My Son Is Colorblind
I'm very excited to introduce you to Rebecca, a presently homeschooling mother of 2, wife to her teenage sweetheart, and author & illustrator of Evie & Alistair: Farmhouse Warriors, now available on Amazon.
This is not a metaphor in regard to racial equality, being that he is a brown boy raised in a peach family. In fact, that metaphor is a significant irritation due to its unintended implications that we are choosing to overlook something that is perceived as inherently less-than in order to accept a person in spite of what they possess, rather than embracing or wholly valuing a person, with color being a fundamental ingredient in the makeup of who they are.Medically speaking, our son has strong deuteranomaly. Without the intervention of technology or a miraculous act of God, he will never see color rightly. That’s just the state of how he was wired in all his humanness. This doesn’t mean that there is something innately wrong with his personhood. It simply means that his visual perception is off.Colorblindness isn’t the only issue with our boy’s vision, and quite honestly, he is so good at compensating for it I may have never been aware of his struggles if a routine screening hadn’t indicated such. He seemed to recognize characters without trouble, he wasn’t squinting or complaining of headaches, and at the time his mix-ups in color recognition could be chalked up as age appropriate. He correctly identified them much of the time too, which cleverly masked his distortion. It’s just that his eyes are the only eyes that he has ever lived with, so he had adapted his output quite well, and at first none of us knew that what he was taking in wasn’t the right thing.His perception is totally valid, understandable, and logical. But its legitimacy & rationality don’t change the fact that it is wrong.Our boy is a problem solver by nature. For example, when he wanted me to cook a grilled cheese sandwich but I was unwilling, he took it upon himself to toast bread in the toaster, put cheese on it, and melt it in the microwave (since he’s not allowed to use the stove). I thought that showed pretty good ingenuity and initiative for a then 5 (now 7) year old.I’ve noticed this quality playing out in the practicality of education as well. Often his instructions would be to color a certain section according to a calculated sum. You know… color all of the 4’s yellow, color all of the 9’s purple, etc. Initially, though his arithmetic was correct, his colors were off. A lot. Understanding that it was due to the challenge with his eyesight, if I even were to say anything at all I may occasionally point out, “This is actually green and not brown, although I know it’s hard for you to see that.” As time went on, I realized that he hadn’t been making as many mistakes. I honestly just thought that his improvements were simply due to lucky guessing. Until one day, I noticed something peculiar out of the corner of my eye: our son would pick up a crayon, gaze at it intently, put it down. Pick up another crayon, examine it, put it down. Pick up another crayon, pause, use it. He was reading the labels! Duh! It never even occurred to me to suggest for him to do this, though it probably should have. (Hooray for getting that whole reading thing down).
Our boy acknowledged his weakness. He didn’t whine about it being hard. He didn’t make excuses about how he couldn’t help that he sees things the way he sees them. He didn’t play the victim and protest the way that he was made and wallow in self-defeat. He simply allowed his weakness to become an opportunity to exercise his strength.Our son went to the source– referred to the name that the crayon was designed to be, and did the next right thing in accordance to the truth—regardless of how he saw it. And what a beautiful picture was made.I don’t know about you, but I’m a grown-up and I still struggle with a tendency to elevate my perception and experiences as the standard of truth. Based upon the evidences set forth amidst the racially charged society in which we live, I am certain I am not the only one. Insides bow up against spoken truths when they feel like threats to our intentions, credibility, and value. I get stuck on not wanting to be misunderstood and so choose silence over solidarity. Frustrations arise at the brokenness and blindness of civilization, and I’m grievously overwrought when I realize my own. Peace is touted as a means to villainize the cries of the oppressed, justifying our comfort rather than actually pursuing justice necessary to bring about the genuine peace we claim to seek.The most worthwhile words of advice I have ever received as the white mother of a black son have been those that have directed my eyes to be opened to the full scope of history and culture, to not automatically shut out discomfort as my privilege allows, and to truly, intentionally see. Because no matter how I raise him, my dark brown son is going to grow up to be a dark brown man, walking independently of my white umbrella-shield. Choosing to turn a blind eye to the reality of what’s out there when others’ interactions are often based upon their own perceptions in regard to color does him no benefit, and is in fact a disservice that sets him up to be overcome by shock and awe.In the case of my son’s vision, I would not have taken the steps necessary to help him compensate for his deficiencies in vision if nobody ever told me they existed. He never would have bothered to work through his own inaccuracies if he were never made aware that he wasn’t seeing things quite right. Berating him for his shortcomings would have been absolutely asinine and not at all helpful. But the truth still needed to be lovingly spoken in order for a beneficial change to be made. Here’s the thing: once we see, we can’t unsee. We are responsible for our awareness. It hurts, it’s hard, and it takes a whole lot of grit. But in that striving and ache is exactly where beautiful strength and unity is birthed.
If you'd like to hear more from Rebecca, head over today and pick up her new book! Evie & Alistair: Farmhouse Warriors, now available on Amazon.
Getting Ready For An Indian Wedding
This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #TimeWithAveeno #CollectiveBias
Throughout the last few years, I have attended more Indian events than I can count. It’s where I’ve learned countless little nuggets of wisdom about Indian culture and built relationships with new friends and family. Getting ready to attend an Indian wedding is still a process, but I'm going to share a few tips on what to do and how I use AVEENO® products from Walmart.In Indian families, a wedding isn’t just a wedding. It’s a week long opportunity (longer if it takes place in India) to celebrate the love a couple has for each other and the love their family has for them. The week starts out with a Nalugu. This is a ceremony for the bride and groom. The families make a turmeric paste that they take turns smearing on the couple. The goal behind it started out as a way to lighten the couple's skin and make them glow on their wedding day. Yellow stained turmeric powder will definitely do that! While it sounds foreign to many of us, it truly is a beautiful moment. Family members and friends do it as a sign of love to the couple. Many tear stained faces greet the couple throughout the ceremony and let them know how much they love them. The following days are spent preparing the wedding and making sure all last minute details are finalized. The day of the wedding is similar to an American wedding in that they have a ceremony and reception. The ceremony is different in that there is typically a message from a pastor (full on Sunday morning length) and then the bride receives a necklace from her groom. It's called a mangalasutra and it has a very similar meaning to a wedding ring. I love thinking about all the different things that happen during Indian weddings. It brings up memories of my own wedding and throws me into full blown sentimental mode! My wedding was definitely a blend of American and Indian culture and we did our best to blend customs during the actual ceremonies. Now, we get to attend weddings and see how they decide to do theirs. We've attended a lot of truly Indian weddings and also weddings for interracial couples as well. After all the stress and chaos of putting together our own wedding, we would choose to attend rather than host a wedding any day of the week! Whether you're an "Almost Indian Wife" like me or you're attending for a friend, these are tips anyone can follow. 
Decide What You’re Going To Wear
I am always worried to be over or underdressed at a wedding. It's a concern that bridges cultures. The invitation can specify the dress code, but then you get there and realize you're the only one in formal attire! Or you are going to the wedding of an interracial couple and you don't know if you should wear Indian clothes of American. This happened to me once and I mistakenly asked my hubby what I should wear.Indian clothes.I decided to trust him and ended up the ONLY one in Indian clothes. Well, at least I stood out! I learned my lesson and started calling my sister in law to figure out what I needed to wear to Indian weddings! She taught me to dress to impress. If you're wearing Indian clothes, find the most sparkly and fancy sari you have. There is no such thing as overdressing at an Indian wedding. It helps you to take a big sigh of relief and just go for it. If you're unsure of attire, call someone in the bridal party. They can let you know how traditional the wedding is and whether Indian or American clothes are best.
Freshen Up And Get You Hair Wedding Ready
After you decide on what to wear, it's time to freshen up. Hop in the shower and get a nice little jump start on your day! I love to use AVEENO PURE RENEWAL® Shampoo and Conditioner. Your hair has to stand up to an entire day of wedding customs, dancing, and more!I've made the mistake of using hotel conditioner and ended up a frizzy mess by the end of the night. That's why I started using AVEENO®. It helped my hair to become silky and easy to style. You know you'll end up with an aunty making a comment about your hair and makeup at some point during your evening. There's always something they think you could do better. AVEENO® has your back! They use sulfate-free formulas that make your health look healthy and full of life! They don't leave room for aunty to say one word!Along with a fancy outfit, I love making sure my hair can stand up to the beautiful sari.
Find Out How To Put Everything On
You'd think at almost 30, I would know how to get myself dressed; however, Indian clothes are a whole new ballgame. It's straight up HARD. If you're wearing a lehenga, it's a bit easier. All you have to do is put on a skirt and top. It gets tricky when you decide on wearing a sari. It's by far my favorite because it's so beautiful. The problem is it's miles of fabric with no road map on how to put it on!I've tried to figure it out, but I still need help! Make sure you have someone that can help you put on your outfit if you're still unsure of what to do. I think people typically assume I don't know how to do it, so some aunty typically ends up in my room while I'm getting ready, offering to help me. Then you have the bangles! I swear they're beautiful but they're a death trap. They're tinier than wrists should be, but they expect you to put them on with ease. Or you put them on with a little help from lotion and then you're stuck with them on forever.
Enjoy The Wedding
The last step is easy... Enjoy yourself! Indian weddings are so much fun and after you manage to get ready, it's all a breeze. You get to watch two in love people get married, spend time with friends and family, and dance the night away! At the end of the night, you'll be so exhausted from your amazing evening that you'll be asleep the moment your head hits the pillow.
A Few More Thoughts About AVEENO®
I mentioned how I get ready using AVEENO PURE RENEWAL® Shampoo and Conditioner in the steps above, but I want to share a bit more. I don't just use them when I get ready for the wedding, but every other part of the wedding week! They help get off any turmeric leftover from the nalugu, get shiny and beautiful hair fit for any occasion, and they do it all using their natural formula. They help you get rid of any impurities and renew your hair after every shower. Not to mention they are perfect for sensitive skin and scalps like mine!Head over to your local Walmart and pick up your AVEENO® products today! You’ll find them for a killer deal at Walmart!Click here to download a coupon and save $2.00 on AVEENO® products! Wedding weeks are crazy enough without having to worry about your hair and skin. AVEENO® helps calm the crazy by jumping into action!
Racism Won't Stop If You Stay Quiet
I was twenty-one when I witnessed my first racist encounter. I'm sure it wasn't the first time I'd witnessed racism, but sadly it was the first time it made an impression. It was the first time it was personal.Joel and I were sitting in our car, at a red light. We were talking and hardly noticed the car pull up next to us. It was late at night and just like your momma always taught you, nothing good ever happens at night.My husband says he didn't hear it at first, but I did. They started asking me why I was with a n*****. I couldn't believe it. I was completely baffled. We weren't talking to them and didn't do anything to pick a fight with them. They just started going off.I didn't say anything. I was too shocked. Joel hardly flinched. To this day he doesn't even remember the situation.I don't know what hurts more... remembering the encounter or the fact that my husband has encountered ignorant people so often that our experience blended into the rest for him.It was only a few moments. They drove off before either of us could say anything, but I still remember it almost eight years later.It was a pivotal moment in my life. It opened my eyes to the world of racism that still exists. I had been sheltered from it for years even though so many people out there haven't known a life without racism.
The last two years have also opened people's eyes.
We've seen police officers shooting innocent African Americans.We've seen hateful people drive down innocent men and women during riots.We live in a world where parents have to warn their children about what to do if they encounter police or hateful people. Whether they're African American families, East Indian families, or any other ethnic background other than Caucasians... In the world's eyes, white people don't do the harm so every other race must be to blame.To this day, my husband still encounters racist people. They assume he's middle eastern and flag him at airports for extra security checks. He even has to go as far as shaving before he goes on a trip to try and avoid them.It's not okay.I know many people in the world haven't had to experience the same moments. It's the reason I get people emailing me and asking why I focus so much on race and blending cultures in my blog. They essentially question why I won't raise my kids to see life through a color-blind lens.Do you want to know why?
I teach my kids about both sides of their culture because I want them to know how special they are.
Society teaches children that any race other than caucasian is second-rate.Don't believe me?Why is it that the news never refers to a "white" man or woman, but then you'll see taglines like "black on black crime?" The US is supposed to be full of different cultures and backgrounds.Instead, it's a "melting pot." They want everyone to come together, let go of who they were before they came here, and be like everyone else. That's not good enough for me.I don't want to teach my kids they should be like everyone else. No. They're different. They are a beautiful blend of both mine and my husband's culture. I want them to understand what their biracial identity means to them and how important diversity is.
Racism still exists. It's real and it happens every day.
The excuse of "I didn't know" doesn't work anymore. It's not enough. It's the reason NFL players took a knee during a televised event where they know people all over the US were watching. They wanted to let the world know they're done. They're done going on with life and pretending like racial injustices aren't going on.I don't care if you agree with their methods or not. the fact of that matter is they got people talking.We need to stop arguing on Facebook over how the NFL players did it and think about what we can be doing to stop racism. Everyone has a lot to say right now about the NFL, but then they go quiet when you bring up racism.
Racism will never stop if people remain quiet.
We need to band together and stop the hate. Get off your couch, get off Facebook, and do something. Find a way to stand up.Whether it means using your platform to challenge racism or calling out your neighbor when they start sharing a racist joke.Do something.Racism isn't still around solely because of hateful people. It's also because of the hundreds of thousands of people that stay quiet. The people that overhear racism or watch someone get treated unjustly because of their race. Instead of standing up and stopping it, they stay quiet.Today's the day we let the world know we're done with racism.How are you going to make a change?
5 Reasons Your In-Laws Are All Up In Your Business
During your relationship, you may start to notice just how involved your in-laws or future in-laws become. You may not have come from a family who is overly involved in each other's lives so it's a new concept for you.You try to be polite and smile but in the back of your mind, you're wondering when it's going to stop. You even convince yourself...My in-laws will back off a bit when we get married...One day, they'll give us a bit more room to breathe.When they see I'm here for good, they'll relax.Then the happy and joyous day comes.. You get married and you tell yourself, you're free. Now, it's all going to calm down and you can finally be a private couple. You don't have to worry about the overly involved in-laws and how it's just you two.The days start to roll by, then weeks, and maybe months.You sit down and think #&$&. It didn't stop. Now, you're married into it and have a glimpse into a future of living with critical and bossy relatives.Before you hide under your blankets and start yelling, think about something with me. Let's take a deeper look into the situation and find out whey they're like this.What causes them to jump into your business every time?What makes them feel like they can share advice for every single fight you have?
# 5 Reasons Your In-Laws Are All In Your Business
They Care About You
At the end of the day, they like you. Okay, they may be starting to like you, but they like your partner. They want you guys to be happy together and they may even be worried you still need them.As a mom, it's your mother in law's job to take care of her kid. Now you and her kid are together, starting your own family. She's trying to figure out what she can do for you as a couple and how she can make you two to be happy and successful.
They Want You To Make The Best Decisions
They may worry you still don't know exactly what you're doing. I often look at my kids, wondering how they'll ever survive without me! Even though you're both adults, the thoughts still cross their minds.They worry you'll make the wrong decision so they jump in and "gently shove" you towards what they believe is the right choice.
Letting Go Is Harder Than You Think
Your in-laws were responsible for your partner for over a decade. They were there for every snotty nose, coughing spell, late night, doctor visit, and tough choices. Now, they're expected to sit back while life happens all around their kid.They probably know they should sit back and let you guys make your own choices, but it's not as easy as you think.
Family Expectations Are Different
This is where things really get crazy. In your family, starting your own family may mean everyone else steps back. However, it may not be the same in your spouse's family. In many families outside of the US, getting married doesn't mean parents are now out of the equation.It means you've been added into their equation. Now instead of a couple living their lives on their own, you're a family doing things together.
They Want A Special Place In Your Lives
Beyond the cultural differences you may be facing, in-laws just want to know they have a special place in your lives. They may jump in every time they think you need them just to remind you how vital they are.It's scary when things change.Starting your own family means their place in your life transitions and they're trying to figure it out with you.
One Thing You Can Do...
Give your in-laws a bit of a break. Try to see it from their positions. It's not easy when life and roles change.However, for the couple that's been going through this for YEARS... Try to create an open dialogue with your in-laws. Find areas in your life they are needed or could help you with.Let them know they are needed and have a special place in your lives. It helps them to feel validated and also helps to strengthen your relationship with them. They don't want to feel like you're always trying to get rid of them. They do notice.Help then find out where they belong in your new family.
Interracial Couples: My In-Laws Won't Accept Me
Do you remember the first few months of your relationship? It was exciting!Everything was new.You were just getting to know your partner and all the feelings you were experiencing for each other were new. You spent all of your time together because you wanted to get to know what made them tick. You wanted to know what it was about them that was making you fall so hard.As your relationship progressed, it changed from living in your own little world together, to branching out. Now, it was time to meet his friends, his loved ones, and of course... his parents.You wanted nothing more than for them to love you because deep down you knew your relationship would last. However, your fears started to make their way to the surface. You started to wonder what they would think about you.Would they love you?
Would they accept you into their family?
We've all experienced this part differently. Some of you have been welcomed in happily and with open arms. Sadly some of you have experienced something much different, much more painful.Instead of feeling completely loved by your new family, you may have faced a harsh reality of being unaccepted. You spent your time worrying about the impression you would make, but they wouldn't even let you get there.They wouldn't give you a chance.What do you do if your new in-laws won't even give you an opportunity to make a bad impression?I've talked to many couples who are facing this situation. Some of them are facing in-laws who won't even talk to them, some partners won't even introduce them because they "know" what their parents will say, some face hostility at every family get together, and sadly they all hurt.
Every one of these situations makes someone feel inadequate.
If this is you, you know the feeling very well. You started off your relationship feeling madly in love and now you wonder if you're enough.Are you enough for him and his family?Should you keep trying?Should you let the relationship go and stop trying?You may think you know exactly what you would do, but you never know. The world tells you to fight for love, to stand up against all odds to hold onto it.Sadly, insecurities are painful. It's not as easy as ignoring it or letting it roll off. If this is you, I have one thing to tell you.You are enough.You are more than enough and love is worth fighting for.Some people get stuck completely stuck in old ideas. They think a relationship has to be between two people who look and behave the same. As a woman who's in an interracial relationship I know, that's not true.
Love comes in all shapes and sizes.
Don't stop fighting. As a couple, you need to hold onto each other for strength and keep walking forward. Don't let someone else tell you who you should love.Your in-laws have a choice. They can accept you for who you are and how happy you've made their child or they can choose to not be a part of your life. It's on them. You can't change them or make them think anything they don't want to and that's okay.You are making a difference. You're showing other interracial couples out there that it's worth the fight. The Loving's taught all of us what that fight can accomplish.We have an opportunity to fight fiercely for change so our kids have more opportunities than we did.Be the change you hope to see in the world. Don't give up.
Am I A Bad Parent If My Child Chooses One Culture Over The Other?
As parents of multicultural or biracial kids, we have a lot of pressure on our shoulders.We want to make sure our kids understand everything they need to know about each culture in their family and to somehow balance it perfectly.We don't want anyone to think we're pushing our culture above our partner's so we're constantly in a balancing act.Then, the day comes... You thought you were doing a good job of blending cultures equally. You've been doing your best, but then you notice something.You start to realize your child is leaning towards one culture. Instead of trying to balance cultures in their own life, they're starting to identify with one over the other.Maybe you notice it because they start to say they're Indian rather than Indian and (blank)...Maybe they don't want to practice the customs of one culture.As a mom, one of my first reactions to this is that I'm not doing my job. I become frantic worrying about what I've done wrong.Did I not show them the beauty of both cultures?Did I subconsciously push one harder than the other?Was I not focusing on cultures at all?
I have three kids and they've all embraced their multiracial culture differently. At first, it was easy. They were little and frankly didn't have a choice in it all. They were just there in different situations where their culture was presented to them. As they've gotten older, I'm starting to see that they're beginning to decide for themselves.I've always said I want my kids to experience both cultures in their lives and blend them how they feel best. What if how they feel best isn't balanced?I have one child that would move to India and let go of their Western culture in a snap. Okay.. maybe they would smuggle in an iPad on their trip but they love their Indian side. They love learning Telugu, learning new customs, and the FOOD!Then I have my "Indian child." The child everyone says looks the most Indian out of their brothers. He's up for anything! Even though he's little, I can see he likes to blend. He doesn't want to leave anything out.Let's not forget my son who wants the spice from his Indian side and that's about it... He won't touch Indian food with his hands or listen to just about anything.Three kids and three completely different ways to blend cultures.
The perfectionist and worrier in me says that I'm doing something wrong. I wonder if I should start pushing them to embrace both sides of their unique culture, but then I see their little faces. They're happy. They aren't worried about this impossible balancing act. They simply love their family (Indian and Caucasian), themselves, and their little biracial lives.Society pushes this idea of a perfect balance onto parents, telling us we're lacking something if it's not 50/50. However, I think just about every parent out there has realized perfection is impossible to attain. As much as we'd all love it, nothing is perfect. We can parent perfectly and why would we teach our kids to push themselves to attain the impossible?At the end of the day, I simply want my kids to embrace who they are and be open to new experiences. I want them to see the amazing lessons both cultures can teach them and find a way to blend them that makes them happy.
A Few Things Every Masala Wife Should Know
There are quite a few things you have to learn when you become a wife. I was very young when I got married and I felt like everything was different. I was learning what it looked like to live with someone, balance everything I had on my plate, and how to be there for my husband.In addition to all of that, I was told I was supposed to be some semblance of an Indian or "masala" wife. Indian culture was completely new to me and I usually had no idea what I was doing. I typically figured it out by doing something wrong or during the aftermath of it all.Today, I'm going to help you out. I'm going to give you a leg up in the battle of knowing everything a masala wife should know.
Learn to cook roti... trust me..
First things first. You need to learn how to make some type of roti. You could make parathas, naan, or chapatis. They're served with just about every meal and you can't depend on you MIL to make them for you forever. Not to mention you will get MAJOR masala wife points in you learn how!
Your mother in law will be very involved.
I hope you didn't think that getting together with your partner or even getting married means you get to make all of your own decisions. Your mother in law will always be involved. They will have advice for you in their back pocket at all times and won't hesitate to let you know when you're doing something wrong.If you're together with a momma's boy you're really in for it. They will tell her absolutely everything, even things you thought would be just between the two of you. She will always be there so make sure you work on that relationship. There's nothing better than a mother in law you actually want to be around and spend time with.
You should start saving for plane tickets now.
Traveling is a must when it comes to being a masala wife. You're going to need to travel to different weddings, events, and to visit family that will most likely be around the world. You may get lucky and have a few of them living in the States otherwise international travel here you come!Don't worry. If you're not a traveler now, you will be. You'll start to love it and get excited to fill up another page on your passport! Not to mention, I would travel anywhere in the world if it meant I could attend yet another Indian wedding!
Your mouth will eventually adapt to Indian spice levels... or your taste buds just go numb.
I'll never forget my first few times eating Indian food. I would sit down with a huge plate of curry, rice, and don't forget a huge glass of milk. I couldn't handle the heat with out a little help from milk!Over the years, I became more and more used to the heat. Now I find myself adding hot sauce to dishes I never would have and ditching the milk! Something happens in your mouth when you start eating Indian food. It starts out as a battle in your taste buds until they finally submit and realize it's not so bad!
Your spouse won't prepare you for everything... or much of anything..
Last, but not least... Your husband will never prepare you for everything. He may try and let you know what to expect in different situations, but most of the time you'll be sitting there trying to figure it all out. Or you'll be like me and figure it out by doing it very.. very wrong!Luckily most people expect it and hopefully give you a break. They may even tease you a bit. The only solution I can tell you is ask a lot of questions and go with the flow. Watch people around you and you will figure it out.
The First Lie I Ever Told My In-Laws
Should You Do Something You're Uncomfortable With In A Relationship?
The biggest thing you have to keep in mind is that you both have to be happy with your decision.
A few years ago, my husband and I moved our family closer to his side of the family. This meant we moved 36 hours away from my family. It was a really big decision for us. If I wasn’t a part of the decision to move here, it could have caused a lot of issues in our marriage. It would have been easy for this to cause a rift between us. However, we made this decision when we first got married. We discussed where we wanted to settle down and agreed we would settle by his family. There are so many factors that helped us to make this decision.However, timing changed. Every few years we would talk about making the big move. To be honest, I wasn’t ready until a few years ago. I knew I wanted to do it, but it was hard for me to move so far from my family. I had to be fully ready and my husband patiently waited.Now, we’re here and our family is so happy. Sure, we all miss my family, but our reasons for moving here makes it worth it. Indian culture is present in our children’s lives every day. It’s much easier to put them in the middle of this vibrant culture when we’re around my husband’s family. By living closer to my in-laws, it also means my kids are around Telugu more often.
My husband and I made this decision for our family.
We made it together and did what we think is best for our family. You can’t look at other multiracial families and do exactly what they do or concede to the pressure from loved ones to run your family the exact same way they did. They have seen what works for them and try to push you to do the same thing.All you can do is listen to their advice, see how their family functions, and see what you can take from it. Chances are you will be able to take a few things and change other things to fit your family better. There is no right way to have a multiracial family or interracial relationship.You have to communicate with each other every day and constantly reevaluate. You can make a decision that works for a while, but you need to see how those decisions work as your family grows and changes.
How To Help Your Multiracial Family Ease Back To School
As the summer draws to a close, parents everywhere are walking into the back to school haze. They know everything is about to get crazy. Free time is out the door and hectic schedules are about to be back in full swing.There are so many things to do for kids to be ready to transition back to school. Their sleep schedules are off, they spend their days outside with no desire for a structured activity, and they've gotten used to being home with mom and dad all day.
Get Back Onto A Sleep Schedule
Slowly ease your children back to a sleep schedule. During the summer late nights are normal because you're hoping they sleep in just a bit for you.Get them ready for school by setting bedtime a bit earlier and having them wake up by a certain time. Transition slowly to get their body clocks back to normal. If you ditch the transition, the first week back to their school schedule will be rough.
Meet Your Child's New Teacher
Find your teacher's email and schedule a time to meet before school starts. This is a great time for you child to meet their new teacher and maybe even get a little excited!It's also the perfect time to introduce their teacher to your multiracial family. You can share a few of the unique things about your family, words your child may use in a different language, etc. Teachers want to truly know who their students are and be aware of what makes them unique.
Set Up Play Dates With Their New Classmates
In addition to meeting their new teacher, try and set up a play date with some of their new classmates. One of the scariest parts of going back to school is the unknown. It's scary not knowing what to expect and the possibility of not knowing anyone.Make them more comfortable by helping them make a few friends early!
Start A New Back To School Tradition
Start a new tradition to celebrate going back to school! Do a drive in movie the last day of summer, throw a party after the first week with their new friends, or go out to breakfast the first morning. Find something fun that you know your kids will love! Make going back to school a fun thing and something they look forward to!
Make Sure To Have One On One Time With Your Kids Throughout The Week
One big transition kids have when going back to school is less time with mom and dad. They got used to spending all of their extra time with you and now they only get to see you for part of the day.Go out of your way to spend one on one time with them during the school week. It doesn't have to be a huge ordeal. It can be as simple as a little coffee date with momma.
How do you help your family ease back to school schedules and routines?
Do Kids Belong At A Meat Shop
Over the last eight years that my husband and I have been married, we've faced quite a few culture shock moments. Most of them happen when we least expect it. We just go about our day and then we find ourselves doing something we've done for years, only to see the look on our spouses face.Complete and utter shock.Or it's the other way around and we look at them wondering how in the world they don't realize how crazy it is.It gets even crazier when you have kids.About a year ago, my husband and I headed to our local Indian grocery store. We had planned out a few Indian dishes for the week and knew we needed to pick up spices and some fresh meat.We have taken our kids to this Indian grocery store dozens of times... Usually the Aunty or Uncle that works there gives them a sucker and they always try to find the good cookies.I knew they had fresh meat at this one, but I didn't realize how fresh.We went through the store and grabbed all of the groceries we needed and saved the meat for last. We walked to the meat section and I noticed they had a lot of pre-cut meat right up front. I assumed we'd pick from the meat in the fridge. My husband started talking to the guy about different cuts of meat and decided to order half a goat. The man then preceded to walk into the back room.
He walked back out carrying a goat over his shoulder.
Dead.Skinned.Baby Goat.My four year old instantly asked him, what's that? The man smiled and said it's a goat. Do you see his head? Want to watch me cut him up?
WHAT?
All I wanted to do was yell at this guy that just traumatized my four year old.Why in the world would you joke around with a toddler about a dead animal?! Right as I was about to make the biggest scene this guy has probably ever seen, I stopped and realized this was normal for him. He probably sees families come in all the time, children in their arms, watching this process happen.My husband even told me a story of him and his siblings in India. Him and his family had gone to Hyderabad for the summer. All week long, his younger brother and sister were playing with a goat. They had named it and started to treat it as a pet. One morning, they woke up to see it hanging on a tree behind their bungalow.An Aunty and Uncle were preparing it for dinner.As much of a shock as that was to them, they realized early on the reality of having animals in India.I watched my son the entire time. I was glued to his reactions to see if I needed to cover his eyes and run out of the store at any moment. Surprisingly, he was fine. While I was cringing at every moment, he was curious and then distracted by the cookies in the aisle next to us.This was one of those moments that was completely acceptable in Indian culture and a huge shock in American culture.He still goes with my husband to the Indian grocery store all the time and he still has just as many questions when he goes. The big thing I had to remember was just because this was something new to me, didn't necessarily mean it was a bad thing.I'll admit though... I still hesitantly watch their reactions the whole time!
Have you ever experienced culture shock?
What's Expected Of A Foreign Daughter In Law?
Does marrying into a foreign culture mean you are now expected to behave according to your new cultures rules?
This has come up for me in different ways. I’ve mentioned before, I grew up in a family with a single, mom. I was taught to be a strong, independent, and outspoken person. However, the culture I have married into expects humility, submission to leadership, and listening and trusting your elders. There’s not much room for outspoken remarks in there.When I first married my husband, I was very vocal to him. I told him that we are married, starting our own family, but he has to remember, I’m not Indian. He used to laugh.
Yes, hon. I think your white skin was a bit of a give away for me.
I could see some of the cultural differences from the beginning of our relationship. It all started my first Thanksgiving with his family. I was so interested and observed all weekend. I noticed everyone was called by Indian names (Ukka, Mama, Pinni, Ummamma), everyone was extremely close to each other, everyone ate Indian food with their hands, and all of the kids submissively obeyed their elders (even as adults).My husband and I have always wanted to bring Indian culture into our family. So, I tried to find out what was going to be expected of me as a foreign daughter in law. I wanted to be a good daughter in law, but I also didn’t want to be held to every Indian standard there was. In my head, I thought I'd be changing myself if I agreed to be held to all Indian standards.The longer I've been a foreign daughter in law, the more I’m realizing it’s not possible to truly bring Indian culture into our family without being held to some Indian standards.I have responsibilities as the oldest daughter (in law) in the family, as a mother of biracial children, as a wife, as a foreign daughter in law, and as an Akka (big sister).I've learned to love some of these expectations. I love that my husband and I have been able to be there for my brother and sister in law. I love being able to give advice to all of the cousins in the family. I love having family live with us for extended periods of time.Along with so many expectations I love, there are also some that I still struggle with. As an outspoken person, I have the hardest time listening without sharing my opinion. I’ve learned how disrespectful it can be in Indian culture to openly disagree with an elder. In my family, we all share our opinions and often leave it at, let’s agree to disagree. I’ve never seen that as disrespectful. I love that my family shares our opinions with each other. Even if we don’t follow what someone says, I love that we can challenge each other.Submissive obedience in Indian families means an elder tells you to do something and you do it, simple as that. I finally asked someone for advice on this.
Will I lose myself if I agree to submissive obedience?
She asked how I’d lose myself. How could I be myself, without sharing what I thought? What if I disagreed? What if I agreed, but I still want to share what I thought?The more questions I asked myself, the more I realized there's no way to lose myself by listening to someone who loves my family and is trying to help us. I have only been a parent for five years. I have so much to learn. If anything, I’m letting my pride prevent me from accepting help.When elders in our family tell me to do something, I’ve learned to be open. Obviously, I’m so far from perfect in this area. I know my pride will continue to rear it’s ugly head again and again. However, I want to teach my kids to listen to their elders as well. The best way to teach them this is to show them, even adults listen to their elders.This doesn’t mean I don’t have a voice in our family. That is the biggest idea that I struggle with. The western culture in my head says obeying as an adult means I’m being stifled and not respected. In reality it means someone loves us enough, they are trying to help us by giving us advice and trying to make our lives easier.There are the times where I am told to do something with my children and I don’t agree.
What do I do? I thank them for the advice and then my husband and I decide together.
At the end of the day, my husband and I will do what we think is best for our family. However, I am actively trying to quiet my pride so I can be open to what our family members have to offer as advice and wisdom.As a foreign daughter in law, the standards are different. Some may expect me to follow every Indian standard and others won’t hold me to any. My husband and I talk about which standards I feel comfortable holding myself to. The biggest thing I ask myself is what can I teach my child if I follow a certain standard. If I think it holds value to them, I try to follow it. If it’s not something I want to teach them, I don’t.
You won’t ever be able to please everyone. All you can do is what’s best for your family. You and your spouse chose together what you will do as a family.
Mistakes Interracial Couples Are Making
Mistakes Interracial Couples Are Making
There are a lot of things interracial couples have to do. They're constantly trying to figure out how to blend everything from taste preferences to family traditions. However, they're also doing a few things wrong.
Trying To Figure Everything Out On Their Own.
We've all heard the saying, "Relationships require open lines of communication." However, it's one thing most relationships lack. Over time, you start to talk less and either assume your partner knows what you're thinking or figure it's easier to do it all on your own.I'm definitely one that likes to do things on my own. I grew up with an independent single mom and my first instinct is to take care of myself. I've had to really learn over the years, to depend on and communicate with my husband.Communication is vital in interracial relationships. They have all the same things that typical couples have to face as well as all the challenges that come with blending cultures and expectations. It's important for them both to talk about how they feel along the way and to check in with each other frequently.
Assuming Expectations Are Universal.
Anyone in an interracial relationship will tell you just how different expectations are in different cultures. While you may think you're being hospitable and gracious, you in-law may think you're actually being rude and offensive.You may get lucky and have some expectations that are universal, but for the most part, they're not. Interracial couples have to talk about what's expected of each other in different situations. It's up to both of them to decide if they'll follow the expectations, in the end, but understanding what they are is key.
Getting Caught Up In The Drama.
It's easy to get caught up in the stress of blending cultures and trying to follow the expectations that have been placed on your shoulders. You start to forget why you fell for each other, to begin with, because your relationship becomes all about stress.You have to find a way to separate it all. You fell for your partner because you loved them. If you can stand strong as a couple, you can face the rest of it together. Even though it can be overwhelming at times, think of it as something to help you get closer together.
Forgetting What Culture Really Means.
Somehow the term "culture" has been mistranslated by many interracial couples. They assume one of them has more culture than the other because their partner grew up in India or some other part of the world. Then their relationship becomes all about blending their culture into the relationship rather than blending both cultures into their family.Culture is a person's beliefs, how they were raised based on where the lived or their ethnic background, their ideas, and how they behave.We all have a unique culture that sets us apart from everyone else. Interracial couples have to remember to blend both cultures into their family.
Not Laughing.
Interracial couples face a lot. It may be in the form of discrimination, stereotypical jokes, stress, or crazy comments from ignorant people. At the end of the day, they all have a choice. They can let it make them bitter or they can just laugh.Sometimes laughter is the best medicine.You can't control how other people are, but you can control your own response. Don't let other people come in make you feel like your relationship is a burden or stress you out.Instead, just laugh. Laugh because you knew you are completely in love with your partner and that is all that matters.
The Question Interracial Couples Secretly Ask Themselves
My husband and I are about to celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary. While it's gone by fast, it wouldn't have been possible with a lot of hard work.Every couple that has survived past the new relationship stage knows how hard a relationship can be. If you want it to work you have to grow together, forgive daily, and strive to be the best person you can be.What about interracial couples?While every couple faces challenges, interracial couples are in a whole new ballpark.In addition to meeting the in-laws, you have to be aware of all the different cultural expectations.You don't just have to figure out how to live together, you have to figure out how to blend cultures in your home.There's a unique edge to just about everything in your relationship. At the end of the day, just like other couples, you have to put in the hard work. You'll have different seasons throughout your relationship. The wonderful seasons will help get you through the rough seasons.Your love for each other trumps anything you will go through together.
However, if we're being honest... there's a question we've all asked ourselves at some point in our interracial relationship. A question we may even be embarrassed to admit.Would it have been easier if I didn't choose an interracial relationship?If we're going to sit here and be frank with each other, the answer is most likely yes.Blending cultural expectations, lifestyles, and beliefs can be overwhelming at times. It's also work that other couples don't necessarily have to put in daily like we do.While both people in the relationship could ask themselves this question, the thing to remember is that culture is one of the reasons you love your partner.When my husband and I started falling for each other, the fact that we had different cultures didn't cross our minds. In fact, I really didn't think about it until I met his family for the first time. Then I was able to see a beautiful culture and family that had helped my husband to be the person he is today.We can all look back on our stories and ask if we could have made it easier on ourselves somehow. Hindsight is 20/20 so yes. We could go back in time and save ourselves a lot of heartaches, but we've grown from every one of them.My interracial relationship has taught me to communicate with my husband, be open to the world around me, and to love hard.I wouldn't change the life I have today with him, even if it meant things could be a little easier. It's the intricate part of our family that makes my life so exciting.What has your interracial relationship taught you?
How To Survive A Long Distance Relationship
Nothing can beat the feelings you have when you first fall in love with your partner. Everything's new and you start to realize what true love really feels like. You wonder how you ever survived without this person in your life and start to picture your lives together.Then you wake up one morning and realize you've ended up in a long distance relationship.Long distance relationships are no secret to interracial couples. Many of us have fallen in love across states and different countries. The distance seems scary at first, but we want to make it work. We know we found the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with and we want to fight for it.The love you have for each other can conquer the distance between you.I'm not going to sugar coat anything for you today. It's hard. Relationships on their own require hard work, but add in a few hundred miles in between you and it's catapulted into a new level of chaos.I've been asking couples in my Multiracial Motherhood Facebook Group for some advice. I wanted to hear from all of them and find out how they made their long distance relationship work. Here are the tips they wanted to share with all of you!
Talk Regularly
Schedule Date Nights
Send Each Other Care Packages
Remember To Talk About The Little Things
Have Fun Together
Don't Keep Score
Trust Each Other
Start Your Day By Saying Good Morning And End It With Goodnight
Try To Keep Your Times Together Simple
Let Yourself Feel All The Emotions
Make Trips Happen
Prepare Yourself For Criticism
Stay Positive
Multiracial Family Guide: Hosting Your In-Laws
As a new couple, one of the scariest moments is having your in-laws over to your house for the first time. Most likely, you've already met them before, but it was on their turf. Now you're welcoming them into your own home.Your natural habitat.The place you can relax and be the raw, unfiltered you. You know the place you eat take out directly out of the container. The place you walk around without a bra because they're all dirty. The place you don't bother keeping spick and span because you're too busy.The place you're terrified to let your in-laws into.Before you start hyperventilating, take a deep breath. It doesn't have to be as bad as you're imagining in your head.In reality, having them over to your house can be easier. You're the most comfortable at home, so it can help with your nerves. Not to mention, you are in control of your environment. You can tidy up, hide the Game of Thrones contraband, and set out a vase of flowers.The scariest part is not knowing exactly what they're expecting when they arrive. As an interracial couple, you know things will be a bit different and you'll have to figure out what is culturally expected as the host.This is one of the things I've struggled with over the years. When I have people over to my house, I do what I was raised to do. I do what my family taught me was expected as the host, but over the years I've learned just how different it can be in different cultures.I finally sat down with my mother in law and simply asked her.What should I do as the host when Indian family members come to visit?
Everything Starts With A Cup Of Chai
Chai can make everything better. Truly. Somehow it has a magical effect when people enjoy it together.Whip up a batch of masala chai before your guests arrive. After they walk in the door and the greetings are finished, offer everyone a cup.This is going to give you huge Indian points with your family. You're showing them that you're going out of your way to bring them a little comfort from their own home.Try this simple masala chai recipe for your guests.
Food Is Your Best Friend
When you get your Indian relatives together, they're expecting food. I used to try and do little appetizers or plan to go out and get food soon after, but it's not the same. They want Indian food. Who doesn't? I can't even blame them because Indian food is delicious and it's a great way to bring people together.It doesn't matter if they're coming at lunch, in between lunch and dinner, or late at night... Prepare a few Indian dishes for them. Worse case scenario they say no thank you and you reheat it for the next meal.It means a lot to them when they see all the hard work you put in for them.You could prepare a simple keema curry, almond chicken curry, or even my favorite pav bhaji. Serve it with a big plate of rice and you're ahead of the game.
Shower Them With Gifts
If this is your first time meeting your in-laws, get them a gift. It doesn't have to be anything huge, but gifts are expected. They may not ever tell you this, but it's an unwritten rule in Indian families.You could get them a little container of loose leaf tea, a scarf, a piece of jewelry, or truly anything. It's not the cost that matters, it's the thought.
Be Yourself
At the end of the day, be yourself. The reason you're meeting your in-laws or hosting them at your house is that your partner loves you. They love you so much they want to bring you into their family.All you have to do is be yourself.Share about your first time hosting the in-laws in the comments!
How To Get My Family More Comfortable With Our Family's Mixed Culture
Sometimes the idea of getting the whole family together can get a little stressful, especially if it means the in laws come along too. It's one thing when you spend time with everyone on their own terms, but it's another thing entirely when they're out of their comfort zones.After my husband and I had our boys, it all seemed easier. Most of our family events were focused on our kids and it helped our families to have something in common. They all loved our boys to pieces and it made them more comfortable in that environment.We did learn a few things through our first few get togethers. Most of what we learned was through trial and error, but at the end of the day these three things helped a lot!Include Your Family's Traditions At Special EventsFind opportunities to include your family in traditions during your parties. Every family has their own traditions for special events and they're the perfect way to include everyone.We found a fun way to include both of our families traditions during our kid's birthday parties.Growing up my family used to do smash cakes. They would make a cake for the guests and then a little cake for the birthday kid. The best part of the smash cake is watching the little ones dig into it! Some of our kids were more aggressive with it than their siblings, but it was always fun.In my husband's family, they hand feed each other during special events. It's a special moment for family members to love on the child.My husband and I decided to combine the two traditions. We made a smash cake for our birthday boy, but had our family members feed him a bit of the cake before they could dig in.
Let Your Family Know What To ExpectOne of the biggest things that leads to fear is the unknown. We fear things because we don't understand them. This is why it's so important for us to talk to our families about what they can expect as we blend cultures.During the week of my wedding mine and my husband's family got together. I don't know who was more nervous... me or them.My family had so many things to learn that week. Their were new traditions, new customs, new languages, and new people.At the end of the day, the thing that helped the most was talking. They needed a safe place to ask questions. The more we all talked, the more comfortable they all became.
Encourage Your Kids To Teach Them About Their CultureMy kids love teaching people about their traditions and what better way to learn about something new than from a bunch of cute kids.When we eat Indian food in front of my family, my kids teach my family how to use their hands. They show them the correct technique and how they like to do it. They've even started to teach my family little Telugu words they know! It gives them a sense of pride to be able to share something that means so much to them.How have you helped your family to be comfortable with a new culture?
How Can You Teach Your Biracial Child To Be Proud Of Who They Are
Teaching Your Biracial Child To Be Comfortable In Their Own Skin
Being a child is hard. We always tease our kids about their "difficult" lives when they're throwing a tantrum over too much jelly on their sandwich, but hey. While the jelly dilemma is full of toddler drama, kids really do face some difficult challenges.
As a child, they don't know who they are and there is an inevitable realization for them. One day, they're going to wake up and realize they're different from their friends. As a biracial child or a child in an intercultural family, they're going to realize they don't like their friends or don't sound like them.
My husband went through his inevitable realization after he moved to the US from India...
While my mother in law was finishing nursing school, my husband lived with his relatives in India. After a few years and a nursing degree, he moved home to his parents. At the time, Telugu was his first language. He understood English, but he was more comfortable with Telugu as that was what he had been speaking for the last few years.
He was both excited and terrified to start school. He knew right away that he was different from his friends, but the idea of making new friends was all he could think about.
On my husband's first day of school, he was asked to tell the class about himself. He started to tell everyone about his kukka (dog) when they erupted into laughter. They started teasing him and asking why he talked funny.
In that moment my husband made a choice. He didn't want to be different than his friends and stopped speaking in Telugu in front of anyone, but his family. He even lost his accent as soon as he could.
He was only four or five years old when this happened. As a little boy he knew that there was something different about himself and was embarrassed. As an adult, he still regrets that. He still speaks Telugu, but no where near what he could have if he had made a different decision and continued speaking it fluently.
As the parents of biracial children, it's our responsibility to teach them how valuable their differences are. Those differences are what make up our beautiful children and we need to find a way to teach this to them. Here are 3 ways to encourage children to love themselves as the unique and biracial children that they are.
Surround Your Child With Diversity
Your child needs to be surrounded with diversity. They need to understand that they live in a diverse world and not feel like the only biracial child around.[tweetthis display_mode="box"]The more diversity your children are exposed to, the more comfortable they are with themselves. #aiwtribe #mkbkids [/tweetthis]You can do this by showing diversity in their books, food, friend groups, school, movies, and more. This doesn't just mean their own culture. They need to be exposed to multiple cultures because it creates an environment of acceptance rather than intolerance.Plus, it's exciting! It's always fun to learn about new cultures and the more they learn, the more they're going to want to teach their friends!
Reject Negative Messages About Biracial Kids
It's easy for kids to start believing the messages that society tells them. Society tells them they aren't good enough. As their parents, it's your job to tell them they're amazing as they are every day. Build their confidence now so they can face negative racial messages later.The more comfortable your children are with themselves, the more likely they are to educate ignorant people rather than respond in anger. People are going to say mean and negative things. As much as you would love to prevent your child from dealing with it, there's nothing you can do. What you can do is teach them how to respond.Their confidence will help them to challenge the ignorant statement rather than let it make them feel bad about themselves.
Encourage Your Child To Share Their Culture With Their Friends
Parents need to bridge the gap between encouraging their children to be comfortable in their own skin to becoming proud of what makes them unique. This can happen by showing them how fun it is to share their culture with their friends.You can have a special night where you have your kids invite their friends over for a special feast that includes traditional meals, invite them to a local cultural event, or watch a family friends foreign film together.When a child is proud of something, they want to shout it from the roof tops! They can't wait to tell special people in their lives about it. Culture should be the same way. If you're child is still uncomfortable with the fact their different from their friends, you may have to be the one encouraging them.Start by taking your entire family to a fun event that shows off your culture. Ask them if they want to bring someone. If they don't it's ok. Give them time. The more common it becomes for your family to do these things, the more comfortable they'll become and the more likely they'll want to show it off to their friends.
How are you teaching your kids to be proud of what makes them unique?
Multicultural Corner #2 Traveling To Thailand!
This post is brought to you by Saffron Road
The kids and I just completed our first year of homeschool! I was really worried it was going to be hard with all three kids, but it turned out really well.We quickly found a stride that worked for us and did most of our stuff outside. All three of my kids are hands-on learners, so we learned what we could at parks or in our backyard. Not to mention, the ability to wear them out while they learned was a huge plus!One of my favorite parts of teaching the kids from home has been our little multicultural corner. About once a month, we choose a new area of the world to learn about. We do it through fun books, games, crafts, and our very favorite... food!Indian culture has shown me how food can bring cultures together. It doesn't matter what your differences are. All you need to do is whip up a delicious meal and enjoy together. I also think it's a great way to teach kids about the world around them. They not only get to hear about a new culture, they get to explore it with their taste buds.
Where Are Our Taste Buds Taking Us To Today?
Even though the school year is over, my kids are dying to see the new culture we're going to explore! Today, our taste buds are taking us all the way to Thailand!I won't lie, I've been counting down the days until we could learn about Thailand! During our first year together, my husband and I spent most of our date nights at Thai restaurants.We both became completely obsessed with the food and loved the stories we would hear from the owners of the little restaurant. It ended up being a great fit for us because my husband could get his dishes Thai hot (burn your mouth off spicy) and I could get mine mild (white girl spicy)! It was perfect.I love being able to introduce my boys to Thai food because it brings back so many memories for my husband and I.Today, we whipped up some Pad Thai! Our house is filled with such a delicious smell. I had to fight my kids off just to be able to take a few pictures before they devoured their bowls!
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Today's multicultural corner is brought to you by Saffron Road!
I have fallen in love with their company because they have so many kinds of simple dishes!They have Indian freezer meals and their simmer sauces are to die for! This month we've already made their Mango Chicken and Pad Thai.I'm usually in a rush when it comes to dinner time so these quick dishes are just what we need! We can quickly whip up an international feast and my family is beyond happy!
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Does It Make My Son Racist To Notice Different Skin Colors?
"Mom, look! He's black like daddy!"
This was what my 4 year old decided to yell as we walked through Target. The funny thing was that the man he was referring to looked at him and smiled, but a lady walking behind us was the one that gave Levi a double take. She wasn't mad necessarily, but you could tell it made her uncomfortable.My son is very visual, like most kids his age. When he retells me some of his adventures from the day, he tends to refer to children and adults by skin color. It's the descriptive words that his brain instantly recognizes."Can you get the black boys phone number so he can come and play?"In his mind, he's just describing his new friend like he would with any other adjectives.I've struggled over this one a bit. Everyone has such different opinions on what's acceptable, but at the end of the day, I had to make a decision for my kids.When my son was talking to me about his friend from the park, I responded by modeling different descriptors."Oh yeah, the kid with the orange shirt? He was really nice!"I don't correct him for using skin color as his descriptor, but I provide him with others as well. As a biracial child, I think it's important for him to realize we are who we are because of so many things. Our skin color doesn't define who we are, but it's one of many pieces of our identity.
Should We Raise Our Kids To Be Colorblind?
Another approach to this would be to raise our kids with a color blind mentality. It basically means you teach your kids not to see skin color.As a multiracial family, I can't see how that's healthy. My kids are being raised in two different cultures. Those cultures have influenced so many things about our family's identity and our daily decisions. If we were to teach our kids to stop seeing color, I feel like we'd be telling them to stop letting their Indian/American culture influence who they are.I've had people tell me I focus too much on my kid's culture rather than teaching them to simply be kids. I do it because I want my kids to be raised with a global mindset. If we're only teaching them about one culture we're ignoring all of the other amazing lessons they can learn from different cultures around the world.We currently attend a multiracial church and our pastor is always talking about being color blessed instead of color blind. I love it because it encourages us to embrace what makes us unique rather than ignore it.I want my kids to see the differences we all have so they also understand the unique part we all have to play in our diverse world.
The Real Problem
At the end of the day, the problem isn't kids using colors to describe people around them. The problem is when we make negative and hurtful statements about people based on the color of their skin.We are raising our children in a society that still struggles with racism and prejudice. As far as we've come from the days of Martin Luther Kind Jr. and the Lovings, we still have a ways to go.It's because of this that race becomes an uncomfortable conversation. People would rather be colorblind than talk about something that makes them feel awkward. In reality, I think a lot of parents are scared of saying the wrong thing.I've been there too! It's one thing to talk about race in the comfort of your own home, but it's a different story when it happens in public. You don't want to offend anyone, but you don't want them that talking about different races makes you feel weird.I've just started to break the uncomfortable barrier by asking questions. If I'm not sure what to say, I'll ask friends around me. By asking the question, they know you want to be respectful and you'll even learn a few things!I want my kids to do the same thing. I encourage them to learn more about people and to feel comfortable noticing what makes us all unique.