four years old was frustrated. He had been trying to ask for milk all evening, but the babysitter couldn't understand what he was asking for. She would go to the fridge, Levi would ask for palu, and she would bring back juice.I didn't think about the fact that my kids used Telugu words throughout their conversations. Most of the things they say are milk, water, talking about a runny nose, and family member's names.From then on, we made sure to explain different words our kids use frequently. We also explain that family names sound different in Indian culture.This helps to prepare your babysitter as well as making sure there aren't going to be any language barriers while you're away.
Teach Your Babysitter About Your Family's Customs
If your babysitter doesn't know your family well, they aren't going to be aware of some of your family's customs. It's important to teach them about daily customs your family has. Most parents walk their new babysitters through their daily routine and as a multiracial family, you have to walk them through your customs as well.In our family, some of our customs are eating Indian food with our hands, referring to elders with their title (Mrs., Miss, Mr., etc), and our oldest child gets to correct our kids because he's their unna.Prepare your babysitter for the customs they're going to see and encourage them to try out a few if they're comfortable. My kids love teaching their babysitters how to eat Indian food with their hands and it becomes the sweetest bonding moment between them.
Invite Your Babysitter To Spend An Afternoon With Your Family
The best way for your babysitter to get to know your family is to invite them over for an afternoon. Go to the park together or even play in the backyard.This allows your babysitter to see your family in action and to make sure they get time to play with your kids while you're home. It makes it more comfortable for everyone all around.
Answer Any Questions They May Have
After an afternoon together, sit down with your new babysitter and ask them if they have any questions. Being introduced to a new culture can feel uncomfortable to some people. Most of that feeling is fueled by ignorance. They don't know enough about your culture to feel at ease.Make sure they know they can ask you anything. This breaks down any cultural barriers that may be there as well as making sure you're they are comfortable with your kids.
What do you do when introducing a babysitter to your multiracial family?
Our Favorite Movies Featuring Interracial Couples
Sometimes A Good Movie Can Fix Everything
I'll never forget the month leading up to my big Indian wedding. For the first time in my life I was experiencing things I never expected to. I was trying to blend cultures and traditions for one of the biggest days of my life.It wasn't just about a wedding dress or favors, we had to figure out which culture to let navigate through wedding preparations. We ended up with a beautiful fusion wedding and it was worth all the long hours it took to make it happen.When things would get stressful, I'd cozy up on the couch with a good movie. I found myself looking for movies with interracial couples who understood what it meant to blend cultures.Can you guess what movie I watched over and over again?My Big Fat Greek Wedding!Replace Indian for Greek and you have my life, wedding, and story! I know it sounds silly, but it feels good to watch a similar story to your own. It's comforting.If you're looking for a good movie about interracial couples, I have the perfect list for you! Cozy up with some popcorn, your loved one, and pick one of these for your movie tonight!
My Favorite Movies Starring Interracial Couples
Loving
Hitch
Away We Go
I Love You Man
Focus
Hancock
The Words
Belle
Guess Who
The Wedding Planner
Save The Last Dance
Fools Rush In
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
Which one is your favorite?
Multiracial Motherhood: How Can You Bring Families Together?
What Can We Learn From One Mother's Story?
Happy Friday!Fridays are my favorite for so many reasons. They mean my husband gets to be home all weekend with us, they mean family night, and they means another mother is joining us for Family Fridays!This series is so special to my heart because it’s a chance for mothers to come together and share their experiences with their own multiracial family. The beautiful thing is that all of our families are unique. They all have their own special qualities, unique challenges, and different experiences.Today, Larisha from We're Parents blog is joining us! She's going to share about her multiracial family and one thing she's found that can bring all families together!
Let's Meet Larisha!
Hey y'all! I'm so excited to have the opportunity to share a bit about our family with The Almost Indian Wife crew, thanks to Brittany.Let's start with a bit of a background.I'm Larisha, a Caucasian American, born and raised in the hills of West Virginia. Andrew, my fiance, is a Jamaican American, born in Brooklyn, raised in New Jersey. Together we raise our two young daughters in New Jersey, just a short drive from where he grew up, while running our website, We're Parents, together.
Now let's rewind a bit.
Andrew and I met in 2005 during a History class freshman year at West Virginia University (Go 'Eers). The chemistry was always there, but I had a boyfriend and it wasn't until 2009 that we officially started dating. I was working on my Masters and he had just finished up his undergrad degree. He was moving back to New Jersey and we dated long distance for 3 months, then we decided that he would move in with me (WHOA, that was fast!). A few months later, we moved to New Jersey, and the rest is history (pun intended)It's been a whirlwind of an adventure and while we could tell you the stories of people asking if the girls are biologically mine, or the looks that we've received over the years while holding hands, you've probably heard all of that before or most likely experienced it yourselves.Today, I want to focus on how we've blended our cultures together SLOWLLLYYY. It was really important to me for his mom to like me. I knew she was hesitant about me. Andrew quickly informed me that if she wanted me to understand what she was saying, she would speak so I could understand. If she didn't, I wouldn't. His family speaks a strong dialect of Jamaican Patois, and while 90% of the time at this point in our relationship I can understand them, this advice still holds true to this day. Luckily, he did let me know earlier on that based on how she spoke to me, he knew she liked me.
The key -Food. No seriously.
Alan D. Wolfelt once said,
Through everything, his family has taught me about joy, togetherness, and the amazing bond that a family can having, bridging two extremely different cultures, one meal at a time.
