The First Lie I Ever Told My In-Laws

There were quite a few scary and intimidating moments I had encountered while dating my boyfriend at the time. I knew I was falling hard for Joel, but it was all so new to me. I was young and he was my first serious relationship. As you all know, serious relationships come with a lot of intimidating experiences.One of the scariest is meeting that family for the first time. You want them to love you right away, but instead of going into it with a cool head, your mind plays tricks on you.Would I say the right thing? What would their first impression of me be? Would they like me? Would I survive the night?Some of you have heard bits of this story before. I met my in-laws for the first time in Texas. Cali-Mama (my husband's uncle) lived there and was eager to host Thanksgiving. Their family looked forward to the holidays every year because it meant everyone would come together and soak up as much time with each other as they could.This year was special because Joel invited me along. In his mind, he figured everyone was together so what better time to introduce my girlfriend.I was excited to meet these people Joel had spent so much time talking about but secretly terrified. There are so many people in my husband's immediate family which meant I had a lot of people to convince. To convince that we were a great couple and that I was in it for the long run.Luckily, I was able to transition into the house with ease. We had arrived early so there were only a few people there. Joel's two uncles picked us up from the airport. We quickly hopped into the back seat and I noticed there was a car seat. We sat on either side of it and his uncle (granted his white uncle who is also in an interracial marriage) told me it was there on purpose to keep us apart. I started to laugh and he didn't.... I quickly learned his sense of humor and picked up on the fact that he liked teasing and messing with me. It truly helped take the edge off.The next few days, he proceeded to give me a few pointers and tell me how it was for him coming into the family almost a decade before.He and his wife had one of the first interracial marriages in their family and truly broke the mold for the rest of us. It was a bigger struggle for them because everyone was trying to figure out what it would look like.Would they follow all of the Indian traditions? Would they need to behave like an Indian couple?Luckily for us, they walked through the fire so we didn't have to. Nevertheless, hearing all of his stories made me even more nervous about meeting Joel's mom. I wanted so desperately for her to like me.I’ll never forget the night I met Joel’s mom. Joel decided to be a good son and terrible boyfriend by picking his mom up from the airport. He was a great son because what mom doesn’t want to be picked up from their son who they haven’t seen in a while. Don’t forget the terrible boyfriend part. I was about to meet his mom and what does he do?LEAVES ME ALONE. I ended up pacing the living room the entire time. An hour later, I heard the garage door open.What was I thinking? I can just leave. Walk home. Maybe they won’t notice. Or I can hide.Joel’s sister came in first and she was so sweet and calmed me down so much when she gave me a big hug. Okay, a nice sister. I can do this.Then Joel’s mom came in. She was quiet, slowly walking towards me. I’m sure she was checking me out thinking who in the world is this girl dating my son.She gave me a hug and walked into the kitchen. She then proceeded by asking me what kind of food I cooked. Apparently, Joel told her I made casseroles. Thanks, Joel. First of all, I have NEVER made him a casserole. Ever. What was I supposed to say? I was twenty and barely knew how to cook. So, I said I made casseroles.I couldn’t decide if she liked me the whole weekend! I second guessed every look and everything she said!I quickly learned Joel’s mom’s sense of humor.. She has this quiet, sarcastic humor that is hilarious. However, if you don’t know her it freaks you out because you can’t tell if she’s serious! Now, we have a great relationship.She teases me about being white and I remind her that I’m more Indian than her son. She would never tell me, but I’ve heard through the grapevine that she’s told people I’m becoming more Indian! Two points for the almost Indian wife.Maybe one day you will be reading my new blog… The INDIAN Wife.

Should You Do Something You're Uncomfortable With In A Relationship?

I recently did a post discussing my decision to be open to what my elders have to say. I've struggled a lot with this while married to my husband. I am a very strong headed person and saw listening to elders as stifling what I wanted. After a lot of discussion with my husband, we’ve decided to be open to what our elders tell us or ask us to do. This doesn’t mean we blindly do everything they say. We hear what they say, discuss it together, and make our decision as a family.I've received a lot of feedback from this one. Some people understand why we've decided to do this and agree. Others say elders have no place in our relationship, so why would we listen to what they have to say. It's made me think about all of the different situations where this can come up and I realized there isn’t one way that works for every relationship.When you face a decision in a relationship, you have to make a decision together. You have to do what’s best for your family, not just one of you.In any relationship, you will be faced with decisions that affect your family. In an interracial relationship, you'll have to decide where you live, what religion your family will practice, what language is spoken in the house, how to discipline your children, how involved extended family will be, etc.What do you do when you’re asked to do something you’re uncomfortable with?What if your spouse wants you to move to their home country, but you don’t want to?What if your partner wants you to practice a joint family, but you don’t want your in-laws raising your children?What if you want to share your country with your spouse, but he/she won’t give it a chance?You both grew up with different ways of doing things. Each of your cultures tells you what’s normal and what’s not. When you begin an interracial relationship, you have to find a new normal for your family. This means coming together and figuring out what you’ll do together.

The biggest thing you have to keep in mind is that you both have to be happy with your decision.

A few years ago, my husband and I moved our family closer to his side of the family. This meant we moved 36 hours away from my family. It was a really big decision for us. If I wasn’t a part of the decision to move here, it could have caused a lot of issues in our marriage. It would have been easy for this to cause a rift between us. However, we made this decision when we first got married. We discussed where we wanted to settle down and agreed we would settle by his family. There are so many factors that helped us to make this decision.However, timing changed. Every few years we would talk about making the big move. To be honest, I wasn’t ready until a few years ago. I knew I wanted to do it, but it was hard for me to move so far from my family. I had to be fully ready and my husband patiently waited.Now, we’re here and our family is so happy. Sure, we all miss my family, but our reasons for moving here makes it worth it. Indian culture is present in our children’s lives every day. It’s much easier to put them in the middle of this vibrant culture when we’re around my husband’s family. By living closer to my in-laws, it also means my kids are around Telugu more often.

My husband and I made this decision for our family.

We made it together and did what we think is best for our family. You can’t look at other multiracial families and do exactly what they do or concede to the pressure from loved ones to run your family the exact same way they did. They have seen what works for them and try to push you to do the same thing.All you can do is listen to their advice, see how their family functions, and see what you can take from it. Chances are you will be able to take a few things and change other things to fit your family better. There is no right way to have a multiracial family or interracial relationship.You have to communicate with each other every day and constantly reevaluate. You can make a decision that works for a while, but you need to see how those decisions work as your family grows and changes.

What's Expected Of A Foreign Daughter In Law?

Over the years, I’ve been faced with a question and my answer has changed as I've been married.

Does marrying into a foreign culture mean you are now expected to behave according to your new cultures rules?

This has come up for me in different ways. I’ve mentioned before, I grew up in a family with a single, mom. I was taught to be a strong, independent, and outspoken person. However, the culture I have married into expects humility, submission to leadership, and listening and trusting your elders. There’s not much room for outspoken remarks in there.When I first married my husband, I was very vocal to him. I told him that we are married, starting our own family, but he has to remember, I’m not Indian. He used to laugh.

Yes, hon. I think your white skin was a bit of a give away for me.

I could see some of the cultural differences from the beginning of our relationship. It all started my first Thanksgiving with his family. I was so interested and observed all weekend. I noticed everyone was called by Indian names (Ukka, Mama, Pinni, Ummamma), everyone was extremely close to each other, everyone ate Indian food with their hands, and all of the kids submissively obeyed their elders (even as adults).My husband and I have always wanted to bring Indian culture into our family. So, I tried to find out what was going to be expected of me as a foreign daughter in law. I wanted to be a good daughter in law, but I also didn’t want to be held to every Indian standard there was. In my head, I thought I'd be changing myself if I agreed to be held to all Indian standards.The longer I've been a foreign daughter in law, the more I’m realizing it’s not possible to truly bring Indian culture into our family without being held to some Indian standards.I have responsibilities as the oldest daughter (in law) in the family, as a mother of biracial children, as a wife, as a foreign daughter in law, and as an Akka (big sister).I've learned to love some of these expectations. I love that my husband and I have been able to be there for my brother and sister in law. I love being able to give advice to all of the cousins in the family. I love having family live with us for extended periods of time.Along with so many expectations I love, there are also some that I still struggle with. As an outspoken person, I have the hardest time listening without sharing my opinion. I’ve learned how disrespectful it can be in Indian culture to openly disagree with an elder. In my family, we all share our opinions and often leave it at, let’s agree to disagree. I’ve never seen that as disrespectful. I love that my family shares our opinions with each other. Even if we don’t follow what someone says, I love that we can challenge each other.Submissive obedience in Indian families means an elder tells you to do something and you do it, simple as that. I finally asked someone for advice on this.

Will I lose myself if I agree to submissive obedience?

She asked how I’d lose myself. How could I be myself, without sharing what I thought? What if I disagreed? What if I agreed, but I still want to share what I thought?The more questions I asked myself, the more I realized there's no way to lose myself by listening to someone who loves my family and is trying to help us. I have only been a parent for five years. I have so much to learn. If anything, I’m letting my pride prevent me from accepting help.When elders in our family tell me to do something, I’ve learned to be open. Obviously, I’m so far from perfect in this area. I know my pride will continue to rear it’s ugly head again and again. However, I want to teach my kids to listen to their elders as well. The best way to teach them this is to show them, even adults listen to their elders.This doesn’t mean I don’t have a voice in our family. That is the biggest idea that I struggle with. The western culture in my head says obeying as an adult means I’m being stifled and not respected. In reality it means someone loves us enough, they are trying to help us by giving us advice and trying to make our lives easier.There are the times where I am told to do something with my children and I don’t agree.

What do I do? I thank them for the advice and then my husband and I decide together.

At the end of the day, my husband and I will do what we think is best for our family. However, I am actively trying to quiet my pride so I can be open to what our family members have to offer as advice and wisdom.As a foreign daughter in law, the standards are different. Some may expect me to follow every Indian standard and others won’t hold me to any. My husband and I talk about which standards I feel comfortable holding myself to. The biggest thing I ask myself is what can I teach my child if I follow a certain standard. If I think it holds value to them, I try to follow it. If it’s not something I want to teach them, I don’t.

You won’t ever be able to please everyone. All you can do is what’s best for your family. You and your spouse chose together what you will do as a family.

The Question Interracial Couples Secretly Ask Themselves

My husband and I are about to celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary. While it's gone by fast, it wouldn't have been possible with a lot of hard work.Every couple that has survived past the new relationship stage knows how hard a relationship can be. If you want it to work you have to grow together, forgive daily, and strive to be the best person you can be.What about interracial couples?While every couple faces challenges, interracial couples are in a whole new ballpark.In addition to meeting the in-laws, you have to be aware of all the different cultural expectations.You don't just have to figure out how to live together, you have to figure out how to blend cultures in your home.There's a unique edge to just about everything in your relationship. At the end of the day, just like other couples, you have to put in the hard work. You'll have different seasons throughout your relationship. The wonderful seasons will help get you through the rough seasons.Your love for each other trumps anything you will go through together.However, if we're being honest... there's a question we've all asked ourselves at some point in our interracial relationship. A question we may even be embarrassed to admit.Would it have been easier if I didn't choose an interracial relationship?If we're going to sit here and be frank with each other, the answer is most likely yes.Blending cultural expectations, lifestyles, and beliefs can be overwhelming at times. It's also work that other couples don't necessarily have to put in daily like we do.While both people in the relationship could ask themselves this question, the thing to remember is that culture is one of the reasons you love your partner.When my husband and I started falling for each other, the fact that we had different cultures didn't cross our minds. In fact, I really didn't think about it until I met his family for the first time. Then I was able to see a beautiful culture and family that had helped my husband to be the person he is today.We can all look back on our stories and ask if we could have made it easier on ourselves somehow. Hindsight is 20/20 so yes. We could go back in time and save ourselves a lot of heartaches, but we've grown from every one of them.My interracial relationship has taught me to communicate with my husband, be open to the world around me, and to love hard.I wouldn't change the life I have today with him, even if it meant things could be a little easier. It's the intricate part of our family that makes my life so exciting.What has your interracial relationship taught you?

Multiracial Family Guide: Hosting Your In-Laws

As a new couple, one of the scariest moments is having your in-laws over to your house for the first time. Most likely, you've already met them before, but it was on their turf. Now you're welcoming them into your own home.Your natural habitat.The place you can relax and be the raw, unfiltered you. You know the place you eat take out directly out of the container. The place you walk around without a bra because they're all dirty. The place you don't bother keeping spick and span because you're too busy.The place you're terrified to let your in-laws into.Before you start hyperventilating, take a deep breath. It doesn't have to be as bad as you're imagining in your head.In reality, having them over to your house can be easier. You're the most comfortable at home, so it can help with your nerves. Not to mention, you are in control of your environment. You can tidy up, hide the Game of Thrones contraband, and set out a vase of flowers.The scariest part is not knowing exactly what they're expecting when they arrive. As an interracial couple, you know things will be a bit different and you'll have to figure out what is culturally expected as the host.This is one of the things I've struggled with over the years. When I have people over to my house, I do what I was raised to do. I do what my family taught me was expected as the host, but over the years I've learned just how different it can be in different cultures.I finally sat down with my mother in law and simply asked her.What should I do as the host when Indian family members come to visit?

Everything Starts With A Cup Of Chai

Chai can make everything better. Truly. Somehow it has a magical effect when people enjoy it together.Whip up a batch of masala chai before your guests arrive. After they walk in the door and the greetings are finished, offer everyone a cup.This is going to give you huge Indian points with your family. You're showing them that you're going out of your way to bring them a little comfort from their own home.Try this simple masala chai recipe for your guests.

Food Is Your Best Friend

When you get your Indian relatives together, they're expecting food. I used to try and do little appetizers or plan to go out and get food soon after, but it's not the same. They want Indian food. Who doesn't? I can't even blame them because Indian food is delicious and it's a great way to bring people together.It doesn't matter if they're coming at lunch, in between lunch and dinner, or late at night... Prepare a few Indian dishes for them. Worse case scenario they say no thank you and you reheat it for the next meal.It means a lot to them when they see all the hard work you put in for them.You could prepare a simple keema curry, almond chicken curry, or even my favorite pav bhaji. Serve it with a big plate of rice and you're ahead of the game.

Shower Them With Gifts

If this is your first time meeting your in-laws, get them a gift. It doesn't have to be anything huge, but gifts are expected. They may not ever tell you this, but it's an unwritten rule in Indian families.You could get them a little container of loose leaf tea, a scarf, a piece of jewelry, or truly anything. It's not the cost that matters, it's the thought.

Be Yourself

At the end of the day, be yourself. The reason you're meeting your in-laws or hosting them at your house is that your partner loves you. They love you so much they want to bring you into their family.All you have to do is be yourself.Share about your first time hosting the in-laws in the comments!

What Loving Day Means To My Multiracial Family

What Is Loving Day?

In 1967, the Supreme Court decided they would no longer prevent couples from marrying based on the color of their skin. This wasn't an easy decision in the 60's. Mildred and Richard Loving fought against a law they knew was wrong. After they were married, they were sentenced with one year in prison. They were madly in love and the state of Virginia didn't care. It only saw the color of their skin.The Lovings fought for their love and it's because of their perseverance and strength that multiracial families can proudly walk the streets together today.Every year on June 12th, we celebrate Loving Day to remember the Lovings and celebrate their victory, our victory. It's because of them that all couples can marry, regardless of their race.

Who Should Celebrate Loving Day?

Whether you are in an interracial marriage, have a multiracial family or not, Loving Day is for you too. It's not only for a select group of people. Loving Day stands for something bigger. It stands for racial justice and our right to marry the person we love.Without the Loving's fight, my husband and I would not be married. Our marriage would be illegal because of the color of our skin. Our children wouldn't be able to marry girls of a different race or ethnic background. The Lovings changed my life, my children's lives, and the world.Everyone should celebrate Loving Day because it affects all of us.

How Can You Celebrate Loving Day?

Find a Loving Day celebration.

There are Loving Day celebrations all over the US during this time of year. You can even go to the Loving Day website and look for your city. If you don't have one around you, start your own! Get your town into it and celebrate!

Celebrate at home.

Make a special dinner for your family and talk about the Lovings. Share their story with your spouse and/or children. Talk about the fight they had for us to marry who we love. You can even watch a movie all about it!

Spread awareness.

While the Lovings changed the world for our family, not everyone knows just how important they are. You can spread the word and share Loving Day with your friends.

What Loving Day Means For My MultiracialFamily.

While the Lovings stood against a law forbidding white and black citizens from marrying, it made a difference for my family too. My husband is East Indian and I'm white. The Lovings not only fought for their family, but for us.The Lovings fought so my husband and I could raise our kids in a world where love isn't defined by skin color.My children are young, but they know that Loving Day is important. It's because of this special day in history that my children don't know a world where mommy and daddy can't get married because of the color of their skin.

How Can You Spread Awareness For Loving Day Today?

Head over to Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram to share your story. Post a picture of your family, introduce yourself, and tell us what Loving Day means for your family.Head over to the Multiracial Motherhood Facebook Group and see how other multiracial families are celebrating!

*This post contains affiliate links.*

Living With Your In-Laws: The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly

Have you ever wondered what it would look like to live with your in-laws? Maybe you already live in a joint family and need some advice. Today, we get to have a little peak into what it actually looks like from Amanda! Amanda is the blogger behind the website MarocMama, a fearless guide to food and travel. She lives in Marrakech, Morocco with her extended family and loves to share culinary experiences and unique destinations around the world with her readers. 

Living with Your In-laws: The Good, The Bad and the Ugly

Would you live with your in-laws? For many people who haven’t grown up in a culture where this practice is common it sounds like an absolute nightmare – and sometimes it is. Thirteen years ago I met and married my Moroccan husband. We lived in the US for many years until returning to Morocco four years ago. When we returned we moved into the family home.There are a lot of reasons extended families live in a single home and in Moroccan culture it’s as much to do with keeping the family together as it is practicality. When family members age they need to be cared for and this is done by their children. The reasons are also financial. In countries like Morocco it’s not always possible for a young couple to afford their own apartment or home.When we moved to Morocco, our first intention was to stay for only a year and to save money and make the move easier we opted to move into the family home. I had a few reservations but decided I could do just about anything for a year. While in some situations each family would have just their own room or two with shared common spaces, we had our own floor of the house with a private living room, bathroom, and kitchen. However, the house is laid out like a traditional Moroccan home – with an open center courtyard. All of the rooms on each floor face outward to this open middle space. So, while technically we had a private space it in actuality is semi-private.

What is it like to live with your in-laws?

Hard. But, not every situation is the same. For me, someone that had lived alone since I was 18 years old it was incredibly strange to get used to having to contend with others around me. There were two major issues that were difficult to get used to. First, when there would be a noise disturbance in the US from a neighbor I could call the police, that doesn’t work here. Moroccans, and especially my in-laws, tend to be night people. They stay up until very late at night, every night with little regard for the amount of noise they are making. This was an issue was I am a big fan of routines and bedtimes for our kids who were six and eight when we moved. Four years later this remains an issue but it is better than it was in the beginning.The second issue was the lack of privacy. Thankfully our floor of the house is private but in the beginning family members would walk in without knocking at any time. It was also very common that they would take, and in some cases ask, for different things that we had. It could be a brush, a broom, or something from the kitchen. I’ve heard from others that their clothing or shoes would “go missing,” and end up being worn by a sister in law or niece that day.Communal living can be a huge mental drain. I am someone that really needs solitude and time away from people. I’m not anti-social but I need to “recharge.” It was hard for my mother in law to understand that just because I wasn’t sitting in the living room with them didn’t mean I didn’t like them, it just meant I valued my space. I also work from home and it took a VERY long time to explain what this was. Again, I wasn’t being anti-social but I was working.When you are a foreign spouse in a traditional family there is a desire to want to do what they expect you to do. I felt this in the beginning but my advice to anyone who is living with their in-laws or considering it is not to fall into this trap. You will lose your own identity and in the end regret it, especially when you realize you’ll never be able to meet their expectations. If I were a typical Moroccan daughter-in-law, I would have been expected to cook and clean around the entire house, not just my floor. In the beginning this was mentioned but I immediately pushed back. I would help but I didn’t move here to become the live in help. It is critical that you have a firm sense of who you are, what your values are, and what your goals are so that you can compromise accordingly.

Are there any benefits to living with your in-laws?

I realize this all sounds very negative, but there are some benefits to living this way. One of the biggest advantages is that it can save a lot of money. If you’re on a tight budget or planning to relocate for a short period of time it can be ideal. Discuss with the family how your family will contribute; will you buy groceries, pay the electric bill, or something else? Living this way means shared responsibility in the household upkeep.The other advantage for us is that I travel a lot for work. My kids are able to always stay in their home without having to be uprooted from their house to go to grandma’s or their aunties house when mom and dad are gone or at work. There is always another adult around if they need something. No babysitters needed!Finally, even though it can be a huge strain living this way does bring a family closer together (it also drives you crazy but hey, that’s family!). My mother-in-law can come up and have lunch with us if she wants. We all can help each other when something is wrong and my kids always have playmates thanks to their cousins being right downstairs.I don’t think this style of living is for everyone and I do think it’s helpful to put a time limit on it. It can be very stressful for people who come from a culture where they are not used to living in such a way. If you do make this choice, put up your boundaries right away and stick to them, it will make life much easier for everyone. Be true to who you are and what your desires are because they will be challenged regularly. Finally, learn to accept the good with the bad and do whatever you can to make the bad a little more tolerable!

Follow Amanda's Journey

Blog/ Facebook/ Instagram

Multiracial Motherhood: Embracing Who You Are

Today, a very special momma is joining us to share about her multiracial motherhood journey. Meghan is the voice behind www.meghanjoyyancy.com where she shares about her multiracial family and talks about how you can find joy in living for today! 

Photo Credit: Melissa LeeAnn

Meet Momma Meghan

Welcome to the life of our family of 7! My husband and I met years ago as he played college basketball with my big brother. So, he was the one dating his teammates sister. We dated for 4 short months before getting engaged and we had an 8 month engagement. Our wedding day was almost exactly 1 year from the day we started dating. We got pregnant with our honeymoon baby and about 10 months later, our first daughter was born. This summer we will be celebrating 9 years of marriage and we managed to pop out 5 kids under that age of 8 in those years. It’s been a whirlwind of a glorious adventure!My husbands’ entire family is from Liberia and although he was born in New York, his family is very traditional with their culture and lifestyle. My families heritage comes from Germany and Sweden so my kids love learning about all their of their lineage traditions. Being enriched in the culture of their own blood.

What is something you’ve learned through blending cultures in your family?

To grasp and experience everything we can with respect and gratitude. Beyond what countries our families hail from, but even in the way we operate, communicate and just do life. To be able to have understanding and grace in all aspects of blending family life is so important to healthy relationships. It’s not always easy to do, but it is something to strive for.I tend to be a VERY picky eater. I sometimes even have trouble eating some of the meat I cook myself. And because of this, I believe I have actually hurt my mother-in-loves feelings when she has cooked traditional Liberian meals. It’s not because of her food, but my own ridiculous eating habits that make for some fairly high-maintenance eating habits. At least I can admit that.But I have tried to make an effort over the years to at least TRY the traditional Liberian food. And if anything, I welcome with open arms her wonderful cooking for my husband to enjoy because it is comfort food for him. He grew up with it and so it feels like home for him. And I’m not intimidated or resentful of that. And I also want my kids to be mindful of the different foods and always be willing to try new things.

What is one struggle you’ve encountered?

The stereotypes.The stigma of a black man with a white woman.I will let you mind go where it goes in this. There are so many assumptions.Half-siblings.Gold-digging.Welfare.Foster Care.Control issues.Abusive.“He only likes white women”“She only likes black guys.”Whatever sterotypes you have heard or maybe even witnessed yourself, believe me, we have felt the affects of them. And not like we had anything to prove, but we definitely strive for greatness in all we do, despite the thoughts/words/actions that naturally come our way.

What advice would you share with other multicultural families?

Embrace exactly who you are. Every beautiful woven piece of unity you bring to the table, relish it. LOVE is born in exactly what you have and don’t let the world dull your shine.

Follow Meghan Along On Her Journey

Blog/ Facebook/ Instagram

What Can I Do If They Won't Speak My Language?

Early on in an interracial relationship, one of the most uncomfortable moments is sitting in a room where everyone is talking in a different language around you. So many things start to go through your mind...Are they doing it because they don't like you?Are they talking about you?You start questioning their motive and whether or not they're welcoming you into the family. A few years, later you realize it's just a part of the game. Honestly, at some point they have talked about you, but most of the time they're just talking.It's different in every family. In my experience, my in laws speak in Telugu because it's comfortable and a part of who they are. It was the first language they learned so why wouldn't they speak it when they're together with their family?They don't do it the whole time I'm there, but I couldn't imagine asking them to speak in English when I'm around. That's just me and may be completely different for you.You may be married into a family where they do it out of spite... Maybe they truly aren't welcoming you in, don't speak in English at all, or they're just learning to be aware of the language when you walk into a room.Whatever they reason, most of us have been there. So, what do you do? What is your response in that moment?Instead of getting upset, I'm here to help you find a few different ways you can respond and maybe even get you to smile in that moment!

6 Responses When You Have No Idea What's Being Said Around You

At the end of the day, you can't control what people do. The only thing you can do is choose how you respond to the situation. Here are a few ways you can respond and bring a smily to your face in the moment!

Smile and Nod

While they're talking in front of you, just smile and nod. Unless they're in a heated conversation then put on your best angry face! This is the "Let's hope it stops soon" situation. Most likely they'll start speaking in English soon so you just wait it out.

Laugh When Appropriate

Pretend like you're completely in the conversation. If everyone's laughing, start laughing with them! You'll nighter get their attention and they'll laugh with you or they'll stare at you wondering what you're laughing about. Then you let them wonder what you're thinking.

Secretly Learn The Language

This is my favorite. Secretly learn the language. Then you can sit there in those conversations, knowing exactly what they're saying. Wait for the best moment to finally catch them talking about you! Aha! I knew it! Then you can pull the most epic moment ever and respond to them in the same language!

Go Take A Nap

While they're talking, sneak away for a little r and r. Maybe they won't even notice, but at least you get a nap out of the situation. This was my go to response when I was pregnant with my kids.

Gentle Hints

Oh, what was that? I couldn't hear you. What did you say?After enough "gentle" hints they'll get the message and hopefully start including you in the conversation.

Have Your Husband Interpret

Let your husband be your covert spy. Have him interpret the conversation for you. Although let me warn you right now the jokes they make are never funny after being interpreted. They loose all humor in translation and you may regret having him interpret everything for you.

What is your go to response?

Why You Should Give Your Mother In Law Some Slack

I'll never forget the moment I waited in Uthama's (My husband's aunt) living room to meet my future mother in law. I was absolutely terrified. Joel was the first serious relationship I had ever had so meeting the parents was a whole new experience for me.I didn't know what to say or how to act. All I could think of was the fact that I was about to make the world's most awkward first impressions ever.What if she hated me?What if I didn't live up to her expectations?I paced back and forth until the moment I heard the garage door open. Then my heart completely stopped. This was it. This was the moment I would remember forever.Joel's family all walked in, one by one. I met his brother and sister first and it went well. They seemed really nice and I could tell it would be natural with them.Then in walked his mom... I practically froze. I started questioning everything I was about to do.Should I hug her? Shake her hand?Then she walked over to me and gave me a hug. I wish I could say all my fears disappeared in that moment, but they didn't. I was nervous all weekend because I wanted her to like me. I was already madly in love with her son and I knew we'd be together forever.It's funny looking back on how our relationship began because now she's the one I call when I need advice. It may be for a recipe, advice with the kids, or just to talk. We've both put in a lot of hard work for our relationship and it's completely paid off.I'll admit, I didn't realize how important our relationship was until I had boys of my own. Then I pictured what it would look like when they grew up and got married.Would I be close to their wives? Would we be friends? Would I become the crazy mother in law in all of their stories?Having kids has taught more than I ever could have imagined about life, but having boys has taught me something special about my mother in law.

The Most Important Women In Your Husband's Life

When your husband got married, you became the most important women in his life. You became the one he would depend on, trust in, and go to for everything. While it's very special for you and your husband, it's extremely difficult for your mother in law. She not only has to figure out her relationship with you, but she has to figure out her new relationship with her son.She will always hold a special place in your husband's life, but it changes after he gets married. She has to step back and let you come in. It's easy to get frustrated with your mother in law when you feel certain pressures, see how involved she is, etc. Instead you have to look at how much her life has changed and the fact that she's trying to figure it out just like you.

Where Does Your Mother In Law Fit In

She wants to know where she fits in to her sons life now. I don't know about you, but I dread this moment with my sons. I am excited for them to get married, but I don't even like to think about the moment my relationship with them will change. It will always be beautiful and special, but it will change.In addition to the typical changes your mother in law will face, think about how much more complicated it becomes when her daughter in law was raised in a different cultures....I love looking to see what people search to find my blog. One of the new popular searches is How Do I Handle A Daughter In Law From A Different Culture...You all have expectations of what your relationship will look like with your mother or daughter in law. You come up those expectations based on how you've seen them happen in the past. Often times, you will look to your own life and see how it's happened with your sister in law, a cousin's wife, etc.Then you get married and realized it's all different. Everything you thought would happen doesn't and instead your faced with a new set of challenges.This is how it is for a mother who welcomes in a daughter raised in a different culture. She had all of these expectations on how she would talk to you, how she would interact with you, and how she would fit into your life. You had expectations as well, but they all looked differently.Letting go of expectations is difficult because they are deeply rooted in us. You may not even realize all of the expectations you had until they start to play out differently. As they start to happen differently than you anticipated you will typically respond by getting angry or distancing yourself. Your mother in law will do the same thing.It's hard. It's hard to let go of your expectations.So what do you do? What should your mother in law do? There is one thing that will truly help you figure out your relationship with each other. Communicate. Communication is the most important thing in any relationship. You and your mother in law have to talk to each other before, during, and after situations come up.It will help you to understand each other and talk about expectations you may not have known about. Be careful not to shut each other down if you don't agree. You need to be open to the reality that your relationship will look different than you thought and that's not a bad thing. The more you work on it and the more you communicate, the closer you will be.You're both just trying to figure out your roles and see where you fit into each other's lives. Give each other grace and a little slack as you figure it out.

What would you say to someone struggling in their relationship with a mother or daughter in law? 

Letting Go Of Who Culture Says You Should Be

Letting Go Oh Who Culture Says You Should Be

About 4 years ago, I was sitting in my kitchen. I was feeling overwhelmed with all the pressure I had on my shoulders to be the perfect Indian wife.In all honesty, I was beating myself up. I was feeling crushed under the pressure to be the perfect Indian wife. It didn't matter what I did, I couldn't do anything Indian enough. I had been married for a few years at that point and I thought I'd have it figured out by then. Instead, I was just disappointed in myself. I was questioning if I'd ever be able to get there.

Would I ever be the perfect Indian wife?

Then it hit me.No.The answer was so simple, but the freedom I felt from saying it felt incredible.I would never be the perfect Indian wife because I'm not Indian. I may have teased that my tan skin during my wedding did, in fact, mean I was East Indian, but I wasn't.I married my husband, knowing he was East Indian and he married me knowing I wasn't. I was enough for him, so why was I pressuring myself to change?There are so many interracial couples out there doing exactly what I did. They're pressuring themselves to fit an image culture has created for someone else.Multiracial families break the mold when it comes to what it looks like to be a wife, girlfriend, husband, or boyfriend. There isn't one image that works for everyone because we're all blending cultures in our families differently.This is how The Almost Indian Wife was born. I knew I wouldn't ever be able to become the perfect Indian wife, so I asked myself who I was. This is a huge question for anyone.

Who am I?

Then it came to me. I was The Almost Indian Wife. Every time I say it, I smile. The Almost... It's a reminder to me that I'm my own person. While I love Indian culture and I'm always looking for ways to bring it into our family, I'm not Indian. I even tease my husband that we're the Almost Indian Family!The Almost Indian Wife isn't expected to do everything the Indian way. She isn't expected to be the perfect Indian parent. She's navigating between two beautiful cultures and making the rules for herself.Today, I want to take a moment to remind you that you're enough. You don't have to change yourself for your relationship. You don't have to be the perfect partner based on your partner's culture.

Your partner fell in love with you and not for an idea of what you would become.

Today, I welcome you to the Almost club. This club is full of people who pride themselves on being who they are. Don't worry we don't have any cheesy chants or songs (until I can think of one!). By joining, all you have to do tell yourself, I am enough.Your confidence will help you get through anything that comes your way. It took me a long time to be confident in being The Almost Indian Wife.In all honesty, I had to start walking it out before I felt it. Sometimes your feet need to tell the rest of the body what's going on. By walking out your confidence, even if it's not quite there, you're still making a commitment to yourself.You're committing to loving yourself whether you feel it or not.You're committing to being proud of who you are. Take a moment today and really think about the pressure you're putting on yourself, like I did. Then ask yourself that question. Who am I?

In the comments, tell me who you are. What defines YOU? Let all the pressure and expectation go. Who are you?

12 Things Interracial Couples Are Tired Of Hearing

12 Things Interracial Couples Hear All The Time

As an interracial couple, you're used to people asking you questions and maybe staring a bit. Sometimes people are curious and other times they're just enamored but what an adorable couple you are.The questions though.. They get a little crazy. They start off innocent and then just get... Well, you'll see.

1. You met online...?

And your point is...? We're living in the Tinder era so why do people still get surprised when a couple meets online. Not to mention, interracial couples meet online, at school, work, and even the grocery store.

2. Did your family approve?

First of all, it's not your business. Second of all, there are a lot of parents in the world that don't see color like some people do...

3. Getting quizzed to see if the stereotypes are true

"Tell me the truth... Do they (insert insensitive stereotype here). Really people...

4. Racial jokes

They're really not funny. For real. Just stop.

5. Have you ever been attracted to your own race?

What?!

6. I would love having mixed kids! Can you help me find a (____)

Sure let me get on that for you.

7. Won't your kids be confused

Yes because there's never been another biracial child before...

8. I've dated someone who's ____ before

Let me take a moment to applaud your service to humanity.

9. Is it uncomfortable getting both of your families together

Umm no. Until my family starts doing every cultural faux pa possible. Oh wait.. Yes!

10. Doesn't it feel weird being the only (___) at their family events

It may feel like a clip out of Get Out at first, but then you realize it gives you a bit of popularity and you just go with it!

11. You're really progressive.

Yes, that's exactly what I was going for. Not because I love them or anything.

12. I love Kim Kardashian and Kanye!

 This is my favorite. They see you're in an interracial relationship and bring up the only other one they can think of!

What are you tired of hearing about your interracial relationship?

Ask The Almost Indian Wife: How Can I Teach My Loved One A New Culture

One of my favorite parts about blogging is getting questions from all of you! The whole reason I started blogging was to take what I've learned from my multicultural family and give you tips for yours!

I was looking through some of my recent reader questions and found one I think a lot of you could relate to. Whether you're trying to learn about a new culture or teach your loved one about yours, this post is for you!

First of all, thank you so much for writing in! I changed a few minor details to make sure the person that sent in their question could remain anonymous.

Dear Almost Indian Wife,

 I need help! My husband and I have been married for a little under a year now. He's amazing! The only problem is our cultures collide all the time. I'm East Indian and he's American. Most of our fights are surrounding our families. I keep trying to explain my family to him, but he doesn't get it. He gets frustrated so much and all I want is for him to feel comfortable with my family. What do you think?

----------

When my husband and I first met, we had an instant attraction to each other. We knew right away that there was a spark between us and we were interested in taking our friendship further. We didn't start thinking about what it would look like to blend cultures until we were engaged and planning a fusion wedding.In the beginning of most of our relationships, I think it's safe to say it's similar. We're so interested in getting to know each other and it's just fun. The beginning of a relationship is fun because it's all new. It's all about the first dates, the first kiss, and the first time you feel completely yourself in front of that person.As your relationship continues and you get closer, things begin to get more serious. You start to meet their family, they meet yours, and you start to see what it may look like to blend cultures together. This is where things get a little tricky.My husband grew up with parents who had an arranged marriage and spent the first part of their lives living in India. I grew up with a single mom who got remarried to my, now dad, at 10 years old.  It's safe to say our families were very different.I didn't realize how different until he started to spend time with my family. He knew my family was different than his, but he was trying to find his place. He wanted to know how to talk to my brothers because in his family he has a sense of authority with his siblings. They listen to and respect him because he's there unna (big brother). In my family we were more equals with my siblings.The hardest thing for us was how different the dynamics were. We couldn't simply do what we did in out own families. It was different.

Teaching Your Loved One About A New Culture

Remember it's new 

The most important thing you need to remember is that you’re teaching you’re loved one a new culture. They didn’t grow up in it like you did. There are so many things your culture affects. Your culture is the way your family thinks, what they believe, and how you behave. It also teaches you how you should treat your loved one. You’re going to look at your cultural norms to see how you should talk to them, what you should say, and how you show your love for them.

It’s all new. They’re learning everything about your life and why you are they way you are. Give them patience while they learn and fall in love with your culture like you.

Give it time.

You can’t just explain so many things to your loved one in one night. It’s going to take time for them to learn from what you tell them and how you behave. As they see that, they can figure out how they want to blend cultures, what they want to adopt from your culture, and more.

All you can do is take it day by day and one situation at a time. You’re typically going to be able to teach your loved one the most about your culture in the moment. As you experience things together, it’s going to bring you closer together. They’re going to learn much more by actually experiencing your family, culture, and traditions with you.

Communicate

 

I can’t say this one enough. You need to communicate! Most of my marital struggles with my husband are due to a lack of communication. As soon as we make the time to talk things through, we do so much better!

You need to make time to talk everything through. Don’t just expect they understand or are ok with something, you need to actually ask them. Ask them how they’re doing and frequently take the temperature on your relationship. While the way you’re blending cultures now may work, it may not always. Your lives will change as you both grow which means you need to constantly reevaluate how you’re doing things together. This happens by talking all the time.

 

Remember some things are universal 

 

It’s easy to get lost in all the differences when you’re in an interracial relationship. However, keep in mind some things are universal. Regardless of where you grew up, love is the same anywhere. We all fight for the people we love. If you start to get stressed out in the blending process, go back to what you have in common.

You’re both fighting for your relationship because you love each other. That makes it all worth it.

What's helped you teach your loved one about a brand new culture? Or are you on the opposite end of the equation?

Interracial Couples: The Feeling Of Never Doing It Well Enough

There are so many blessings in being an interracial couple. You get to present your children with multiple rich cultures, you get to dive into a new culture, you get to see how differently your spouse grew up, your family vacations are amazing because you get to visit places you both went as children, and your family becomes a strong unit because you're figuring out how to blend cultures together.However, along with all of the blessings, there are some difficulties as well. I've received so many emails and comments from all of you sharing a similar struggle...

The Struggle Intercultural Couples Face

You feel torn between two cultures. You want to blend these two rich cultures in your family, but it comes with a lot of outside pressure. Your family wants you to keep the traditions you grew up with and his family wants you to embrace his culture. It sounds easy enough, right?Then the comments start to roll in as you and your spouse start blending cultures the way you think is best. The wonderful comments that make you feel like complete garbage."Why are you doing it that way? That's not how we raised you to do it.""Why don't you tell her how she should be doing that?""Why do you let your child eat so much American food? Don't you want her to be raised with Indian food?""Why do you feed him such spicy food? We never gave you spicy food."These are some of the comments many of you have told me you get. As parents, you're probably already used to the outside pressure. There's always something you're not doing well enough or doing too much of. You can't win in the world's eyes because everyone has the idea that their way is the right way. This is definitely the same in blending cultures.It's almost like you're too (white) to be (Indian) and too (Indian) to be (white)... Switch it up and fill in the words that fit for you, but it's a real struggle intercultural couples are facing on a day to day basis.If you're not careful you're going to give into the pressure and start listening. All it will lead to is you feeling like a failure. Feeling like you can't do anything right.It means you're embracing both of your cultures and creating a new culture within your family.3 Ways To Respond To Negative Criticism Over The Way You've Chosen To Blend CulturesTake it with a grain of salt.When you hear a comment remember everyone has their own opinions. You may agree with some comments and completely disregard others. Before you ignore the comment, ask yourself if you agree. If not, that's ok! People always think their way is best and have a hard time changing what they think. Just remember it's your family and you will figure out the right way to blend cultures for you. Let it go and move on.Some comments you get will be frustrating, but easy to ignore. Others feel like a knife in the heart. It's hard to hear anything about your parenting or your family. You tend to get defensive and ready to fight off anyone that has anything negative to say about them. If they dare criticise either of them, you hold onto it. You let it fester and turn into something much worse.Instead, you have to let it go and move on. Their will always be someone out there with something negative to say. You can't hold onto it all because it will ruin you and it's not worth your time.Remember there is no perfect way to blend cultures.I have talked with so many people in intercultural marriages and my favorite thing is to see how they blend cultures in their family. I'm going to tell you a little secret... They all do it differently! They're all breaking the mold on what's right. Blending cultures is a beautiful and difficult task, but it's always worth it. Don't let the outside pressure get to you.

Multiracial Motherhood: How We Celebrate Multiple Cultures In Our Family

I'm very excited to be continuing our Multiracial Motherhood series this morning. So far we've walked along the journey with Sara and Larisha. They've shared a bit about their family with us and what they've learned in raising a multiracial family. Today, Becky from Kid World Citizen is joining us! There family has traveled the world to make sure their kids are raised with a global mindset and today she is teaching us a few of her secrets. 

Meet Momma Becky!

My husband and I met when he was an exchange student from Mexico spending a year at University of Illinois, while I was a student there. I had just returned from a semester in Spain and was matched up with a "buddy" exchange student who I was supposed to show around.From the moment I met Toño at our welcome picnic, we were instantly drawn to each other. Despite huge language barriers, we managed to talk for hours about everything under the sun. It was such a fun semester of studying, dancing, and running together.Thanks to long-distance phone calls, trips between the US and Mexico, and a lot of patience and love, we got married in the year 2000. Our 5 kids have joined out family in different ways. First, we had our 2 sweet biological daughters: the loves of our lives, who make us smile every day... but we knew our family was't complete.We adopted our oldest sun when he was almost 4, and his contagious, playful smiles instantly endeared us to our playful son. We decided to expand our family again when we adopted Ricky from Ethiopia. An inquisitive ball of energy, Ricky injected our family with a spirit of curiosity. Two girls, two boys, and we were a balanced, happy family--- but we still had this little voice telling us that we weren't complete.As we rode the roller coaster of becoming foster parents, we met our bundle of exuberant, intense joy: Mario. There is not a person who meets him who doesn't fall in love with this little ham.Having so many diverse cultures forming the foundation of our family has been incredibly enriching. We try to celebrate and honor our heritage cultures both in big ways (such as important holidays) and also little ways (through cuisine, home decor, books, etc).We've learned that in the hustle and bustle of carpooling and swim team, homework and housework- sometimes the easier route would be to let time pass by without a mention of our backgrounds. But- and we are not perfect- we have to consciously try to always make our cultures an integral part of our daily lives by having friends from diverse backgrounds, choosing a neighborhood that reflects our family's cultures, and having open communication with our kids about race, ethnicity, and what it means to be growing up as "x" in the US.My advice to other multiracial families would be to embrace and learn about your loved ones' cultures as much as you can, so that you end up creating your own family culture that is a blend of customs and traditions from both sides.Finally, if at all possible, travel and immerse yourself to truly learn about your partner's background, language, and really the heart and soul of what makes them who they are. Our family has bonded so much by traveling together, while developing a pride in and love for each others' countries.It's this love and respect that builds us up and helps us support each other.

Follow Becky along on her journey here!

Facebook/ Twitter/ Instagram/ Blog

Our Multiracial Family Mentors

Holidays are full of chaos and sweet memories in our family.

What can you expect when you get so many people together in one home!Easter this year was no different. As most of you know, we recently moved to North Carolina which sadly is only further away from family. We absolutely love my husband's job change, as it means he hardly ever travels anymore, but being away from family is hard.Throughout our marriage, my husband and I have always lived by one side of our families. It's changed over the years as we've moved around, but family was always there.Now, the closest family member is about 8 hours from our home. We're no strangers to road trips, so I see plenty of road trips over the summer to spend time with the kid's uthas, chininas, uncles, and nanamas.In the meantime, we definitely miss everyone. This is why Easter was so special this year. My husband's pinni, uncle, cousins, and mom came to spend the holiday weekend at our new house!We were so excited to show everything off and show them the new town and home we've fallen in love with.Our home was bustling with people all weekend and it truly made our new house feel like our home. My husband and I love having family stay with us!One of the best parts of the weekend was seeing our kids spend time with their uthas and chinina (cousins).They are being raised in a multiracial family like my kids are and I'm always so encouraged watching them. Their parents have made such a strong effort to blend Eastern and Western culture within their family. They've always been our go to family for advice on how to blend. They've been doing it for 22 years!Sometimes I lay in bed at night wondering if I'm doing it well enough.I get worried I won't be able to bring Indian culture into our family as much as I want it to be.I worry my kids won't truly understand how rich and beautiful Indian culture is.Then I see their cousins and see that it's possible. They have a deep love for both cultures. It may be shown differently, but it's there. As they get older, their pride for both cultures only gets stronger.What are their secrets? What have they done throughout their kid's lives to make this a reality?

Travel

They have traveled to India as a family multiple times. It seems simple, but spending time in India takes what they've learned from their parents about Indian culture and takes it to the next level. There's only so much you can say and at a certain point you have to show them.Our family has yet to take our kids to India as my son is dealing with health issues, but we save every year so that we can make it a reality. We want to show our kids what it looked like for daddy to live in India.Traveling to India isn't just for the kids, it's for our marriage too. I want to see India and actually spend time there. I want to experience India with my husband.

Food

If you glance in their fridge or pantry, you'll see traditional dishes for both cultures and fusion dishes. You can look at the table and see one kid eating a samosa, one eating a mango, and one eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Their kids are comfortable with both cuisines and I love it.We try and do the same with our kids. Our staple meals consist of keema curry, pasta, burgers, and chicken tikka masala. I do the best I can to make sure both cultures are represented throughout the week in my meal plan. Although if it was up to me it would be all Indian food because I'm obsessed!

Open Minds

This couple is completely open to their spouse's culture. While Pinni grew up in India, she has no problem embracing her husband's family culture. She wants him to know she values and loves his family, culture, and everything that has made him the person he is today.The same can be said about the way he treats her. He travels with her to India, he wears traditional Indian clothes, and makes sure his kids use the appropriate Indian terms for family members.The best part is that he has taught me so much about what it means to embrace Indian culture. He has been my go to person for advice so many times.Having an open mind in a multiracial family is vital. There are going to be so many times your culture will push you towards different directions. You and your partner have to be open to trying things a different way.

Do you have a multiracial family in your life that you look up to? What have they taught you?

3 Ways To Blend Cultures Without Losing Your Identity

"We don't need a melting pot in this country, folks. We need a salad bowl. In a salad bowl, you put in the different things. You want the vegetables- the lettuce, the cucumbers, the onions, the green peppers- to maintain their identity. You appreciate differences."

- Jane Elliot

Let's Throw Out The Melting Pot!

I love this quote. I've always heard of America as a melting pot of different cultures. As a child, I didn't think twice about it because it made sense. Now that I hear it as an adult, it doesn't sit well with me.A melting pot means we all melt together and conform to the same thing. If America is a melting pot, then we're expected to keep the parts of our cultures that everyone is comfortable with and let the other things go.It brings me back to a question I get asked by many of you.

Now that I'm in an interracial relationship, do I have to lose my culture and conform to theirs?

No. Simply no.When your partner fell for you it was because of who you are, not what someone wanted you to be. Your culture and life has helped you to become the person you are today.As we begin blending cultures, some people go back to the melting pot idea. They think you have to melt all of your culture, traditions, and life together with your partners until it becomes something brand new. In reality, one of my favorite things about a multiracial family is that you're bringing together two distinct cultures.Over the last seven years, my husband and I have found ways to bring in traditions we both grew up with, parenting styles we had, and new customs unique to our own little family.When we first got together, there was a part of me that assumed I was expected to let go of my own culture. Some of it was my own idea of what I was supposed to do and some of it was expectations from other people.It took me a while to realize I had to put the melting pot aside because it wasn't working for my relationship or family. My husband was actually the big reason for this. He had been telling me from the beginning I wasn't expected to do anything I didn't want to do. If other people wanted those things, it was up to me to decide what I was comfortable with.As many of you know, culture expectations can be a heavy burden, but at the end of the day it's our choice. We can choose to conform to different expectations or we can find a different way.Our identity is made up of more than just our traditions. Our identity is who we are at the end of the day. As you're sitting here reading this, think about what's made you who you are today.You are who you are because of the decisions you've made, how you grew up, the influences you've had in your life, your culture, and so much more.  Our identity truly does change over time.The identity I had before kids compared to now is different and I don't see it as a bad thing. It's because the love you have for your children changes you.As you get into a relationship, your identity changes because you start to care about someone and make room in your life for them.  As you blend cultures, the same thing will happen, but it doesn't mean you have to lose your identity. You will develop a passion for this new culture and you'll notice you want to bring it into your life and family.If we can throw away the melting pot, the fear of losing ourselves to this new culture goes away. Our little salad bowl will contain the best parts of both of our cultures. 

What can you do to make sure your relationship is a blend of two cultures?

Communicate

I can't ever say this one enough. Communication is so important. You need to talk to each other and let your partner know how you feel. They can't read your mind and if you don't speak up, nothing will change.

Check in with each other

Sit down with each other and discuss your relationship. Obviously, this will probably happen throughout the week as well, but make sure you're intentional about it at least once a month.Then you create a safe time to discuss how you're feeling. Whether this is how their family treats your traditions, how you feel blending cultures is going in your relationship, etc.Things change. An area of your relationship can be going great one month and struggle the next. Make sure you are always reevaluating together.

Make a list

I know this one might sound silly, but it's not. Make a list of things that are important in both of your cultures. Then you can think about how to make those things present in your lives.We currently don't live by my husband's family. Our kids don't get to see all of the Indian customs and traditions on a daily basis. Knowing what my husband wants his kids to know and follow based on his culture helps us find ways to intentionally incorporate it into our daily lives.Blending cultures is beautiful because it's bringing two people together and finding the best of both.

How do you make sure your family is a good blend of you and your partner's cultures?

Our Favorite Movies Featuring Interracial Couples

Sometimes A Good Movie Can Fix Everything

I'll never forget the month leading up to my big Indian wedding. For the first time in my life I was experiencing things I never expected to. I was trying to blend cultures and traditions for one of the biggest days of my life.It wasn't just about a wedding dress or favors, we had to figure out which culture to let navigate through wedding preparations. We ended up with a beautiful fusion wedding and it was worth all the long hours it took to make it happen.When things would get stressful, I'd cozy up on the couch with a good movie. I found myself looking for movies with interracial couples who understood what it meant to blend cultures.Can you guess what movie I watched over and over again?My Big Fat Greek Wedding!Replace Indian for Greek and you have my life, wedding, and story! I know it sounds silly, but it feels good to watch a similar story to your own. It's comforting.If you're looking for a good movie about interracial couples, I have the perfect list for you! Cozy up with some popcorn, your loved one, and pick one of these for your movie tonight!

My Favorite Movies Starring Interracial Couples

Loving

Hitch

Away We Go

I Love You Man

Focus

Hancock

The Words

Belle

Guess Who

The Wedding Planner

Save The Last Dance

Fools Rush In

My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Which one is your favorite?

Multiracial Motherhood: How Can You Bring Families Together?

What Can We Learn From One Mother's Story?

Happy Friday!Fridays are my favorite for so many reasons. They mean my husband gets to be home all weekend with us, they mean family night, and they means another mother is joining us for Family Fridays!This series is so special to my heart because it’s a chance for mothers to come together and share their experiences with their own multiracial family. The beautiful thing is that all of our families are unique. They all have their own special qualities, unique challenges, and different experiences.Today, Larisha from We're Parents blog is joining us! She's going to share about her multiracial family and one thing she's found that can bring all families together!

Let's Meet Larisha!

Hey y'all! I'm so excited to have the opportunity to share a bit about our family with The Almost Indian Wife crew, thanks to Brittany.Let's start with a bit of a background.I'm Larisha, a Caucasian American, born and raised in the hills of West Virginia. Andrew, my fiance, is a Jamaican American, born in Brooklyn, raised in New Jersey. Together we raise our two young daughters in New Jersey, just a short drive from where he grew up, while running our website, We're Parents, together.

Now let's rewind a bit.

Andrew and I met in 2005 during a History class freshman year at West Virginia University (Go 'Eers). The chemistry was always there, but I had a boyfriend and it wasn't until 2009 that we officially started dating.  I was working on my Masters and he had just finished up his undergrad degree.  He was moving back to New Jersey and we dated long distance for 3 months, then we decided that he would move in with me (WHOA, that was fast!). A few months later, we moved to New Jersey, and the rest is history (pun intended)It's been a whirlwind of an adventure and while we could tell you the stories of people asking if the girls are biologically mine, or the looks that we've received over the years while holding hands, you've probably heard all of that before or most likely experienced it yourselves.Today, I want to focus on how we've blended our cultures together SLOWLLLYYY.  It was really important to me for his mom to like me. I knew she was hesitant about me. Andrew quickly informed me that if she wanted me to understand what she was saying, she would speak so I could understand.  If she didn't, I wouldn't. His family speaks a strong dialect of Jamaican Patois, and while 90% of the time at this point in our relationship I can understand them, this advice still holds true to this day. Luckily, he did let me know earlier on that based on how she spoke to me, he knew she liked me. 

The key -Food.  No seriously.

Alan D. Wolfelt once said,

“Food is symbolic of love when words are inadequate.”

Now let's not get ahead of ourselves too much here. I was a pretty terrible cook when we met.  Almost everything was processed, and not well seasoned, and well, it just sucked.  I could make my way around the kitchen, but it wasn't pretty. His mom on the other hand, AMAZING.  She should have her own show. It comes so easy and natural to her.  In the moments where I haven't always understood something and definitely in times where I wanted to become closer to her, there's always been food. When there's been trouble in our family, when there's been happy times, there's always been food. She's challenged my stubbornness with food (I didn't want to try ox tail, but SOOO happy I did). 

Cesar Chavez once said,

“If you really want to make a friend, go to someone’s house and eat with him… the people who give you their food give you their heart.”  

Through everything, his family has taught me about joy, togetherness, and the amazing bond that a family can having, bridging two extremely different cultures, one meal at a time. 

If I had one piece of advice for other multicultural families it would be to let food bring you together.  Ask your partner's mom (or dad, whoever cooks the most) or another prominent family cook for the family recipes.  But more than that, when you are around them and there's a food involved, try to incorporate it into what you do with them. Let food be the love that breaks the barriers.

Stay updated with Larisha by following her here!

Blog/ Facebook/ Twitter/ Instagram

Multiracial Motherhood: Our Multiracial Family Through Adoption

What We Can Learn From One Mother's Story

Happy Friday! I thought we could kick off the weekend by starting up one of my favorite series again!Family Fridays!This series is so special to my heart because it's a chance for mothers to come together and share their experiences with their own multiracial family. The beautiful thing is that all of our families are unique. They all have their own special qualities, unique challenges, and different experiences.Today, my lovely and gorgeous friend Sara is sharing about her mixed race family. They have taught my family and I so much about diligence because Sara goes out of her way to make sure their lives reflect a true multiracial community. Check out more about her story below!

Let's Meet Sara

Hello, everyone! I'm Sara and I am excited to be here at The Almost Indian Wife to share a little bit about my family with you! Our situation is a bit different than the ones you may be used to reading about here, in that our family's multiracial "status" did not come about because of my husband or myself, but because of our children. And before I dive in, can I confess something? I don't always feel like we really are multicultural. Do we want to be? Yes! Are we working toward it? Yes! Do we still have lots more to learn? GOOD GRIEF, YES. And that's why I think connecting with other multi-cultural families is such a cool thing! Okay, back to the introductions...My husband, Phil, and I have been married for almost nine years now and we have two children. We lived in Ohio up until the spring of 2016 when we moved to Illinois. Phil and I were foster parents for four years in Ohio, during which we met and then adopted both our daughter and son. Russell (5 years) is African American and Claire (4.5 years) is Caucasian. Our children are not related biologically (yes, some people ask!) and have very different birth stories and foster care experiences. 

One thing my children do have in common though, (among plenty of other things, trust me) is that they have two parents who acknowledge and celebrate the things that make each of them unique. 

Speaking of unique, let's talk culture. What exactly is culture anyway? Here's one definition: "The customary beliefs, social forms, material traits of a racial, religious, or social group;" also, "the characteristic features of every day existence shared by people in a place or time." Reading those definitions reinforces a couple things to me. One: The racial majority in our family is white American. That seemed so silly to even type but there it is. And let's be real, white American culture is not one we have to make an effort to call attention to. Ya know?

Two: If we want to be truly multi-cultural -- embracing, celebrating and participating in our son's racial culture -- we have to be intentional.

Neither my husband nor I are African American. And although our son is, he's been with us since he was two months old. Our white American culture is pretty much all he knows. So we have some work to do!  What does this intentionality look like for us? Well, for starters, whenever I have the choice I choose African American. That might sound funny or off-putting but hear me out. It's not that we don't welcome and seek out other cultures. We absolutely do! But I'm here today talking specifically about my African American son and HIS culture and our desire for him to have racial mirrors in his life. If we want to raise a young man who embraces and is secure in his African American identity, he specifically needs African American people in his life. Okay, here's what I mean...Our community here in Illinois has a kids' sports program. So does the neighboring community. We're choosing to drive just a couple extra minutes to the neighboring community because it's more diverse. We figured there's a greater chance there for our son to have teammates and opponents and coaches who look like him than if he were playing on a sports team here. (Why didn't we choose to live there instead when we moved from Ohio, you ask? We wonder the same thing some times. Anyway...)When looking for a church to join, diversity was a priority for us. After Biblical teaching and gospel-centeredness, we looked for a place where our son could walk in and see people who looked like him. And not just in the pews, but on the stage speaking. In the classrooms teaching. In the small groups leading. When selecting books and toys for my kids, it's not difficult to find white baby dolls and white story characters and white action figures. In fact, if you're not purposely trying to avoid a whitewashed book and toy collection, you'll most likely end up with one. So when strolling through the store we see a giant Finn action figure  (Star Wars main character who is African American- woo hoo!!), I snatch it up. A black baby doll for Claire? Yes, please. A picture book with black main characters instead of white ones? You get the idea. Now you might find this one silly, but I'm okay with that. When checking out at a store and I have the option (if it's not an insanely packed lane versus a totally empty one) I will choose a lane with a non-white cashier. 

We take our son to a black barber.

(A no-brainer.) This choice doesn't mean just one more racial mirror for my son. Every barber and almost every client there is African American. So, it means many. It means my son gets to be the majority. And my daughter and husband and I experience what it's like to be the minority. It means sitting and talking with people who share my son's culture. People who will tease me for never having seen "The Jeffersons" and who graciously and honestly answer my hair care questions. I'm telling you, walking into that shop where we are greeted by a packed room of 100% brown and black faces makes my heart swell with joy. Because the more we can immerse ourselves in African American culture, the more our family moves toward being truly multi-cultural.  One more piece of advice. More important than all the little examples I shared above!

When seeking to embrace a culture that is not your own you have to first humbly acknowledge that you are not an expert. 

And then start sharing your life with those who are! Become friends with people who are a part of your loved one's culture. Spend time with those who can help you understand the things you don't and who will lovingly correct you when you need it. I mean, read all the history you want; build the most diverse picture book library on planet earth; learn all the cultural traditions you can...but without real relationships with real people who know this culture, you will be missing out. And there you have it. We are a multi-racial family doing our best to recognize, embrace and encourage the unique identities of the precious children we've been entrusted with. We definitely don't have it all figured out but we're taking it one day at a time and learning as we go! 

Follow Sara along on her journey and head over to her Instagram!